 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,166 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:19 pm Post #17181 |
 
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1-800-DUHHHHH Phone Company | Las Vegas, NV, USA Me: “Operator…” Customer: “I need to call long distance to New York.” Me: “Okay ma’am, you need to hang up and dial ‘00′ for the long distance operator.” Customer: “I don’t have a ‘00′ button on my phone. I only have a ‘0′!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:21 pm Post #17182 |
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Like Father, Like Son Office Supply Store | Santa Fe, NM, USA (A guy walks up to the register carrying his two or three year old son and places him on the counter.) Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?” Guy: “No, and I don’t want one either. No!” (The little boy grabs the stylus from the PIN pad and starts trying to draw.) Little boy: “No! No! No! No!” Me: *jokingly* “See, look what you taught him.” (The guy tries to take the stylus from his son.) Guy: “Give me the d*** pen!” Little boy: “Give me the d*** pen! Give me the d*** pen!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:21 pm Post #17183 |
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How Many Ways Can You Say Woof Card Store | Palm Beach, FL, USA Customer: “Hi, do you work here?” Me: “Yeah, can I help you?” Customer: “My son is in the hospital because of a car accident, and I want to get him a sympathy card.” Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; the sympathy cards are right over here.” (The customer goes through the cards for a few minutes, and then comes back to find me at the counter.) Customer: “I found a card for him from me, but I also need one from his dog.” Me: “His… dog?” Customer: “Yes, I want to send him a card from his dog to show him that he cares.” Me: “I don’t think we carry sympathy cards from pets. But, we do have blank cards with pictures of dogs on them that you can use.” Customer: “No! It has to be a SYMPATHY CARD!” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we just don’t sell that card.” Customer: “Yes you do! I saw one like it just a few weeks ago! I want to see your manager!” Manager: “Is there a problem ma’am?” Customer: “YES! I need a sympathy card for my son from his dog!” Manager: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we don’t carry that type of card.” Customer: “Yes you do! I saw it here a few weeks ago!” Manager: “I’m sorry, but we’ve never sold that type of card here before. You could fill out a blank card if you like? They’re pretty cheap, and some have pictures of dogs on them.” Customer: “Uggghhh!” *throws hand up in the air* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:29 pm Post #17184 |
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Kitteh Sez STFU Pet Store | Concord, CA, USA (I’m tending to the cats at our pet store when a young woman comes up and points at a small tabby, Velma.) Me: “Ah, would you like to see Velma? She’s a little shy but very sweet.” Customer: “I can has cat?” Me: “Um… if you are interested in adopting, I’ll be happy to get out Velma or any of the cats so that you can get to know them a little better.” Customer: “I can has lolcat?” Me: “…” Customer: “She is in her playpen, stealin our funs!” Me: “You know, pets can be a big responsibility, and I’m not sure a cat would be the best thing for you right now.” Customer: “K thanks bye!” *turns and walks out of the store* Me, to Velma: “I think I may have just saved your life.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:30 pm Post #17185 |
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It’s Pr0ning LOLcats And Blogs Electronics Store | Ohio, USA (I was teaching a 60 year-old or so guy how to use the internet.) Customer: “So… I can search for… ANYTHING?” Me: “Anything.” Customer: “And this will just find it for me?” Me: “Yup.” (We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.) Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?” Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.” Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?” Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.” (The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.) Customer: “You just saved my marriage.” (Enjoy your porn, Gary.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:31 pm Post #17186 |
