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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,154 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:30 pm Post #17421 |
 
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Straight Into The Lion’s Den Computer Store | Israel Customer: “Hi, can you help me?” Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I have Windows on my computer and it’s not booting up properly anymore.” Me: “Did you buy the PC here?” Customer: “No.” Me: “Did you buy Windows here?” Customer: “No.” Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t really help you with that.” Customer: “Look here, you sell Windows. I downloaded and installed Windows, and it’s not working. You’re supposed to help me.” Me: “Let me just get it right. You’ve downloaded a copy of Windows, installed it and now it’s giving you problems.” Customer: “Yes, and it’s your job to help me.” Me: “Oh, okay. Here’s Microsoft Israel support phone number. Call them and tell them exactly what you told me.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:36 pm Post #17422 |
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Probably Wears Diapers Drug Store | Des Moines, IA, USA Customer: “Excuse me… HEY! Excuse me.” Me: “How may I help you sir?” Customer: “I need you to find a battery for my Timex.” Me: “You are standing next to our entire selection. If it isn’t there, we don’t have it.” Customer: “How do I know which one it is?” Me: “Didn’t you bring the watch with you?” Customer: “Yeah…” Me: “Well, sometimes it is stamped on the back cover.” Customer: “I can’t decipher this. Can you open the watch and check?” Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.” Customer: “What do you mean?” Me: “I mean, we don’t offer that service. I have neither the tools nor the training to work on your watch.” Customer: “But you sell the batteries!” Me: “Yes, we do. I’ll gladly help check that you are buying the right one, but I won’t work on your watch.” Customer: “But you sell the batteries! You HAVE to put it in for me!” Me: “Sir, I could also sell you toilet paper, but you would still have to do the wiping yourself…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:37 pm Post #17423 |
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Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail Shoe Store | Ottawa, ON, Canada Customer: “Do you have this shoe in a size 6? My son needs a size six.” Me: “Ahh… no, I’m sorry. It seems we’re all out of that size.” Customer: “But, there’s a size six right there.” (She points to a shoe that is a completely different style.) Me: “Yes, but that’s a different style shoe. We stock them alphabetically on the riser, but on the shelves we show them by price.” Customer: “Just give me that six, then!” Me: “Sure thing.” *hands her the box* Customer: “This isn’t the shoe I wanted.” Me: “I know. Even though I just told you that we are out of size six in the style you wanted, you still asked to see this one.” Customer: “I don’t want this one. Put it back.” Me: “Okay…” Customer: “What about this style shoe?” Me: “Unfortunately, there aren’t any size sixes left in that style either.” Customer: “But there’s a six RIGHT THERE.” (Note that she is pointing to the box I JUST put back.) Me: “That is a different shoe style, and you already looked at that EXACT box.” Customer: “JUST GET ME THAT SIX!” Me: “Okay.” *hands her the box* Customer: “This isn’t the style that I wanted!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:37 pm Post #17424 |
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Just Tell ‘Em What They Want To Hear, Part Three Theme Park | Santa Claus, IN, USA (I work at an amusement park where they have free unlimited drinks throughout the park, a fact that is posted all over the park.) Me: “Hello, what can I get for you today?” Customer: “Yeah, how much are your free soft drinks?” Me: “… I’m sorry?” Customer: “Are you deaf son!? HOW MUCH ARE YOUR FREE SOFT DRINKS!?” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir. I couldn’t hear you and thought you said something stupid. The free drinks are $5 each.” Customer: “That’s f***ing highway robbery! You people should be ashamed!” Me: “Oh, we are…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:48 pm Post #17425 |
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Adventures In The Third Dimension Gas Station | Melbourne, Australia (It’s late at night and a solitary customer pulls up outside and fills her car at the pump. She calmly opens the station’s door and comes inside to pay at the booth, but realizes she left her wallet in the car.) Customer: “OH MY GOD! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! MY WALLET IS IN THE CAR, UNLOCK THIS DOOR!” Me: “It is unlocked.” Customer: “But it says you’re closed!” Me: “What does the other side of the sign say?” Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Open, but it says you’re closed!” Me: “Why does it say ‘Open’ on the other side of the sign?” Customer: “Look, you…” pauses, then blushes bright red* “… oh.” Me: “You need some chocolate.” Customer: *smiles* “Yes, I do.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:49 pm Post #17426 |
