 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,047 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 5:49 pm Post #19561 |
 
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One Foot In The Grave, One Hand On The Printing Press Newspaper | Corpus Christi, TX, USA Me: *on the phone* “**** Newspaper, can I help you?” Caller: “Hi, is this the obituaries?” Me: “Yes ma’am, it is.” Caller: “I need to place one.” Me: “OK ma’am. You can send that to me via fax or email.” Caller: “What do they typically say?” Me: “They vary, but some good information is where the individual was born, when they passed away–” Caller: “Oh, he’s not dead yet.” Me: “I–I’m sorry?” Caller: “He’s very sick, though. Should be any day.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t run an obituary until the individual has died.” Caller: *sighs heavily* “Well that’s VERY inconvenient.” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 5:50 pm Post #19562 |
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Fattening Fallacies Coffee Shop | Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you?” Customer: “Could I get that donut right there?” *points* Me: “Sure thing.” (I put it on a plate and hand it to him.) Customer: “Can you heat it up for me, please?” Me: “No problem, I’ll just be a minute.” Customer: “Put it in for exactly 7 seconds. If you microwave food for 7 seconds, it becomes negative calories. Did you know that?” Me: “Um…I don’t think that’s how food works.” Customer: “Well, how would you know, you’re just a part-time employee at a coffee shop.” Me: “I work part-time to pay for University…where I study health and nutrition…” Customer: “What are they teaching kids these days?!” *walks away angrily without the donut* Me: “Have a nice day?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 5:50 pm Post #19563 |
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Dysfunctional Doppelgangers Fast Food | Cooby, Australia (An old, drunken man stumbles in to our fast food restaurant.) Me: “Hello, how are you tonight sir?” (He stumbles to the front counter, leans over, and stares intently at my name badge.) Me: “Umm, can I help you?” Drunken customer: *reads my badge* “Tahiiinaaa..” Me: “…yes?” Drunken customer: “That’s a really pretty name. I want your name. Sell me your name!” Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you my name… do you want some chicken?” Drunken customer: “I. WANT. YOUR. NAME!” (Suddenly, the drunken guy lunges over the counter and rips my badge off of my shirt and runs out of the store laughing.) Me, to my manager: “I think I need a new shirt…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 5:51 pm Post #19564 |
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It Only Works If You’re The Fed Bank | Portland, ME, USA Customer: “Can I withdraw everything from my checking account?” Me: *processes transaction* “There you are. Is there anything else I can do for you today?” Customer: “Yeah, can you tell me my balance?” Me: “Well, after that transaction, your balance is $0.” Customer: “But I still have checks!” Me: “I’m sorry–” Customer: “I still have checks left in my checkbook, so I can still get money, right?” Me: “No, ma’am. You can only write out checks if you have that money available in your account.” Customer: “But I still have checks! Why would they give me so many hecks, then?!” Me: “So you have checks for when you do have money?” Customer: “Well, I’ll just write one out anyway!” Me: “You’ll be charged a $35 fee for overdrafting your account.” Customer: “I thought I had a free checking account. You’re going to charge me for using my free account?!” Me: “No, we charge you for spending money you don’t have.” Customer: “I’M NOT SPENDING MONEY, I’M WRITING A CHECK!” Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 5:51 pm Post #19565 |
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Enigmatic Espresso Coffee Shop | Oxford, AL, USA Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get started for you today?” Customer: *in drive-thru* “I don’t know.” Me: “Er…would you like any suggestions?” Customer: “Well, I don’t know what it is I always get. My daughter usually gets it for me.” Me: “OK, no big deal. Was it hot or cold?” Customer: “Both.” Me: “…was it ‘coffee’ or ‘not coffee’? Customer: “Hmm…I believe it was both.” Me: “I’m gonna go grab my manager…just a moment!” Manager: “Hi there, could you please describe for me what you usually get?” Customer: “I don’t know! My daughter gets it for me every day!” Manager: “Let’s break it down further…was it a solid or a liquid?” Customer: “Both…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 5:52 pm Post #19566 |
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Cryogenic Chirpers Pet Store | Springfield, IL, USA (A customer is trying to find something else for her lizard to eat so she doesn’t need to buy live crickets so often.) Me: “Well, we do have this can of freeze-dried crickets. I don’t know how well your gecko will take to them, but it may be worth a shot?” Customer: “OK…so how do I bring them back to life? Add water?” Me: “No…they’re dead.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 5:52 pm Post #19567 |
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Hand Washing’s Heyday Is Gone Grocery Store | British Columbia, Canada (I was bagging groceries at a till when this occured.) Me: “Would you like your meat wrapped in plastic?” Customer: “Why would I want that?” Me: “Well, it’s to prevent cross contamination. If your chicken were to leak, it could contaminate your beef.” Customer: “That’s bull!” Me: “Uh…what?” Customer: “Cross contamination doesn’t exist any more. It hasn’t for fifty years. Where have you been?” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:43 pm Post #19568 |
