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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,032 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:06 pm Post #19861 |
 
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Mr. Anal And Mrs. Retentive Go To Scotland Souvenir Shop | Dundee, Scotland, UK (A South American customer and his wife were browsing in a souvenir shop where I work; note that it’s located in Scotland.) Customer: “Hey, why do you have mugs here with England written on them? I’m not in England… why would I buy a souvenir mug with the English flag on it?” Me: “Well you don’t have to buy an England one. We have plenty mugs with Scotland written on them, too.” Customer: “I can see that, I’m not stupid!” Me: “I didn’t mean to imply you were, sir.” Customer: “Well, you did. I just wonder why the h*** anyone would want to buy a knick knack from a country that has a different country’s name on it. What’s the point?” Me: “I really don’t know what to tell you, we’ve just always stocked those mugs.” Customer: “I don’t see the point.” *calls to his wife, who comes over* Customer: “There are England mugs in a Scotland shop!” Customer’s wife: “Wow, that’s really f***ing stupid. What’s the point? Ask the girl.” Customer: “She doesn’t know. This is so stupid.” Customer’s wife: “She’s stupid. ” (His wife puts down the Loch Ness Monster teddy she is holding and walks out of the shop. He turns back to me.) Customer: “You should know things like that; you do work here. What’s the point?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:07 pm Post #19862 |
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iPod, Meet iDiet Retail | Minneapolis, MN, USA (I’ve just spent about 10 minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…) Customer: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!” Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?” Customer: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?” Me: “No…?” (I was so dumbfounded I didn’t realize how stupid the question actually was until 10 minutes later.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:07 pm Post #19863 |
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Unlimited Nights, Weekends and Spelling Call Center | Tennessee, USA Me: “Thank you for calling *** Wireless. May I have the 10 digit number you’re calling about today?” Customer: “Yes, can you spell thousand for me?” Me: “… excuse me?” Customer: “Can you spell thousand?” Me: “Um, sure. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.” Customer: “T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.” Me: “Yes that’s correct…” Customer: “Okay, thank you. Can you spell fifteen?” Me: “Um, excuse me–” Customer: “Can you spell fifteen?” Me: “F-I-F-T-E-E-N.” Customer: “Okay, thank you!” *click* Me: ??? |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:08 pm Post #19864 |
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Accidental Lemonade From Lemons Public Library | Amsterdam, The Netherlands Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?” Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.” Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?” Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.” Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?” Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?” Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–” Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?” Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–” Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.” (I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.) Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!” (Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:08 pm Post #19865 |
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If At First You Don’t Succeed… Tech Support | New Albany, IN, USA (We were trying to troubleshoot a printer than quit working…) Coworker: “… go ahead and click on the printer and faxes icon.” Customer: “It’s not opening.” (My coworker tries it himself, and waits nearly 40 minutes for a window to pop up: it eventually shows 70,916 documents in the queue!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:09 pm Post #19866 |
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She Fought The Law… And The Law Won Accessories Store | Bridgewater, NJ, USA (This is one of those chains that does gunned ear piercings. Gun piercings have MANY risks–embedding being one of them. A customer walks in with two children, ages 4 and 7.) Customer: “The stone fell out of her earring. Can you put a new one in?” Me: *examines ear* “Ma’am, the earring is embedded in your daughter’s ear. You need to go to the doctor. I can’t help you.” Customer: “No, stone fall out of earring, we just need new one.” Me: “No, ma’am. You see, putting the back on too tight like this pulls the front of the earring INTO the earlobe and it becomes stuck.” Customer: “Okay, you take out.” Me: “You aren’t getting it…it is stuck inside her ear. A doctor needs to cut her ear open with a scalpel and retrieve the earring.” Customer: *freaks out and starts stringing expletives together* (I retrieve her waiver to show her where she signed in FOUR places stating she understood the risks associated with the procedure.) Me: “See? You signed here explaining you understood the risks and aftercare.” Customer: “There was a line, I no read dis! Nobody read dis!” Me: “Well, if you had taken the time to read you would have seen that this can be dangerous. A responsible parent puts more effort into their child’s safety and well being.” (Needless to say she threatened my life, swore like a sailor in front of my customers, was chased by security and provided them a false name. I took her to court… and she lost.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:10 pm Post #19867 |
