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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,035 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:29 pm Post #19801 |
 
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Coffee Shop Customer Found Poked To Death Coffee Shop | Raleigh, NC, USA Customer: “Is the lemon pound cake fresh? Like, is it soft?” Me: “All of our pastries are fresh, sir. Would you like a sample, to see if you like it?” Customer: “Just let me feel it.” (I put the slice of cake on a plate and watch resignedly as he pokes the cake full of holes.) Customer: “Yeah, I guess that’s soft enough.” Me: “Alright…” (I pick up the slice of cake with tongs and move to put it in a pastry bag.) Customer: “Not THAT one! It’s got holes all in it!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:06 pm Post #19802 |
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Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer Travel Agent | Tampa, FL, USA (A lady calls our travel office regarding a certain theme park in central Florida.) Caller: “Do you allow sex offenders into your theme parks?” Me: “Well, as hundreds of thousands of people enter our parks each day, we’re not able to ID each person and check their criminal history.” Caller: “So you encourage sex offenders to come to a place filled with little children?” Me: “No…” Caller: “Do you have signs saying ‘No Sex Offenders’?” Me: “Um, no. But as part of a sex offender’s parole or probation, they’re not allowed within a certain number of feet of children, so that would be law enforcement’s responsibility.” Caller: “I’m appalled that you encourage sex offenders to come to your park. I’m going elsewhere!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:06 pm Post #19803 |
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If At First You Don’t Succeed, Ask, Ask Again Retail | Los Angeles, CA, USA (I’d just finished helping a customer pick out everything she needs to start oil painting.) Customer: “Do you sell drop cloths?” Me: “I’m sorry, no. We don’t even sell anything like that.” Customer: “Well, what about tarps?” Me: “Sorry, we don’t sell those, either.” Customer: “Do you have any plastic sheeting I could lay on my floor, in case my oil paint drips?” Me: “No, ma’am.” Customer: “What about vinyl sheeting?” Me: “With all due respect, I answered your question the first time you asked it. It doesn’t matter how many times you reword your question, we simply don’t have what you’re looking for.” Customer: “Well, do you have anything similar?” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:07 pm Post #19804 |
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Thank God They Took Away His Whip Grocery Store | Ottawa, Canada (This happened the day before Canadian Thanksgiving…) Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?” Customer: “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in line!” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s a busy day today with the last minute shopping!” Customer: “Well, you should have all the lanes open! Why isn’t that lane open?” Me: “I assume she’s on her break at the moment…” Customer: “You shouldn’t GET breaks when it’s busy!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:07 pm Post #19805 |
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Not Always Right On So Many Levels Grocery Store | Ocala, FL, USA (A disabled customer on crutches starts screaming racist epithets at her cashier.) Disabled customer: “You g**d*** n*****! You b****! How could you do that to me?! This is discrimination!” Cashier: *totally shocked* (I walk over right away. Keep in mind, I’m white.) Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but could you please watch your language? There are children here. Now, I’d be ha–” Disabled customer: “Y’all hate people with disabilities! F*** the children! And f*** you, you n*****! I’m calling corporate!” Me: “If that’s what you want to do, ma’am, I can’t stop you.” Disabled customer: “D*** right you can’t, you black b****!” (She suddenly throws down her “crutches” and very easily walks out of the store.) Another customer, to me: “Wait, did she just call you black?” (She did end up calling corporate office, but it was dismissed because she kept calling the operator a sand monkey and saying that she was going to burn in h*** for stealing white people’s jobs.) (To do this day, whenever we get bored we play with her crutches in the back stock room.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:09 pm Post #19806 |
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The Baby Steps Diet Coffee Shop | Canada Me: “Hi, welcome to [coffee shop]. How can I help you?” Regular customer: “Hey buddy!” Me: “How are ya today? The usual?” Regular customer: “Nope, I cut back on my sugar. I no longer take eight.” Me: “Oh. What can I get you, then?” Regular customer: “I’ll get a large with seven and three quarters sugar.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:09 pm Post #19807 |
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Oh My, Aren’t We Sneaky Today Retail | Netherlands (I’m working at a well-known Scandinavian furniture store. Our children’s supervised play area only allows ages 3 to 6. Parents need to fill in a form with the names of the children and the address…) Customer: *writes down age 7* Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but only children from 3 until 6 are allowed to play in here.” Customer: *makes a 6 out of the 7 and looks at me with a big smile* Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:13 pm Post #19808 |