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from overheardeverywhere.com This Is Quite an Impressive Resume Woman on phone: Man, you know what open flesh smells like! BART Station Pittsburg, California Overheard by: Hannah |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:43 pm Post #19569 |
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Anyone Else Find This Lady Frightening? Short girl hugging friend: Let's make CocoRosie jokes and spoon. Basketball Game Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts Overheard by: sounds pretty nice to me |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:43 pm Post #19570 |
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Raise Your Hand If You Know a Football Player Who Died Of a Heart Attack or Stroke Football player #1: What are you getting? Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs. Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like...the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week. Football player #2: You're f#cking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me. Dining Hall, Ball State University Muncie, Indiana Overheard by: Colleen |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:44 pm Post #19571 |
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Raise Your Hand If You Know a Football Player Who Died Of a Heart Attack or Stroke Football player #1: What are you getting? Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs. Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like...the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week. Football player #2: You're fucking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me. Dining Hall, Ball State University Muncie, Indiana Overheard by: Colleen |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:44 pm Post #19572 |
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Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French! Grocery Store Maryland Overheard by: Nic |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:45 pm Post #19573 |
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Along With Everything I Learned in Grade School Drunken girl #1: Ah, that tubby boy kissed me. Drunken girl #2: Doesn't matter, just remember the rule. Drunken girl #1: "We don't share"? Drunken girl #2: No, the other rule. Drunken girl #1: "Your dress can be as short as you like, as long as you're wearing stockings"? Drunken girl #2: No. The "if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" rule. Drunken girl #1: Oh, I'm forgetting it now, then. Sydney Australia |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:45 pm Post #19574 |
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That's Probably Just the Breeze from Washington Enthusiastic little boy, entering restaurant with parents: Smells like snakes in here! Restaurant Charlottesville, Virginia Overheard by: pasquinn |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:45 pm Post #19575 |
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"Breasto Change-o" Just Might Be the Highlight Of My Week Big-chested teenage girl: I would hate to date a magician. It would be like, "breasto change-o, I just took your boobs." Long Branch, New Jersey |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:45 pm Post #19576 |
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Like, in Which Of the Boroughs? Blonde bimbo: So what part of New York are you from? Brunette: Manhattan. Blonde bimbo: Like where is that in New York? Maine |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:46 pm Post #19577 |
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What Exactly Is on These Stamps? Postal worker, about upcoming breast cancer research stamps: The scientists and the breasts will be out soon. Post Office Brentwood, Tennessee Overheard by: just want to send a package |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:46 pm Post #19578 |
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Dear Abby-- My Friend Has an "Awkward" Husband... Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to f#ck him so bad! Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next! Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his c*ck. Islip, New York Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham? |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:47 pm Post #19579 |
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Can't We Just, Like, Phone It In? College boy #1: Like what does that mean? I don't go to class! Do you go to class? College boys #2 and #3: No! Emory University Atlanta, Georgia Overheard by: On my way to class |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 3, 2009 7:47 pm Post #19580 |
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Hey, What Are Frenemies For? Girl #1: It's like putting a band-aid on when you need stitches. Girl #2: Oh, thats a good one. Girl #3: Yeah, and then the band-aid falls off and it gets infected. Girl #1: And then you get gangrene and you leg falls off. Girl #3: Only we could be trying to be supportive and morbid at the same time... Belleville, Pennsylvania |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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