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A new Joke Thread
Topic Started: Tue Aug 4, 2009 1:05 am (4,121 Views)
AWOLangel
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what is a cat's favorite color?

purrrrple.
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Pengelou
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That's so bad. lol
If Size Doesn't matter why don't they usually have three inch dildos???
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spocklet
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Live long and prosper.....!!

:lol:

No, I like it. Amusing !!
R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro
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Pengelou
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You know what's funny?

This


If Size Doesn't matter why don't they usually have three inch dildos???
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AWOLangel
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A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.

"You mean a martini?", asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.”

- - -

Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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spocklet
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Live long and prosper.....!!

:liz:
R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro
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AWOLangel
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3 women die & go to heaven.

st. peter greets them & says: "we only have one rule around here, don't step on a duck."

and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere & it it's not too long before the first woman steps on a duck.
st. peter appears with an ugly man & says: "your punishment is to be shackled to this man for all eternity." & chains the two together.

the other two don't want that, so they're very careful. but only a few weeks later the second woman steps on a duck. st. peter appears with a another ugly man & chains the two together.

the third woman is determined that she won't end up that way & is more careful than ever. however, several months later st. peter shows up with an ugly man & chains the two together.

the woman yells: "i don't understand! i was careful! i did nothing wrong!"

the mans says her: "i don't know what you did but i stepped on a duck."
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spocklet
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Live long and prosper.....!!

:liz:

Heaven ?? Sounds like hell to me !!
R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro
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AWOLangel
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2 blondes driving through Florida arguing over how to pronounce "Kissimmee". One states pronounced "Kiss-Ah-me" the other "Kiss-IH-me". They pull into a fast food place and ask the guy at the window to very slowly and clearly pronounce where they are. Guy responds with "Buuuurrr--guuuurrrr Kiiiiii-nnngggg".
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ReedEnterprise
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That was cute
"Reed Alert, that's not bad".....Malcolm Reed
tIqjaj yInlIj 'ej bIchepjaj LL&P in Klingon
"I am Mork from Ork. NaNu NaNu"


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AWOLangel
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a man dies & goes to heaven. st. peter welcomes him, but before the man goes though the pearly gates he asks st. peter if there is any way he could see what hell looks like.

st. peter says: "sure. just take that elevator over there down & when the doors open, just look & don't get out."

so the man takes the elevator down & when the doors open he sees that everything is covered in ice.

the doors close, he goes back up to heaven & st. peter asks him what did it look like.

the man says: "i don't get it, everything was covered in ice. it was froze over."

st. peter said: "i guess that meas the cleveland browns won a game tonight."

------
another football-related joke;

the dallas cowboys stadium has been designated as a tornado shelter, because it's unlikely that there will be a touchdown there.
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AWOLangel
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why did the chicken coop have two doors?

because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
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AWOLangel
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a man got hit in the head with a can of coke,
but he's alright because it was a soft drink.

--------

did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
it's ok. he woke up.

--------

instead of "the john" i call my toilet "the jim."
that way it sounds better when i say i go to the jim every morning.
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AWOLangel
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did you hear about the explosion at the french cheese factory?

there was nothing left but de brie
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AWOLangel
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A psychiatrist & a proctologist decide to form a shared practice. They called it Odds & Ends.
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AWOLangel
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A dentist and a doctor are in love with the same woman. The dentist gives her an apple on every visit. Why?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
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TheChronicOne
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TheChronicOne

:lol: Pretty good!



I have one, too!



Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie???


He was too far out, man!
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“Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed.”
-Herman Melville
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