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How Spiderwoman Goes Shopping Retail | New York, NY, USA Customer: “Excuse me, where is the exit to the street?” Me: “Take the escalator down to the first floor and go out any of the doors.” Customer: “Down? I have to go down? But I came in on this floor.” Me: “Ma’am, this is the 3rd floor.” Customer: “But I came in on this floor.” Me: “That’s impossible, this is the 3rd floor. ” Customer: “Are you sure? I swear I came in on this floor. And you know, the customer is always right. ” Me: “Unless you scaled the building to get in, I am right on this one.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:32 pm Post #17187 |
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Natural Selection In Action, Part 3 Historic Fort | Ontario, Canada (I work at a historic fort and am dressed as soldier from the 1800s. I help tourists find their way around.) Tourist: ”Oooh, is that a real gun?” Me: “Yes it is, it was made in 1865.” Tourist: “Oooh, does it still work?” Me: “Yes it does!” Tourist: “Can I get a picture of you pointing it at me?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:33 pm Post #17188 |
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Natural Selection In Action, Part 2 Zoo | St. Paul, MN, USA Zoo visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?” Me: “No, lions are carnivores.” Zoo visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?” Me: “Sir, lions are well known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.” Zoo visitor: “Are you sure about that?” Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.” Zoo visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?” Me: “My point exactly.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:34 pm Post #17189 |
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Natural Selection In Action Sandwich Shop | New Jersey, USA (A man walks in and is very excited about getting a cheese steak.) Customer: “Let me get everything on that, but no tomatoes!” Me: “Don’t worry, it doesn’t come with tomatoes.” Customer: “Good! No tomatoes though, man. Absolutely no tomatoes! I’m allergic to tomatoes, man.” Me: “Not a problem.” Customer: “Good. Just make sure there’s no tomatoes ’cause I’m really allergic to them and I could die. If you put tomatoes on there it will kill me!” Me: “Okay…” Customer: “Now let me get extra ketchup.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:35 pm Post #17190 |
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Not Quite An Open And Shut Case Video Store | Kittery, ME, USA (This caller was a real-life version of the one in How To Open a Book.) Caller: “Hi, I bought a DVD here earlier today, but I can’t get it out of the case. ” Me: “Alright, is it a new or pre-owned DVD?” (Our pre-owned DVDs are all locked with a piece of red plastic that has to be removed before they leave the store.) Caller: “I don’t know. It was like $7.” Me: “Well, we have both pre-owned and new movies at that price. Is the case wrapped in plastic?” Caller: “Well, there’s plastic on it.” Me: “Alright, so you’ll need to take the plastic off of the case.” Caller: “That won’t break it?” Me: “If the case is wrapped in transparent plastic, you are going to need to remove all of that plastic first.” Caller: “How? I don’t want to break it.” Me: “Okay. You’ll need to remove the plastic wrap. If you have problems, get a pair of scissors or a knife and use that to cut open the plastic, and then take it off the case.” Caller: “Okay, but it still won’t open.” Me: “Are there any stickers covering the sides of the case?” Caller: “Yes. There’s one on the top. ” Me: “You’ll need to pull that off.” Caller: “The case still won’t open, though. I don’t want to break it.” Me: “Are there any other stickers on the case?” Caller: “No. Well, there’s one of the left side that looks like the one on the top.” Me: “Right. You’ll have to remove that. And any other stickers that look like it.” Caller: “Oh, okay. But it’s still not opening.” Me: “Any other stickers or plastic wrap?” Caller: “No!” Me: “Okay… tell me, what does the case look like?” Caller: “Well, there’s the side of the case that says the name of the movie and then there’s a black side that looks like the top and bottom.” Me: “And what side are you trying to open? The black side?” Caller: “No! The side with the title! Why isn’t it opening?” Me: “Okay. I want you to put the case down on a table or something. Okay? Now. Put the case face up, like a book, with the front of the case facing you. Okay? Now. Go to the RIGHT side of the case, with the two black pieces of plastic–” Caller: “Not the left side?” Me: “No. NOT the left side. The RIGHT side.” Caller: “So not the side with the title?” Me: “No. The RIGHT side. Now. Pull the RIGHT side open.” Caller: “It isn’t working!” Me: “Are you opening the RIGHT side?” Caller: “No.” Me: “Try the RIGHT side.” Caller: “…Oh. Thanks. They shouldn’t make these so hard to open you know!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:35 pm Post #17191 |
