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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,034 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:31 pm Post #19821 |
 
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In One Ear, Out The Other Restaurant | Dewey Beach, DE, USA (I work at a restaurant that has two different sides to it: a fine dining side, and a casual side. I work at the casual side. One day at work, a very confused woman calls.) Me: “Hi! Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?” Customer: “Hi, is this the fine dining side?” Me: “No, ma’am. This is the grille and bar side. Would you like the number to our fine dining section?” Customer: “No, I like the casual side more.” Me: “Oh, good.” Customer: “So can I have the number for the casual side?” Me: “This is the casual side, ma’am.” Customer: “Yes, but I would like the number. The fine dining aspect doesn’t fit well with my family.” Me: “Okay, well, this is the casual side. Whatever number you dialed is our number, ma’am.” Customer: “Yes, but I don’t like fine dining! Give me the number to your casual side!” Me: “This is our casual side. You have our number because you dialed it.” Customer: “I DON’T LIKE F***ING FINE DINING! I JUST WANT THE NUMBER TO THE CASUAL SIDE. IS THAT SO HARD? I’M GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR DINNER!” *hangs up* Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:32 pm Post #19822 |
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Why Context Is Important Zoo | Chicago, IL, USA (The zoo sells these SpongeBob ice creams with gumball eyes. I overhear this mother telling her young son eating one outside one of the restaurants…) Mom: “Oh look honey, when you licked his balls you got stuff all over your face!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:32 pm Post #19823 |
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Maine, Mars, Same Difference Call Center | Maine, USA Me: “Thank you for calling *** business customer service. How can I help you?” Customer: “Where y’all at, India?!” Me: “No sir, I’m in Maine.” Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?” Me: “Northern New England, sir.” Customer: “England, I thought you sounded funny.” (Note I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounded like a Southern good ol’ boy). Me: “No, NEW England sir, northeastern United States.” Customer: “Oh, up in Canada then! Well you done learned English pretty good I guess!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:33 pm Post #19824 |
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Cancun, Oahu, Same Difference Liquor Store | Honolulu, HI, USA (Standing in line behind a tourist, while she is getting rung up.) Cashier: “Aloha, how are you today?” Tourist: “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Could you talk in English please?” Cashier: “Hello, how are you today?” Tourist: “Fine, we just flew here from America today.” (The cashier rings up the tourist’s few items.) Cashier: “That will be twenty five dollars and eighty five cents.” Tourist: “Do you take American money here? I only have American money. I have not been able to get to the currency exchange yet.” Cashier: “Ma’am, we are in the United States. We take dollars here.” Tourist: “Oh really? You take this money?” *holds up her $20 bill* Cashier: “Yes, ma’am, those are dollars, and being a US state we do accept those.” Tourist: “Well that’s very nice of you to accept foreign money.” Cashier: *puzzled* “Mahalo, have a great day!” Tourist: *under her breath* “I told her I didn’t speak Spanish!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:33 pm Post #19825 |
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Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores Retail | Reno, NV, USA (I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…) Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?” Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.” Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?” Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.” Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?” Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.” Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…” (I finish loading her trunk.) Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:34 pm Post #19826 |
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Goodwill Running Out About… Now Hotel | Marion, IL, USA Me: “Thank you for calling *** Inns and Suites, how may I help you tonight?” Customer: “Yes, my plane was delayed, so I need to cancel my reservation in Vegas and get a room here.” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Let me look that up for you.” (I take his information, call the hotel, and talk them into canceling the reservation even though their policy said he should have had to pay for it because of the short notice. I put in the extra effort because I felt bad for the guy.) Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve taken care of that and made you a new reservation at a hotel there. Your total for the room is going to be $89.” Customer: “But my flight was delayed and I had to cancel my other reservation. My stay should be free!” Me: “Well, you’ll have to check with the airline. They should pay for all or part of your hotel stay.” Customer: “They told me you’d pay for it.” Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why they would have told you that. The airline is responsible for the delay. We are not and we can’t give you a free stay. You’re going to have to talk to them.” Customer: “Look, you’re going to give me a f****ing free night in the f****ing hotel here. You have to. My flight was canceled.” Me: “Sir, I have to ask you not to curse at me. I will terminate the call.” Customer: “Look, b****–” *click* (I received five or six hang up calls in the next 30 minutes, which I assume were his attempts to get another agent. Unfortunately for him, I was the only person working after midnight. I no longer felt bad for him.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:35 pm Post #19827 |
