 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,156 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:40 pm Post #17381 |
 
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One Last Parting Shot, Part 3 Library | Estonia (An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.) Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.” Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.” Me: “No, I mean–” (He cuts me off and starts ranting on how he never wanted to come to Europe anyway and how everything is better in the States. His wife and I manage to calm him down after a few minutes of loud ranting.) Me:“Sir, I can’t take your money because just using the computer is free. Only printing costs 2 Crowns.” Customer: “Oh. I thought… I mean, I always have to pay in… well… America is still better than Europe!” *hurries out with his wife* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:41 pm Post #17382 |
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One Last Parting Shot, Part 2 Call Center | Panama City, FL, USA Me: Thank you for calling ***. How may I assist you? Customer: “Yes! Finally! There is something wrong with my cellphone.” Me: “Alright, ma’am. I’ll be more than glad to help you with that. What seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I can’t call out.” Me: “Ma’am, it appears that everything is working just fine from both ends. What exactly is happening when you try to call out from your phone?” Customer: “Absolutely nothing! Jesus, are you stupid! I already told you that.” Me: “Right… let’s try this: turn your phone off and then back on. Maybe you just need to reset it.” Customer: *resets phone* “Okay, that’s done… and it’s still not working.” Me: “This is very strange. I can’t imagine why it would not be working. Try this for me, dial a number out and let’s see if you get an error message now that the phone has been reset.” Customer: “You stupid little b****! THERE IS NO F***ING DIAL TONE!” Me: “Erm, excuse me?” Customer: “How can I dial a number if I don’t have a dial tone?” Me: “Ma’am, the phone you’re using is wireless. It’s not going to have a dial tone.” Customer: “You really think I’m that stupid? My last cell phone had a dial tone!” Me: “I assure you, it did not.” Customer: “Listen to me, I have been around a lot longer than you. I think I know how to work a g**d*** phone! Who the h*** do you think you are?!” Me: “Humor me, please! Just dial a number, any number and see what happens when you hit send.” Customer: “Whatever!” *presses buttons on phone* (She has the phone on speaker, and I can obviously hear that the call has gone through.) Customer: “Well… I… the last… F*** YOU!” *click |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:42 pm Post #17383 |
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One Last Parting Shot, Part 2 Call Center | Panama City, FL, USA Me: Thank you for calling ***. How may I assist you? Customer: “Yes! Finally! There is something wrong with my cellphone.” Me: “Alright, ma’am. I’ll be more than glad to help you with that. What seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I can’t call out.” Me: “Ma’am, it appears that everything is working just fine from both ends. What exactly is happening when you try to call out from your phone?” Customer: “Absolutely nothing! Jesus, are you stupid! I already told you that.” Me: “Right… let’s try this: turn your phone off and then back on. Maybe you just need to reset it.” Customer: *resets phone* “Okay, that’s done… and it’s still not working.” Me: “This is very strange. I can’t imagine why it would not be working. Try this for me, dial a number out and let’s see if you get an error message now that the phone has been reset.” Customer: “You stupid little b****! THERE IS NO F***ING DIAL TONE!” Me: “Erm, excuse me?” Customer: “How can I dial a number if I don’t have a dial tone?” Me: “Ma’am, the phone you’re using is wireless. It’s not going to have a dial tone.” Customer: “You really think I’m that stupid? My last cell phone had a dial tone!” Me: “I assure you, it did not.” Customer: “Listen to me, I have been around a lot longer than you. I think I know how to work a g**d*** phone! Who the h*** do you think you are?!” Me: “Humor me, please! Just dial a number, any number and see what happens when you hit send.” Customer: “Whatever!” *presses buttons on phone* (She has the phone on speaker, and I can obviously hear that the call has gone through.) Customer: “Well… I… the last… F*** YOU!” *click |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:44 pm Post #17384 |
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Not Quite The Cat’s Meow Tech Support | Bakersfield, CA, USA (I work for an online traffic school and for some of the counties, we need them to put answers to security questions. Me: “Hi, this is ***, how can I help you?†Caller: “Hey, it says that I missed a security question and that I need to call this number to continue.†Me: “Okay, what question did you miss?†Caller: “I missed what is my favorite animal.†(I get his personal information and look up his answer.) Me: “Sir, the answer we have here says ‘P#ssy’. You are aware that this is also the same answer you have for… your favorite food?†Caller: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:46 pm Post #17385 |
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We Stand Up For Our Own Video Game Store | Ontario, Canada (It’s Christmastime, which is always hellish at our video game store. There is a giant line running all the way to the back of the store, and I am serving a young boy and his grandfather.) Me: “Your total comes to $68.98.” Customer: “What? That’s too high. That game was fifty dollars.” Me: “Oh, the game is actually $59.99.” Customer: “I told you I didn’t want any of your extra s***. I just want this game thing he wants.” Me: “I’m sorry you misread the price sir, but that language in unacceptable in this store, especially with so many young people nearby.” Customer: “You know what, I didn’t come in here for your attitude. I came in here to buy my stupid grandson’s stupid game!” Me: “Then it’s $68.98…” Customer: “These games are so absolutely stupid. You people waste your time and your money on this s***! You people are all fat and unemployed and pathetic! You game people need to get f***ing jobs!” Another customer in line: “She’s doing her job right now, idiot.” Another customer in line #2: “Get lost, jerk!” Me: “That line behind you is composed of gamers, sir.” (At this point, the entire lineup starts yelling at the guy that he’s a jerk.) Customer: *flees the store* (For the next half hour every single customer, most of them probably gamers, tells me that I don’t deserve that kind of treatment, and apologizes for him. It is easily one of the best days I’ve ever had at work.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:46 pm Post #17386 |
