 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,167 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:56 pm Post #17161 |
 
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Chairlike People And Other Objects, Beware Tech Support | Nova Scotia, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling *** Support, how can I help you?” Customer: “Okay, well, you know how the laptop computers look like chairs?” Me: “I guess I can kinda see how you could possibly think that…” Customer: “Well, I sat on it, and now it’s broken.” Me: “Unfortunately, any sort of warranty will not cover accidental damage on the computer.” Customer: “It wasn’t accidental.” Me: “If you sat on it, then it is considered accidental damage.” Customer: “It’s NOT accidental damage! You think somebody just sits on their computer by accident?!” Me: “Okay… so the computer is damaged, right?” Customer: “YES!” Me: “So, what would you like me to do for you?” Customer: “I want you to fix my computer! It’s broken!” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but any personal damage done to the computer is not covered under warranty. I can possibly send it in to be fixed, but there will be a charge.” Customer: “It’s not personal damage! I sat on it!” Me: “If you sat on the computer, than you damaged it personally, and it is not covered under warranty.” Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:57 pm Post #17162 |
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Daddy’s Little Grown-Up And Not-So-Bright Girl Theme Park | San Antonio, TX, USA Customer: “I’m lost. Can I use your phone?” Me: “I’m sorry, our phones don’t call outside the park.” Customer: “Can’t you call somebody to help me? I’m lost and I can’t find my daddy.” Me: “Sure. How old are you?” Customer: “19.” Me: “… I’m afraid our security only helps lost children.” Customer: “But I AM lost.” Me: “Well, do you know his cell number?” Customer: “Yeah.” *pulls out cellphone* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:57 pm Post #17163 |
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Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4 Grocery Store | Capitol Region, NY, USA Customer: “What time do you guys close?” Me: “Nine.” Customer: “… o’clock?” Me: ”No… feet. Nine feet.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:58 pm Post #17164 |
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Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3 Pizza Delivery | San Diego, CA, USA (I’m delivering some pizzas and “quepapas.” They come with ranch dressing for dipping but my co-worker forgot to put the ranch in the box.) Customer: “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna have a look at the quepapas, because last time I got them they were cold.” Me: “Sure thing, not a problem.” Customer: *opens box* “Where the heck is the ranch dressing?!” Me: “I’m sorry sir, I guess we forgot to put it in the box. I could go back and get it for you if you would like.” Customer: “Well yeah! How am I supposed to eat them without ranch dressing?!” Me: “I would try sticking it in your mouth, followed by chewing and then swallowing…” Customer: “Good one, jacka**!” *slams door* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:58 pm Post #17165 |
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Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2 Department Store | Denver, CO, USA (I’m standing right in front of about ten racks of toys and a giant sign that says “Toy Shop.”) Customer: “Do you carry toys?” Me: *turns, looks up at the sign* “Nope.” (Customer walks off to continue her search.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:59 pm Post #17166 |
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Ask A Stupid Question … Bookstore | Sacramento, CA Bookstore Customer: “Do people donate all these books to you?” Me: “Yes. We show up for work every morning and there are boxes of valuable books sitting at the front door.” Bookstore Customer: “Wow, really! I could open a book store?” Me: “Sure!” Bookstore Customer: “If I opened a store, how would people know where to leave the books?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:59 pm Post #17167 |
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Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid Retail | Somerset, UK Customer: “What size is this rug?” Me, reading label: “54″ x 72″.” Customer: “So how big is that?” Me: “In centimetres? It’s…” Customer: “No, in inches.” Me: “It’s 54 inches x 72 inches.” Customer: “OK. And what colour is it?” Me: “Lilac.” Customer: “Right…and would it look good in my lounge?” Me: “I don’t know…I’ve never seen your lounge.” Customer: “No, I guess you haven’t. Do you think I have room for it?” Me: ?@#! |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:00 pm Post #17168 |
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On The Need For Hazard Pay Video Rental Store | Washington, D.C., USA (A customer walks into the video rental store, clearly confused.) Customer: “Where can I rent some condoms?” Me: “… try the grocery store. We rent movies only.” Customer: “But, don’t you guys… umm… cater to that kind of customer?” Me: “Not my job to know, sir. Personally, I would never sell them here, let alone rent them.” Customer: “That’s because you’re a stupid Catholic who’s not going to get laid until you are married! F*** YOU AND YOUR F***ING MORALS!” Me: “I am going to have to ask you to leave, sir. Your behavior is unacceptable in this store.” (The customer suddenly grabs the fliers on the counter for the upcoming movies, throws them everywhere and then sprints out.) Another customer: “They don’t pay you enough, do they son?” Me: “Nope…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:01 pm Post #17169 |