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Survival Of The Fittest In Action Medical Office | Schenectady, NY, USA Me: ”Hello, this is Dr. ***’s office. Can I help you?” Patient: “Yeah, is there an injection I can get for my gout?” Me: ”I don’t think so. I think we only give injections for muscle pain, but I can double-check for you.” Patient: “Yeah, check. I’m going away this weekend and my ankle really hurts. My primary doctor says it’s not gout. I had these labs done, and they all say it’s not gout, but it really hurts.” Me: “It’s not gout, but you want to know about a gout injection?” Patient: “Well, they say it’s not gout, but I was at a bar and a guy looked at it and said, ‘That’s gout, all right!’” Me: “… a guy at the bar?” Patient: “Yeah. And he gave me one of his pills and it really helped.” Me: “You took a pill from some guy in a bar?!” Patient: “Yeah, it really helped and it was gout medicine, so I think I have gout. So is there an injection?” Me: “Hold, please.” (At this point, I go ask my manager if a gout injection exists, which it doesn’t, and explain to her the situation. She agrees that this is completely stupid, but that if the woman wants gout medication, we can prescribe it.) Me: “Thanks for holding. Turns out there’s no injection for gout.” Patient: “Really? My ankle’s killing me.” Me: “Well, if the medicine you took worked for you, we may be able to write you a prescription for it.” Patient: “Oh, I already have a prescription.” Me: “You… already have a prescription that stops your pain? Are you taking it?” Patient: “No, I thought an injection might be faster.” Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else you need today?” Patient: “No, thank you.” *click* Me: “Oh. My. God.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:17 pm Post #19809 |
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The Wind Beneath My Swings Call Center | Boston, MA, USA Caller: “The swing set was delivered yesterday, and… it’s fine, but I need instructions.” Me: “No problem, I’ll email them to you right now. Are you missing anything from your shipment? If you are, let me know and I can get those right out for you.” Caller: “Um, no. I’m not missing anything, but I do have one question.” Me: “Sure, how can I help you?” Caller: “Well, I got the swing set and… well… thank you for the added accessory, but where do I put it? I mean, how do I attach it to the set?” Me: “Which accessory, sir?” Caller: “The toilet seat.” Me: “The what?!” Caller: “Yeah, and I just want to know how I attach it to the swing set?” Me: “Um, ok. First of all, you don’t put toilet seats on your child’s swing set. Secondly, that wasn’t in your shipment from us. The trucking company must have gotten some boxes mixed up.” Caller: “Ooooooohh…” *speaking to someone off the phone* “HEY JOE! Don’t open that box! That toilet seat isn’t ours! It doesn’t go on the set!” (I would just like to state for the record that “toilet seat” and “swing set” should NEVER be used in the same sentence.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:18 pm Post #19810 |
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Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion Gift Shop | West Branch, MI, USA (We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.) Old lady 1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.” Old lady 2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:19 pm Post #19811 |
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A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba** Fast Food | Ontario, Canada (I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.) Coworker: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?” Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.” Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.” (The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…) Customer, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!” Customer, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.” Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…” Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.” Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?” Customer: *drives off without ordering anything* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:21 pm Post #19812 |
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Altruism, How I Miss Thee Library | New Zealand Library patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.” (Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.) Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.” Library patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.” Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.” Library patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!” Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… otherwise, it’s not a donation.” Library patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:21 pm Post #19813 |
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…And Fruit Hates You Right Back Smoothie Shop | Monterey, CA, USA Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?” Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a Coke.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, we make smoothies here. Have you looked at our menu?” Customer: “You don’t have any Coke?” Me: ”No, sir. Just fruit drinks.” Customer: ”Oh. Well, I’ll have a coffee then.” Me: “Sir, we don’t serve coffee here. Just smoothies.” Customer: “What kind of drink shop is this?! I come in here trying to get a drink, and you don’t have anything!” Me: ”We’re a smoothie shop, sir. What kind of fruit do you like?” Customer: “I HATE FRUIT!” *storms out of the store* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:26 pm Post #19814 |
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Only In LA Adult Store | Los Angeles, CA, USA (This is an adult store in Los Angeles. Enter a fat, balding guy in his 40s.) Guy: “Hello, Miss.” Me: “Good morning.” Guy: “Do you have any–HOLY ****! You’re a girl!” Me: “I am?” Guy: “Shouldn’t you be at home, getting ready for your husband, cooking or something?” Me: “I burn salads. My WIFE tends to cook more.” Guy: “Holy ****! You’re a heathen!” Me: “Doom upon me. What was it you wanted?” Guy: “Whatever. Got any Bibles?” Me: “???” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:27 pm Post #19815 |
