 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,149 Views) | |
| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:02 pm Post #17521 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:02 pm Post #17522 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:02 pm Post #17523 |
 
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Terms Of Endearment Tech Support | Arizona, USA (I work for an internet tech support center. Due to security and billing, once an account has been registered, it can’t be changed.) Me: “Thank you for calling ***. What can I do to assist you today?” Customer: “I need to change the email address I registered on the account.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I do not have the ability to do that for you. “You can, however, set up a sub-account to use instead.” Customer: “You don’t understand. I really need to change the email address.” Me: “Well sir, I can give you to another department who might be able to help, but in order to change that, it will essentially disconnect and reconnect your service. This may result in a charge due to your contract. I can show you how to set up a sub-account though.” Customer: *sighs* “I really have to change my account. My wife is going to kill me.” Me: “Can I have the email address so I may access your account?” (There’s a long pause before the customer speaks again.) Customer: “Ourpaininthea**@***.com. I was really frustrated when I was registering.” (At this point, I nearly have to mute my phone to keep the customer from hearing my laughter.) Customer: “My wife uses this to talk to all of her bridge club friends. She will kill me if she has to give this out.” Me: “Well, sir, you can set up a sub-account just for your wife and she can have whatever email address she wants. You get 10 of them for free, so you would never even have to use the main account if you don’t want to.” Customer: “Really? Can you show me? You may have just saved my marriage.” Me: *still trying not to laugh* “No problem, sir…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:02 pm Post #17524 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:02 pm Post #17525 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:03 pm Post #17526 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:03 pm Post #17527 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:03 pm Post #17528 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:03 pm Post #17529 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:04 pm Post #17530 |
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Oh, Bite Me Bank | Auckland, New Zealand Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?” Customer: “I need to check my balance on my account.” Me: “Okay, sir. Can I get your customer number?” Customer: *gives number* Me: “Okay, sir. You have a balance of $513.26, and we need to get $360.00 of this paid off immediately to avoid referral to debt collection.” Customer: “Screw you. I’m no overstayer. Unlock my d*** account!” Me: “Sir, we can’t unlock the account until we’ve received some form of payment.” Customer: “F*** you man. I’m going to call your head office and have you deported.” Me: “Um, I was born in this country, so I can’t really be deported to another country. This still won’t get your account unlocked. If you can pay–” Customer: “Get the f***ing account turned on or I’m coming around there, and I’m going to eat you!” Me: “Eat… me?” Customer: “D*** right! I’m going to have you eaten and deported. We’re going to claim back our land and eat all you b**tards, then have you kicked out of the country!” Me: “Please pay your bill. I’m terminating this call.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:05 pm Post #17531 |
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As Long As It Tastes Like Chicken Deli | Tampa, FL, USA Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?” Lady: “I’d like a half pound of ham.” (I slice the ham, wrap it, and hand it over.) Me: “Here you go, ma’am.” (She opens up the package, sniffs the ham and makes a face). Me: “Is there something wrong with the ham?” Lady: “Yes. It smells very hammy.” Me: “Am I to understand that you’re complaining that our ham smells like ham?” Lady: *walks away in a huff* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:06 pm Post #17532 |
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Smile, You’re On Candid Camera Coffee Shop | Denver, CO, USA Customer: “What do you have to eat here?” Me: “Whatever you see in the pastry case is to eat; we mainly serve drinks.” Customer: “What’s that up there? ” (He points to one of the boards behind me and I turn around to see what he’s pointing at. I hear a rustling noise; when I turn back around all the money in my tip cup is gone.) Me: “Sir? Could you do me a favor?” Customer: “Uh… what?” Me: “Look up.” Customer: *looks up* Me: “Okay, wave!” (I start waving at him and, completely confused, he starts to wave back.) Me: “Sir, that’s a camera up there.” Customer: “Uh… and?” Me: “You better put the money back.” Customer: “What money?” Me: “You know very well what money. Now, put it back and leave.” (He puts the money back and pouts the entire way out the doors.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:07 pm Post #17533 |
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Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death Hospital | Livonia, MI, USA Me: “What can I get you to drink, sir?” Hospital patient: “Coffee.” Me: “Well, it looks like you’re on a Cardiac diet, which means you can’t have caffeine. Hospital patient: “You asked me what I wanted, and I want coffee.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, I can’t give it to you.” Hospital patient: “This is ridiculous! I’ve been drinking coffee every morning for the last sixty years. I want my coffee!” Me: “Sir. You are on a CARDIAC diet. That means that you can’t have caffeine, or extra sodium, or fat. It could make your condition worse.” Hospital patient: *tries to pull a fast one* “My doctor told me I could have it.” Me: “Well, your doctor needs to put it into our computer, otherwise I could lose my job.” Hospital patient: “MY DOCTOR SAID I COULD HAVE IT!” Me: “Sir, I know you’re lying. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be on this diet.” Hospital patient: “GIVE ME THE F***ING COFFEE!” Me: *loses patience* “DO YOU WANT THE COFFEE OR DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?!” Hospital patient: *sheepishly* “Can I have apple juice?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:07 pm Post #17534 |
