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2013 Darwin awards
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Topic Started: Sat Dec 21, 2013 7:29 pm (225 Views)
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wissaboo
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Sat Dec 21, 2013 7:29 pm
Post #1
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The 2013 Darwin Awards Are Out! Posted on August 20, 2013 by Jim G. The Darwins Are Out!!!! 2013 Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here Is The Glorious Winner: 1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And Now, The Honorable Mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?] 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.” 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER] 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough! In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family…. unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost. *****Remember***** They walk among us, they can reproduce.
http://jdgroover.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/the-2013-darwin-awards-are-out/
#4 is my favourite
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AWOLangel
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Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:33 pm
Post #2
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i thought the darwin awards were for people who died doing stupid stuff or can't reproduce becaue of their stupid act. a lot of those are just dumb criminal stories. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_Awards#Rules
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Mojochi
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Sun Dec 22, 2013 1:51 am
Post #3
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Well, #1 fits the bill for sure. That's some Wile E. Coyote dumbassery
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spocklet
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Sun Dec 22, 2013 4:17 am
Post #4
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Live long and prosper.....!!
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R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro
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jespah
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Sun Dec 22, 2013 4:47 am
Post #5
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Published Sentient Marsupial Canid
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#10 is an old urban legend. The only reason #3 doesn't happen more around here is because most Bay Staters aren't gun owners. But instead of a shooting, it would be a baseball bat or fist to the head.
One does not mess with an already-shoveled parking spot in Massachusetts.
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Once Ixalla was ready, Tathrelle cornered her. “Before we leave for work, I just want to tell you, I’m sorry. I guess I sort of shut down last night. I know you were in pain and I wasn’t too terribly supportive.” There was a wall covering in the main part of their chamber, something that Tathrelle hadn’t noticed before. She stared at it for a second and then shook her head.
Outside, a disembodied voice announced from a hidden speaker, “It is time to travel to all daytime places of employment. Transportation sleighs are available and ready. Citizens are encouraged to thank the sleigh drivers at the end of a successful transport. The government recommends haste, and requests that all pregnant persons be given preference for seating in their designated areas.”
A little distracted, Ixalla just asked, “Pain?”
Untrustworthy - by me, actually. It's for sale on Amazon - Yeah, I'm a published author jespah My author page on Facebook Author of Untrustworthy
I blog about Startrek fanfiction..
Honk if you love silence.
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ReedEnterprise
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Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:54 am
Post #6
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Lol
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"Reed Alert, that's not bad".....Malcolm Reed tIqjaj yInlIj 'ej bIchepjaj LL&P in Klingon "I am Mork from Ork. NaNu NaNu"


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AWOLangel
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Sun Dec 22, 2013 8:14 pm
Post #7
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#8 sounds like some old story i heard before.
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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