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Childhood Dream, Meet Retail Nightmare Fabric Store | Los Angeles, CA (We often get fashion design students in our store to get samples of fabric for school projects.) Student: “Can I get some swatches? I go to the *** fashion school and need them for a class project.” Me: “No problem. That’s the school I went to.” Student: “Oh, cool! What do you do now?” Me: “… I work here.” Student: *their dreams crush before my eyes* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:51 pm Post #17427 |
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Spoiled Security | Chicago, IL, USA (On the Saturday night of a weekend-long fan-based media convention, we hold a dance for the attendees. A mother comes up to the security office and voices a complaint.) Mother: “The music is too loud and it’s running too late. I want it shut down.” Me: “Ma’am, our dance is scheduled until 5:00AM, and we are not disturbing any other events.” Mother: “Well, there are kids are in there and if this thing is for kids, then there should not be a dance!” Me: “Yes, this convention is an all-ages event, but the dance is one of our most popular events and we have no intention of shutting it down.” Mother: “Well, I’m the customer and I’m always right! You should do what I say and shut the dance down! Where is your supervisor? I’ll get him over to shut the dance down.” Chairman: “Ma’am, what is the problem?” Mother: “I want you to shut the dance down! There are kids here and they should not be in a dance at this time of night! And this man is not helping. Make him shut the dance down!” Chairman: “The dance is one of our biggest events. Closing it down would disappoint thousands of our attendees who look forward to it each year.” Mother: “THIS IS NOT FAIR! I WANT THE D*** DANCE SHUT DOWN AND I WANT IT SHUT DOWN NOW!” Me: “Ma’am, raising your voice will not help your case. Please calm down.” (I figure that there is something else going on, and offer her a seat and a glass of water. She sits down calms down a bit.) Me: “Is there something else going on?” Mother: “My daughter sneaked out of our hotel room and I know she’s in the dance. I went in there and I couldn’t find her.” Me: “Is that all? So you wanted us to shut the entire dance down, just to get your daughter out?” Mother: *timidly* “Yes…” Me: “Did you actually think that we would do it?” Mother: “Yes…” Me: “Why?” Mother: “Because I always get my way!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:54 pm Post #17428 |
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Step 35c: Ask Customer To Reboot Dumbo Tech Support | Arkansas, USA Customer: “Hey, all the computers in the store are down.” Me: “Yep, I can’t ping your servers or anything. Are you in the computer room?” Customer: “Yep.” Me: “What’s on your console?” Customer: “Hang on, let me get a flash light.” Me: “A flashlight? Why do you need a flash light?” Customer: “We’re in the middle of a power outage.” Me: “Umm… sir, the computers won’t work without power.” Customer: “Are you sure? They fixed it last time.” Me: “Pretty sure… I’ve been doing this a while. How did you lose power?” Customer: “An elephant stepped on the transformer.” Me: “An… elephant?” Customer: “We’re having a parking lot carnival, and an elephant got away from the handler.” Me: “Ah yes, I should have known… those pesky elephants always causing us these problems.” Customer: “What? Really?” Me: “Yeah… call us back when you get your power restored.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:55 pm Post #17429 |
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And The Problem Solves Itself Credit Card Call Center | Louisville, KY, USA Me: “Thank you for calling. May I please verify your address and phone number?” (The caller rattles off an address, including the apartment number.) Caller: “… that’s why I’m calling. What’s this about a ‘dog’ in my address?” (I notice her address has the words “DASIN DOG”.) Me: ”I’m sorry, ma’am. I have no explanation for that. I can certainly remove it. Also, we don’t seem to have your apartment number. Would you mind repeating that for me?” Caller: “D! D as in Dog!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:55 pm Post #17430 |
