 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,153 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:06 pm Post #17441 |
 
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Backordered Compliments Used Bookstore | Canada Customer: “Hey, how good is this book?” *holds a fantasy book* Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t read it. But you might want to start with the first one in the series, if we have it right now…” Customer: “You haven’t read it? You’re gotta be kidding me! Really, they hire anyone these days. I guess I’ll try it, then. You said it’s not the first one?” Me: “No, and it seems that we don’t have the first book in this series. If you want, you can leave your name and number and we will call you if someone sells it.” Customer: “No, no, that will be fine. I’ll just come back. When will you get it?” Me: “I don’t know, sir. We’re a used books store. We only get books when people sell them to us.” Customer: “I know that, I’m not stupid! When will someone sell you this book?” Me: “I don’t know, sir.” Customer: *rolls his eyes* “I can’t believe they hired you. I bet it’s only because you’re pretty!” Me: “Er…thanks, I guess?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:06 pm Post #17442 |
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A Vanessa By Any Other Name Grocery Store | Ontario, Canada (As I’m ringing an elderly lady’s groceries through, she reads my name tag incorrectly.) Customer: “Vanessa…Vanessa! That’s such a lovely name.” Me: “Oh? Yeah, it is.” Customer: “Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa!” Me: “It’s great, but I’m not–” Customer: “Your mother has such good taste! Van-ESSA!” Me: “Thank you, but–” Customer: “I bet, when you were young, she’d say things like ‘Vanessa! Get over here! You’re such a naughty girl!’” Me: “Um, something like that…” Customer: “Well, you have a great day Vanessa!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:07 pm Post #17443 |
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Masticating Morons College | Albany, NY, USA (A customer walks up to the retail counter with about 70 packs of gum in a canvas shopping bag.) Me: “Hello, will this be everything for you today?” Customer: *panicked* “Do you think it will be enough?!” Me: “Er…enough for what?” Customer: “For the exam!” *leans forward* “I plan to write my essay one letter at a time on each piece of gum. As I’m taking the exam, I’ll stick them on the desk in front of me, in order. It’s genius!” Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that will fail on so many different levels.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:08 pm Post #17444 |
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How About Long Johnson Silver Bookstore | Kansas, USA Me: “Hi, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I need that book about the whale and the guy trying to get it.” Me: “Oh, Moby Dick? It’s right back here.” Customer: “WHAT?! I don’t want a book about d!ck! EW!” Me: “Um…Moby Dick is about the white whale and Captain Ahab. By Herman Melville. It’s a classic.” Customer: “Oh. Do you have any copies with a manlier title?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:08 pm Post #17445 |
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A Whole Lotta Latte Coffee Shop | Wales, UK Customer: “Could I have a mug of chino?” Me: “…sorry, a what?” CCustomer: “Mug of chino. I don’t think a cup of chino is enough.” Me: “…a cappuccino?” Customer: “No, a mug of it.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:08 pm Post #17446 |
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Because Aramaic Is Sooo Last Millenium Video Rental | Nashville, TN, USA Me: “Hi, can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah. I rented this movie, and ya’ll gave me the wrong one. This one has subtitles, and I wanted it in English.” Me: “Sorry, sir. But Passion of The Christ is supposed to be in subtitles. It’s the way Mel Gibson made it.” Customer: “Ya gotta be kiddin’ me! Why would he do somethin’ stupid like that?” Me: “Well, I’m guess he just wanted to be true to its roots.” Customer: “The idiot. Everyone knows the Bible is in English!” Me: “…” Customer: “So, can you fix it or what?” Me: “Fix it? What do you mean?” Customer: “Call up that Gibson feller and tell him to send you guys the English version!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:09 pm Post #17447 |
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Time To Break Out The Tin Foil Hats Tech Support | Ontario, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company]. My name is ***, how can I help you?” Customer: “I’m being hunted by the FBI.” Me: “Sorry to hear about that…is there something I can help you with?” Customer: “The problem is, my cable TV is fine but no internet. The lights on the modem aren’t solid.” (As we go through all the normal steps, I hear the sounds of cars passing by and honking in the background.) Me: “Um, where are you?” Customer: “Oh, on the pole.” Me: “The…telephone pole?” Customer: “Yes, I’ve stripped the wire going to the house and stuck it directly in the modem. It still doesn’t work.” Me: “How are you powering your modem then?” Customer: “Oh, I have about 3-4 extension cords coming from my house. You know that it’s easier for the government to track what you watch on TV then what you do on the internet? I think I will cancel my cable TV.” Me: “Is that what you want to do? I can get a tech for you tomorrow morning if you want.” Customer: “Nah, just send me to billing.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:10 pm Post #17448 |
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Always Right, Even When Ripping Themselves Off Retail | Albany, NY, USA (The store I work has two deals: a buy three, get the cheapest item free promo, and a 40% off the most expensive item coupon. The customer comes up with three equally priced items and hands me the coupon.) Me: “Sorry sir, you can’t combine offers so you’ll only be able to use one promo–buy two, get one free or the 40% off. You’d save more if you use the buy two, get one free offer so you can keep the coupon for another time.” Customer: “Well, let me do two transactions then.” Me: “I could, but then you’d be spending more than you’d need to.” Customer: “Nooo…I’d get one free and one for 40% off!” Me: “No, that’s not how it works. See, if you buy these two, you’d get this third item free. So you’d only be paying for two items. However, if you split them up, the “buy two, get one free” offer is no longer valid because you need three items to get one free. So you’d pay for two items and then on your second transaction, you’d be paying for a third item.” Customer: “Yeah, but it’d be 40% off.” Me: “Yes, but if you did it in one transaction, you wouldn’t have to pay for a third item at all.” Customer: “Just let me do two transactions!” Me: “Okay, okay, sorry, I’ll ring you out now.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:10 pm Post #17449 |
