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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,029 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:01 pm Post #19921 |
 
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How To Lose Your Marbles In Style Clothing Store | Florida, USA (Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a center piece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.) Me: “Sir?” Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?” Me: “Sorry sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].” Old Man: “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.” Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.” Old Man: “All right…I’ll give you two hundred!” Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than 200 dollars.” Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me* (As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door and gets behind the wheel.) Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEWW PEW!” (Mall Security ended up being called, after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:01 pm Post #19922 |
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Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad Sandwich Shop | Austin, TX, USA (Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.) Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?” Customer: “Lettuce, tomato and onion, that’s all. And some mayo.” Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.” Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?” Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.” Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!” Me: “Ma’am we’re *NOT* selling them.” Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!” Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.” Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.” Me: “Alright, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.” Customer: “Umm… okay, why?” Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:02 pm Post #19923 |
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Now That’s What I Call Love Tattoo Supply Shop | Canada Caller: “Yeah, I bought this tattoo kit from you guys the other day, and there’s stuff missing from it.” Me: “Stuff missing? Like what?” Caller: “Well, for starters, there’s no book with it… and I don’t know how to assemble it.” Me: “Book? What book? We don’t have books. We just sell tattoo inks, needles, machines… and assembly? Is there something not assembled in your kit?” Caller: “Yeah, it’s all in pieces… it’s a piece of crap!” Me: “Pieces? Did it get damaged during shipment to you?” Caller: “No, it’s just a bunch of pieces. There’s a power supply, foot pedal, a couple of tattoo machines… but I gotta put it together myself. That’s bulls***! I don’t know what I’m doing! You guys should have assembled everything for me before shipping.” Me: “You want us to assemble your tattoo shop for you? Wait a sec… did you say you don’t know what you’re doing?” Caller: “That’s right. I’ve never tattooed before. That’s why I thought there’d be a book with the kit.” Me: “You mean like, step one, put a picture on the skin, step 2 dip the needle in ink, step 3 tattoo the ink into the skin?” Caller: “Yeah, that’s it! Why didn’t you guys give me that kinda book when I bought the kit!?” Me: “So how are you expecting to learn to tattoo? Are you not doing a tattoo apprenticeship at a real tattoo shop, where they teach you to do this sort of thing?” Caller: “Nah… I just figured I’d start off tattooing my wife until I can figure it out…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:03 pm Post #19924 |
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From Zero To Heathen In 30 Seconds Grocery Store | Prince Edward Island, Canada (On this day in the bulk food store I worked in, I was on the floor, scrubbing underneath a bin of nuts. At this point in my life, I had very long hair, and a goatee. An older lady walks by:) Older lady: “That’s a good Christian girl… cleaning, and saying her prayers at the same time!” *30 seconds later* Older lady: “OH! You’re not a girl!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:04 pm Post #19925 |
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Cutting The Cheese 101 Has A Nice Air To It Grocery Store | New York, NY, USA (One of my friends works part-time at the deli counter in a grocery store. At one point, a rather well-to-do looking–the word he used was “snooty”–woman and her not-too-bright looking son came up to the counter.) Woman: “I’d like one pound of muenster cheese.” Friend: “Very well.” (He proceeds to slice the cheese on the slicer, and weighs it out; it’s .97 pounds. He attempts to hand it to her.) Woman: “That’s NOT a pound of cheese.” (Slightly perturbed, he slices another slice of cheese and places it on top of the existing pile. It is not 1.02 pounds of cheese. Again, she sighs and appears indignant.) Woman: “Is that including the paper?” (He then peels the slice in half and puts the half slice on the pile; it’s .99 pounds now. At this point, the woman leans over to her less-than-brilliant-looking son, and whispers, loud enough for my friend to hear:) Woman: “This is why you go to college.” (It should be mentioned, at this point, that my friend goes to an Ivy League school.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:05 pm Post #19926 |
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Blue Screen Flash Of Death Computer Repair | Mt. Laurel, NJ, USA (Client, a postman, walks in with his older machine. He sets it down on the desk, I turn it on and dust comes out the back. He explains how slow it’s been and how much he hates Windows Millennium Edition.) Me: “We can fix that up for you, but with the cost of the upgrade to Windows XP, the memory to support it, etc, it might be wise just to purchase a new computer and transfer the data.” Him: “Nah, that’s alright. I like this one.” (I go around the desk to fetch his paper work. He somehow finds a paper clip and decides to remove the dust on the back of his power supply fan with it. Shortly thereafter, a blue flash comes out the back, he jumps a bit, and the computer turns off.) Him: “Yanno what, I’ll just get that data backup.” Me: “One moment, please…” (Every customer in line and all of my employees cried laughing. Poor guy.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:06 pm Post #19927 |
