 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,091 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:10 pm Post #18681 |
 
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He Wants What He Wants Camp | Michigan, USA Camper: “Can I get a root beer float?” Me: “No, you can only order a single scoop cup or cone.” Camper: “So I can get one?” Me: “You can get a single scoop ice cream, cup or cone.” Camper: “So can I get a root beer float?” Me: “You can get a cup or cone, single scoop or ice cream. That’s what you can get. Got it?” Camper: *nods* Me: “So what are you getting?” Camper: “A root beer float.” Me: “Are you seriously not getting this?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:11 pm Post #18682 |
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Please, Please Listen To Yourself Talk Library | Detroit, MI, USA (At our library, the computers are all self-sign up. All you have to do is type in your name and library card number. This is clearly posted on the side of the monitor. In walks a young woman and her boyfriend.) Young woman: “Can you help me with this?” Me: “What’s the problem?” Young woman: “I don’t know what to do.” Me: “The instructions are on the side of the monitor.” Young woman: “But why can’t you tell me how to do it?” Me: “Because it’s SELF-SIGN UP.” Young woman: “But I need help!” Me: “All you have to do is type in your name and library card number.” Young woman: “But do I have to read the screen?” Me: *confused* “Of… course. The screen tells you when to type in your information. You have to read the screen.” Young woman: “BUT I DIDN’T COME INTO THE LIBRARY TO READ!” Young woman’s boyfriend: *turns abruptly and walks out the door* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:12 pm Post #18683 |
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Someone Needs To Go Back To School Photography Studio | Arizona, USA Me: “Photography studio, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, hi, I just received a second notice…” Me: “… for your yearbook session?” Customer: “Yeah, well, for my daughter. I’m just calling to see if this is a scam.” Me: “No, ma’am, we work with your daughter’s high school. If she doesn’t have her photo taken within the next three weeks, it won’t appear in the yearbook.” Customer: “Oh… so do you offer a class?” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “You know, a class for parents who don’t really understand this whole process?” Me: “Well it’s really not that complicated. Your daughter just has to come to the studio and have her picture taken. It will probably only last twenty minutes. If you want more information on the sessions we sent out brochures with the first notice or you can go to our website.” Customer: “So… you don’t offer a class?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:12 pm Post #18684 |
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AARP Membership Comes With A Few Hidden Perks Hospital | New Hampshire, USA (I was trying to put a dressing on the arm of a VERY confused but cute elderly man.) Me: “Just hold your arm out so I can wrap this around it.” Elderly patient: *reaches out his arm and grabs my right breast* Me: “Hey! You can’t do that!” Elderly patient: “But I like it…” Me: *laughs |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:13 pm Post #18685 |
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Definitely Not Right Ice Cream Shop | Costa Mesa, CA, USA (Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.) Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream shop]. What can I help you out with today?” Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?” Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.” Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…” (The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.) Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.” Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face* Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.” Customer: “What?!” Me: “I’m gay!” Customer: “Oh my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!” Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!” Customer: “Oh my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves* Me, to coworker: “That… that wasn’t right, was it?” Coworker: “You should put that on notalwaysright.” Me: “I think I will.” (She never did call our manager.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:14 pm Post #18686 |
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Tornado 1, Whiny Caller 0 Retail | Wisconsin, USA (This happened during the Midwest’s massive flooding in June, 2008.) Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. I’m sorry, but–” Caller: “Can you get me the price of a digital camera?” Me: “Sir, I am sorry but we are currently in a code black. Caller: “What is that?” Me: “That is where the managers are telling the employees and the customers to move to the center of the store due to violent weather.” Caller: “But could you just look for me quick?” Me: “Sorry, but I have to get to the back of the store because there is a tornado coming!” Caller: “You people are so selfish. I am going to call your district manager and–” Me: *hangs up and runs for my life* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:15 pm Post #18687 |
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Murphy’s Law And Customers: Do Not Mix Railway Station | Newcastle, UK Customer: “Hey, I’m booked to get the train tomorrow at 0800 to Manchester. Can you tell me if the train will be on time?” Me: “Good morning. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to predict if it will be on time, but this one is fairly reliable.” Customer: “How come you can’t just tell me if it’s going to be on time? Me: “Well, there’s any number of things that could go wrong on the day that I couldn’t predict. For example flooding, the train breaking down, maybe even a sick dri–” Customer: “Oh my god! All those things are going to be wrong with the train?” Me: “No, I’m sure not all that will happen at once. Those are just examples.” Customer: “So it’s on time, then?” Me, giving up: “Yes, it’ll be on time.” Customer: “Great, why didn’t you just say that?” (Sure enough the next day the whole mainline was brought to a standstill by a lorry hitting a rail bridge.) Customer: “YOU SAID IT WOULD BE ON TIME! NOW I’M GOING TO BE ****ING LATE!” Me: “Sorry sir, but I doubt I would have been able to predict that! There will be a bus coming to take you to a different station where you can–” Customer: *rants abusively* Manager: “Look, would you just piss off? We are not omniscient! Next time you need to book a train, book it somewhere else!” Customer: *storms out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:16 pm Post #18688 |