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Paging Leonidas To The Front Desk Hardware Store | New York, NY, USA Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!” Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.” Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!” (At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what’s going on; note that I’m the manager.) Me: “Is there a problem?” Customer: “Yes sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!” Me: “Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don’t have what you’re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check–” Customer: “F**K THAT!!! IT’S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!” Me: “That’s it. Get out of my store.” Customer: “What? NO!” Me: “Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.” Customer: “Then do it!” (I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.) Me: “Now, then… you wanna apologize and maybe come back in?” Customer: “No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!” Me: *puts the customer down* Customer: *confused* “… What is it?” (I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.) Me: “Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!” *kicks customer out of store and slams door* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:01 pm Post #17170 |
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*Prays For Baby* Call Center | New York, USA (I work at a company that sells parts over the phone. Customers need to get us a model number so we can help them find parts.) Me: “The model number will be located right on the back of the TV.” Customer: “I can’t see the back of the TV.” Me: “Well, can you turn the TV around?” Customer: “No I can’t turn the TV around! It might fall on the baby!” Me: “I’m… sorry?” Customer: “Ugh, the baby is under the TV! If I turn it, it might fall on the baby!” Me: “Well, can you move the baby?” Customer: “Ugh, fine, I guess!” (She got her part and the baby survived the exchange.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:02 pm Post #17171 |
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Slightly Better Than The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything Retail | California, USA Customer: “I want to buy some lottery tickets.” Me: “Okay. Which game, and how many?” Customer: “I don’t want to give away my secret plan!” Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what you want, I can’t sell you the appropriate ticket. I need to know what you want to get it for you.” (There’s a long pause during which she just blinks at me and the clerks behind me.) Customer: “… oh. Well, I’ll take two Super Lottos, then…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:08 pm Post #17172 |
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I’m Sorry… That You And Your Son Are Idiots Hotel | Columbia, MD, USA (The night before, I called the police because of a hit and run in the parking lot of my hotel. The cops put some kid in handcuffs because of a tip I gave them. The next night the kid’s mother found me.) Mom: “Hey! You’re the girl Alice that was working last night!” Me: “Yes ma’am, I am.” Mom: “You know that the cops put handcuffs on my 16 year-old son?” Me: “Yes ma’am, I was here for that.” Mom: “Well, the police told me a girl named Alice told them my son wrecked that car last night. I want to know why you told them that.” Me: “Well, ma’am. Your son was down here talking about the car accident he was involved in last night.” Mom: “But the cops put him in handcuffs!” Me: “…” Mom: “My son is only 16 years old, and they put him in handcuffs and didn’t even tell me!” Me: “Well, what would you like me to do about that?” Mom: “I want you to apologize.” Me: “For what?” Mom: “For calling to police and getting my son handcuffed!” Me: “You want me to apologize for reporting a crime?” Mom: “Yes!” Me: “Well, I’m not sorry.” Mom: “But the police put him in handcuffs!” Me: “Well, sounds like you have a problem with the police.” Mom: “Listen here, b****, I’m not leaving until you say you’re sorry!” Me: “You might be a while ma’am, because I’m not sorry!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:09 pm Post #17173 |
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Shoplift And Drag And Haul Away Furniture Store | Georgia, USA (Furniture stores typically require the sales staff to discretely follow customers in order to be on hand if there are any questions.) Me: “Welcome to *** Furniture. Do you see anything you like?” Customer: “What’s that supposed to mean? What, you think I’m gonna take something? I got money. I ain’t gotta steal nothing from your store.” Me: “No, ma’am. I was just checking to see if you needed any help. I didn’t think you were trying to take anything.” Customer: “I ain’t no shoplifter. I said I got money. What, you think I’m gonna try to take something outta here?” Me: ”It’s a furniture store, ma’am. If you can fit a loveseat in your pocket, you’re welcome to it.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:11 pm Post #17174 |
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When Nomenclature Goes Amok Tech Support | USA Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.” Customer: “That’s why I hate this ‘Windows’–because of the icons–I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.” Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-” Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘industry terms’. I don’t believe in icons.” Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…it’s a ‘little picture’, okay?” Customer: *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:13 pm Post #17175 |
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Foldering The Blame Drug Store | Orlando, FL, USA Customer: “Excuse me, where are the red pocket folders? I don’t see them here.” Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out of that color.” Customer: “Well, my son HAS to have one for his class.” Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out. We may have more on Saturday.” Customer: “What do you mean by ‘may have?’ Don’t you know?” Me: “Well, they come to us in assorted colors. We don’t have a choice of what we receive.” Customer: “My son has been getting an ‘F’ every day from his teacher for the past week! He will keep getting an ‘F’ until he brings one in!” Me: “Have you tried the office supply store across the street?” Customer: “Is this how you treat your customers? It will be YOUR fault when he flunks out for this!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:14 pm Post #17176 |