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Citizens Of Puooiam, The Customer Is Always Right Travel | Phoenix, AZ, USA Me: ”… we will pick you up at the Pulliam airport.” Customer: ”How do you spell Pulliam?” Me: ”P as in Paul, U as Umbrella, L as in Lily–” Customer: ”Lily doesn’t start with O. You meant to say Oscar.” Me: ”But the letter is L. As in Lily, Lock, Luke…” Customer: ”None of those words start with O.” Me: ”You’re right… anyway, it’s spelled it PULLIAM.” Customer: ”You mean PUOOIAM.” Me: ”Sure…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:47 pm Post #17387 |
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For You, We’re Always Closed Restaurant | Lancaster, PA, USA (The diner I work in is a 24 hour restaurant, and closes only on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Years Eve after 6pm.) Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [diner]. How may I help you?” Caller: “Yes, what time do you close?” Me: “We don’t close until Thanksgiving–we’re 24 hours.” Caller: “I don’t care what time you close on Thanksgiving, I want to know when you close TONIGHT.” Me: “… 5 pm.” Caller: “THANK YOU.” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:48 pm Post #17388 |
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Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained Insurance Call Center | Allentown, PA, USA Caller: “I have an explanation of insurance benefits I need help with. There’s a charge on here you didn’t pay for.” Me: “It states here the billed amount is $0.00.” Caller: “Yes. Why didn’t you pay anything on it?” Me: “Well, there was no charge.” Caller: “But you’re my insurance! You are supposed to pay.” Me: “Ma’am, the doctor did not charge for this service. There was no amount billed.” Caller: “So I have to pay the doctor?” Me: “No, ma’am… he charged zero dollars. It was free.” Caller: “I don’t see why I pay for insurance if you’re not going to pay.” Me: “We gave the doctor what he asked for.” Caller: “So you’re going to pay him?” Me: *sigh* “Yes, ma’am. We’ll take care of this, and make sure you’re not charged.” Caller: “Ha! I told my husband if I called and argued with you, you’d cave!” Me: “Yes, ma’am. We do want to make you happy. Have a good day now…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:48 pm Post #17389 |
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Just Tell ‘Em What They Want To Hear Hotel | Lake Louise, Alberta, Canada Me: “Hello, and welcome to ***** Hotel. How was the drive up here?” Wife: “Oh, it was stunning! I have never seen such beautiful trees, and the water, such a pretty color in the lake!” Husband: “It was a very nice drive indeed.” Me: “Well that’s great, we pride ourselves on our natural beauty here in Canada. Can I get your names for your reservation?” Wife: “Yes, indeed. Here you go.” (She hands me her confirmation sheet.) Wife: “Can you tell me though, how do you get the water in Lake Louise that turquoise color?” Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?” Wife: “Well the water is so clear, but it’s green, it looks like the ocean. Do you paint the bottom that color?” Me: “Oh no, the water has a green color because of the copper minerals in the water. When they oxidize, that’s why it looks like the ocean.” Wife: “Oh, that’s crazy! Everybody knows copper is brown like a penny, not green. It’s painted, isn’t it?!” (I tried to explain for quite some time that we don’t dye the water, and that copper is the reason it looks blue-green.) Wife: “Well there is no way that its natural! ” Me: *getting annoyed* “Yes, we drain the lake and paint the bottom of the lake at night.” Wife: “See, was it so hard to tell the truth?” *walks away* My manager: “You know, I should fire you for that… but I think I would have done the same thing.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:49 pm Post #17390 |
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When They’re Right, They’re Right Gas Station | Richmond, VA, USa (We’re helping a customer inside our gas station. Suddenly, a Camaro peels off out of the parking lot, squealing its tires.) Customer: *yells* “Okay! We get it! You have a small penis!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:50 pm Post #17391 |
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Playing Hide And Don’t Seek Bookstore | Tampa, FL, USA Bookstore customer: “Do you have the CD, Lord Lift Our Voices Up On High, Volume 11?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t have it. We do have Volumes 9 and 10. I can show you where they are.” Customer: “No, no, I already have those. I like them. Do you have God Loves America, Volume 12?” Me: “Let me check… yes! We have that one. I can show you.” Customer: “Do you have God Loves America, Volume 11?” Me: “Yes. I can show–” Customer: “Do you have God Loves America, Volume 10?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “Volume 9?” Me: “Yes.” (This continues until we get to Volume 3.) Me: “Would you like to know about Volumes 1 and 2?” Customer: “No, I have those. I like them. Have you heard them?” Me: “No… so, let me just get these CDs for you.” Customer: “No thanks.” (I’ve been helping her for nearly 20 minutes, and suspect she has mental issues; thankfully, she goes away. Ten minutes later, I hear the same customer speak up loudly behind me.) Customer: “Well, I don’t want to go to the doctor tomorrow, but they tell me I have to.” Me: “Oh, uh, ehrm… yeah?” Customer: “Yeah. Colonoscopy. I don’t want to, but they have to find out where the bleeding’s coming from.” Me: *whimpers* (At this point, I leave the music department and hide between the far right security sensor and a book display just outside it. The store manager walks by and sees me.) Manager: “What are you doing?” Me: “Hiding from a customer who was telling me about her upcoming colonoscopy! She says they have to find out where the bleeding’s coming from!” Manager: “You can stay.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:52 pm Post #17392 |
