 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,155 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:58 pm Post #17401 |
 
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Your Prank Got Spanked Gun Shop | Denver, CO, USA (This happened to a friend of mine who owns a gun shop.) Friend: “Hello, this is–” Caller: *twelve year old sounding voice* “Your mom!” Friend: “What?” Caller: “What your mom said.” Friend: “A prank caller are we?” Caller: *mocking tone* “A prank caller are we?” Friend: “Do your parents know what you’re doing? Because I have caller ID and I can call them back later.” Caller: “My parents are out of town… duuuhhh!” Friend: “You must have absolutely no idea what kind of store you just called, then.” Caller: “A GAY store?” (My friend puts the phone down and opens the locker behind the counter and retrieves a shotgun. He holds it next to the phone and pumps the action.) Friend: “Can you guess now?” Caller: “…” Friend: “You know, your caller ID gave me a first and last name. All I need to do is open a phone book and I can find your address.” Caller: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:00 pm Post #17402 |
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Violence On TV, Stupidity On The Couch Video Rental | Atlanta, GA, USA (A video rental customer approaches with two young children.) Customer: “Hey, you guys seen Con Air?” Me: “Yeah.” Customer: “Why’s it rated R?” Me: “Well, the language is pretty strong, but it’s primarily because of the violence.” Customer: “Oh. Well, does it have any sex in it?” Me: “Um, not that I recall.” Customer: “Okay, great. Hey kids, we’re getting Con Air!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:01 pm Post #17403 |
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Racists: At Least Get Your Countries Straight Tourist Center | Stockholm, Sweden (I am a student in Sweden and I just finished making a transaction for a nice Japanese couple at a tourist center. Another tourist comes up.) Me, in Swedish: “Can I help you?” Customer, in English: “Sure, can you tell me about…” *mumbles* Me, in English: “Can you repeat that, please?” Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare mock me! You can’t speak American, you Chino!” Me: “I’m Russian.” Customer: “Well, you still can’t speak American!” Me: “I was raised in the UK. And it’s called English.” Customer: *storms out* Boss: “What the f*** was that about?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:01 pm Post #17404 |
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Thank God For Better Halves Tech Support | Calgary, AB, Canada (An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.) Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.” Customer: “Right.” Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.” Customer: “Okay.” Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?” Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone* Customer’s wife: “Give me that!” (She gets control of the phone.) Customer’s wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:02 pm Post #17405 |
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Take A Guess Who The Better Half Is Record Store | San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA (A couple approaches, and the dude ditches quickly to the back of the store while the woman barks…) Woman: “I need some tickets!” Me: “What show?” Woman: “I need tickets to the concert.” Me: “Which one?” Woman: “The concert.” Me: “There are a lot of concerts going on, which one do you want to see?” Woman: “I don’t know what it’s called.” Me: “Who’s playing?” Woman: “A bunch of people…I don’t know.” Me: “Do you know where it’s going to be?” Woman: “No.” Me: “When?” Woman: “No–why can’t you find my tickets?!?” Me: “I need something to go on.” Woman: “It’s a concert!” Me: “That doesn’t narrow it down for me. That pretty much only eliminates Phantom of the Opera.” (She finally yells at the dude who has been hiding in magazines.) Woman: “What’s the name of the concert we’re going to?” (The dude comes forward and gives me the name of the show, where it is and on what day.) Woman: “Oh, NOW you can find the tickets.” Me: “…” Woman: “We need two tickets…TOGETHER!” Me, looking at dude: “Are you sure?” (He smiled, she missed it, and I lived to do retail another day.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:04 pm Post #17406 |
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Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4 Retail | Sault Ste Marie, MI, USA (Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.) Customer: “What’s that fountain for in the park?” Me: “What?” Customer: “That fountain, right next to the locks. What’s that for?” Me: “The fountain in the park?” Customer: “Yeah. What’s that for? It’s part of the locks, right?” Me: “No, it’s just a fountain.” Customer: “But what does it DO?” Me: “It sprays water up and looks pretty?” Customer: “Yeah, but what does it DO? It’s part of the locks right?” Me: “Uh… no. It’s just a fountain. It’s there for decoration.” Customer: “But what does it DO?” Me: *sarcastically* “It… drains the locks.” Customer: “OH! That’s so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the fountain?” Me:“… No. It’s a fountain.” Customer: “Oh. Well, you should.” (She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my coworker.) Me: “Did that just happen?” Coworker: “We have to remember that one.” (And that’s what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it filters the Great Lakes.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:05 pm Post #17407 |
