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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,101 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 3:59 pm Post #18481 |
 
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10AM Like Having Five Friends Who Think I'm Cool Accounting coworker: Nothing gets me hotter than a pivot table with five attributes. Washington, DC |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 3:59 pm Post #18482 |
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9AM You Won't Care About Getting Laid Intern chick #1: You know, it bothers me going into a store to buy condoms. But I am equally troubled by the idea that even when I buy them online, someone has to physically stuff them into a box with the lube I ordered, and then ship it to my address. And they're there in some warehouse, thinking "Susie's getting laid tonight!" Intern chick #2: You should look into Xanax. Rochester, New York |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:04 pm Post #18483 |
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from overheardinnewyork.com Snakes on a Floor Was a Disappointing Sequel Male straphanger, laughing: Why didn't you run out of the car like everyone else when you saw my six-foot yellow snake crawling on the floor? Female straphanger, serious: I have one just like it at home! You coming back again tomorrow, so I can get another seat? --5 Train Overheard by: Hansi |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:05 pm Post #18484 |
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Did You at Least Dream-Throw-It-Up? Skinny blonde #1: Last night I dreamed I was eating a pork chop. Skinny blonde #2: Ew, gross! --Palladium Dining Hall, NYU |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:05 pm Post #18485 |
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Joke's on You-- She's a Cyborg! Front row student: Well, I am certain that my mom will always be there when I need her. Professor: You mean she will always be there (pause) until she dies, which we are all certain of. --Lecutre, NYU |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:05 pm Post #18486 |
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But You Can Make a Bong Out Of It, Sir. Hobo, yelling on the train: Oh, god, I know I've made a lot of mistakes. This is all my fault, but if you could just give me something to eat for lunch, or a nickel, anything! (girl offers him an orange from her bag) Hobo: No, that ain't food. Thanks anyway. --Downtown R Train Overheard by: Kinda have to agree |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:06 pm Post #18487 |
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And I'm Trying to Turn It Into an Organized Religion Thick Brooklyn accent guy #1: Ten-dollar drinks, fifteen-dollar burgers...that's how these strip clubs get you. Thick Brooklyn accent guy #2: Yeah man, forget the food. I'm a f#cking P#ssetarian. --W 34th St & Broadway |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:06 pm Post #18488 |
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The Very Definition Of a Good Dog Random passerby to man whose bulldog is urinating in garbage bag: He's a good dog! Dog owner: Yes, he is! Random passerby: Be careful, though, he could kill you. Dog owner: Oh, he totally could. --11th St & Ave A Overheard by: Nina |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:06 pm Post #18489 |
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And I Have a Healthy Curiosity About Bomb-Making, Just Like Anyone Else. Thug to young friend checking DVDs in library: How come you got a library card? Friend: Because I'm...normal? --Seward Park Library, Broadway & Rutgers Overheard by: Puma |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:07 pm Post #18490 |
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Could You Remind Me How to Breathe? Hip Indian chick #1: We should totally go to Raj's party tomorrow night. Hip Indian chick #2: Oh my god, we totally should! Except it's in Brooklyn. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, bridges or something? Hip Indian chick #1: You're kidding, right? Hip Indian chick #2, laughing: Wow! I am so one of those people who are like total geniuses but always forget like, really basic stuff. Hip Indian chick #1: Umm, yeah. Totally. --M14D Bus Overheard by: Cody |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:07 pm Post #18491 |
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No More Montessori School for You, Young Man. Gangster to son: Yo, nigg@, you better not do crack when you grow up. Gangster son: When I be big, I'ma be a dancer! --Broadway & Laffayette Overheard by: alexjeff |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:07 pm Post #18492 |
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He's About a Minute Away from Devolving Into, "Red Rum! Red Rum!" Adorable singing toddler: Too many people! Too many people! Too many people! (train stops at station) Adorable singing toddler: This train needs to move! Woman sitting nearby: This kid is *awesome*! (minutes later) Adorable toddler, still singing: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! Be quiet, cat. Meow, meow, meow, meow! Shhh...cat, be quiet. You're not my cat, be quiet! Meow? Meow! Meow meow! --Downtown 3 Train |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:08 pm Post #18493 |
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Now I'd Like to Apologize for Adam Sandler Salesperson, after seeing Jewish last name on credit card: Sorry about all that craziness in Israel! Jew: It's okay. We're used to it. --Houston & Varick |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:09 pm Post #18494 |
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And Tragically Bitchy. Balding chubby man #1: Yeah, man, marriage is rough. I mean, you need to find someone who can bring something to the table. Balding chubby man #2: Yeah...what do you mean? Balding chubby man #1: I mean, when you hit 30 and are looking to settle down, you need to find someone who has something to offer, cause if she doesn't have something to offer, then you are in trouble. Balding chubby man #2: Okay. Balding chubby man #1: I mean, look at Paul McCartney, he married that lady, and they were together, what, five years? She brought nothing to the table. Then they divorced and she got 60 million dollars. Just like that! Balding chubby man #2: Yeah, that's a lot of money. Balding chubby man #1: I know! But I shouldn't talk bad about her...you know, cause she's crippled. --N Train |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:09 pm Post #18495 |
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That Never Stopped the Beatles from Putting Out Albums NYU guy: You saw Notorious? How was it? NYU girl: I didn't even know I was going to a movie, I thought we were going to a concert. NYU guy: He's dead, you know. NYU girl: Well, now I know. --Uptown 6 Train |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:09 pm Post #18496 |
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All This Time I Thought "He Brew" Was a Boy Bar Cocktail waitress #1: Wait... isn't he gay? Cocktail waitress #2: No, he's married. Cocktail waitress #1: Oh, I guess I was mistaking his Jewishness for gayness. --Thom Bar |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:10 pm Post #18497 |
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Like, New York's Technically a State Of Mind, Right? College student with Boston accent: Yeah, I was reading this article in like Newsweek or something, that ranked the states from smartest to dumbest. Massachusetts was in the top ten. College student with Miami accent: What about Florida? College student with Boston accent: Florida was like, 47. College student with Miami accent: Out of how many? --NYU Overheard by: Still Laughing |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:10 pm Post #18498 |
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She Was All, "Your Prescription Came In." Can You Imagine?? Guy #1: So, are you gonna go to the pharmacy again? Guy #2: No, dude. Guy #1: Why not? You should go to the pharmacy. Guy #2: Dude, if I go to the pharmacy it's gonna be so awkward. She found my number in the database and called me. --The Met |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:11 pm Post #18499 |
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You Can Also Get Pregnant That Way Girl #1: Yeah, when you have anal sex for the first time you shit on his d!ck. Girl #2: Are you f#cking serious? Like you have to take a shit? Girl #3: No, it's like a plunger. When he pulls it out, it is just sucked out. --56th & 9th |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 29, 2009 4:11 pm Post #18500 |
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Janeane Garofalo: Hey, That's the Foundation Of My Stand-up Act! Girl to friend: I helped a tourist the other day. That's not me, I'm a bitch. Hobo, eavesdropping : Yeah, you are. Girl: What? Hobo: You're a bitch. --Union Square |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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