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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,045 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:55 pm Post #19601 |
 
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You Realize That Means "Highly Pleasant to the Taste or Smell"? Black girl #1: Girl, it is freezing outside. Black girl #2: Girl, I know, right? Black girl #1: Nigg@, you know what? I don't have any blood, and since I don't have blood I turn blue all over. All the blood I do have is in my ass, because it is so luscious. Black girl #2: Oh, nigg@, I know that is right! University of North Carolina at Greensboro my comment; it also means having strong sexual appeal |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:55 pm Post #19602 |
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And She'd Squirtle in Her Pants Girl #1: Okay, so my sister was watching Pokemon the other day, and asked me a question about it, and I don't know what to tell her. Girl #2: Well, what is it? Girl #1: She was wondering, since there are no animals in the show, like cows or anything, if when they ate meat they were eating Pokemon. Girl #2: Don't tell her the truth, it'll break her nerdy little heart. Utah |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:56 pm Post #19603 |
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Counting the Nuts, Of Course Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae. Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus! Dairy Queen Victoria Canadia Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:42 pm Post #19604 |
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Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic Drug Store | Montreal, QC, Canada Customer: “Hi, do you work here?” Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?” Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?” Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.” Customer: “Oh, okay…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:43 pm Post #19605 |
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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 4 Health Food Store | Princeton, NJ, USA (As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.) Customer: “When’s the baby coming?” Me: “What baby?” Customer: “Are you expecting?” Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.” Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.” Me: “Um… what?” Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!” Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:44 pm Post #19606 |
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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 3 Video Rental Store | Los Angeles, CA, USA (Note: I’m the manager at a video rental store, and the owner happens to be there with me.) Customer: “I’d like to open an account.” Me: “Okay, to open a membership we need a California issued I.D and a major credit card.” Customer: “Well, I don’t have one.” Me: “Which one?” Customer: “The credit card.” Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t open the account.” Customer: “Oh, I talked to the manager last week. He said it was alright if i didn’t have a credit card.” Me: “Oh really? I don’t recall telling anybody that last week.” Customer: *nervously* “… then it was the owner who told me that.” Me: “I don’t think he would say that.” Customer: “Yeah he did. He said it was fine. Just make me the d*** membership! The owner said it was fine.” Me: “Okay…” *I turn to the owner* Me, to the owner: “Hey, did you tell anyone last week that they could make a new account without a credit card?” Owner: “No, I never said that ever.” Customer: *walks away with his head down* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:45 pm Post #19607 |
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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 2 Insurance | Huntsville, AL, USA Woman on phone: “You guys need to take that at-fault accident off my record.” Me: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. You’ll have to dispute that with the DMV.” Woman: “What’s that?” Me: “The Department of Motor Vehicles.” Woman: “Why can’t you take it off? You were the one put it on there.” Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t put anything on your record. The DMV did. What happened in that accident?” Woman: “I bumped into someone.” Me: “So you rear-ended someone? What were you doing?” Woman: “Drinking a beer.” Me: “Drinking a beer? While driving? Ma’am, if you rear-ended someone and had an open container of alcohol in your car it would be two violations, possibly three.” Woman: “See? There you go again, puttin’ stuff on my record.” Me: “Right.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:45 pm Post #19608 |
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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole Tech Support | Canada Tech Support: “What seems to be the issue?” Customer: “I dropped my [product] in salt-water.” Tech Support: “Okay, just so you know, that does mean the warranty has been voided, so we won’t be able to replace it for you.” Customer: “I figured as much. I was just wondering what I can do to increase the chances of getting it to work again.” Tech Support: “You could try leaving it to dry on a towel for a few days.” Customer: “Yeah, I’ll do that; I also ran it under some tap water, to rinse all the salt water out.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:46 pm Post #19609 |