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No, Thank YOU! Retail | Alberta, Canada Customer: “You have shoe with knife on bottom?” Me: “Sorry?” Customer: “Shoe with knife on bottom!” Me: “Do you mean ice skates?” Customer: “Yes, skate!” Me: “Yes, we do sell ice skates.” Customer: “NO! You have skate?” Me: “Yes, we do.” Customer: “So you have shoe with knife on bottom?” Me: “Yes, we do.” Customer: “Thank you!” Me: “You’re welcome–” Customer: “Thank you!” Me: “You’re wel–” Customer: “Thank you!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:06 pm Post #19928 |
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Please Do Not Pet The Employees Zoo | Pittsburgh, PA, USA (I was a volunteer at the zoo, and was walking around an exhibit room with a boa constrictor in my arms so people could pet her.) Man: “Can we pet it? It’s not slimy, is it?” Me: “No sir, not at all. She’s very sweet, go ahead.” Man: *pets snake* “Wow, it’s really soft.” *reaches for my head* “Let’s see if its handler is, too…” Me: “?!?” *dodges his hand* (Thankfully, he left quickly!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:07 pm Post #19929 |
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One Dangerously Pressurized Coffee, Coming Up Coffee Shop | Eugene, OR, USA Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?” Customer: “Can I get a 16 oz. coffee in a 12 oz. cup?” Me: “No. We can’t do that here.” Customer: “What are you talking about? They do this for me every time I come here!” Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no way we can put 16 oz. of coffee in a 12 oz. cup.” Customer: “Yes you can! You’ve always done it!” (The customer’s friend was standing next to her at the time.) Customer’s friend: “Um, I think you meant a 12 oz. coffee in a 16 oz. cup.” Customer: “… ooooh. Yeah, that’s what I meant!” Me: *facepalm* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:07 pm Post #19930 |
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Yes, It’s For My Longmower Home Improvement Store | Chesapeake, VA, USA Me: “Lawn and Garden, this is Karen.” (The customer, a very nice lady, explains that she needs a part number for a belt on her riding lawn mower, but she can’t find the manual and doesn’t know the model number of the mower. I have her describe the mower for me so I can narrow it down.) Customer: “Well, it’s last year’s Cub Cadet model with the 48 inch d!ck.” Me: “…” Customer: “I mean DECK!!” (It took me a good minute or two to stop laughing.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:08 pm Post #19931 |
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Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip Movie Cinema | Australia (I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:) Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of c*ckporn, please.” (There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:09 pm Post #19932 |
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Okay, That Was A Little Mean Retail | Washington, D.C., USA (Our store was pretty dead on this night; no one came in for at least half an hour before closing, but like good employees we kept the doors unlocked until our registers read 8 o’clock on the dot. I lock the doors, and five minutes later, a woman walks up to the door.) Customer: *pulls on door, notices it’s locked, pulls harder* Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed. But we’ll be open at nine tomorrow.” Customer: “What the h***?” Me: “Ma’am, we closed five minutes ago. I’m sorry, but our hours are posted.” Customer: “This is insane, it’s 7:59! You shouldn’t lock the doors so early.” Me: “Our registers show that it’s 8:07–” (I look at my watch and my cell phone) “–and I’ve got 8:08. I’m sorry, we open at nine tomorrow.” Customer: “I just need a few things! It won’t take long.” Me: “Our registers are closed, so there’s no money in them. You can come back tomorrow at nine. Even if it was 7:59, it takes more than one minute to shop and check out.” Customer: “This is ridiculous! I just need a few things.” Me: “Fine.” (I unlock the doors to let her in; my coworker finishes closing the registers. The woman runs around the store for ten minutes, grabbing several things that probably could have waited until morning, and plops them down on the register.) Coworker: *smiles* “Did you find everything you needed?” Customer: “Yes, thanks.” Coworker: “Unfortunately, our registers have been closed for 20 minutes and I can’t ring the sale after hours. Would you like me to hold it for you until tomorrow?” (The customer’s jaw drops. I go to hold the door open for her.) Me: “We open at nine.” (Coworker and I high-five.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:09 pm Post #19933 |
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Was It Something I Said Phone Company | Las Vegas, NV, USA Me: “411 Information.” Customer: “Wait a minute…” *papers rustling around* Customer: “I thought I had that here…” *long pause, more rustling* Customer: “Just a sec…” *several seconds of silence* Customer: “Never mind, you sound stupid.” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:10 pm Post #19934 |
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Born To Offend Gas Station | Pittsburgh, PA, USA Me: “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you?” Woman: “Oh, when is your baby due?” Me: “I’m not pregnant, ma’am, just fat.” Woman: “That’s very rude, you know. Pretending to be pregnant just so people can be nice to you!” Me: *gritting teeth* “I am not pretending anything, ma’am, I promise you. Now, how may I help you?” Woman: “No! You are a liar, and I am going somewhere where non-lying people can help me!” Me: “Thank you ma’am, and have a nice day.” Woman: “LIAR!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:10 pm Post #19935 |
