 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,141 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:17 pm Post #17681 |
 
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Simple Coke For Simple Folk Restaurant | Fort Worth, TX, USA Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but what is in your black currant tea?” Me: “Oh, it’s just black currant tea.” Customer: ”But what’s in it?” Me: “Dried black currant tea leaves.” Customer: “But what’s in it?” Me: “Black. Currant. Tea.” Customer: “But you aren’t telling me what’s in it!” Me: ”Ma’am, the tea distributors pluck leaves from a black currant plant. Then, they dry them out, and package them. Then, we pour hot water over the tea leaves, which infuses the hot water with the flavor of the tea.” Customer: “But what’s in it?” (My boss comes over.) Boss: ”Ma’am, would you like a Coke?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:18 pm Post #17682 |
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Drive-Thru Virgin Coffee Shop | Savannah, GA, USA (A customer pulls up to the drive thru and the headpiece beeps in my ear to alert me.) Me: ”Welcome to ***** Coffee. What can I get for you?” Customer: *no response* Me: ”Hello? What can I get for you?” Customer: *no response* (The customer drives up to the drive thru window.) Customer: “There must be something wrong with your drive-thru. I kept talking but you didn’t hear me.” Me: “I was trying to talk to you. I know it works because I have been using it all day.” Customer: “Well, it’s broken now.” Me: “Did you roll down your window?” Customer: “Oh, I have to do that?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:19 pm Post #17683 |
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Now You Know How We Feel Bed & Bath Store | New York, USA (It’s Sunday and I’m dressed up because I just came from church. I’m shopping at the local bed and bath store.) Customer: “Excuse me? Where are the curtain rods?” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.” Customer: “Excuse me?!” Me: “I don’t work here, ma’am, so I don’t know where the curtain rods are. I can help you find someone who does, though.” Customer: “This is unacceptable. Show me where the curtain rods are.” Me: “I hate to break this to you, but I really don’t work here. I think there is a help desk over there, though.” Customer: *calls husband over* “Can you set her straight? I’m trying to find curtain rods and she refuses to help me!” Husband: “Look, you are getting paid far to much money to be screwing around! Now, my wife asked you something very simple. She cannot seem to find the curtain rods. Show us where they are, or we will call your manager.” Me: “Sir, I am sorry, but I don’t work here. I don’t know where they are.” Husband: “I can tell a worker when I see one. No one but workers wears suits.” Me: “I wear them for church, sir.” Customer: “What?” Me: “Yes, I’m wearing a suit because I just came from church with my family. I’m sorry I can’t help you.” Customer: “I hate this store.” Husband: “I know, honey, I know. Let’s just go. We can get curtain rods online!” (I feel so sorry for the people who actually work here.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:19 pm Post #17684 |
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A Little Bit Too Specific Card Shop | Pasadena, CA, USA Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?” Me: “Yup.” Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.” Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:20 pm Post #17685 |
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… And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us, Part Two Retail | Birmingham, AL, USA Customer: “I’m looking for something that ain’t made in China. This one says made in EU… what’s that mean?” Me: “It means it’s made in the European Union.” Customer: “Billy! Billy come quick! This lady says Europe’s a union now! Me: “No, ma’am, it means…” Billy: “Europe united? ” Me: “Sir, the European Union is…” Billy: “‘Bout g*d**n time. It was them d*** countries that started the war!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:21 pm Post #17686 |
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Priorities Call Centre | Melbourne, Australia (I work at the call centre for a major tollway, which has two long tunnels. One day there is a major accident in the tunnel, with a fuel fire and multiple fatalities, obviously closing it. Twenty minutes later, I receive a call.) Caller: “They are directing me off the tollway… there weren’t any signs about this.” Me: “That’s right, there’s been a major accident in the tunnel. However, the police, ambulance and fire service are all in attendance. The road is closed while they evacuate it.” Caller: “But there are no signs about it! You always have signs when there’s a closure!” Me: “If it’s a scheduled closure, we put signs up. Half an hour ago there was a major accident… I believe there has been a fatality. They are currently evacuating the tunnel and no one is able to drive through at the moment.” Caller: “Half an hour? That means you should have signs up by now!” Me: “I’m sorry, the maintenance crew who puts up the signs are assisting with the evacuation at the tunnel.” Caller: “I don’t care about the accident, you should have signs!” Me: “Tell that to the people trapped in the tunnel. Thanks for your call.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:21 pm Post #17687 |