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What Strange Magic Is This Big Box Retail | North Carolina, USA Me: “Sporting Goods, how may I help you?” Customer: “I need a tennis racquet. The one I have is the wrong one.” Me: ”What kind of tennis racquet are you looking for?” Customer: ”I’m a lefty. I need a left-handed tennis racquet.” Me: “…” Customer: “Hello? Are you still there? Do you have any left-handed tennis racquets?” Me: ”Ma’am, just put the one you have in your left hand. It’s now a left-handed tennis racquet.” Customer: “Oooh! I’m going to kill my husband!” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:10 pm Post #19868 |
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It Doesn’t Take Much To Get A Guy Going Fast Food | Easthampton, MA, USA (I work at the drive-thru of a certain fast food restaurant that has milkshakes that come with these massive tube straws, roughly the width of a nickel, and bright blue.) Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], how can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah. You’ve got those blue straws, right?” Me: “Yeah, we do. They come with our Sundae Shakes.” Customer: “Cool. Gimme two. Don’t forget the straws!” Me: “Okay….” (I tell him the total and ask him to pull up…) Customer: “You sure these come with those blue straws?” Me: “Yes, they do…” *hands him his change* Customer, to his girlfriend: “Blue turns me on…” (I grab the straws and hand them out the window. After they pulled away, I burst out laughing for a good five minutes.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Gummy | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:11 pm Post #19869 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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Don't you wish that I worked more overtime during the Posting Mayhem Contest? 
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:12 pm Post #19870 |
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All Hail Wikipedia Video Game Store | Peterborough, ON, Canada (A customer comes in, spends 30 minutes browsing games, then proceeds to talk to me for another 45 minutes about whatever. I hint several times for him to leave the store.) Customer: “Puzzle games are hard… I enjoy Halo way more. Why do you think people want to play puzzles anyways? And what’s with the word anyways? Z’s suck.” Me: “Just a second.” (At this time, I decide to try something desperate: I go to the computer on the counter and look up “puzzle” on wikipedia.) Me: “A puzzle is a problem or enigma that challenges ingenuity. In a basic puzzle one is intended to piece together objects in a logical way in order to come up with the desired shape, picture or solution. Puzzles are–” Customer: “Okay, I get it.” Me: “–often contrived as a form of entertainment, but they can also stem from serious mathematical or logistical problems–” Customer: “Please stop.” Me: “–in such cases, their successful resolution can be a significant contribution to mathematical resear–” Customer: “Stop it, you a**. I get it.” Me: “–ch. Solutions to puzzles may require recognizing patterns and creating a particular order. People with a high inductive reasoning aptitude may be better at solving these–” Customer: “STOP IT, F*** WHY DON’T YOU F***ING STOP? WHY!?” Me: “–puzzles than others. Puzzles based on the process of inquiry and discovery to complete may be solved faster by those wi–” Customer: “FINE, I’LL BUY THIS SONIC GAME! SHUT THE F*** UP, JESUS CHRIST!” (I scan, take his money and wave him out.) Me: “Thank you, have a nice day.” Customer: “F*** YOU!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:12 pm Post #19871 |
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Leonard Is Rolling Over In His Grave Bank | Tennessee, USA (An older lady calls in to see if we will waive the late fee on her credit card. I see several previous refunds and decide not to refund unless it’s a bank error.) Old lady: “I’m afraid I forgot to send the payment. I just lost my husband, and it’s been such a stressful month for me.” (I start to feel sorry for her and think maybe I can cut her a break. Then, I read the notes on the account more closely…) Me: “Ma’am, what was your husband’s name?” Old lady, sadly: “It was Leonard.” Me: “Ma’am, I see that you faxed us Leonard’s death certificate two years ago, so you could remove his name from the account.” Old lady, now indignant: “Well, it doesn’t get any easier! |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:13 pm Post #19872 |