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The War Of 1812 Revisited Supermarket | Baltimore, MD, USA Me: “Have a good day, sir.” Old man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?” Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.” Old man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!” Me: “No sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.” Old man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F***ING ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F***ING JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:16 pm Post #18689 |
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The War Of 1812 Redux Call Center | Winnipeg, Canada (I’ve just finished setting up this individual’s service call to get a technician out to his house. I flub a few words, because it’s 2 in the morning.) Me: “So the technician will be out sometime between 8 and 6 pm next Tuesday, then.” Customer: “Is this call center located in The United States of America?” Me: “Actually, we’re outsourced. I’m in Canada.” Customer: “BECAUSE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 6 COMES BEFORE 8 YOU STUPID F**K. BE HAPPY THAT I DON’T DISCONNECT MY SERVICE FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU G***D**N FOREIGNER!” Me: “…thank you for calling, have a great day!” Customer: *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:18 pm Post #18690 |
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Her Wiser Self Is Weeping Right Now Movie Theater | Philadelphia, PA, USA Me: “Ma’am, may I see your ID for your credit card?” Customer: “Why?” Me: *points to the back* “Because it says to ‘See ID’.” Customer: “Oh, right. I wrote that there so you can take it.” Me: “I still need to see your ID.” Customer: “Why? I wrote that so you know it’s me.” Me: “Imagine if someone stole your card, told me they wrote ‘See ID’ and I accepted it?” Customer: “But that didn’t happen, it’s really my card. Just take it!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:20 pm Post #18691 |
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Plastic, It’s Faaantastic Video Rental | Hattiesburg, MS, USA Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [video rental store]. We have thousands of rentals for 99 cents. How may I help you?” Customer: “Uh, yeah, I just bought a movie from yer lil’ store, and uh, I can’t get the darn thing open!” (In our store, we have movies protected against theft by having a magnetic lock in them, so my first thought was maybe we had left the lock in.) Me: “Um, yes, I apologize. I think we might have left the lock in by mistake. Would you mind driving back here and–” Customer: “DRIVING BACK THERE?! DO YOU KNOW HOW FAR AWAY I LIVE?!” Me: “Oh. Sorry, ma’am. Well, I need to know if the lock is in there. Could you turn the case over and look at the bottom ridge for a little yellow tab?” Customer: “…” Me: “Ma’am?” Customer: “You ain’t makin’ yerself clear, honey.” Me: “Okay, turn the box upside down so that you’re looking at its ridge. Is there a little yellow tab there?” Customer: “Oh, I see. Erm. Wait. Is it inside the box?” Me: … I’m sorry?” Customer: “Do I need to open it to see it?” Me: “Well, if there’s a lock in there, you won’t be able to open it. Please flip the case over, and look for the yellow tab in the bottom corner–” Customer: “Uhm, yeah. I bought this movie called Babe. It’s about a pig.” Me: “Yes, I’m familiar with the movie, ma’am. Now if you would please look for the yellow tab?” (This goes on for about five minutes. By now, I’m getting extremely frustrated and I’m tired of being friendly.) Me: “Ma’am, is the movie covered in plastic?!” Customer: “Yeah.” Me: “Well, have you tried cutting the plastic?” Customer: “…” Me: “Ma’am? Did you get it open?” Customer: “Yes ma’am! THANK YOU SO MUCH!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:20 pm Post #18692 |
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Like, OMG, You’re Stupid College | Louisiana, USA (I’m a desk assistant at a college dorm. One day, these two giggly freshman girls come up to me.) Girl #1: “Ummm… can we, like, borrow your phonebook?” Me: “Sure thing.” Girl #1: *flips through the book, looking completely dumbfounded* Me: “Need help finding something?” Girl #2: *whispers* “Jason’s is under ‘J’.” Girl #1: *whispers back* “I know, but sometimes I forget the alphabet…” Girl #2: “OmiGAWD me too!” *giggle giggle* (I grab the phonebook and look up their listing.) Me: “Here–Jason’s.” Girl #1: “Oh my GAWD thank you! They should really have a college course for, like, phone books! I’m not from this town, so, ya know…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:21 pm Post #18693 |
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The Knights Of Ni Say Boo Theatre | London, UK (Before a performance of Spamalot, I was watching a young attendant walking up and down the aisle selling spam sandwiches the way other plays would sell ice cream.) Sandwich seller: “Spam sandwiches! Anyone care for a spam sandwich? Would anyone like to buy a spam sandwich?” Audience member: “What flavour are they?” Sandwich seller: “… spam.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:21 pm Post #18694 |
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Yeah, That Might Do It Tech Support | Osan Air Base, Korea Ticket log: “When I shake my computer, I get the blue screen of death”. |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:25 pm Post #18695 |