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Of All The Lies To Tell Restaurant | Evansville, IN, USA Snooty customer: “I want a milkshake, but I want it made THICK. Last time I had a shake here, it was like drinking ice cream flavored water!” Me: “I can assure you that I can make you a very thick milkshake, ma’am. What flavor would you like?” Snooty customer:: “A milkshake! I want a milkshake!” Me: “Yes, ma’am. What FLAVOR of milkshake would you like?” Snooty customer: “I told you I wanted an extra chocolaty chocolate one!” Me: “Yes, ma’am. One extra chocolaty chocolate milkshake, thick.” (I fill the milkshake cup with chocolate ice cream and use hot fudge sauce instead of chocolate syrup. I add maybe a tablespoon of milk. I get it mixed up, ring her up and she leaves. A few minutes later she returns, cuts in front of about 10 people waiting in line and slams her milkshake on the counter.) Snooty customer:: “I want to talk to a manager! I want to know why no one here can do their d*** job!” Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?” Snooty customer:: “I told that girl there I wanted a normal chocolate milkshake, and this is so thick I can’t get it through the straw! I just gave myself a headache trying to drink this thing! I demand double my money back, a free milkshake and some Ibuprofen!” Manager: “Ma’am, I was standing right behind her when you placed your order. She made you what you asked for. An extra chocolaty shake that was thick. I am not returning your money or giving you a new milkshake.” Snooty customer:: “But, my husband is Dr. *** and I always get what I want!” (Suddenly, another customer who has been standing in line and watching the whole thing speaks up.) Another customer: “Excuse me B****, but Dr. *** is my BROTHER and you sure as h*** aren’t his wife, you d*** liar!” Snooty customer: *leaves in a huff* (My manager gave the other customer her entire order on the house. She deserved it, whether it was true or not.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:22 pm Post #17688 |
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If No Scone, Then Insta-Crone Coffee Shop | Toronto, ON, Canada Customer: “I would like a tall coffee and a lemon cranberry scone, please.” Me: “I’m sorry, I just sold the last scone to another customer. Would you like a pumpkin scone or a white chocolate blueberry scone instead?” Customer: “What? No! I come here every morning and get a tall coffee and scone! I DEMAND you get me a scone! Look in the backroom, I need my scone!” (I go to the back room to check for a scone, although I knew we didn’t have any.) Me: “I’m sorry, we just don’t have any more lemon scones. Would you like anything else from the pastry fridge?” Customer: “I can’t believe you sold my scone to someone else! You ruined my morning!” Me: “There is another location near here… maybe they will have a scone for you. I can even call them if you want so they can set it aside for yo–” Customer: “Do you think I have time for that? I run on a schedule!” (The customer who had bought the last scone notices the situation and comes over.) Nice customer: “Listen, if you want the scone so bad, just take mine. Seriously I didn’t even touch it… just take it.” Customer: “NO, THANK YOU!” *storms off* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:23 pm Post #17689 |
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Bad Pickup Lines Revisited Retail | Midland, MI, USA (I was on the phone with a customer who was asking about underwear. Keep in mind that I am female.) Me: “Hello, this is ***. How may I help you?” Male customer: “Yes, I’m looking for pink underwear.” Me: “Okay, are you looking for men or women?” Male customer: “Women.” Me: “Alright, we have many types of pink underwear. Do you know what kind you are looking for?” Male customer: “No, what kinds do you have?” (I proceed to list off the types of ladies underwear that come in pink.) Male customer: “Um, okay. What kind of underwear are you wearing?” Me: “Is that really necessary?” Male customer: “Yes.” Me: “No, it’s not.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:23 pm Post #17690 |
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Bad Pickup Lines, Parte Deux Bookstore | Philadelphia, PA Bookstore Customer: “You have beautiful green eyes.” Me: “They’re blue.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:23 pm Post #17691 |
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One Bad Pickup Line, A Hundred Stitches Frozen Yogurt Shop | Pasadena Male Customer: “Do you guys accept tips?” Female Coworker: “Yeah, but we try to discourage it. We’d like to think our service is free.” Male Customer: “Well um… Here’s a tip.” (Customer pulls out his phone number on a piece of paper) (Female coworker’s boyfriend is right behind customer) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:24 pm Post #17692 |
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When Quacks Attack Zoo | La Crosse, WI, USA (I worked at a zoo next to a nature trail through some wetlands. It’s not part of the zoo, just a good view.) Them: “Hey, we just love that walking trail.” Me: “That’s great.” Them: “Yeah, but I was wondering. How do you keep the animals in place?” Me: “Well, we have cages for that.” Them: “No, out there, on the trail.” Me: “Those are wild animals, ma’am.” Them: “Really? But they were sitting so nicely!” Me: “Ducks tend to do that.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:24 pm Post #17693 |
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Kids, This Is What We Call “Scapegoating” Retail | Orange, CA, USA Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!” Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.” Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!” Mom: “You can’t have it!” Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!” (At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.) Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!” Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!” Me: *speechless* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:24 pm Post #17694 |