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A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’ Retail | Philadelphia, PA, USA Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?” Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!” (He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.) Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.” Customer: “WHAT?! What do you mean its expired? You f***ing b****, you’re just trying to steal my f***ing money! You’re trying to rob me! You and this f***ing company are trying to steal my f***ing money!” (The customer attempts to climb over the counter and attack me. Thankfully, my manager intercepts him.) Manager: “Sir, I need you to come with me.” (My manager hauls the customer off counter by the back of his collar and drags him outside. Ten minutes pass, and he comes back in hauling a very disheveled customer by the shirt.) Customer: “Your manager told me that I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for yelling.” Manager: “Now, apologize for cursing at her.” Customer: “I’m sorry for cursing at you.” Manager: “Now, what’s our policy on expired coupons?” Customer: “You don’t accept them.” Manager, to me: “Is he forgiven, or would you like to have him arrested?” Me: “No, its okay. ” Manager, to customer: “Now get out, and don’t come back.” *throws customer out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:06 pm Post #17408 |
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She Wouldn’t Last A Minute In 1478 Grocery Store | Bloomington, IN, USA (A lady and her husband purchase a few items and proceed to pay with a debit card on a card reader. After scanning her card she stands there looking at it.) Me: “You just need to enter your pin here and press enter.” Customer: “Oh, okay.” Me: “Do you want cash back?” Customer: “No.” Me: “Alright, then just press ‘no’ on the card reader.” Customer: “Oh.” Me: “Now, it’s asking you to confirm the total.” Customer: “OH MY GOD! So many f***ing questions! What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:06 pm Post #17409 |
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Che Guevara, Rapping Revolutionary Retail | Vancouver, BC, Canada (I overheard this in a comic book store in a trendy area of town.) Teenager: *points to t-shirt of Che Guevara* “Hey look, it’s the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine!” Teenager’s friend: “I am totally buying one!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:07 pm Post #17410 |
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Bananas For Vanana Ice Cream Shop | Florida, USA Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I’d like some banana ice cream.” Me: “Sure thing.” (She pays and leaves. A moment later, she storms in, literally pushing people out of the way.) Customer: “This is not what I ordered!” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I’ll be happy to change that for you.” Customer: “You better!” Me: “So, what can I get for you?” Customer: “Banana ice cream.” Me: “Banana? That’s what I served you earlier. Is that not banana?” Customer: “No. I said banana!” Me: “Yes, banana.” Customer:: “You taste it! It’s not banana! I said banana! Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to give you a new bowl. Perhaps, since we mix our own ice cream, the banana taste wasn’t mixed all the way through.” Customer: “Listen, I said banana, not banana!” Me: “…” Customer: “BANANA BANANA BANANA!” Me: “Banana?” (Suddenly, her B’s turn into V’s…) Customer: “Vanana!” Me: “Oh my God. Vanilla?” Customer: “Yes you dumb, b****! VANANA!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:07 pm Post #17411 |
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Flattery, The Best Medicine EMT | Germany (An elderly lady fell down in her apartment and has a cut on her wrist.) Coworker: “Ma’am, I am afraid, we have to go to the hospital. You will need stitches for that cut and an X-Ray to make sure your wrist isn’t broken.” Patient: “No, I don’t wanna go. Just give me a shot and it will be okay.” Coworker: “You mean for the pain?” Patient: “No, so it will heal!” Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t have this kind of medication.” Patient: “But it worked last time!” Coworker: “Someone gave you a shot and the wrist healed by itself?” Patient: “No, my sugar was too high and they gave me a shot and everything was okay!” Coworker: “I see… well I can’t fool you, you know this stuff! Listen, I can give you a shot for the broken wrist, but this counteracts the anti-sugar medicine. So everytime your sugar is too high, you can never get a shot again.” Patient: “Never ever?” Coworker: “Never ever again…” Patient: “So why didn’t you just say so in the first place?” Coworker: “Well, not every patient has such an understanding of medicine as you, so I always try to keep it simple.” Patient: “Okay, then let’s go to the hospital.” Coworker: “Gladly.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:10 pm Post #17412 |
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Something Smells Fishy Restaurant | Orlando, FL, USA (I used to work at a theme restaurant that had a huge, double arch aquarium at the entrance to the dining area. We had staff members who would clean the tanks from the inside in full scuba gear. The tanks were filled with brightly colored, tropical fish.) Patron: “Oooh! Is he there to paint the fish?” Me: ”I’m… sorry?” Patron: “The fish. Is he in there to paint them?” Me, catching on: “Oh no, ma’am, the paint would wash off if we did it underwater. He takes them out to paint them.” Patron: “You take them out? That’s horrible? How do they breathe?” Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s very quick. We use an airbrush and stencils. It really only takes a few seconds. And since the paint is misted on, it dries almost instantly.” Patron: “Well, that’s a relief!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:10 pm Post #17413 |
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Behind Every Policy Is A Stupid Customer Coffee Shop | Rockville, MD, USA Customer: “I don’t want a lid.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.” Customer: “This is stupid.” Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–” Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.” Me: “… and that would be why we have the company policy.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:11 pm Post #17414 |