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Postman 1, Preemptive Strike 0 Post Office | Killeen, TX, USA (I was waiting in line and overheard a conversation between the customer in front of me and postman at the front counter.) Customer: ”I need to ship this package out.” Postman: “Okay, would you like to upgrade this to priority shipping?” Customer: “No, I just want to send this by regular mail. I don’t need anything else or any other services.” Postman: “Okay, that’ll be $10.00 for the shipping. Do you need any stamps today?” Customer: “No! No stamps, no certified mail, no post office box, no passport. I just need to ship this package out–that’s it. Did I miss anything?!” Postman, without skipping a beat: “Do you need any money orders today, ma’am?” (Everyone else waiting in line including myself dies laughing.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:35 pm Post #19828 |
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Troubleshooting Tip #56: No Cramming Cold Cuts Call Center | Valparaiso, IN, USA Me: “Xbox 360 customer service, how may I help you?” Client: “Yes, my Xbox 360 isn’t working, but it doesn’t have that red light thingy in the front. I DEMAND to know what is wrong with it!” Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to be a little more specific. Is your power supply functioning properly?” Client: “Of course it is, do I sound stupid to you?” Me: “No sir… can I get your console number?” Client: “On the bottom of the disk drive?” Me: “No, its not–” Client: “OHHH, I found the problem, there was some baloney in the disk drive…” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:36 pm Post #19829 |
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Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks Lifeguard | Lansing, MI, USA (Background: I work at a small round lake about a mile in diameter. From any point on the shore you can see the edge of the lake all around. The lake is used for fishing and as such is full of sand and seaweed and fish.) Patron: “Hi, can you tell me what ocean this is?” Me: “Sir, this is a fresh water man-made lake, not an ocean.” Patron: “I mean, what ocean is it connected to?” Me: “It’s not connected to an ocean. It’s a man-made lake.” (The patron pauses and obviously decides to come at this from another angle.) Patron: “What river feeds this lake?” Me: “This lake used to be a gravel pit before they filled it in with water. It’s not connected to the river system. It’s man-made.” Patron: “Well, where does all the water come from?” Me: “The lake is filled with rainwater, mostly.” Patron: “That’s awful! I don’t want to let my kids swim in rain water… it’s dirty. You should keep the rain out of the lake!” Me: *sarcastically* “I totally agree. Maybe we can spend tax dollars on a tarp to cover the lake when it rains.” Patron: “That’s an excellent idea! I hope you mention that to your supervisors!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:37 pm Post #19830 |
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Because Real Men Don’t Need (Or Follow) Instructions Video Game Store | Vancouver, BC, Canada (This all began over the phone with a male customer who hadn’t received a instruction manual with their game.) Me: “Okay, so you didn’t receive a manual correct?” Male Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. Can I bring it in and exchange it for another that has a manual?” Me: “Of course, just bring in both the game and the receipt.” Male Customer:“Ok, great. I should be there in about half an hour.” Me: “Sounds good.” (Half an hour later…) Male Customer: “Hey, I called about returning my game without the manual.” Me: “Oh yeah, sure. I’ve got the game ready for you and everything. So all I need is the receipt…” (A look of horror crosses the customer’s face, which is quickly replaced with a look of feigned puzzlement.) Male Customer: “… receipt?” Me: “Yes, receipt.” Male Customer: “You didn’t tell me to bring a receipt. Can we do it without it?” Me: “Er… no. I very specifically told you to bring one so we could do the transaction. Also, I need to know the games from our store.” Male Customer: “No, you didn’t! Look, I just drove across town to get here to get this stupid manual from you guys because you didn’t give it to me!” Me: “That was a factory defect sir, we don’t package the games, we just sell them. Also, there’s nothing I can do without a receipt.” Male Customer: “Well, can’t you just open that one–” *points to the new game I’ve pulled out for him* “–and give me the manual from there?” Me: “No, that would leave us with another game with no manual, only it wouldn’t be in our system. We can’t do the transaction and we also need to know that it’s from our store first.” Male Customer: “Look dude, just give it to me, your boss doesn’t have to know!” (I glance to my side where my manager is standing with a badge that says “Manager”. He sighs and quite calmly says… ) Manager: “Sir, please go home, be a man and learn the game without reading the manual first. Thank you. Goodbye.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:37 pm Post #19831 |