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If L’apostrophe, Then French Coffee Shop | Queensland, Australia (A very angry customer brings a small bag of instant coffee to the counter.) Customer: “HOW DARE YOU STOCK THIS?!” Me: “Um, I’m sorry… can I help you, sir?” Customer: “This is Australia! How dare you support some French s*** in our country?!” Me: “Excuse me, sir?” Customer: “THIS!” *holds the bag out* “See! Right here: ‘Proudly Supporting Jun’ar Ne’ball In Australia.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it actually says, “Proudly supporting Junior Netball in Australia.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:36 pm Post #17192 |
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Personally, I Go There To Do My Taxes Movie Theater | Coventry, UK (A group of annoying teenagers had been removed from one of the screens in the cinema for being loud and causing a huge disturbance.) Teenager: “I want a refund. I want to talk to a manager. This is unfair!” Usher: “Well, you can talk to a manager, but they’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told you.” *calls manager over* Manager: “What’s the problem here?” Teenager: “We’ve been kicked out of the cinema because apparently someone said we were being noisy and disturbing the film.” Manager: “Yes?” Teenager: “Yeah, well, we think it’s unfair and we want a refund.” Manager: “And why should we give you a refund?” Teenager: “Well you know how it is… you come to the cinema to have a laugh and a chat with your mates–” Manager: “No you don’t. You come to the cinema to watch a film. Get out.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:36 pm Post #17193 |
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You Know What They Say About Idle Hands… Pizza Restaurant | Port St. Lucie, FL, USA Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], may I take your order?” Customer: “Yes, I’d like a one of those large philly cheesesteak pizzas you’re advertising on TV.” Me: “Sir, that’s not us. That’s [competitor].” Customer: “What do you mean that’s not you? I just saw the commercial.” Me: “I don’t know what commercial you saw, but we don’t have that pizza. Only [competitor] does.” Customer: “Let me talk to your manager, because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.” Me: “Sir, I am the manager.” Customer: “Well, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. I want your bosses number. I’m gonna tell him about this and then we’ll see.” Me: “You’re welcome to call him, but he’ll tell you the same thing I did: that’s not our pizza.” Customer: “Then I’ll call his boss and their boss and keep going till I finally get someone who agrees with me!” Me: *sarcastically* “Must be nice to have that much time on your hands!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:37 pm Post #17194 |
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Bureacracy’s Hidden Benefits Welfare Office | Minnesota, USA Me: “Hi, how can I help you?” Client: “I’d like to know why I haven’t received my benefits.” Me: “Let’s just pull up your case. Can I have your case number?” (The client gives me their case number and I pull up the case.) Me: “Well, it looks like you didn’t return your application. Without an application, we can’t approve welfare benefits.” Client: “Can’t we do it over the phone?” Me: “No, you need to come in and do an in-person interview so we can get an ID and a signature.” Client: “So, we can’t do it over the phone?” Me: “No, we need a face-to-face interview.” Client: “That’s just too much work. I’ll just go get a job!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:39 pm Post #17195 |
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One Track Minds And Earwax Don’t Mix Telemarketing | Beverly, MA Me: “What size?” Lady: “Electric Lime.” Me: “What size?” Lady: “Electric Lime.” Me: “That’s a color miss. What size did you want the harness in?” Lady: “What do you mean, ‘What size?’” Me: “How many inches is it?” Lady: “Oh I didn’t even think about the size.” *grimace* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:39 pm Post #17196 |