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Now Playing: Busted Movie Theater | Raleigh, NC, USA Me: “Welcome to [movie theater]. Can I help you?” Customer: “Two for [rated R movie].” Me: “Can I see your ID, please?” Customer: ”I don’t have any.” Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.” Customer: “But I’m 17! I’m allowed to see it!” Me: “Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be 21 to buy more than one.” Customer: “I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!” (At this point he flashes daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.) Me: “So, let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?” Customer: “YEAH! WHAT OF IT?!” Me: ”I’m sure the Raleigh Police Officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:25 pm Post #18696 |
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Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers Movie Theater | Greensburg, PA, USA (It is a known fact that when you go into the Carmike movie theater, you cannot have extra bags or cups, because that is how the theater makes their money. You can bring empty cups with you, but we cannot provide you with them. One night, a guy was not having it.) Me: “Nope, I’m sorry. I can’t give you an extra bag.” Customer: “Why the hell not?”" Me: “Because each bag is accounted for through our inventory, and if I give you one, it will be messed up.” Customer: “Then how am I supposed to share with my son?” Me: “Pay the 35 cents more and upgrade.” (I finish giving him his order, and then turn around to clean up some of the mess. The customer suddenly reaches behind the counter, grabs another bag and takes off.) Me: “Oh, HELL no!” *chases customer down with a team of gangsta ushers* (We surround the customer, as all the ushers have their arms folded and are staring him down.) Usher 1: “You gonna give her that bag back?” Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” Usher 2: “Then don’t come here if you can’t follow our rules.” *security guards escort him out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:26 pm Post #18697 |
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Oh, Give Me A Home Where The Jumbo Shrimp Roam Grocery Store | Canada Me: “Can I help you with anything sir?” Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for some shrimp.” Me: “Shrimp is in the seafood department, right over there.” Customer: “See, I don’t want to boil them, I just want to barbecue them.” Me: “Okay, well, they should be in the seafood department.” Customer: “But I want to barbecue them. Could you get me a pound of shrimp?” Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have shrimp in the deli.” Customer: “Why don’t you have any?” Me: “We only have deli meat and cheese in the deli. The seafood department has shrimp, just over there.” Customer: “Why?” Me: “Because shrimp are seafood… they live in the sea.” Customer: “… really?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:27 pm Post #18698 |
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Please, No More Zoo | Philadelphia, PA, USA Zoo visitor: *points to cage* “Ain’t that one of them brown ree-cluse spiders?” Me: “No, sir, that’s a local spider called a fishing spider. Brown recluses are much much smaller and–” Zoo visitor: “Yeah it is. That there’s a brown ree-cluse spider. I had one in my basement; exterminator told me it was a brown ree-cluse.” Me: “Brown recluses really don’t get this far east. Plus they’re much much smaller.” Zoo visitor: “HONEY! Come over here a sec. Ain’t this one of them ree-cluse spiders?” Zoo visitor’s wife: “Yep! Just like that one from the basement.” Zoo visitor: “Honey, tell ‘em what we did with that spider that night when we was makin’ love!” (I did not stay to hear the rest. I was too terrified.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:27 pm Post #18699 |
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Why Everything Seems To Take Forever Library | Houston, TX, USA Library patron: “I need to get on a computer.” Me: “I’m sorry… as the sign on the sign-up computer says, the entire computer system is down.” Library patron:“Oh, I just need to check my email.” Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s everything.” Library patron: “Well, could you look up a book for me?” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess I’m not clear. The ENTIRE system is down. We can’t do anything that involves the internet and that includes printing things out. We even use VOIP phones so we can’t call out.” Library patron: “Oh. Well, just look up what I have checked out right now, and tell me when it’s due.” Me: “I can’t do that, either.” Library patron: “Can you check my email for me?” Me: “No, ma’am. We use the same system.” Library patron: “But, I saw you typing!” Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m working on a report on the word processor. This is something that doesn’t use the Internet.” Library patron: “Well, when will the computers be fixed?” Me: “We don’t know.” Library patron: “Why?” Me: “Because it’s broken. If we knew what was wrong, we’d be fixing it.” Library patron: “Does this happen often?” Me: “Nope.” Library patron: “So you are saying it’s just a coincidence that the first time I need to use the computer, the system is down?” Me: “Well, yes.” Library patron: “Do you actually do anything useful here?” Me: “Well, normally I’d be troubleshooting the problem with the system, but for the past 10 minutes, I’ve been having to answer your questions about it.” Library patron: *stomps off* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 9:28 pm Post #18700 |
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Low Expectations, Gotta Love ‘Em Grocery Store | Hudson, NH, USA Me: “Hello, how are you today?” Customer: “Hi, can you ring this stuff up and tell me how much it is?” Me: “Uh… yeah. That’s kind of what I do.” Customer: “Okay, but can you put it in bags too? I need to bring it home.” Me: “… I can do that too.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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