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They Grow Up So Fast Movie Theater | Philadelphia, PA, USA Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [movie], please.” Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?” Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18* Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.” Customer: “But it’s for my son!” Coworker: “How old is your son?” Customer: “16…” Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16 year old son?” Customer: “That’s right!” Coworker: “Let me get my manager…” Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.” Customer: “But he’s my son!” Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?” Customer: “YES! It happens, I promise you!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:52 pm Post #17393 |
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Permission To Abuse, Denied Retail | St. John's, NL, Canada (I’m trying to organize curtains, shams, valances, etc., when a customer approaches me.) Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?” Me: “I certainly do, can I help you with anything?” Customer: *snotty* “Yeah, can you get out of my way, please?” Me: “…” Customer, to his wife: “I can say that to her because she works here!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:53 pm Post #17394 |
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Prankin’ Like It’s 1929 Grocery Store | Panama City Beach, FL, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?” Older caller: “Ma’am, do y’all sell olive oil?” Me: “Yes, ma’am.” Older caller: “But do you have it in a can?” Me: “I’ve never seen one, but I know we have it in bottles of varying–” Older caller: “Could you check for me?” (I go down the aisle and sure enough, we carry massive 3-liter tin containers.) Me: “Ma’am, sorry about the wait. But to answer your question, we do have it in large three-liter cans as well as bottles of varying size. If you want I can pull one off the shelf and hold it at the Service De–” Older caller: “So you DO have olive oil in a can?” Me: “Yes, ma’am. Aisle four.” Older caller: “WELL, YOU BETTER TELL HER THAT POPEYE’S LOOKIN’ FOR HER!” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:54 pm Post #17395 |
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The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies Coffee Shop | San Jose, CA, USA (A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.) Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.” Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.” Customer: “But I want my round lid!” Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.” Customer: “Ooohhh…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:54 pm Post #17396 |
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The Devil Is In The De-Tails Vet | Ohio, USA Me: “Hello, how can I help you?” Customer: “I’d like to make an appointment for a dismemberment.” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “I want to bring in my dog for a dismemberment!” Me: “Oh! You must mean a distemper shot.” Customer: “Yes! Now, when can I get my dog dismembered?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:54 pm Post #17397 |
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Gastrointestinalcentrism Restaurant | Reno, NV, USA Me: “Thank you for calling *** Mexican Grill, how can I help you?” Caller: “Hello, do you have mashed potatoes?” Me: “No, ma’am. This is a Mexican restaurant.” Caller: “Oh. Do you have lasagna?” Me: “No, ma’am… this is a MEXICAN restaurant.” (The customer finally orders some tacos.) Me: “Anything else, ma’am?” Caller: “Do you have spaghetti?” Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t have spaghetti.” Caller: “WHAT KIND OF A RESTAURANT IS THIS?” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:56 pm Post #17398 |
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$20k A Year For Beer And Bongs Shoe Store | Midland, MI, USA (A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.) Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.” Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:57 pm Post #17399 |
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Getting A Word In Edgewise Gift Shop | Adelaide, Australia Customer: “I want to see that brooch.” Me: “Here it is–” Customer: “How much is it?” Me: “Well, it’s–” Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!” Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–” Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.” Me: “It costs thirty–” Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!” Me: “Thirty five dol–” Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.” Me: “…” Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?” Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.” Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 27, 2009 1:57 pm Post #17400 |
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Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2 Hotel | Richmond, VA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel], this is John speaking, how can I help you? Caller: “I’m trying to get in contact with Mike Hunt.” (I check the guest list to make sure we don’t actually have a Michael Hunt staying with us.) Me: “Yes, Mr. Hunt is sharing a room with I.P. Freely, and he asked me to give you a message: he said to not call here again until you can come up with something a little more original, you pathetic losers.” Caller: *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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