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should she be getting her kid away from this?
yes, it's an unhealthy interest 0 (0%)
no, she'll probably out grow it 7 (100%)
Total Votes: 7
a mom is detoxing her girl from disney princesses; but should she?
Topic Started: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:15 pm (1,109 Views)
AWOLangel
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i came across this blog about a mother
that's trying to get her 3 year old daughter away
from disney princesses, because they
"hijacked" her imagination.
my question is, should the mother really be this concerned?

from the blog;
Quote:
 
Why The Concern
I'm a psychotherapist with training in play therapy. I spent my first years out of graduate school working with sexually abused kids, observing their play, and guiding them toward recovery. As the child healed, their play reflected more typical themes of play of a child their age, whether 2 or 12. When younger children are in therapy, play is used to as the mode of communication because it reflects the child's world, their understanding of the universe. Watch a child play for 20 minutes and you will learn more about him or her than through 20 minutes of asking them questions.


Quote:
 
I noticed some things in my daughter's play that were red flags to me, such as:

1. Rigidity in Role: Putting on a Disney Princess Dress, my often running/jumping child became stiff and kept her hands at her side stating, "Princesses don't run or jump."

2. Helpless Heroine: With her hands at her face, she would look around in dismay then go sit on our step stating, "Princesses have to wait for the Prince."

3. Rapunzel Syndrome: I regularly cut my daughter's hair, until around the time I was observing this play. When we talked about trimming her locks, she burst into tears, "Princesses don't have short hair!"

4. Dress Drama: Refusing to wear anything but dresses because "princesses don't wear pants." Also? "Princesses don't wear hiking boots." Thankfully, there's a book for the last one.
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ForgetMeNot
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She's three. Three-year-olds go through phases like that all the time.

She'll grow out of it.
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Mojochi
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...........................

Push too hard against things, you inevitably create more problems. Perhaps there's no better time than the present for you to detox yourself from thinking that your child will be whatever you want them to be. Is the goth phase realistic? Will you meet that with this same resistance?

Your kid doesn't know who they are yet, & it isn't your job to tell them. It's your job to support them while they figure it out

Besides, if you had an aversion to the princess syndrome phase, then why did you introduce her to those movies?

Honestly, I know shit-all about being a parent, but I imagine that you make mistakes all the time, & then it's up to you to just roll with the punches, & try not to turn them into full blown crises.
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Alisium
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Womb-Raider

Just introduce her to other things.

I had to redirect my son's attention a couple of times. He started to go over board with the Transformers, and then with playing Marine.

As a parent, I can see where she's coming from. Kids can latch on to things quickly and quickly over do it.

Although, I'm not going to psychoanalyze things the way she does (barely missed a rant).

I can't pick either of your choices because it's not that princesses are an unhealthy infatuation. Just that it's not good to let a child become all consumed in one thing or the other.
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Mojochi
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...........................

^ & that's a good model. It isn't so much about forcing changes, as it is guiding them by introducing other things, broadening their horizons
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spocklet
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Live long and prosper.....!!

:yeahthat: what they said. :clap:
R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro
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Ltpondwater9
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**Tomahawk Chop**
Good grief, she's just a little girl, next year it will be something else. This sounds like that mother who took away Barbies and American Girl dolls from her daughters because she didn't want them to have distorted views amid other things. :blink:
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wissaboo
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Admin
I'd be concerned. I hate the princess worship in our culture.
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Moon
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I had a child who referred to herself as Cinderella Claire, instead of Claire. She got to enjoy her film, and I made her a dress to wear for playtime, but I also talked to her in simple ways to make sure she understood things. Ironically she understood much better than most adults would have given her credit for.

She's going into middle school this fall, is over being a princess, is a good, loving, kind hearted individual and always is remarked on how well behaved she is.

For whatever reason, children like to do things over and over, it helps them to learn and so forth.

My eldest had a friend who would always have on her birthday party invitations "no barbies or barbie like toys please". You know that was the mom. Whenever she was here, that's all she wanted to do.