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Iraq, Land Of Crappy Return Policies Retail | St. Louis, MO, USA Customer: “Hi, I wanted to return this set of knives and your cashier wouldn’t let me.” Me: “When was the original date of purchase, ma’am?” (She hands me a receipt.) Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. Since you bought these over 60 days ago, we won’t be able to refund your money.” Customer: “But I don’t want them anymore. Just take them back and give me my money.” Me: “I’m not able to do that, ma’am.” Customer: “But I don’t want the g**d*** knives! Take them!” Me: “Ma’am, it is not in my power to do a return for you.” Customer: “Well, then get someone who can, g**d*** it!” Me: “Ma’am, you don’t understand. After 60 days, the system locks out the transaction. It is in nobody’s power to refund you.” Customer: “You g**d*** incompetent pieces of s***! I don’t want these f***ing knives, and I want you to take them back now!” Me: “There is nothing I can do to help you, ma’am.” Customer: “It’s because of f***ing fascists like you that we’re at war in Iraq! Do you realize that? THIS IS YOUR FAULT!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:58 pm Post #17431 |
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Basic Subtraction, Part 2 Chinese Restaurant | New York, NY, USA Me: “Hello, how may I help you?” Customer: “Hi, can I have a small pork fried rice, please? Without pork.” Me: “A small pork fried rice, without pork?” Customer: “Yes… can you add some chicken to that?” Me: “Um, so you want a small chicken fried rice?” Customer: “No. I want a small pork fried rice, no pork, with chicken.” Me: “Sure… anything else?” Customer: “Yes, I also need a small chicken and broccoli.” Me: “Sure, is that all?” Customer: “Yes…” *pauses* “Oh… and no broccoli in the chicken and broccoli!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:58 pm Post #17432 |
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Basic Subtraction, How I Miss Thee Ice Cream Shop | Crown Point, IN, USA Me: “Hi welcome to [ice cream shop], how can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I would like to order that new Thin Mint Blizzard.” Me: “Alright, what size?” Customer: “Small.” Me: “Can I get you anything else?” Customer: “I don’t want it green.” Me: “I’m sorry?” Customer: “It’s green in this picture! I want it white! Whatever you put in there to make it green, I don’t want it.” Me: “That would be our mint topping.” Customer: “Mint? Ewww! No.” Me: “So that’s one Thin MINT Cookie Blizzard with no MINT topping?” Customer: “Yes.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:59 pm Post #17433 |
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Just Throw It In The Cockpit Airline | New York, NY, USA Elderly passenger: “Can you take my bag from the overhead bin and put it in the row?” Me: “I’m sorry, you’re in the exit row. It must remain clear.” Elderly passenger: “Well, how about up front by the door?” Me: “No, that must remain clear as well.” Elderly passenger: “Just put it in the aisle, then.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:59 pm Post #17434 |
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Sorry, You’ve Just Exceeded Our Stupid Quota Fast Food | Houston, TX, USA (It was an hour before closing, and all of us were very tired–the manager included.) Me: “Hi, how may I help you?” Customer: “What does the chicken sandwich look like?” *points at a picture of it* Me: “It looks just like the one in the picture, ma’am.” Customer: “Are you sure? How long have you been working here?” Me: “Yes ma’am, I’m sure. I’ve been working here over a year.” Customer: “Well, um… I guess I’ll get that one.” (I take her money and give her the chicken sandwich.) Customer: “This is not what it looks like!” Me: “I’m sorry?” Customer: “Get me your manager, d*** it!” Manager: “Yes, ma’am?” Customer: “This chicken sandwich is not like in the picture!” Manager: “Yes, you’re right. The one the picture is over a foot wide and fake.” Customer: “I will not stand for this!” Manager: “Either will I. Leave my employees alone!” Customer: *starts screaming* Manager: “You have a happy go lucky day now, ma’am!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:02 pm Post #17435 |
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Just Another Day At Work Halloween Store | Shreveport, LA, USA (Okay, for starters: I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in HUGE font. A woman with a bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.) Woman: “Do you work here?” Me: “… yes.” Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN H*** FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!” Manager, over loudspeaker: “Thank you for shopping at H***Mart! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:03 pm Post #17436 |
