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Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,046 Views)
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And Molded It Into the Shape Of a Little Man!

Girl #1: You know it really makes me sad that after all this time you still don't appreciate my art.
Girl #2: That isn't art, you found it in your underwear!

Amarillo, Texas

my comment; ew!
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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On the Plus Side, She Was Doing Some Pretty Nifty Baton Tricks

Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!

Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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The Feather Boas Are Confusing

English teacher: Going around is a sheet with some 1920s slang, so you can get used to it before we start reading The Great Gatsby. Okay, so, everyone knows what a flapper is...?
Tenth grader: Oh, like a transvestite, right?

Tinton Falls, New Jersey
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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That's What We All Want, Jimbo.

Thug to two others, leaving subway: Yo, let's hurry. I want to get good seats so I can suck her daddy's d!ck.

Government Center
Boston, Massachsetts

Overheard by: Jchill
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Like "Reach Out and Touch Someone" Was Any Better?

Lecturer, about advertisements: A hug that lasts all day? What is that, like bondage?

Urbana, Illinois
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Apparently the Grace Period for Blaming the Potato Famine Has Expired

Irishman to friend, huddling under bar's awning during massive downpour: And people wonder why we drink...

Dublin
Ireland

Overheard by: l_tau
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Even Nymphs and Satyrs Need a Day Off, Sir

Man wearing cargo pants, on day before Easter: So what's this foolishness about you guys being closed tomorrow?
YMCA staff member: Apparently, we're celebrating Easter.
Man wearing cargo pants: But you guys are pagan!

Naperville, Illinois

Overheard by: Lauren
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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I Blame the Vast Fixodent Conspiracy

Guy: I've heard that old people have the stickiest fingers.

Arvada, Colorado
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Maybe They Could Just Hold Hands While the Piercings Did It

Bathroom chick #1: So he had three piercings up there and two down there...
Bathroom chick #2: He said he had one that would get her off on her clit if they did it doggie style.
Bathroom chick #1: But what if her clit was pierced too? And his piercings on her clit?

Chilkoot Charlies
Anchorage, Alaska
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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All Octopus Hymns Have Eight Verses

Chick: I just don't want to sing about suckers with the step family!

Michigan

Overheard by: Meister E.
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Tommy Was a Shoo-in for the Cast Of Jackass 2028

Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!

Illinois

Overheard by: martha
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Wishes He Had a Girl Who Looked Good He Would Call Her?

White girl to white guy: Oh, I get it. So a baller pops his collar.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Emmitt
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Why Lightbulb-Shaped Buttplugs Exist.

Punk girl: A lamp?
Punk guy: While it was still on.
Punk girl: Didn't that like...burn the colon?
Punk guy: Apparently it wasn't on at first. Someone decided to plug it in as a joke.
Punk girl, giggling: Oh my god...what happened with that?
Punk guy: I don't know--all I know is that it involved the hospital.

California
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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And That Won't Give Her a Yeast Infection?

30-something black man on cell: Yeah. Put ketchup on it, it tastes like spaghetti!

All Star Cafe
Berkeley, California
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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I'm Like, "Everybody Dies-- Walk It Off!"

Guy with mullet on cell: He's in that "oh, my wife just died" mood. (long pause) Yeah, I know. Boo-hoo, ya f#ckin' p#ssy!

Plantation, Florida

Overheard by: Just wants to buy some Spaghetti-O's
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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It's Cheez-Its for Dinner Now, Beeyotch!

25-year-old man: Hey, Bella, I got you funyuns!
Five-year-old girl: Ewwww!
25-year-old man: Well, f#ck you then.

Lake View Terrace, California

Overheard by: James Jameson
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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When I Went Into Insulin Shock, the Joke Was on Her!

Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.

Portland, Oregon
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Cute Puppets!

Guy to couple: Hey there, what are you doing ?
Man: I'm teaching Nikki sexual sign language.

Hinckley
England
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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...Did I Just Say That Out Loud?

Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.

Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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...to Use the Proper Measurement Units.

50-something man to another: I got a bunion you could hang a hat off of.

Durand Eastman Golf Course
Rochester, New York
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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