 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,058 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:51 pm Post #19341 |
 
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Size Matters Of The Heart Retail | Attleboro, MA, USA (A customer and his wife came in to look for a TV to buy.) Me: “Well, we have this 52″ Toshiba…” Husband: *to his wife* “Well, bigger is always better. Right, hon?” Wife: “I wouldn’t know…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:52 pm Post #19342 |
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Perhaps You Can Blame A Guy For Trying Pizza | Guelph, Ontario, Canada (On Tuesdays, we have a buy-one-get-one-free deal on medium pizzas. The day this exchange happened was a Thursday.) Me: “Welcome to ****, how can I help you?” Customer: “I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza please.” Me: “OK then. Can I get you anything else?” Customer: “Well, I wasn’t here on Tuesday, so I was wondering if I could get my second free pizza today?” Me: “Well, the deal is only applicable on Tuesdays, so I’m afraid I can’t help you.” Customer: “OK. Well, I won’t be here next Tuesday, so can I get my free one from then?” Me: “I’m very sorry sir, but the deal on is only available on TUESDAYS.” Customer: “OK, I’ll be back in a bit to get my pizza.” (He leaves, then comes back ten minutes later.) Customer: “So…say I woke up this morning and thought it was Tuesday?” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:52 pm Post #19343 |
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There Are No Crimes, Only Unbelievably Well-Timed Accidents Lawyer | Missouri, USA Me: “[Law office], how can I help you?” Caller: “Yes, I need an attorney for my grandson. He was arrested for stealing a car.” Me: “Okay, can you give me details?” Caller: “Yes, he was at the bar and after he decided to leave, he got in the wrong car and left with it. He didn’t mean to do it. He was just confused.” Me: “What kind of car did he steal?” Caller: “A charcoal-grey Jeep Liberty…” Me: “Okay, and what type of car does he have?” Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t own a car…” Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think I can help you.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:53 pm Post #19344 |
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Random Acts Of Whininess Cafe | New Jersey, USA Customer: “Excuse me, what is that stuff in your greek salad? Gor-gon-zalla?” Me: “Gorgonzola. It is a type of cheese.” Customer: “Oh. Well, can I get a Diet Coke?” Me: “Sorry, we only have Diet Pepsi.” Customer: *suddenly angry* “Let me see your manager, NOW!” (I retreat to the back and send up my manager. He has a three minute round with the customer. The customer departs, yelling, “I’m gonna sue you and your whole d*** company!” before storming out the door.) Me: “What was he so mad about?” Manager: “I was about to ask you the same thing. What did he ask you for?” Me: “Cheese on our Greek salad and diet soda. What was he talking to you about?” Manager: “The speed-dating event that was held here last night.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:54 pm Post #19345 |
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Baby On Board; Mother, Not So Much Movie Theater | Apex, NC, USA (A woman comes up to our movie theater with four small girls and a baby in a carrier.) Customer: “Hi, four children and one adult to Hannah Montana, please.” Me: “All right, that’ll be $32.00.” Customer: *rummages around in her purse* “Oh, shoot! I’ve forgotten my wallet in the car. I’ll be right back.” Me: “Okay, no problem.” Customer: “Girls, you stay here with the nice lady…” *looks at me* “Should I leave the baby here, or take it with me?” Me: “Ma’am, please take your infant with you!” Customer: “Oh, okay. Girls, be good!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:54 pm Post #19346 |
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Love The Art, Hate His Parts Bookstore | Orem, UT, USA (A young woman walks up to the registers with a book.) Customer: “I’d like to return this notebook.” Me: “Is there something wrong with it?” Customer: “Yes, there’s a naked man on the front cover.” Me: “Uh, that’s Leonardo Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man.” Customer: “He’s naked.” Me: “It’s a five hundred-year-old drawing.” Customer: *hissing* “HE’S NAKED.” Me: “…would you like store credit?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:55 pm Post #19347 |
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Solar Spaciness Jewelry Store | Sydney, Australia (A customer is looking at light-powered watches.) Me: “It needs to be charged with 8 hours of direct sunlight or lamp light before it will keep time.” Customer: “Does it have to be Australian sunlight, or can I take it to England and use it there?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:56 pm Post #19348 |
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Desperate For Dessert Department Store | Quebec, Canada Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell pie here?” Me: “Um, no this is [department store]. We sell clothes.” Customer: “I don’t want clothes. I want pie.” Me: “You can go across the street to the supermarket.” Customer: “But I hear that your pie is the best in town.” Me: “You’ve obviously heard wrong; we don’t sell pie here.” Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! I know there’s pie! Where is it?!” Me: “Sir, there is no pie…” Customer: “F*** you, are you profiling me? Just because I’m African-American you won’t sell me pie? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!” Me: *giving up* “…OK sir, fine, you’re right. Go downstairs, go out the door and walk across the street. That’s where we sell the pie.” Customer: “It’s about time…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:56 pm Post #19349 |