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Directionally Challenged Restaurant | Chicago, IL, USA Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?” Customer: “Yeah, I need a Whopper, two large fries, and a shake.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell those here. Burger King is next door.” Customer: “OH!” (He walks into my dining room and promptly returns to the counter. He appears slightly confused.) Me: “Can I help you, sir?” Customer: “Yeah! I thought you said Burger King was next door.” Me: “Yes sir, it is.” (I proceed to walk with him back to the dining room and point next door.) Me: “If you come back this way and go through our side exit, you can walk right over to Burger King.” Customer: “OH!” (I follow him back to the area near the side door and point him in that direction. He appears to be on his way to a Whopper, two fries and a shake when I hear our restroom door open and close. Sure enough, moments later he appears at my counter again.) Customer: “Why did you send me to the bathroom?!” Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Please follow me.” (I escort the gentleman out the side door and tell him Burger King is next door.) Customer: “OH! Thank you!” (He starts walking toward the front of both my building and Burger King. I feel confident he is going to get there. I was wrong. He walks around my building and through the parking lot, and is last seen heading towards an empty lot and the railroad tracks.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:28 pm Post #19816 |
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What Planet Is She From, Because I Want To Live There Coffee Shop | Davis, CA, USA Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?” Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.” Me: “That’ll be $1.95.” Customer: “Oh, I don’t want to pay for it.” Me: *shocked* “Ma’am, this is a store. We sell things for money in order to make a profit.” Customer: *stares blankly* Me: “The coffee isn’t free.” Customer: “Can I have the coffee anyway, since you already poured it?” Me: “No. ” Customer: *looks at me for a moment and then walks away* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:28 pm Post #19817 |
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Mom In A Thong: Wrong Bookstore | Santa Cruz, CA, USA Me: ”Ma’am, you’re not allowed to have non-service dogs in the store unless you’re holding them.” Woman: “Oh, I know.” Me: “Well… I am going to have to ask you to keep the dog in your arms while you’re shopping.” Woman: “That’s fine. I just had to readjust my thong.” Woman’s young daughter: “MOM!!!!” Woman: “What? I wanted him to know.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:29 pm Post #19818 |
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Talk To The Click Home | Clermont-Ferrand, France (Having moved, I got a new phone number which previously belonged to a retail store in Clermont-Ferrand. I had already had a few calls for that store, so I knew the drill.) Woman: “Hello, is this ***? I would like to know until when you are open.” Me: “I’m sorry, you dialed a wrong number. *** doesn’t have this number anymore. I’m pretty sure they closed.” Woman: “That’s not my problem! You didn’t answer my question. When do they close?” Me: “No, seriously, you’re calling me at home here. I’m sure that if you look in the yellow pa–” Woman: “Now look here, young man! I don’t have all day. Do you live in Clermont-Ferrand?” Me: “Well, actually I do, but–” Woman: “THEN TELL ME WHEN *** CLOSES! GO LOOK IT UP OR SOMETHING!” Me: “Seriously?” Woman: *calmly* “Yes.” Me: “I’m hanging up now.” Woman: “WHAT? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO–” Me: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:30 pm Post #19819 |
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Aaaa-men, Brotha Retail | Kansas City, MO, USA (When I was a teenager I worked in a skateboard shop in the mall. I was working with my buddy and we see a loud, filthy group of guys coming down the hall towards our store.) Loud, filthy customer #1: ”You guys sell hackie sacks, the kind with sand in ‘em?” Me: ”Yup, right there.” *pointing* Loud, filthy customer #2: “What’s the return policy?” Me: “Thirty days with a receipt.” Loud, filthy customer #2: ”So, if I shoot this hackie sack with mah sawed-off 12-gauge and run it over in mah truck, you’ll still take it back? HAW HAW!” Me: ”Heh, no. Thanks, guys.” (They leave. All the while, my coworker has been there, arms crossed, not moving an inch, with a cold, dead, angry stare.) Coworker: ”Cousins need to STOP f***ing.” (I’d never laughed so hard in my life.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 7:30 pm Post #19820 |
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Retail Defender, AntiCheapskate Edition Electronics Store | Chicago, IL, USA (I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).) Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!” Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…” Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.” Me: “Sir I–” Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ” Me: “Sir, I think that–” Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!” (A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.) Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.” Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!” Woman: “L****party.org.” (Warning: This is a disturbing porn site that I would not recommend viewing.) Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!” Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.” Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.” (The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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