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Alisium
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Womb-Raider

Ltpondwater9
Jul 11 2010, 04:55 PM
Good grief, she's just a little girl, next year it will be something else. This sounds like that mother who took away Barbies and American Girl dolls from her daughters because she didn't want them to have distorted views amid other things. :blink:

It's not that simple. Kids can latch onto something for some time. You don't want them forcing themselves into a mold, that early and becoming obsessive with one thing. That's why there are parents, to guide, teach and assist.
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Moon
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Alisium
Jul 11 2010, 08:50 PM
Ltpondwater9
Jul 11 2010, 04:55 PM
Good grief, she's just a little girl, next year it will be something else. This sounds like that mother who took away Barbies and American Girl dolls from her daughters because she didn't want them to have distorted views amid other things.  :blink:

It's not that simple. Kids can latch onto something for some time. You don't want them forcing themselves into a mold, that early and becoming obsessive with one thing. That's why there are parents, to guide, teach and assist.

But there's a gentle way to do this, and a wrong way to do it.

It's healthier to play with your child, and turn them on to different things, etc. instead of forcing your fears on them.

A simple "what do you think of princess'?" can lead to "there aren't many princess' in the world" and ultimately "boy I hope you don't marry a man that you don't know well like she did" :lol: and then expand on that.

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Alisium
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Womb-Raider

Moon
Jul 11 2010, 05:53 PM
Alisium
Jul 11 2010, 08:50 PM
Ltpondwater9
Jul 11 2010, 04:55 PM
Good grief, she's just a little girl, next year it will be something else. This sounds like that mother who took away Barbies and American Girl dolls from her daughters because she didn't want them to have distorted views amid other things.  :blink:

It's not that simple. Kids can latch onto something for some time. You don't want them forcing themselves into a mold, that early and becoming obsessive with one thing. That's why there are parents, to guide, teach and assist.

But there's a gentle way to do this, and a wrong way to do it.

It's healthier to play with your child, and turn them on to different things, etc. instead of forcing your fears on them.

A simple "what do you think of princess'?" can lead to "there aren't many princess' in the world" and ultimately "boy I hope you don't marry a man that you don't know well like she did" :lol: and then expand on that.

Well, yeah.

That's why I introduced my son to other things, rather than just cut or limit his exposure to the other stuff. He wanted to play Marine one day, I just said, "Hey, let's build legos." and that's how it worked for me.
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AWOLangel
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from what i read, she is trying
to steer the girl's interest to other
things. she got a bearstine(sp?) bears
book about the body. but there are
setbacks; like when a neighbor having
a yard sale gave her an arial(sp?) doll.
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Ltpondwater9
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**Tomahawk Chop**
Alisium
Jul 11 2010, 09:50 PM
Ltpondwater9
Jul 11 2010, 04:55 PM
Good grief, she's just a little girl, next year it will be something else. This sounds like that mother who took away Barbies and American Girl dolls from her daughters because she didn't want them to have distorted views amid other things. :blink:

It's not that simple. Kids can latch onto something for some time. You don't want them forcing themselves into a mold, that early and becoming obsessive with one thing. That's why there are parents, to guide, teach and assist.

What's not that simple?? Explain because I don't understand what you are trying to tell me about my statement.It seems like there's a misunderstanding here.

What I meant is that the girl is 3 and this princess thing may not last long and then again it may last into adolescence. How ever long but she'll grow out of it. That's what I was getting at in my statement.

Kids can be fickle too. Like my goddaughter, one year she was very into Dora the Explorer and 8 months later she was fussing how she didn't like Dora anymore because Dora is for babies. Then the Barbie thing, Ms. thing told me she didn't play with barbies anymore because barbies were for little girls. And that was last month on her birthday. Six months ago, she wanted Barbie everything for Christmas.

Yeah, I know the purpose of parents by the way.
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Alisium
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Womb-Raider

Ltpondwater9
Jul 11 2010, 07:06 PM
Alisium
Jul 11 2010, 09:50 PM
Ltpondwater9
Jul 11 2010, 04:55 PM
Good grief, she's just a little girl, next year it will be something else. This sounds like that mother who took away Barbies and American Girl dolls from her daughters because she didn't want them to have distorted views amid other things. :blink:

It's not that simple. Kids can latch onto something for some time. You don't want them forcing themselves into a mold, that early and becoming obsessive with one thing. That's why there are parents, to guide, teach and assist.

What's not that simple?? Explain because I don't understand what you are trying to tell me about my statement.It seems like there's a misunderstanding here.

What I meant is that the girl is 3 and this princess thing may not last long and then again it may last into adolescence. How ever long but she'll grow out of it. That's what I was getting at in my statement.