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Hard Core Ambitions, Soft Core Realities Tattoo Artist | Helskini, Finland Customer: “Hey, I want this tattoo on my arm.” *holds out a piece of paper* Me: “Okay, let me see…” *looks at the paper* “…are you sure this is right?” Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s hard core. You know, HC!” Me: “Yeah, but I’m not sure if this is right.” Customer: “Yeah, it’s right. You’re old, so you won’t get it!” Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want this exact tattoo on your arm?” Customer: “Yeah.” Me: “You want your tattoo to say this?” *shows him his paper* Customer: “Yes!” (I ask him several more times to be sure, but he insists it’s right so I give him his tattoo: “HAR CORE” with the “D” conspicuously absent. After several days of showing how “hard core” he is to his friends, they convince him to come back and get it fixed; it now says “HC”.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:56 pm Post #19350 |
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It’s One Big Greasy Conspiracy Natural Foods Store | Santa Fe, NM, USA Customer: “Ugh! Everything you make here has canola oil in it. Don’t you know that’s not even food? It’s made from rapeseed, which isn’t even edible!” Me: “While it’s true you can’t actually eat the plant, canola oil itself is–” Customer: “It’s all genetically modified. You can’t get canola oil that isn’t genetically modified.” Me: “Actually, the canola oil we use comes from a company called Spectrum that–” Customer: “Spectrum!? That’s an Illuminati company!” Me: “Let me get my manager for you…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 9:58 pm Post #19351 |
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Small Talk In The Big House Gas Station | Apple Valley, MN, USA (While working the overnight shift alone, a single customer walks into the store and walks to my register.) Customer: “What would you do if I robbed you?” Me: “…I’d call the cops.” Customer: “What about if I had a knife to your throat?” Me: “Do you really think those are good questions to be asking me?” Customer: “Okay, let’s just say I have a gun in your face.” Me: “Get out. Now.” Customer: “Sheesh, I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with you…” *leaves* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:02 pm Post #19352 |
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Snakes On A Plane…And In The Next Seat Over Movie Theater | Morrow, GA, USA (This man comes to the movie theater with a live snake wrapped around his neck. This is the exchange that took place.) Co-worker: “Hello, sir, and welcome to **** — is that a snake?!” (Every customer in the lobby that can hear my coworker scampers away.) Customer: “Yes, it is.” Co-worker: *shrinking back in fear* “I’m sorry sir, but company policy prohibits any animals other than seeing-eye animals.” Customer: “The snake is a seeing-eye animal.” Co-worker: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back without the snake. It’s upsetting the other guests.” Customer: “FINE! I didn’t want to see the stupid movie anyway!” *stomps away* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:03 pm Post #19353 |
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Script Stupidity Pharmacy | Des Moines, IA, USA Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?” Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.” Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?” Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.” Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:03 pm Post #19354 |
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Being Fashionable Is Kids’ Play Retail | San Francisco, CA, USA Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?” Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.” Customer: “I really like this one.” Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.” Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?” Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.” Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:05 pm Post #19355 |
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Case In Point Tattoo Shop | Battle Creek, MI, USA Very pregnant girl: “I want to get my eyebrow pierced.” Me: “I’m not piercing you until you pop out that kid.” Very pregnant girl: “Why not? I have my ID, I have money!” Me: “You’re pregnant.” Very pregnant girl: “So?” Me: “Whatever I do to you, your baby feels. When you get pierced, your adrenaline raises and your blood sugar drops.” Very pregnant girl: “Well… the opposite happens to me!” Me: “Okay, that doesn’t make any sense, but fine. Your adrenaline drops and your blood sugar raises. It’s still affecting your kid negatively. Kinda like how you can’t drink or smoke when you’re pregnant.” Very pregnant girl: “My mom smoked with me and I smoked will all my kids and we’re all fine!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:05 pm Post #19356 |