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Jesus, The Only MasterCard You’ll Ever Need Call Center | Florida, USA Me: “Thanks for calling Credit Card Services, how may I help you today?” Card member: “Yeah, I was just looking over my statement and see I was charged a late fee. Why?” Me: “Well, when we receive a payment past the due date, a late fee is normally assessed to the account. Do you have any idea why we received the payment late?” Card member: “I was on vacation and didn’t send it in until the 12th.” Me: “Well, the payment was due on the 8th and there is usually at least seven days between customers sending in their payment until we can receive and process them.” Card member: “Well, can you waive that fee for me?” Me: ”Unfortunately, since the fee was billed appropriately, there isn’t any way that it can be removed.” Card member: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?” Me: “How is that in any way relevant to this conversation?” Card member: “Jesus would waive my fee!” Me: “Jesus wouldn’t own a bank.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:46 pm Post #19610 |
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Personally, I Prefer Pokey ‘Pods Electronics Store | Sacramento, CA, USA (Working in a popular electronics store set in between an extremely rural area and a sprawling urban landscape, we get all types…) Customer:“Y’all got dem thirty two jiggabit touchee pods?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:47 pm Post #19611 |
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And That the Nineties Are Over Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd... (stumbles away) Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends. Red Bank, New Jersey |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:47 pm Post #19612 |
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Do You....Want A Hug Now? Glamorous blonde mother, curiously: Did I pay you enough attention as a child? Dark haired alternative daughter: Um...how do you mean? Glamorous blonde mother: Did I not hug you enough? Daughter: Why? Glamorous blonde mother: Well, you're not...well...not very mainstream are you? Daughter, in shock: Well, if there's anything wrong with me, it's your fault, isn't it! Liverpool England |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:47 pm Post #19613 |
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Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.? Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened? Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me! Washington, DC |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:48 pm Post #19614 |
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Urinetown: The Musical in a Nutshell Boy to friends: C'mon, we're going to watch Johnny pee! New Jersey Overheard by: CS |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Jun 4, 2009 8:48 pm Post #19615 |
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Sex with Livestock Is a Close Second. Professor: Apparently nothin' says lovin' in Louisiana like carving your name into the Bonnie and Clyde monument. University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee Overheard by: darkhorse |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 2:19 pm Post #19616 |
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overheardinnewyork.com Dildo and Crack Shopping, Mothaf#ckaaa! Old man with sign reading "sinners without faith are going to hell": Do you know where you're going? Hot girl: Yeah, old man...I'm going shopping. --W 53rd St Overheard by: Melissa Platt |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 2:20 pm Post #19617 |
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Ooo, or the Law and Order Sound! Hot 20-something: I can't believe that the last time we had sex, when you orgasmed you were like "ooooh, ooooooh, oooooooh!" From now on, I'm gonna start making some funny noises myself. Hot 30-something: Oh yeah? Hot 20-something: Yeah, from now on, when you're like "ooooh," I'm gonna be like "moo!" or maybe "meow!" --R Train Overheard by: Jackie |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 2:20 pm Post #19618 |
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Isn't There, Like, a Support Group I Can Join? Redhead girl: Oh my god. I live in New Jersey! Male friend: Hahaha! --6 Train Overheard by: my sympathies |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 2:20 pm Post #19619 |
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The Von Trapp Children Are Just Annoying in Real Life Loud girl: She's leaving the train! Loud friends #1, #2, #3 and #4: Yay! Loud friend #1: She's leaving the train! Loud friend #2: She is! Yay! Girl getting off train: I love you guys! I'm leaving! All: Bye! (train leaves platform) All: She's off the train! Yeah, she got off the train! (they all start singing very loudly) --1 Train |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Jun 5, 2009 2:21 pm Post #19620 |
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And You're Welcome to Come to Our Orgy Later, Ma'am Laughing drinking woman #1: People are staring at us! Laughing drinking woman #2, to girls at next table: Don't worry, I swear we're not alcoholics! Girl at next table: We don't judge, we're college students! --13th St & University |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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