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| More jokes!; They are hilarious! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Fri May 9, 2008 10:41 am (2,190 Views) | |
| ForgetMeNot | Fri May 16, 2008 9:15 pm Post #21 |
 
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hehe. 
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| Purplelizard2006 | Sat May 17, 2008 9:27 am Post #22 |
It's Christmas!
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I have seen that joke before.
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    I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Thu May 29, 2008 9:03 am Post #23 |
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It's Christmas!
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Blonde Jokes Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her." |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Thu May 29, 2008 9:04 am Post #24 |
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It's Christmas!
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Humor If my father is Welsh and my mother is Hungarian what does that make me? Well-hung. A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were that the short story had to contain the following three things: (1) Religion (2) Sexuality (3) Mystery Below is the only A+ paper in the class. "God, I'm pregnant! I wonder who the father is." |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Thu May 29, 2008 9:06 am Post #25 |
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It's Christmas!
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SHE WAS SO BLONDE... ... she tripped over a cordless phone. ... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate" ... she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. ... she got stabbed in a shoot-out. ... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK". ... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ... she tried to drown a fish. ... she thought a quarterback was a refund. ... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. ... if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back. ... they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade. ... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics". ... she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. ... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put "Sagittarius". ... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. ... it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. ... if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless. ... she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train ... she sold the car for gas money. ... when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. ... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. ... when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home. |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Thu May 29, 2008 9:10 am Post #26 |
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It's Christmas!
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 Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?' She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.' 'Why?' he asked. She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!' 'Let me see' he said. 'Okay' and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, 'That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.' He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, 'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!' She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the GIBLETS |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 29, 2008 6:24 pm Post #27 |
 
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one i heard recently. a man & woman, married, get up early every morning for work. him at 3 a.m. her at 4. she tells him to start making coffee since he gets up earlier. he replies that it's women's work. they argue for weeks over this. one day she says she can prove that making coffee isn't women's work. she got & gets the bible and points. it's the word "hebrews." (he brews) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Fri May 30, 2008 5:45 pm Post #28 |
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It's Christmas!
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had that in the email sometime ago.
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Fri May 30, 2008 5:49 pm Post #29 |
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It's Christmas!
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You won't catch me again! A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the > dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the > wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing,' he thought as he > flew down I-45, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, > he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored > it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. > > Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over > to await the trooper's arrival. > > Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his > watch and said, “Sir, today is Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you > can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you > go.”> > The old gentleman paused. Then said, “20 years ago, my wife ran off with a > State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”> > “Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper, laughing.> |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Sat May 31, 2008 10:04 am Post #30 |
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It's Christmas!
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10 year old's Blues.... cute. A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. 'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.' Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech. If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for.....' |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Sat May 31, 2008 10:05 am Post #31 |
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It's Christmas!
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A man was watering his lawn one day when he saw two hearses followed by a man, his dog and a single file line of about 200 men. He thought this was very strange so he asked the guy (with the dog) what was going on. "That's my wife in the first hearse, my dog bit her and she died," the man answered. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that," the guy watering his lawn said. "What about the second hearse?" "Well that's my mother-in-law, my dog also bit her and she died." The guy watering his lawn thought for a minute and said, "Can I borrow your dog?" The man with the dog responded, "Back of the line!" |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Sat May 31, 2008 10:08 am Post #32 |
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It's Christmas!
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Another Humor..... Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the con- versation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove. "I'm a veterinarian," said the first fellow, "so, naturally, I drive a white Vette." As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon." Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two. "Well", he finally said, "I'm a proctolo- gist...and I have a brown Probe." There were two old men sitting on a park bench talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?" Second old man replied, "I think she may be Dead!" First old man, "What do you mean you think she is DEAD?" Second old man, "Well.... the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up." |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Sat May 31, 2008 10:10 am Post #33 |
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It's Christmas!
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Blind Date The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?" "As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot fetish...but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches." |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 13, 2008 9:13 pm Post #34 |
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A penguin was driving through the desert when her car broke down. She waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. Her car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told her he would need a couple of hours to check things out. The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn't complain, and then wandered off to find the closest supermarket. She proceeded to the frozen foods section and hung out near the fish sticks. After a while she got into the freezer, next to the vanilla ice cream, and ate several gallons. Then she noticed the time and headed back to the garage, covered with ice cream. The mechanic walked over to her, wiping his hands and shaking his head, and said, "It looks like you blew a seal." Blushing, the penguin replied, "Oh no! It's just ice cream. |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| wissaboo | Fri Jun 13, 2008 9:28 pm Post #35 |
 
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 A man was driving down the freeway when he saw three penguins sitting on the side of the road. Thinking that was a dangerous place for a penguin to be he stopped and put them in the back of his car. Continuing down the road he passed a policeman who was suprised to see a man driving with 3 penguins in the back seat. He pulled the man over and asked him where he was taking those penguins. The man said "I don't know what to do with them but I didn't think I should leave them on the side of the road" The policeman said "take them to the zoo!" "that is a good idea" replie the man. The next day the policeman was sitting in the same spot on the highway when he saw the same man drive by with the same three penguins sitting in his back seat and today they were wearing sunglasses! He pulled the man over again and said "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo" "I did" he replied " and we had so much fun that today we are going to the beach!" |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Sat Jun 14, 2008 2:06 pm Post #36 |
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It's Christmas!
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Two jokes on penguins! Hilarious!
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:57 am Post #37 |
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It's Christmas!
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A Little Marriage Humor For all those guys who are King, until their wife gets home.....? Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a?stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'?' Oh yeah?' said Charlie. 'And how did this one end?'?' When it was over,' Mike replied, 'she came to me on her hands andknees.'?'Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?'? She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken!!! |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:00 am Post #38 |
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It's Christmas!
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Two Guys..... Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when they collide. The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for mywife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.' The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.' The old Guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other.' What does your wife look like?' The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 Yrs old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, well built, And she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does Your wife look like?' The old timer says...... 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.' |
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I'm the biker babe! | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:18 pm Post #39 |
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A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, "What do you want it to equal"? |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:19 pm Post #40 |
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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man "Oh, no! That must be my husband!" So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed; scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush, and then started to run as fast as he could to his car. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and said to the woman, "I AM your husband!" The woman yelled back, "Yeah??? Then why were you running?!" And that folks............is how the fight started. |
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