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Hmm, I Think Someone Made A Phone Call Hardware Store | Delaware Customer: “Yes, I’d like… some pine.” Me: “Okay. What size do you need?” Customer: “Oh, just a regular board.” Me: “No problem. But lumber comes in different sizes. What size would you like?” Customer: “Just a regular size.” Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t a ‘regular size.’ Did you want to check and find out what size you needed?” Customer: “No, I just need an average size piece of wood.” Me: “Maybe I could show you our lumber so you could see which one looks right?” Customer: “Look, I just want a piece of pine! Or uh… fir. Or spruce.” Me: “Maybe you’re looking for 2 inch thick lumber? Or is it just 1 inch, like shelving board?” Customer: “No, that’s too short.” Me: “That’s how thick the lumber is. The shortest we carry is 6 feet. What is the board being used for?” Customer: “Just get me whatever everyone else uses, I guess.” Me: “That’s the thing. People use all different sizes. Maybe if I had some idea of what it was for, I could try to guess what you need?” Customer: “Why are you making this so difficult?!” Me: Okay… could it be 8 feet long? Maybe a 2 x 4 x 8? We have pine, spruce, and fir lumber in that size. And you mentioned all three of those, right?” Customer: “What does all that mean?” Me: “If you’re getting this for someone else, maybe you should call them. We have a phone you could use right here on the desk.” Customer: “I can’t believe this. Just forget it!” *storms off* (The customer returns 15 minutes later.) Customer: “Can I have a piece of 2 x 4 x 8 spruce lumber?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:14 pm Post #17177 |
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Poor, Albeit Tasty Substitutes Retail | Concord, CA, USA Me: “Hi, welcome to ***. Do you need any help finding anything?” Customer: “Yeah, I need diapers and condoms.” Me: “Um, we don’t sell those here. We’re a beverage store.” Customer: “Oh okay, then give me some fruit roll ups and towels.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:17 pm Post #17178 |
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Decision Making Make Oggwina Confused Retail | Norfolk, UK Customer: “Hi, I’d like to book in for my photo session.” Me: “Great, what kind of date were you looking for?” Customer: “June.” Me: “Okay, we only book up to two weeks in advance but I can put something on hold for you. What kind of day and time were you looking for?” Customer: “June, maybe a weekend.” Me: “Okay, just pick a time and date and I can get that sorted for you.” Customer: “I find this very unprofessional!” Me: “… why?” Customer: “You should show me what dates you have free!” Me: “Every date and time in June; no one else is booked in yet.” Customer: *glares at me* Me: “Do you want to have a look at the diary?” Customer: “Yes, I think I’d better.” (I bring her into the office and show her the screen with our June diary on. It is COMPLETELY blank.) Customer: “So what date can I have?” Me: “What date do you want?” (This goes on and on until I finally give her a random date and time.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:18 pm Post #17179 |
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The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To Get Neutered Vet | Carbondale, IL, USA Me: “Animal hospital, how can I help you?” Caller: “Yeah, you got any prostitute dogs?” Me: “… what, sir?” Caller: “Prostitute dogs, do you have them there?” Me: “I am not quite sure I understand what you are asking me.” Caller: “My dog wont stop humping my leg. Do you have any dogs that are prostitutes that he could hump?” Me: “Sir, those don’t exist.” Caller: “How do I get him to stop humping me, then?” Me: “You could get him neutered. That sometimes helps.” Caller: “F*** NO! I ain’t choppin’ his balls off!” Me: “I am sorry, I can’t help you.” Caller: “That’s bull***t. I am going to find me a prostitute dog somewhere else!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 9:18 pm Post #17180 |
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It’s Your Fault That It’s My Fault Furniture Store | Braintree, MA, USA (This customer shows up at the store to pick up two rugs she had supposedly ordered, but I am unable to find them.) Me: “I’m sorry, but I am having some trouble finding your rugs in the store. Did somebody give you a claim check or receipt when you bought the rugs?” Customer: “No I ordered them over the phone.” Manager: “Okay ma’am, we are going to need some proof of your purchase because we can’t find the rugs you ordered.” Customer: “WHAT? I don’t have time for this!” Manager: “I’m sorry, do you remember what day you ordered the rugs or who you spoke to?” Customer: “Oh, it was sometime last week. I don’t remember who I spoke to. Can’t you just get my rugs for me?” Manager: I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have any records of you ever ordering rugs from us. If you could wait just a moment I could check the system again and see if anything comes up.” Customer: “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!” Manager: “Okay, we’re going to go upstairs and check our records a final time.” Customer: *keeps yelling as we walk away* (As we search for her rugs, she leaves the store. A little while later, she calls the store back.) Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?” Customer: “Hi! I called earlier about some rugs I ordered. I actually ordered them from another store. I’m surprised that you didn’t know that!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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