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Hippocrates Is Rolling Over In His Grave Medical Insurance | Southern Illinois, USA Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?” Doctor: “I need to verify my patient’s coverage. Her number is *****.” Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a problem and I can’t access that account. I will have to forward this issue over to our technical department and they will get back to you as soon as possible.” Doctor: “I need this information immediately. Can I talk to them now? It’s very important.” Me: “I’m sorry, they are very backed up over there and everything is handled in the order it is received. You will be added to the queue and they will get back to you later today.” Doctor: “What if she was DYING and I needed her coverage information? What then?!” Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, if the patient was dying there in your office, I would hope you would treat her regardless of her insurance coverage.” Doctor: “Well, yes–I mean–just make sure they call me today.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:13 pm Post #19873 |
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A Sticky Situation Movie Theater | Eugene, OR, USA (Ever wonder why you can’t buy gum at a movie theater? Patrons plaster their used gum *everywhere.* An assistant manager I worked with knew exactly how to get the point across.) Movie theater patron: “Do you carry any gum?” Assistant Manager: *low growl* “Gum… is our enemy.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:14 pm Post #19874 |
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I’m Sensing Something Cylindrical And… Swedish retail | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA (I work at an adult novelty shop. A man and a woman come into the store together, obviously a pair. The man comes to the front counter, pays for a sex toy (think of the first Austin Powers movie) and leaves. A bit later, the woman comes up to the front desk.) Woman: “Have you seen my husband?” Me: ”Ooooh. Um. I think he just left.” Woman: “Oh, really?” *gets on her cellphone* “Hey, honey! Forget something!?” (A few moments later, the front door flies open and the man sulks in, meets back up with his wife, and they both leave together.) Coworker: “I’m glad he came back for her. I don’t think she’d fit in the lost-and-found.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:15 pm Post #19875 |
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We Just Report The News Newspaper | Jackson, TN, USA (Our newspaper always gets strange calls. After one story I wrote about first aid training at the Red Cross, I get the following call from a reader…) Me: “Hello, [newspaper]. How may I help you?” Reader: “Yeah, I’m here at the Red Cross.” Me: “… okay?” Reader: “They just told me the first aid class you wrote about is full.” Me: “Oh, okay.” Reader: *silence* Me: “Sir? What’s the problem?” Reader: “Well, I have a friend who really needs to get into this class, but they said it’s full!” Me: “I’m so sorry, sir.” Reader: “Well?” Me: “I’m sorry?” Reader: “Well, what are you going to do about it? Can’t you tell them to add a seat to the class?” Me: “Umm, no, sir. I’m just a reporter. I can’t tell the Red Cross what to do. I’m sorry your friend can’t get in the class in time.” Reader: “Well, what is he supposed to do? He needs the training now!” Me: “Well, I believe the hospital teaches a first aid class.” Reader: “They do? Can you call them for me?” Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid I have a tight deadline today. I can’t take the time to look into that. Maybe you could call your friend and tell him?” Reader: *sarcastically* “Yeah, whatever. Thanks for your help.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:28 pm Post #19876 |
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Bad Customer Tip #103: Pull A Clark Kent Computer Store | Buenos Aires, Argentina (A man on his mid-forties shoves a DVD case on the counter, while yelling at me. Keep in mind that I’m wearing glasses.) Customer: “This DVD doesn’t work, G** D***it! I want a refund!” Me: “Okay… what seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I don’t know, it doesn’t work!” (I open the case and check the surface of the DVD. It was so scratched that it was nearly white instead of purple, and it even had a dry fingerprint of something that looked like peanut butter.) Me: “Um… sir?” Customer: “WHAT?!” Me: “I can’t give you a refund for a product that has been damaged by the customer.” Customer: What?! The disc is fine! I want a refund!” Me: “Sir, the disc is damaged, and I cannot give you a refund.” Customer: “I want to speak to the manager!” Me: “Of course.” (I walk away to the back of the store, take off my glasses, and walk to the counter again.) Me: “Yes, what is the problem?” Customer: “YOUR POOR EXCUSE FOR A SALESMAN WON’T–” (He suddenly figures it out.) Customer: “F*** THIS S***!” *continues swearing while he storms out of the store* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:31 pm Post #19877 |
