AWOLangel

Sep 7 2008, 05:31 PM

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said,"Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

AWOLangel

Aug 27 2008, 01:29 PM

not jokes, just some funny stuff

Sex, Church & Pancakes

Sex

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned
that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant
and adversely impact the family's status,
she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful
and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in
rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to
be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give
her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for
a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed
her a box of condoms

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug
her mother saying:

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that!
I'm dating Susan!'


Church

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped
to shake the preacher's hand . He said 'Preacher, I'll tell you,
that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put
five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'


Pancakes

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their
little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned
about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared,
'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there
was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.'

AWOLangel

Oct 14 2008, 08:50 PM

i can't remember if this was done before

After 40 Years Of Marriage

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating  their 40th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
  She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for
being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you
each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around
the  world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her
magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appe
ared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this
is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never
come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years
younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were
deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy
waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years
old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful
bastards should remember fairies are female.....

AWOLangel

Oct 14 2008, 08:50 PM

i can't remember if this was done before

After 40 Years Of Marriage

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for
being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you
each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around
the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her
magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appe
ared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this
is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never
come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years
younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were
deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy
waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years
old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful
bastards should remember fairies are female.....

Quote:

 

Attention: Satire Alert!  Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.  In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly upand Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday,it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go fora song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after theynose-dived. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop andanalysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bankwhere it is feared that staff may get a raw deal...  If doctors were gods, they wouldn't need malpractice insurance.

AWOLangel

Oct 16 2008, 07:06 PM

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to one of the local political candidates.

The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, that candidate is a 'Post Turtle'".

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'".

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

"You know they didn't get up there by themselves, they don't belong up there, and they don't know what to do while they're up there, and you just wonder what kind of dummy put them up there to begin with".