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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3 Fast Food | Ottawa, ON, Canada Me: “Hello ma’am, and welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?” Woman w/ son: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.” Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.” Woman w/ son: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!” Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?” Woman w/ son: “No, he isn’t.” Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.” Woman w/ son: “HOW F**KING DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D**N YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!” Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.” (I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.) Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!” (My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.) Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.” Woman w/ son: “Oh, shut the f**k up.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:03 pm Post #17437 |
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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2 Hot Dog Stand | Newport, RI, USA (It was Tall Ships, and we had opened up a stand.) Customer: “Do you serve crab cakes?” Boss: “This is a hot dog stand.” Customer: “So do you sell crab cakes?” Boss: “We sell hot dogs, chips, and soda.” Customer: “So do you have crab cakes?” Boss: “No, we sell hot dogs, chips, and soda. Not crab cakes. Try a different stand.” Customer: “How can you not have crab cakes! This is Tall Ships! Everyone has crab cakes!” Boss: “Well, not us. Now there is an awful long line behind you so can you please move along?” Me: “Can I help the next person?” Customer: “HEY I AM THE CURRENT CUSTOMER! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY YOU DON’T HAVE CRAB CAKES!” Me: “Look around you, sir. There are 7 people behind you, behind me there are people making hot dogs, sausage, and peppers. Behind you there is a crab cake stand. If you aren’t going to buy something other than hot dogs, please take your business somewhere else.” Customer: “I’M GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE! YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO MANNERS!” *storms off* Boss: “I don’t know what the hell was wrong with him, but if he talks to you like that again, I’m going to kick his a**.” Me: *happy I have an awesome boss* “Thanks.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:04 pm Post #17438 |
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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota Sandwich Shop | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.” Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only Mr. Sub has pineapple.” Customer: “Yes you do! I always get pineapple here!” Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!” Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!” Me: “Um…” Customer speaks to my manager: “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?” Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:05 pm Post #17439 |
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Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right Hospital | Brisbane, Australia (I work in healthcare and am talking to a man in his fifties who is having angina for the first time.) Me: “You haven’t had a heart attack, but this pain is probably coming from your heart.” Man: “But I’m only 50-something and there are no heart problems in my family. Why would that be?” Me: “You smoke 30 a day and drink 2 cartons beer a week. That’s not good for your heart. You should think about cutting down.” Man: ”I’m sick of you people telling me that bulls***! It’s a scientifically proven fact that smoking makes your arteries smaller, and drinking makes them bigger! If I keep drinking AND smoking, I’ll be fine!” Me: ”That’s not at all how it works, but I see I’m not going to change your mind. You’ll be going upstairs soon.” Man: “I want to go out for a smoke!” Me: “That’s really not a good idea…” Man: “What would you know?!” Me: *gives up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 3:05 pm Post #17440 |
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Yogi Says Yum To Spicy Humans Outdoor Supply Store | Edmonton, AB, Canada (Note: Bear spray is basically just pepper spray that you use if you are attacked by a bear.) Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [outdoor supply store]. How can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, um…I bought some bear spray from you earlier today and now my skin is burning.” Me: “Your skin is burning? Did the bear spray come into contact with your skin?” Customer: “Of course! I sprayed it all over myself!” Me: “Did you read the instructions?” Customer: “No, I thought it was like bug spray.” Me: “Sir, you’re not supposed to spray it on your skin. You’re supposed to spray it in the bear’s eyes. You should probably go take a shower.” Customer: “So I can’t repel the bears by putting bear spray on my skin?” Me: “No, sir…are you sure bear country is the right place for you? |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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