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Must Be One Of Them Radioactive Horses Carnival | Spokane, WA, USA Child: “I like this ride. I like horses but these ones aren’t real.” Me: “Yup! Real ones are much bigger, probably twice as big as these horses.” Child: “I rode one once!” Me: “Really? That’s cool.” Child: “Yeah. Real horses have eight legs.” Me: “Oh. That’s… cool.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:07 pm Post #17535 |
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Leave The Jingles At Home, Please Sandwich Shop | Connecticut, USA Customer: *singing and dancing* “FIVE! FIVE DOLLAR! FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LONG!” Me: “For that, I am charging you double.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:08 pm Post #17536 |
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Time To Find Another Hobby Sports Retail | Yorkshire, UK (A customer was trying on a shorty wetsuit.) Customer: “It seems to fit okay, but the zip is a little high. It would irritate under my chin.” Me: “Yes. I can see what you mean, but if you put the suit on the right way round, you won’t have that problem.” Customer: “…” Me, to co-worker: “Remind me to never dive with that guy.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:09 pm Post #17537 |
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For The Love Of God, Get GPS Music Store | Chicago, IL, USA Customer: “Hi. I’m coming from the intersection at *** and ***. How would I get to your store from here?” (I give the guy directions. I can tell he’s tuned me out after the first street or two. He then cuts me off before I finish.) Customer: “Good, good! I got it. Thanks!” *hangs up* (The phone rings again five minutes later.) Customer: “Hi! I just called you a few minutes ago, asking for directions.” Me: “I remember.” Customer: “Yeah… I took that turn on *** like you said. Then I got lost again. I’m at *** and *** now.” Me: “Okay…” *gives him directions again* Customer: “Okay! I got it this time. Thanks!” *hangs up* (Phone rings again five minutes later.) Me: “Hi again. Where are you now?” Customer: *laughs* “I’m at *** and ***.” Me: “Okay. You’re almost here. Turn on *** and go straight until you see a gas station. We’re in the strip mall a little after it.” Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up* (Phone rings again five minutes later.) Customer: “It’s me again! I’m at the gas station. I don’t see your store.” Me: “We’re in the strip mall after the gas station, it’s down the road a little bit.” Customer: “Oh! I see it. Okay, I’ll be right there.” *hangs up* (Phone rings again five minutes later.) Customer: “I’m in the strip mall now… and I don’t see your store. I’m gonna feel SO stupid if I’m in the wrong strip mall.” Me: “At this point, I’m not even sure you’re in the right state.” Customer: *laughs* Me: “Okay. Do you see a donut shop?” Customer: “Yes! I see a donut shop!” Me: “Good. Drive to the donut shop. Now, do you see a cell phone store?” Customer: “Yes! It’s next to the donut shop.” Me: “Good. Drive to the cell phone shop. Now drive a little past that. Do you see the girl in the next store who’s on the phone and waving at you?” Customer: “Yeah! Is that you?” Me: “Yeah. Come on in…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:09 pm Post #17538 |
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He Just Talks Really Loudly Video Game Store | Sydney, Australia (A guy comes into our store and slaps a 56k dial-up modem down on the counter.) Guy: “I want to return this. I bought it a year ago and it’s broken.” Me: “I’m sorry, but you don’t have the box, the power supply, the driver CD or the receipt. I can’t let you return it.” Guy: “You will give me my money back, right now!” Me: “No, I can’t do that. You need to keep the receipt for warranty claims. I have no proof you even bought that from us.” (The conversation escalates and gets more and more heated until finally…) Guy: “If you don’t give me back my money, I’ll be waiting for you in the car park after work and I’ll f*** you up, you hear me?! I’LL BREAK YOUR F***ING FACE YOU LITTLE S***!” Me: “Are you threatening me?” Guy: “No!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 4:10 pm Post #17539 |
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Photoshop Will Solve Everything Graphic Design | Tacoma, WA, USA (As a graphic designer with a background in photography, I coordinate the shoots for cover homes.) Me: “Just send me the address of the home and I will look it up and work with the photographer on the shoot.” Salesperson: “It’s a million dollar home. Very, very nice. The listing agent wants to be there; he want’s a nice sunny shot. It’s a million dollar home and I really want to make him happy.” Me: “That’s great… just send me the address.” (I find that the house faces north-northeast, which means the sun will never hit the front of the house directly.) Me: “Okay, we’ve got a problem. I know the listing agent wants to be at the shoot and he wants a sunny shot, but we can’t do that because it faces north. We’re going to have to have to do a night shot or an early shot and hope the dawn light hits it.” Salesperson: “But it’s a million dollar home.” Me: “I know, it’s a really nice home. It’s vacant, so we can’t do an interior. I’ll talk to the photographer, but I’m sure he’ll agree that a night shot will be our best bet or the home will be backlit and not look good at all.” Salesperson: “This is a million dollar mansion!” Me: “I know. But unless you or the listing agent can move the sun, it will be at night or just after sunrise. I’m sure the he wants the mansion to look good.” (The salesperson calls my boss to undoubtedly tell her I am being impossible, and I shouldn’t dictate to our customers. Sadly, my boss couldn’t move the sun either, and a very lovely night shot ran on the cover.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 4:11 pm Post #17540 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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