 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,036 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:56 pm Post #19781 |
 
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11AM Tonight's Movie: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the American Electorate But Were Afraid to Ask Cube rat #1: My son asked me last night what happens if the President dies. Does the Vice President really take over? I wasn't sure what to tell him. Cube rat #2: Yeah, I believe that is what happens, or maybe they hold another election to re-choose the President. Cube rat #1: I guess it is hard to tell, since it has never happened before. Cube rat #2: Yep. San Diego, California Overheard by: Poking my eyes out |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:56 pm Post #19782 |
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10AM Next I'll Be Attacking the Jews Like Mel Gibson Manager, regarding cellphone contract: We did you, then we called back and did your wife. I'm sorry. We upgraded your wife. Wife 2.0, that's right. Please don't tell her I said that. Sydney Australia Overheard by: Meg |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:56 pm Post #19783 |
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9AM Both Were Reluctant to Break the Long, Uncomfortable Silence That Followed Designer: The ball is out of my court. Creative director: Where's it at? Designer: I don't know. Elgin, Illinois |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:57 pm Post #19784 |
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5PM Is It Arrr-Rated? Young cutie receptionist: Oh, fun, we get to dress up in costumes. HR clerk: What are you talking about? Young cutie receptionist: Well, if Andy can be at work dressed as a pirate, I should be able to wear a my kitten costume. HR clerk: Andy got a metal filing in his eye. He went to the doctor and his eye is bandaged. Andy is not dressed as a pirate! Young cutie receptionist: Does that mean the only way I can get to wear my kitten costume is if a doctor puts it on me? Pearl, Mississippi Overheard by: Brain Dancing |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:57 pm Post #19785 |
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4PM If You Look Closely You Can Still See the Outline Of It in My Stomach Coworker #1: (moans uncomfortably) Coworker #2: What's wrong with you? Coworker #1: I ate too much...at lunch, my hamburger was so big I had to close my eyes just to fit it in my mouth. Toronto Canadia |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:58 pm Post #19786 |
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3PM NewsFlash: Woman Beaten to Death with Krullers. Ruled "Justifiable." Soccer mom: Can I have a medium iced latte? (pause) Wait, how much is a large? Employee: $2.99. Soccer mom: And how much is the medium? Employee: $2.69. Soccer mom: So which is the better value? Employee: Huh? Soccer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medium? What's the cost per ounce of each? Next customer in line: Here's thirty cents, just give her a large. Soccer mom: I'm not sure if I want a large. Rest of very long line: Argh! Dunkin Donuts Long Island, New York Overheard by: Heavy D |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:58 pm Post #19787 |
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2PM Good One. Some Blood. President #1, on teleconference: So that about wraps up what we discussed during the presidents' retreat. Did you have anything you wanted to add? President #2 (after pause): Oh, I actually had you muted. President #1: Okay, did you hear everything I said or do you need me to repeat anything? President #2: Oh. Umm...no, I was going to the bathroom. Baltimore, Maryland |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:59 pm Post #19788 |
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1PM Why Men Are Seldom Allowed to Organize Play Groups Coworkers, discussing three-year-old sons: We should have our kids cage fight. Columbia, Missouri Overheard by: Heather |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 4:59 pm Post #19789 |
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12PM Necktie Symbolism Revealed! Woman, tugging at coworker's tie: Your thing ain't long enough. Man: If you keep pulling on it, it'll get longer! Oak Ridge, Tennessee Overheard by: Chris |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:13 pm Post #19790 |
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11AM Tonight's Movie: Nightmare on West Main Street (desk girl is on long, heated phone call with same client for fifth time before noon, hangs up, and sighs) Coworker: Do you hear them in your sleep? West Main Street Aspen, Colorado |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:13 pm Post #19791 |
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10AM The Next Six Months Should Be Fun Manager: Because your job can be done more efficiently and less expensively overseas, you are being laid off. However, your particular layoff will be delayed for five months because the work you do on your contract cannot be done overseas. Your projected end date will be 10/31. Employee: Um, please repeat that, and think about it while you do so. Manager (after repeating): Oh. Um, sorry. Upstate New York |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:14 pm Post #19792 |
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9AM This Quote Makes Our Brains Snap, Crackle, Pop Office guy: I brought bars. Office gal: Special K? Office guy: No, they're not Special K because they don't have Special K in them. They have Rice Krispies. They are way better then Special K bars. Cause Special K is corn, and these are rice. Office gal: I thought you would bring shrimp. Office guy: Yeah, I said that. Office gal: Yeah. Office guy: And then I got the look of the death from Kay. So I brought these instead. Minneapolis, Minnesota Overheard by: What kind of pot luck is this? |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:23 pm Post #19793 |
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from notalwaysright.com Singleminded Surcharge Retail | Madison, WI, USA (I work in an electrical department. At this time, a woman is looking at a light display.) Me: “Are you finding everything alright?” Customer: “Yes. Where is this?” (I lead her to the box, on an end cap. It’s a two-fixtures-for-the-price-of-one thing.) Customer: “Oh, there’s two in there…” Me: “Yes. But the price is the same as on the display, so you get an extra for spare parts or whatever.” Customer: “Well, I only want one!” Me: “You can always just sell the spare on a garage sale or something. Or if you’re like me, you might break the glass someday and so you’ll have a spare.” Customer: “I only want one!” Me: “…” (The customer proceeded to pick out a nearly-identical looking fixture that was about three times the price–all because she only wanted one.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:23 pm Post #19794 |