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Oral Fixations, The Later Years Retail | Southern California, USA (A customer takes a free sample from a barrel marked “FREE DOG BISCUITS”.) Woman: “Are these free?” Me: “Yes, those are free samples.” Woman: “What are they?” *rips package open* Me: “Those are dog biscuits, ma’am.” Woman: *takes a bite of the DOG BISCUITS* “These are the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted!” Me: “No doubt…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:38 pm Post #19832 |
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Life Before Google Street Views Insurance | Beverly, MA, USA (I work in an insurance agency in the middle of a downtown shopping district. A customer called and asked to be transferred to the agent with the desk by the window.) Me: “Hi, this is ***** speaking. Can I get your last name, please?” Customer: “It’s Clark, but what do you need that for?” Me: “Well, each agent deals with a different segment of the alphabet, so clients with last names beginning with A-H go to Joan. I will need to transfer you.” Customer: “Does Joan have a desk by the window?” Me: “Uh… no, ma’am, but she will have all of your files. If you can hold for a moment, I will transfer you.” Customer: “Well, I don’t want to talk to Joan. I want to talk to you. You are the one who sits near the window, aren’t you?” Me: “Yes, but as I said–” Customer: “Look, I don’t want to talk to anyone but you! Joan doesn’t sit near the window, so she can’t help me. I need to talk to someone who has view of the street.” Me: “Um, okay–” Customer: “Now if you are done, would you please tell me what the name of the curtain shop across the street from you is called?” Me: “Huh? Uh, Country Curtains.” Customer: “Thank you. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” *hangs up* Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:38 pm Post #19833 |
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(Telepathic) Help Wanted, Part 3 Video Rental Store | Seattle, WA, USA (Note: this is something I witnessed.) Clerk: “Hi, can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for this movie. I rented it before, but I want it again.” Clerk: “Sure thing, what’s the title?” Customer: “Well, I don’t know. ” Clerk: “What was it about?” Customer: “I don’t know.” Clerk: “Well, do you remember what the cover looked like?” Customer: “No, not really.” Clerk: “Who was in it?” Customer: “I didn’t pay attention. ” Clerk: “…” Customer: “…” Clerk: “Sir, I can’t find the movie without any details.” Customer: “Isn’t that your job?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:39 pm Post #19834 |
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(Telepathic) Help Wanted, Part 2 Hardware Store | Atlanta, USA Old Customer with Earhair: “Do you have fixative?” Coworker 1: “I’m not aware of a product by that name. What do you want it to do?” Earhair: “Get me someone else who knows the inventory!” Coworker 2: “Sir, can I help you?” Earhair: “Yeah, I want some fixative.” Coworker 2: “We don’t have a product by that name, but if you describe it, we can get it for you.” Earhair: “I buy fixative in here ALL THE TIME.” Coworker 2: “What does the product look like?” Earhair: “This is ridiculous. You should know your inventory well enough to READ MY MIND!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:39 pm Post #19835 |
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(Telepathic) Help Wanted Video Rental Store | Michigan, USA Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.” Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?” Customer: “No, I want it full sized.” Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?” Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?” Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.” Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.” (Customer storms out) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:40 pm Post #19836 |
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From Parallel To Perpendicular Hospital Sleep Lab | Jackson, MI, USA (In our hospital sleep lab, we have a bunch of rooms with beds for people to sleep on. Every room is monitored and recorded with a video camera so we can watch the patients while they’re sleeping. One day, my daughter’s math teacher came in…) Me: “Hey, Mr. ***! Let me hook you up and you can get to sleep.” Mr. ***: “Alright.” (I hook him up and tell him to try to sleep as quickly as he can. We don’t give our patients sleep medication because that could interfere with their normal sleep habits. As I return to the control room, I hear hysterical laughter.) Me: “What’s going on?” Coworker: “Who did you say that guy was?” Me: “Oh! My daughter’s math teacher at her high school.” (Everyone laughs harder.) Me: “What is going on??” (My coworker points to the screen showing Mr. ***’s room. He’s masturbating.) Me, over the intercom: “MR. ***, PLEASE! You are being recorded!” Mr. ***: “But you said to go to sleep as fast as I can!” Me: “That’s not appropriate!” Mr. ***: “Well, fine! I guess a man can’t get any privacy when he’s trying to sleep! YOU’RE inappropriate! Why the h*** were you watching me?!” *gets dressed and storms out of the hospital* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:41 pm Post #19837 |