Kids can be fickle too. Like my goddaughter, one year she was very into Dora the Explorer and 8 months later she was fussing how she didn't like Dora anymore because Dora is for babies. Then the Barbie thing, Ms. thing told me she didn't play with barbies anymore because barbies were for little girls. And that was last month on her birthday. Six months ago, she wanted Barbie everything for Christmas.

Yeah, I know the purpose of parents by the way.

It's not that simple because it may not simply a stage they'll grow out of.

When you're a parent or guardian you're with the child 24/7 and you'll recognize the subtle differences between harmless infatuation and play that begins to take over a child's reality.

Remember, their play time is also time they use to develop. In essence, they become what they play. It become a dichotomy. That's why a girly 6 yo, like my daughter, will never "grow out of it" and put the dollies away to go play Marine, the way my son does. She may not play with those toys any more but some facets of the doll play will carry over into new interests. My daughter used to play princess a lot too. Now she loves to dress up like a lady. The princess stuff is long gone, but the make-up, jewelry, clothes all carried over.

Again, difference between the toy of the week, month or even year, and a child who's identity, is slowly becoming based on their favorite activity.
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Mojochi
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...........................

Perhaps little girls should get told the actual reality of what being a princess was, familial servitude, for the sake of royalty

This is why it's probably not so bad that I have no kids

"Princesses don't do that, Daddy"
"Oh, so you only do things princesses do?"
"Uh huh"
Well then, should I start looking for a rich family to marry you off to?"
"Huh?
"You know, we'll get together a little dowry, so I can pick which wealthy family I want to bribe into making you marry their son. That way I can get you out of my hair, by the time your 12 or 13"

Ok, so I'm joking :lol: You're probably not suppose to hammer your kids with blunt reality, are you? _lmao_
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Ltpondwater9
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**Tomahawk Chop**
Mojochi
Jul 12 2010, 12:28 AM
Perhaps little girls should get told the actual reality of what being a princess was, familial servitude, for the sake of royalty

This is why it's probably not so bad that I have no kids

"Princesses don't do that, Daddy"
"Oh, so you only do things princesses do?"
"Uh huh"
Well then, should I start looking for a rich family to marry you off to?"
"Huh?
"You know, we'll get together a little dowry, so I can pick which wealthy family I want to bribe into making you marry their son. That way I can get you out of my hair, by the time your 12 or 13"

Ok, so I'm joking :lol: You're probably not suppose to hammer your kids with blunt reality, are you? _lmao_

:lol: :awol2:

You got to add that they are suppose to produce sons.
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Mojochi
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...........................

Ltpondwater9
Jul 11 2010, 11:37 PM
You got to add that they are suppose to produce sons.

Right! Otherwise, that's a breach of contract that could result in your beheading :lol:
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spocklet
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Live long and prosper.....!!

Just out of interest, my best friend's ex was a total mimi princess type, where she actually believed the world revolved around her and everything had to be done exactly how she wanted it done, or else she'd throw a moody and everybody suffered.

Which raises an interesting point; would a princess mom, raise a princess daughter ?? It seems more likely that she would, more so than a normal mom, simply because she's a princess (in her own mind) herself and so would treat her daughter the same way.
R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro
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magentastorm
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Randomer than you since 1992

I can see why the mother is concerned, but she's over reacting. If the kid were, say, 8, and that had been going on for years I'd agree it was a problem, but the kid is 3 for christ's sake. She'll get over it by next year and a few years later she won't even remember the princess phase. I used to be really into Sailor Moon when I was a little kid and I'm sure my behaviour was pretty similar. I remember wearing a Sailor Moon costume for Halloween when I was 5 or 6 and I used to reenact scenes from the show, and make up new scenes with my toys and I don't think I think it's screwed me up too badly :lol:

I think it's really only necessary to interfere with a child's playtime if it really goes too far and becomes an obsession/delusion or if it is in some way warping their sense of reality or is hurting someone.

I remember my mother banning me from all things Star Trek related when I was about 11 because she thought I was dangerously obsessed, (just because I dressed up as Jadzia for Halloween) and needed to find new interests. And I did, and I only got back into Trek about 3 years ago. But I still think she was severely over reacting about that, because I'm not that obsessed. I've never even seen every episode, let alone own any merchandise. The most Trekkie-ish thing I've ever done is join here and st.com.
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