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Somebody Plays The Fool, Everytime Home | Tennessee, USA (Our phone number is one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we get calls for them all the time.) Me: “Hello?” Lady: “Is this Dr. ******’s office?” Me: “No, ma’am. I’m sorry, but you have the wrong number.” Lady: “That’s impossible! Oh wait, I know what this is… this is some kind of April Fools’ joke!” Me: “No, ma’am. I can assure you that it is not.” Lady: “Yeah, uh huh. You’re good, but I would like to make an appointment and I will not take no for an answer.” Me: *sigh* “How is three-thirty?” Lady: “Wonderful! See you scamps then.” *click* Me, to my mom: “She told me I was playing an April Fools’ joke on her… in July.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:25 pm Post #17695 |
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Telepathy Is Fun Tech Support | Magna, UT, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ***, my name is ***. What can I help you with today? Customer: “I’ll tell you how you can help, fix my d*** computer!” Me: “So what is the problem with the computer today?” Customer: “It’s broken. Fix it.” Me: “Okay, but how is it broken?” Customer: “I don’t know, just fix it.” Me: “Is it not turning on, or is it not booting up?” Customer: “I don’t know about computers, just fix the problem already!” (This proceeds for almost 15 minutes back and forth. Finally, I decide to have some fun. I ask the customer to hold on for a second. I start shuffling some papers and opening and closing my desk drawer quite loudly.) Customer: “What was all that noise?” Me: “I think I found something we can use to fix this issue.” Customer: “Good, so get started on it.” Me: “Okay… now, I’m holding in front of me a crystal ball… I’m picturing the issue with the computer… the computer is broken, and I’ve found a solution…” Customer: “I want to speak to your manager, that is very rude!” Me: “Sure thing, but wait… I see something else… I see this call ending, now!” *click* (Thank goodness it was 1 AM and nobody listened in on that call, or I’d have been fired.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:26 pm Post #17696 |
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I Never Met A Simile I Didn’t Like Theme Park | Gothenburg, Sweden (I work at an amusement park. On this day I’m overseeing Skee-Ball, where you roll balls up a ramp to make them hit 4″ wide holes on the wall.) Customer: “How does this game work?” Me: “Well, it’s kinda like bowling, but without the pins.” Customer: “But a bowling ball doesn’t fit in those holes!” Me: “No…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:26 pm Post #17697 |
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Idiotic Costume Ideas, Vol. 1 Halloween Store | Sacramento, CA, USA (A man comes into the store. He’s covered in tattoos, sporting a buzz cut and a solid gold grill, and wearing a wife beater. He comes up to me.) Man: “Uh, yeah, do you guys have a KKK costume?” Me: “No… no, we don’t.” Man: “Oh, uh, do you know where I could get one?” Me: *repulsed* “I guess you could make one, but you’re not going to find it in any store in town.” (He walks off, but returns about 5 minutes later.) Man: “Do you have a Lorena Bobbitt costume?” Me: “No, sorry.” Man: *leaves* Coworker: “Who the h*** would WANT one?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:26 pm Post #17698 |
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Thirteen Bucks Can Buy A Lot Of Beans Pharmacy | Tennessee, USA Old man: “I hear there’s this stuff you can put on your food that won’t give you gas.” Me: “Oh yeah… it’s called Beano. Put a couple of drops on your food and the enzymes in it prevent the food from giving you gas.” Old man: “So, you have it?” Me: “Yep. I’ll show you.” (We walk over to the shelf where Beano is kept. I show him the little 3 or 4 oz. bottle; a little goes a long way with that stuff.) Me: “This is it.” Old man: “How much?” Me: “$12.99.” Old man: “For THAT little bottle? S***, I’ll just fart!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:27 pm Post #17699 |
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Don’t Mess With Mum Restaurant | Sydney, Australia (I’m working in a busy cafe that my mum owns. A man approaches the counter with his plate; it is empty.) Customer: “Excuse me?” Mum: “Yes?” Customer: “This food had too much oil in it.” (The plate is hidden from her view by the large counter, behind which, she is washing dishes.) Mum: “Oh…? What, you want me to make you another one? You’d still have to pay for at least one.” Customer: “No, I want a refund.” Mum: “Can I see the plate?” (Customer holds up plate; it is basically empty: some left over slices of lettuce, a little bit of bread.) Customer: “There was too much oil. I didn’t like it.” Mum: “But… you finished it off. How can you finish a whole meal you hate? Are you kidding me?” Customer: “No.” Mum: “Get the f*** out of my store!” Customer: “What?” Mum: “F*** off!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 9:28 pm Post #17700 |
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Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones Liquor Store | Willimantic, CT, USA (Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.) Me: *walks out of the cooler* Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there. Me: “I don’t mind it.” Customer: “That’s bulls***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?” Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.” Customer: “WARM!? In a COOLER!? You’re a G**D*** LIAR! How can you be WARM in THERE!” Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.” Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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