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Because Mocha Sounds Sooo Much Like Frappuccino Coffee Shop | Indiana, USA Customer: “Hi, I’d like two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.” Me: “Alright, anything else with that?” Customer: “No, that’s all.” (I make her drinks and hand them out.) Customer: “These are cold…” Me: “You ordered two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.” Customer: “Oh! You know what? I actually meant I wanted two large mochas. The hot drinks!” (Duh, how could I not have gotten that from her original order?) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:41 pm Post #19838 |
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No Problem, We’ll Just Bulldoze A Nearby Home Movie Theater | Alaska, USA Me: “What size popcorn would you like, sir?” Older Man: “Do your managers know that there are no parking spots out there?” Me: “Um… I’m pretty sure they are aware of that, sir. Three very popular movies came out today, seeing how it is Friday.” Older Man: “Well, maybe they need to be informed of the situation so they can fix it!” Me: “I’ll let them know right now! In the meantime, this gentleman can help you with your popcorn…” (I walk off, barely able to contain my laughter.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:42 pm Post #19839 |
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Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia Retail | Valencia, CA, USA Me: “Welcome to ****** ma’am! Is there anything I can help you find?” Customer: “Do you have any glass candle holders?” Me: “Of course, what kind were you looking for?” Customer: “Oh, nothing in particular. Could you bring me a selection? The kids are kinda cranky and I need to get some towels.” Me: “Here’s about eight different kinds.” Customer: “Don’t you have anything tall and thin? I need something about six inches high.” Me: “Two of these are over six inches…” Customer: “Those are too plain. Can I get something with a floral pattern? Etched on the glass, I mean. ” Me: “This one has an etched vine design on it.” Customer: “Oh that one’s too expensive. It needs to be under five dollars.” Me: “I found a style that fits your description, ma’am.” Customer: “Great! How many of them do you have?” Me: “Well, it was in the clearance section, which means that more than five could be difficult to find. How many do you need?” Customer: “Five hundred.” Me: “… um, I don’t think we have five hundred of ANYTHING in stock. We don’t deal in high volume. I can order five hundred of this item for you though, and have them delivered to your house.” Customer: “How long would that take?” Me: “For an older item like this, and with that high a number, it will probably take the full two weeks specified in our shipping guarantee. We’ll need to get them from multiple locations.” Customer: “Oh. I need them by tomorrow. ” Me: “… what?” Customer: “It’s a big charity event I’m hosting, and I need five hundred identical glass candle holders by tomorrow. Plus you do free gift wrapping, and I figured I could save some money there. I wanted ones like I saw in another store but I guess you just don’t have a very good selection.” Me: “Not if you need five hundred of them at once!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:44 pm Post #19840 |
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Overutilized Word, Underutilized Noggin Video Rental | Chicago, IL, USA (This happened at our video rental store the weekend that Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out. We had received copies of the older three so people could get caught up on the series.) Customer: “Hey, I have an issue with your movie.” Me: “Alright, what’s wrong?” Customer: “We sat down to watch it yesterday night, and it started jumping around and froze up.” Me: “Well, that’s fine. I can just grab another one off the shelf and–” Customer: “No, no, no, you don’t understand. We had the family together for this, and we bought popcorn from here that we were not able to properly utilize. ” Me: “… so, what do you want me to do?” Customer: “I want these two buckets for free and a free rental.” Me: “Well, you’ll be getting another Last Crusade for free–” Customer: “No, no, no. Another credit on the account, and this popcorn because ours was not properly utilized. We put it in the microwave under the assumption that the movie was gonna work.” Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you a free rental if we have the Last Crusade in, and I can’t give you that popcorn.” Customer: “Is there a number I can call for the popcorn? We were supposed to see the new one tonight, but we can’t because you guys don’t check your movies before you give people popcorn.” (So, to diagram his thought process: if a customer is renting a movie, withhold popcorn depending on quality of DVD. I get my manager.) Manager: “What’s up?” (The customer gives the same story with more emphasis on his family, and uses the phrase “utilize the popcorn properly” three more times.) Manager: “Wait, did you eat the popcorn?” Customer: “Well yeah, we utilized it.” Manager: “Then stop using 5-dollar phrases and tell us you ate it!” Customer: “Fine, my family ate it. Do we get them for free now?” Manager: “No, because you bought and ate popcorn, like it’s supposed to be utilized.” Customer: “What number can I call?” (We give him the number for our regional manager. We hear the next day that he called the regional manager, who laughed at him on the phone and hung up.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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