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With the stunning news yesterday that two people are in custody for the abduction and murder of little Tori Stafford, it may be time to offer her mom a profound apology.

We got it wrong. For too many -- myself among them -- Tara McDonald always seemed a prime suspect in the disappearance of her eight-year-old daughter.

It was the stuff of whispers and online chatter, venomous town gossip and ugly rumours. There was just something "off" about McDonald's calm behaviour and unemotional demeanour in the face of her little girl's abduction.

Like most, I knew the Woodstock case only from what I gleaned from the media. It was not a story I covered; Tori's mom was not someone I had ever met or interviewed. But there are few news events more frightening or compelling than that of a young child who simply vanishes into thin air, so Tori's disappearance was a story I followed closely, as most of us did, from the newspaper and TV.

And from the start, Tori's 30-year-old mother struck the wrong chord.

She never reacted the way we expected a worried mom would -- there were never enough tears to satisfy the TV lens I watched her through. Her odd equanimity was finally too much for even her ex-husband, Rodney Stafford, who until last Friday, had presented a united front with McDonald.

"Sorry, this is making me really frustrated, Tara, because this is your daughter," he said in challenging her unnerving stoicism.

There were all those disquieting daily press conferences when her makeup would be done perfectly for the cameras, with not a tear smudging her mascara. Who even thinks about their looks when their child has been kidnapped?

"People have asked many times, 'Why aren't you crying, why aren't you showing emotion?' " she said to counter the oft-mentioned criticism. "I don't do it out here. I do it in there with my friends and family, with people who can console me."

And then there was that police composite sketch of the mystery woman seen leading Tori away from Oliver Stephens Public School after her Grade 3 class let out on April 8. Facebook sites lit up with people suggesting that McDonald bore a striking resemblance to the suspect.

"It looks nothing like me," McDonald insisted at one of her daily 1 p.m. news conferences in front of her home. "At the end of the day, I know that I had nothing to do with this. I am a good mother, and either one of my kids will tell you that."

'POINTING FINGERS'

Fed up by the accusations, especially the many posted on Facebook, McDonald told reporters she was going to get a lawyer to sue for slander. "What bothers me are the ignorant people who are out there and are pointing fingers at me. I would like them to walk a mile in our shoes because I guarantee you, I would not be accusing them or pointing fingers at them."

She's had to deny rumours that her boyfriend was involved with the Bandidos biker gang; she's had to fight back against stories that she was being blackmailed for a drug debt.

It didn't help that McDonald initially lied and said she hadn't done drugs since high school, only to admit four weeks later that she's on methadone to battle an addiction to Oxycontin.

McDonald lost even more sympathy when she announced a motorcycle ride and concert to raise money to help her pay bills. And then there was her bizarre tale of a mysterious millionaire who whisked her to Toronto in a limousine and offered to pay any ransom that was needed.

McDonald even hinted herself that she was considered a suspect and that she had taken a lie detector test.

So fairly or unfairly, speculation swirled about the composed young mother with the less-than-pristine background, especially as she tried to keep the easily distracted media from losing interest in Tori's case and for her efforts, was damned for revelling in the spotlight.

Yet, on the day two Woodstock residents appeared in court for their involvement in her daughter's abduction and murder, McDonald was nowhere near the cameras she was accused of loving.

Instead, she was behind closed doors, no doubt shedding the tears we had always demanded.

Yesterday, as news spread of the arrests, posters on Facebook were demanding apologies from all of us who had our doubts.

"Shame on all of you who blamed Tara McDonald and said she was the one who had harmed Tori," wrote Michelle Cosgrave. "God forbid any of you are ever in her place. This woman went through hell missing her child and then to have people blame her. Shame on all of you!!"

But in the murky world of Tara McDonald, even these arrests are unlikely to bring about the complete vindication she seeks.

At their news conference yesterday, the OPP said one of the suspects -- 18-year-old Terri-Lynne McClintic -- was known to Tori's mom.

READ MANDEL EVERY SUNDAY, THURSDAY AND FRIDAY. MICHELE.MANDEL@SUNMEDIA.CA OR 416-947-2231

AWOLangel

May 21 2009, 02:25 PM

some people are raised not to
show that kind of emotion in public.
i wasn't, but when my mom passed
i cried for a week at home & on and off
for a month after. although i'm sure i
looked miserable when i went out.
haven't these people heard of "putting
on a brave face"?