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The Early Bird Counts Its Chickens In The Bush Campground | Oregon, USA (My boss spent 35 years in the Army, and it shows. He is famous for quoting motivational posters.) Boss, to camper: “I understand your concern, ma’am, but sometimes you have to crawl before you can walk.” Camper: “I just wanted to transfer campsites.” Boss: “Understood. But sometimes it takes a village, right?” Camper, to me: “Can I speak with someone who isn’t on crack?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:11 pm Post #19936 |
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Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2 Library | London, UK (A customer comes to the counter to borrow a DVD, I go into the back and get the one he wants, and all seems normal…) Me: “May I have your card?” Customer: *presents a bank card* Me: ”I mean your library card.” Customer: “You mean I can’t buy it?” Me: ”No, you can only borrow from a library. You can buy DVDs in the shop around the corner. Customer: ”Oh…. so I can’t buy it here? I have to borrow it?” Me: ”Yep.” Customer: “I wanted to buy it.” Me: “You can only buy it from shops. Are you a member of the library? Customer: “No, I wanted to buy this DVD.” Me: “You can’t buy things here, you can only borrow things when you’re a member.” (By this point there is quite a long queue behind him, so I ring the bell for assistance.) Customer: ”What’s that bell for? Is it for getting a copy I can buy?” Me: ”No, it’s to get assistance for the other readers. If you’d like to buy a DVD, I’d strongly suggest you go elsewhere. ” Customer: “So I can’t buy it?” Me: “No.” Customer: *pauses* “Oh… I wanted to buy it.” (After one more pause, he finally leaves.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:12 pm Post #19937 |
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Stupidity Is The Mother of Repetition Coffee Shop | Lexington, MA, USA (There is a huge line of customers waiting on their drinks. An impatient customer who just placed his order assumes the next drink is his and takes it, after I call someone else’s name.) Customer: “This isn’t hot chocolate.” Me: “That’s because you grabbed someone else’s drink.” Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate!” Me: “There are nine people in front of you waiting for drinks. You grabbed the wrong drink.” Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate.” (I look at the order screen for the name on the drink he took.) Me: “Is your name ***?” Customer: “No, and this isn’t hot chocolate!” Me: “That’s because you took ****’s drink!” Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!” Me: “Hand me the drink and I will remake the person who’s drink you took. I’ll make your hot chocolate, but it will take a few minutes!!” (Customer hands the drink back to me.) Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:12 pm Post #19938 |
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I Think She Wants A Discount Electronics Store | Toronto, Canada Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.” Me, to the lady customer: “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?” Customer: “Discount?” Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.” Customer: “Discount?” Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a *** card (store’s credit card). With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.” Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?” Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.” Customer: “What’s the price in three months?” Me: “It’s the same price as now.” Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?” Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.” Customer: “Discount?” Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:16 pm Post #19939 |
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Just… Wow Sandwich Shop | Oregon, USA Customer: “I want the Cheesecake Sandwich with provolone, double meat and extra veggies.” Me: “The Cheesesteak already comes with double meat. It will be a few extra dollars if I add more. We don’t have provolone, what cheese would you like instead?” Customer: “You’re kidding, right? I’m not paying $10 for a sandwich! And without provolone! Just give me the extra meat, you don’t have to weigh it exactly. No one will know!” Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.” (I weigh the meat to the correct portion and put it on the sandwich.) Customer: “That’s too much meat! What are you doing?” Me: “Actually, this is the correct portion. Would you like me to take some off? Customer: “Only if you lower the price. I said add more meat, so ADD it! And why don’t you have provolone? ***’s has it… and where are the veggies?” Me: “It typically doesn’t come with them, but I can add tomato, onions, lettuce, olives or mushrooms.” Customer: “I can only pick ONE?” Me: “No… any or all of them.” Customer: “All of those are gross! God, who would eat that?” Me: “… so no veggies?” Customer: “Are they free?” Me: “Yes…” Customer: “Put them all on, and I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.” Me: “Okay, thank you…” *smiling, thinking it’s over* (After I finish the sub, the customer argues with the cashier over the price of the sub, demanding a discount.) Customer: “This place is so expensive and I can’t even get provolone! The veggies are all mixed together! This isn’t like *** at all! I didn’t even want half of them! Where is your manager?” Me: “Hi, can I help you?” Customer: “You again!” (The customer makes a pissed off face, and then opens the sub. They start picking it apart on the counter.) Customer: “Your cashier is trying to ring me up, but that’s not the price! Refund me or I’m never coming here again!” Me: “Actually, I just made that for you. You didn’t want the meat removed, so it is that price. I can remake it if you’d like, with less meat. Or would you still like a refund?” Customer: “Never mind!” *throws sub in trash and leaves without paying* (Just… wow.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 4:16 pm Post #19940 |
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Stuck On Fast Forward movie theater | Texas, USA Me: “Hi there, how are you today?” Customer: “A medium popcorn.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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