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You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 2 Drugstore | Boston, MA, USA (The store in question was very small: eight aisles, total, in a nice, easy-to-see square configuration.) Customer: “Where are your batteries?” Me: “Aisle 3.” Customer: “Where?” Me: “Aisle 3…” *points* “… just behind you.” Customer: “Oh. Which one is aisle three?” Me: “The one with the ‘3′ on it, sir. In between aisles two and four.” Customer: “Thanks!” *wanders off into aisle 2* Boss: “Don’t do that again.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:06 pm Post #19357 |
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Some Questions Should Never Be Answered Drug Store | Des Moines, IA, USA Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a *ahem* content which we cannot print.” Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?” Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.” Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?” Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.” Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?” Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.” Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:06 pm Post #19358 |
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Spoken Like A True New Jerseyan Gas Station | Kentucky, USA (A tall man in his 30’s walks in after I had told him over the intercom 3 times that we are a prepay station AND he read the sign on the pumps stating that as well.) Me: “Afternoon! Can I help you?” Man: “Yeah, I noticed that you don’t have the card sliders on the pumps. Do you know when you’re going to get those?” Me: “Sir, I’m fairly confident we’re not getting those anytime soon.” Man: “Oh. Well, in that case, I’m going to get in my car and drive away without buying your gasoline. In fact, I’m never coming back here again!” (Note that I have never seen this man before and I recognize all my regular customers.) Me: “Okay, sir.” Man: “How exactly does that make you feel?!” Me: “Well sir, to be honest with you, you’re not the first person that has tried to dampen my day. The fact of the matter is, you can’t dampen my day any worse than it already is when I have to show up here. You’re just one more customer I don’t ever have to hear yell at me again.” Man: “F*** you and your gas pumps! Thank God people aren’t this rude in New Jersey!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:07 pm Post #19359 |
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Occasionally, Minute Men Do Come In Handy Hotel | Quebec City, Canada (Please note that I work in a beautiful 4-star hotel.) Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?” Husband: “We would like to have a room for tonight.” Me: “Okay, I have a room with a queen size bed. Is that okay for you?” Wife: “How much is it?” Me: “$127.” Husband: “Well, can you offer me a better price?” Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t. Husband: “Okay, that’s fine.” Me: “Here is your key; your room is on the 5th floor and is a VIP room. Have a nice stay!” (22 minutes later…) Wife: “We would like to have our money back.” Me: May I ask you why? Wife: “Uh, we don’t like the decoration.” Me: “I’m sorry madam, but I can’t give you your money back… you stayed in the room for 25 minutes.” Wife: “… and?!” Me: “Why didn’t you come back after 5 minutes?” Wife: “… because!” (We all know what they did during 25 minutes!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Jun 1, 2009 10:08 pm Post #19360 |
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Passing The Buck Credit Card Call Center | Des Moines, IA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I have a problem with you guys! You are trying to screw me!” Me: “Ok, what seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I am trying to buy a house. Your company is showing a unpaid bill for $5000, and my bank has denied my loan because of this.” Me: “Well, according to our records you purchased an air conditioner two years ago for $3500. You made two payments of $150 and never made another payment.” Customer: “Yes, so?” Me: “Well, you never paid for the item so we reported it as such.” Customer: “But I sold that house a year and a half ago!” Me: “But you never paid for the air conditioner.” Customer: “I KNOW THAT! WHY WOULD I PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T OWN! CALL THE NEW OWNERS AND GET YOUR MONEY, AND GET THIS OFF MY CREDIT REPORT!” Me: “I am sorry, but we agreed to extend credit to you, not the new owners of the house. You signed the agreement, not them.” Customer: “Where am I supposed to get $5000?” Me: “I’m sorry, but all I can think of is when you got the money for selling the home with the air conditioner, you should have paid the account balance off.” Customer: “I TOLD YOU I AM NOT GOING TO PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T HAVE!” Me: “Okay, then I guess this call is over and I hope you get your bank to loan you the money.” Customer: “So you fixed it?” Me: “I sure did. Have a great day.” (All I did was update her account with her new address and phone number. The legal dept had noted on the account they had been unable to locate her after she sold the home… they’ll definitely find her now.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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