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Behind Every New Sign Is Someone Stupid Law Firm | Austin, TX, USA (I work in the mail room of a large corporate law firm filled with Harvard grad attorneys.) Attorney: “I’m needing to send a fax and this machine has a problem!” Me: “Okay, let me help you with that.” Attorney: “This machine doesn’t have a dash button!” Me: “I’m sorry, a dash button?” Attorney: “Yeah, like in the instructions, 201 DASH 555 DASH 1234…” (After this incident we had to go back and change ALL the signs for the fax machines on every floor to say “Do not include the dash”.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:11 pm Post #17415 |
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Fowl Mouthed Deli | Windsor, ON, Canada Me: “How can I help you?” Customer: “I want lunch meat.” Me: *grinning* “You’ve come to the right place!” Customer: “I don’t appreciate your attitude, you f***ing b***!” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “I’m paying for your brown a** to live here!” Me: “Ma’am, I’m Irish. And I’ve lived here my entire life.” Customer: “GIVE ME SOME F***ING TURKEY!” Me: “What type of turkey would you like?” Customer: “Plain!” Me: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat free? We also have a wide selection of gourmet turkeys, such as honey maple and tomato basil.” Customer: “My kid won’t eat that fancy s***! I just want some f***ing turkey!” (The store manager has been standing behind her the entire time and speaks up.) Manager: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat Free? She gave you the types, just f***ing pick a flavour so she can serve me so I can take my lunch!” Customer: “F*** THIS COUNTRY!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:24 pm Post #17416 |
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Fowl Behavior, Part 2 Deli | Winnipeg, MB, Canada (At the deli where I work, every couple hours I cook up between 12 and 20 whole chickens. They’re kept in the hot holding cabinet for customers to grab.) Customer: “I need ten.” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “These whole chickens. I need ten of them.” Me: “I’m sorry, that’s all we have, because we’re closing soon.” Customer: *rolls her eyes and takes absolutely everything left out of the holding cabinet* (Another customer approaches me soon afterward.) Another customer: “Excuse me, that lady just grabbed a chicken out of my hands, claiming it was hers. Will there be any more?” (Yes, that’s right. The first lady was going around taking chickens from other customers. Unbelievable.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:25 pm Post #17417 |
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Fowl Behavior Grocery Store | Minneapolis, MN, USA (I work in an upscale grocery store deli. Sometimes we run out of rotisserie chickens before the next batch is done cooking. A woman comes up to the counter holding a grocery basket.) Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?” Customer: “Do you have any chickens?” Me: “I’m sorry but it looks like we are out right now. It’s going to be about 10 to 15 minutes.” Customer: *throws her basket down onto the floor hard enough that it slides about 7 feet and quickly stomps out the nearest door* Me: “!?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:25 pm Post #17418 |
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Fowl Play Electronics Store | New Orleans, LA, USA (A customer comes in to return a powerhorn. We’re often wary of these returns, as customers often put them under their car to increase their radio’s volume and blow them out within a day.) Customer: “I don’t need this. I didn’t open it.” Coworker: “Okay, let me take a look at it…” (The packaging HAS been opened, but it still might not be a big deal. However, my coworker finds a chicken bone in the box.) Coworker: “Ma’am, I think you left something in here.” Customer: “Oh! That’s my lunch!” Coworker: “You said you didn’t open it?” Customer: “Yeah.” Coworker: “But there’s a chicken bone in the box. And the wiring has been cut. And the unit is cracked.” Customer: “It CAME like that.” Coworker: “With a chicken bone in the box?!” Customer: “YEAH!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:26 pm Post #17419 |
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Renamed: The iPod Please Touch The Frigging Screen Electronics Store | Toronto, Canada Customer: “Hello, I just bought this iPod, and I can’t make it go.” Me: “What’s the problem?” Customer: “It won’t go.” Me: “Okay, how exactly?” Customer: “IT WON’T GO.” Me: “Can I see your iPod?” (The customer takes out iPod Touch and shows it to me. I turn it on and open up Safari.) Me: “It seems to be working fine.” (I hand it back to her. She presses the home button multiple times.) Customer: “How did you do that? It’s not working.” Me: “Ma’am, what kind of iPod is that?” Customer: “iPod Touch.” Me: “Yeah… so try touching one of the icons on the screen.” (She does.) Customer: “OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO COOL! YOU’RE A GENIUS!” Me: “Yeah, well.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 2:29 pm Post #17420 |
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The Cutter Gets Queued Train Station | London, UK (I work at a cookie store in a train station and am serving a customer; there are a few people waiting behind him. Suddenly, a man comes and pushes in front.) Customer: “Five white chocolates!” Me: “I’m sorry, I have to finish serving these people first. Only then I will serve you.” Customer: “But I have to catch a train!” Me: “So does everybody else… this is a bloody TRAIN STATION!” Customer: *looks a bit scared, nods his head and goes to the back of the queue like a good boy* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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