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Introducing The DK Spring Collection Movie Theater | Burlington, NC, USA Customer: “I’d like two tickets for the Green Knight, please.” Me: “You mean the Dark Knight, ma’am?” Customer: “No, I mean the Green Knight! The Batman movie!” Me: “Ma’am, the only Batman movie currently showing is the Dark Knight.” Customer: “I’ve never heard of that! I don’t want to see it! Give me two for the Green Knight!” Me: “Ma’am, there is no such movie.” Customer: “Fine. We’ll go see this Dark Knight thing, then. But I just want you to know I am not pleased!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:41 pm Post #17197 |
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Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart Pet Store | Jensen Beach, FL, USA (It’s Halloween, and I’m dressed up as a vampire and wearing a pentacle necklace. The crew is planning on going out after work for a party.) Me: “Did you find everything you needed tonight?” Customer: “Yes, thank you. Can I just say that I think it was very nice of them to let you all dress up for tonight? I really like what you have on.” Me: “Thank you, ma’am.” Customer: “But don’t you think you took it a little too far?” Me: “Uh… took what too far?” Customer: “Well I understand that you’re supposed to be some type of vampire, but don’t you think that necklace is taking it too far?” Me: “Oh, that. That’s not part of my costume, I always wear that.” Customer: *loudly* “Well if you want to risk burning in H*** for wearing that devil worshiping symbol, that’s just fine with me… but they shouldn’t be letting you wear that here in a public place!” Me: *sarcastically* “Well, why shouldn’t they let me wear it? After all, we all practice together and I’m the high priestess. In fact as soon as you leave, we’re gonna close up the store, start a bonfire in the parking lot, and then dance naked around it until dawn.” Customer, to one of my managers: “Aren’t you going to do anything about what she said to me?” Manager #1: “Yes, ma’am. As soon as you leave, we’re going to close the store.” Customer: “THAT’S IT?!” Manager #2: “Of course not, ma’am. You heard the rest of our… plans.” (And with the kind of timing that only happens once in a lifetime, a stock boy unwittingly walks out of the back room while taking his uniform shirt off at the same time. The customer practically runs out of the store.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:53 pm Post #17198 |
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Doctoring Under The Influence Restaurant | Portland, OR, USA (It’s St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish pub, and I’m serving a table with ten drunken customers.) Drunken table: “Hey! We need some more drinks over here! We’ve been waiting quite a while!” Me: “Sure, what can I get for you!” (They proceed to order 10 different, complex cocktail orders.) Me: “Great, I’ll get these into the bar as soon as possible.” (Five minutes later…) Lady at drunken table: “Hey! We’ve been waiting for our drinks! Where the h*** are they?!” Me: “Well, we’re pretty busy and the bar is backed up a bit. Sorry for the delay.” Lady at drunken table: “Well, we sure aren’t impressed with the service here. My husband is a doctor, and he’s on call tonight, so we really need our drinks served promptly!” Doctor at drunken table: “Yesshh, I need my drinksh right nooow!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:55 pm Post #17199 |
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Cottonballs Are In The Left Drawer Call Center | Portland, OR, USA Me: “Thank you for calling **** refill center. May I verify the last four digits of your mobile phone number?” Customer: “Yes.” (I hear four loud beeps as the customer pressing the buttons on his phone.) Me: “Sir, can you please TELL me the last four digits of your mobile phone number?” Customer: Oh, sure…” (Four loud beeps again.) Me: “Sir, I need you to say to me the last four digits of your mobile number.” Customer: “Oh, okay…” *reads numbers* Me: “Thank you. And may I verify your zip code, please?” Customer: “Sure.” (Another five beeps come from the phone.) Me: *whimpers* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:56 pm Post #17200 |
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Best Pet Advice, Ever Pet Store | New York, NY, USA Customer: “Hi, can you help me?” Me: “Sure, what do you need?” Customer: “I’m looking for a puppy. I need one that doesn’t grow.” Me: “Uh… all puppies grow.” Customer: “But, I need one that doesn’t.” Me: “Maybe a toy chihuahua? They only get to be about 7 lbs.” Customer: “How big are they now?” Me: “They’re about 4 lbs right now.” Customer: “BUT THAT MEANS THEY GROW!” Me: “Ma’am, all puppies grow.” Customer: “BUT I WANT ONE THAT DOESN’T.” Me: “Then maybe you should try Build-A-Bear.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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