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Back In My Day, We Walked Barefoot, Backwards And Buck Naked Bookstore | Everett, WA, USA (Keep in mind that our bookstore only sells books, CDs and DVDs: no electronics, no rentals or software.) Coworker: “Good morning, what can I help you find?” Old Customer: “I need a keyboard for that computer thing.” Coworker: “We don’t sell keyboards, I’m sorry. Have you tried Best Buy across the parking lot?” Old Customer: “But I don’t want to go over there, I want to buy it here!” Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t have any to sell you. We don’t carry computer parts.” (The customer proceeds to get worked up into a fine fury, face blotched red and pulled up to her full height.) Old Customer: “Well, I never! In my day, you could walk into any store, anywhere, and by God if they wanted your business they would FIND it for you!” *storms out* Eavesdropping manager: “Well, in her day, everything was a general store!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:31 pm Post #19878 |
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The Inadvertent Thief Chemist | Northern Ireland, UK Lady: “Do you sell aloe vera gel?” Me: “No, I’m afraid we don’t, but you might be able to get it at [store] down the street.” Lady: “Oh, great, thanks.” (She leaves and ten minutes later returns wielding a tube, looking irritated.) Me: “Hello again, did you manage to find it okay?” Lady: “No! You told me they had aloe vera gel! All they had is the cream! I don’t want the cream!” Me: “Um… you didn’t want the cream but you bought it anyway?” Lady: “No, of course I didn’t BUY–” (She suddenly stops and looks at the tube in her hand. Her expression turns to horror and she legs it back out the door. My coworkers and I laughed for a good ten minutes at that one.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:32 pm Post #19879 |
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And Yet He Lives With A Nut Coffee Shop | Barrie, ON, Canada (A customer with her toddler comes into the store while I’m working on another customer’s order.) Customer: “I want to know if your peanut butter cookies have nuts in them.” Me: “Yes, yes they do.” Customer: “Oh, well my son is allergic to nuts. Do you have any that don’t have nuts?” Me: “You could try the oatmeal raisin.” Customer: “No, he doesn’t like raisins.” *picks up a different cookie* Me: “Um, those are white chocolate macadamia nut, which also have nuts in them.” Customer: “Well do you have anything that is nut-free here?!” Me: “We have cakes with fruit in them, muffins, bagels, croissants and scones. Would he like those?” Customer: “You people don’t care about my child!” *storms out of the store, child in tow* Me, to coworker: “How is he still alive?” Coworker: *shrugs* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 2:33 pm Post #19880 |
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Talk About Creepy Hotel | Raleigh, NC, USA (It’s 3:30 am, and a hotel guest wanders into the back office that is clearly marked for staff only…) Guest: “My phone isn’t working. I need to call someone… it’s really important.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You can’t be back here. Please go back into the lobby and I will reset your phone line.” Guest: *points at a chair* “Can’t I sit here?” Me: “No. Go back out into the lobby, right now.” Guest: *sits down* “I came here with a girl and she left me. Now I need to call for another girl.” Me: “I’m sorry, really, but you can’t sit here. You can’t be back here. Please, go back into the lobby.” Guest: *gets up* “Sorry. I’m upset.” Me: “Give me a minute and I’ll reset your phone line and then call your room to see if it goes through.” (I reset his phone and call his room. He leaves, only to come back 5 minutes later.) Guest: “It still isn’t working. I’m really unhappy. Do you know where I can get a prostitute?” Me: “I’m sure if you walk outside on the street and go to the corner you can find one, but you can’t bring her back here.” Guest: “That isn’t safe.” Me: “I’m sorry… I can’t help you, sir.” Guest: “Are you a prostitute?” Me: “No!” Guest: “I’ll pay you $160.” Me: “Sir, I’m not a prostitute, and I’m going to call security.” Guest: “No, you won’t. You’re a prostitute. How about $280? How much do men normally pay?” Me: “Do I look like a prostitute? I’m a receptionist. I do paperwork and check people in. I don’t sleep with them.” Guest: “All of the girls that I know who are receptionists at night are prostitutes.” Me: “Well, I’m not. Can you please go back to your room?!” Guest: “I’m from Miami.” Me: “Good. Can you please go back to your room?” Guest: “Fine. Tomorrow I’m going to complain about the service here!” Me: “… because I won’t sleep with you for money?” Guest: “Will you just come sleep with me? I just need thirty minutes.” Me: “No.” Guest: “I’m talking to the manager tomorrow.” Me: “That’s fine, sir. Good luck…” (He finally leaves, and I make a note of this encounter. I discover the next day that he was refunded $20 due to my poor service. I have no idea what he told the receptionist when he checked out, but she clearly didn’t read my note!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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