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Always Right, Even If It Requires Changing The Space-Time Continuum Movie Theater | Oklahoma City, OK, USA (A customer walks up to the box office, obviously very angry. She throws a newspaper down onto the counter.) Customer: “Sir, these show times are wrong.” Me: “Ma’am, those are yesterday’s show times.” Customer: *smugly* “Well, why are they in today’s paper?” Me: “That’s yesterday’s paper.” Customer: “Oh… well, they’re still wrong!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:11 pm Post #17450 |
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Tiny Pooch With A Super-Sized Grudge Fast Food | Missouri, USA (I’m taking orders and money in the drive-thru booth during a rush. A customer pulls up to the window.) Me: “Hi, your total is $6.54.” Customer: *glaring* “I’m mad at you!” Me: “Why?” Customer: “I went through **** earlier, and they didn’t have any french fries, so I had to come here!” Me: “I’m sorry.” Customer: “Yeah! And he’s mad at you too!” (She points to the back seat, which is completely empty.) Me: “Yeah, um, he…he looks pretty mad, I guess.” Customer: *snaps* “C’mere, Sparkie!” (A little poodle hops up into her lap.) Customer: “Tell her how mad you are!” (The customer then holds the dog up to the window to show me how mad it was.) Me: “Wow, um, alright.” (She pays and I give her the change.) Me: “Have a nice day!” Customer: *smiling* “You too, sweetie!” *glares* “…but I’m still mad at you!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:12 pm Post #17451 |
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It Turns Out You Can Be Too Safe Law Office | Eugene, OR, USA Caller: *on the phone* “My father-in-law was hit by a car while riding his bike. I need to get some advice about what he should do.” Me: “Was he injured?” Caller: “Yeah. I mean, he’s conscious and stuff, but he’s bleeding and in pain.” Me: “When did this happen?” Caller: “About 5 minutes ago. Can we sue the guy?” Me: “I’m sorry, did you say this JUST happened? Have you called the police and ambulance?” Caller: “No, that’s why I called you. I need to know what to do.” Me: “Hang up and call 911!” Caller: “Really? So we should take him to the doctor even though he doesn’t have medical insurance? Who’s going to pay for it if he dies? I can’t be responsible for that!” (Sirens are heard in the background.) Caller: “Oh no, someone must have called, because a firetruck just pulled up…am I going to have to pay for this?” Me: “Sir, please deal with his injuries and make sure he’s taken to the hospital. You can call us back after he’s been treated if you need to and we’d be happy to explain how to get the bills paid - right now you need to worry about him.” Caller: “I ain’t doin’ anything ’til I know who’s gonna pay for this. I shouldn’t be stuck with this!” Me: “In all likelihood, the insurance company for the driver who hit him will pay his medical bills.” Caller: “I’m calling them then….” *aside in background* “Don’t go messing with him; I gotta find out who’s paying for this before you go taking him anywhere!” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:12 pm Post #17452 |
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The Best Of Intentions, The Worst Of Retentions Bookstore | Gainesville, FL, USA Customer: “Hello?” Me: “Hello ma’am, this is **** Bookstore. I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.” Customer: “What? You’re who?” Me: “This is **** Bookstore. You ordered a book from us and it’s here.” Customer: “I ordered a book?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “I don’t remember ordering anything.” Me: “The order sticker says you ordered it last week. The title is Improving Your Memory.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:13 pm Post #17453 |
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Thank God For Grandmothers Pizza | Seattle, WA, USA Customer: “Excuse me, but can you please take a look at this pizza here?” Me: “Uh… well, that looks pretty delicious to me.” Customer: “It looks very lumpy.” Me: “Well, it’s a pizza, and you’ve chosen some pretty lumpy toppings there.” Customer: “Well, look here how all the toppings seem to be all on one side.” Me: “Is that a problem?” Customer: “Yes. It’s uneven.” *stares intently at me* Me: “Well sir, my grandmother’s cookies look about like that and they taste absolutely delicious every time she makes them.” Customer: *laughs and leaves without further complaining* (Phew!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:14 pm Post #17454 |
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Sure, Let Me Get On My Hamster Wheel Call Center | Boise, ID, USA (This was during a HUGE power outage in New York. The entire city was out of power.) Me: “Thanks for calling, my name is Carrie. How can I help you?” Customer: “My TV is not working.” Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?” Customer: “It won’t turn on.” (I notice that the customer is in New York.) Me: “The power is out through your entire city.” Customer: “But my TV won’t turn on.” Me: “Right, your TV runs on electricity, and won’t work without it.” Customer: “I just want to watch TV! Why won’t it turn on?” Me: “Can you go to a light switch and see if that works?” Customer: “That’s not why I called! I want to watch TV.” Me: “Without power, you won’t be able to watch your TV.” Customer: “Then fix it!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:14 pm Post #17455 |
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And They Say Time Travel Is Impossible Tech Support | Brookings, OR, USA Customer: ”How much longer is your department open today?” Me: “Two hours.” Customer: “Oh… uhm, you on Mountain Time, then?” Me: “No, we’re on Pacific.” Customer: “I’m in Mountain time, so in reality, you’re only there another hour.” Me: “Sir, seriously, we’re here another two hours regardless of what time zone you’re in.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 3:44 pm Post #17456 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 3:44 pm Post #17457 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 3:45 pm Post #17458 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 3:45 pm Post #17459 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Wed May 27, 2009 3:45 pm Post #17460 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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