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Who’s Got The Power Now Tech Support | Los Angeles, CA, USA Me: “How can I help you?” Irate Caller: “Yes, I just purchased one of your wireless routers and your stupid tech support in India just told me I have to plug it into an outlet.” Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am. It needs to be plugged into an outlet to get electrical power.” Irate Caller: “I purchased a WIRELESS router, so it shouldn’t require wires! Doesn’t it use batteries or something?” Me: “No, ma’am, ‘wireless’ means you don’t need wires between the computer and the router.” Irate Caller: “Wireless means WIRE-LESS! If this thing has to be plugged in with a wire, I want a full refund!” Me: “If the product isn’t what you expected, I suggest you return the device to your local retailer.” Irate Caller: “NO! That’s not good enough! They won’t take it back because it’s been opened! I want you to give me a refund!” Me: “Ma’am, we don’t provide refunds unless a product’s functionality is grossly misadvertised. You need to speak to–” Irate Caller: “NO! You’ll give me a refund right now you f***ing son of a b**** and you’ll do it right f***ing now!” Me: “Ma’am, throwing a temper tantrum like a five year old is not going to get you something that we’re incapable of giving you.” Irate Caller: “You can’t speak to me like that! Transfer me to your manager at once!” Me: “No.” Irate Caller: “What?” (Contrary to popular belief, most companies don’t REQUIRE techs to transfer to supervisors simply because they’re told to by a customer). Me: “I said no. I will not transfer you to my supervisor. This is a non-escalatable issue.” Irate Caller: “But you have to!” Me: “No, I really don’t, and since you already blasted me with profanity, technically I could have disconnected the call already.” Irate Caller: “Well, I’m sorry… can I have my refund now?” Me: “I told you, I can’t give you a refund for this product. You need to contact your retailer.” Irate Caller: “F*** you! You f***ing ****ards are ripping me the f*** off! F*** you!” Me: “Thank you for contacting tech support and have a nice day!” Irate Caller: “Wait! I’m sorry!” Me: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:24 pm Post #19795 |
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One Coffee Conflagration, Coming Right Up Coffee Shop | Staten Island, NY, USA Customer: “I’d like a venti latte made with organic milk. It has to be organic milk.” Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have organic milk in this store.” Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says that you do on the menu!” Coworker: “Well, our customers here rarely order drinks made with organic milk, so we don’t stock it.” Customer: “Why don’t you have it?! I cannot drink my latte if it isn’t made with organic milk!” Coworker: “If it’s that important to you, we can make your drink with soy, which is organic.” Customer: “NO! NO! NO! Soy milk is disgusting! Regular milk is disgusting! I should be able to get what I WANT when I come here! It is imperative that I have my g**d*** latte made with organic milk!” (They go back and forth like this for several more minutes as the line behind her grows longer and more impatient, while my friend is desperately trying to appease her with our milk options. Suddenly, the customer’s friend seems to finally have run out of patience…) Customer: “I NEED it to be ORGANIC!” Customer’s friend: *suddenly loud* “Why? So you can stand outside and drink your d*** organic latte while smoking your organic cigarettes? They don’t have it! Drop it already and get something else!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:25 pm Post #19796 |
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No, But They Do A Wonderful Brogue Zoo | Scotland, UK Me: “Hi, do you need any help?” Guy at the zoo: “Yeah… do the chimps, like, speak English?” Me: “Ummm…. no.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:26 pm Post #19797 |
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Neverending Query Restaurant | Beaufort, SC, USA (The phone rings at 11pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10pm.) Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.” Me: “Sorry ma’am, we’re closed.” Customer: “I don’t understand, why are you answering the phone?” Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.” Customer: “I still don’t understand, why are you closed?” Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10pm.” Customer: “But I don’t understand… why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?” Me: *face desk* (It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.) Me, to other employees: “You wouldn’t believe this lady…” *phone rings* Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?” Customer: “So why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?” Me: *multiple face desks* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:27 pm Post #19798 |
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Living On The Edge, Part 2 University Computer Retail | Philadelphia, PA, USA Me: “Thanks for your purchase. Would you please sign anywhere on the receipt?” Customer: ”Anywhere?” Me: “Anywhere.” Customer: “But there’s no line!” Me: “That’s right–the printer doesn’t draw a line for this type of receipt, so just sign anywhere on the receipt.” Customer: “Anywhere?” Me: “Anywhere.” Customer: “But there’s no LINE!” Me: *facepalm* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:28 pm Post #19799 |
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Living On The Edge Ice Cream Shop | New York, NY, USA (At an ice cream shop) Me: “Would you like any mix-ins with that?” Older woman: “Yes, I would like almonds. But not too many, because I’m allergic, and if I have too many I will die.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 5:29 pm Post #19800 |
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How About A Coupon For A Free Psych Evaluation Retail | Montana, USA Me: “Ma’am, with this order, you received a free coupon for Cover Girl Cosmetics.” Customer: “What, do you think I need it?” Me: “Uh…” Customer: “That’s very rude, telling someone they need makeup!” Me: “Ma’am, I’m not suggesting you need makeup. I’m just offering it to you because the computer printed it out.” Customer: “Oh, what, now the computer thinks I need makeup?” Me: “No, ma’am… it prints out coupons for random items.” Customer: “Well, I don’t need it any coupons from you, so there!” *storms off* Me: *rubbing my temples* “Have a good day, ma’am.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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