 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,168 Views) | |
| Gummy | Tue May 26, 2009 8:21 pm Post #17141 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 26, 2009 8:22 pm Post #17142 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 26, 2009 8:22 pm Post #17143 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:43 pm Post #17144 |
 
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from notalwaysright.com Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough Swimming Pool | Ontario, Canada (A coworker and I are sitting in a fairly small booth at the gates of the swimming pool. A sign that reads ‘We Do Not Accept $100 Bills’ is placed right under the sign reading ‘No Refunds Due to Inclement Weather.’) Customer: “No refunds due to inclement weather, eh? What if it’s nice?” Me: “Yes, sir, very droll.” Customer: “Alright, it’s for me and my two kids.” (The customer attempts to pay with a hundred dollar bill for something that amounts to about $5.50.) Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t accept hundred dollar bills.” Customer: “But it’s all I have!” Me: “Well, I’m afraid we can’t accept hundred dollar bills. Do you have any debit or credit cards with you?” Customer: “No, but I have this hundred!” Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we don’t accept hundred dollar bills.” Customer: “But it’s all I have!” (This repeats for about seven or eight times before I start varying it up a bit.) Me: “Bills hundred dollars accept we do not.” Customer: “But it’s all I have!” Me: “Dollar bills, hundred accept not we do!” Customer: “But it’s all I have!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:44 pm Post #17145 |
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From Bad To Worse Tech Support | Orem, UT, USA (I work in email and chat tech support, so one day, an email comes in.) “Hello Miss Sir, Please send me new one. My wife’s has defected. Boris” ——- “Dear Boris, Thanks for contacting us. If your wife’s mp3 player is defective, we will be happy to replace it. Please respond with more details on the problem. If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us.” Sincerely, AWOLangel ” ——– “Hello Miss, Yes, send new one. My wife’s has defecated.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:44 pm Post #17146 |
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It’s What’s For Dinner Fast Food | Stanwood, WA, USA Coworker: Welcome to [fast food burger joint], what’s your beef? Customer: “I ain’t got a beef, you got the beef. What’s YOUR beef?” Coworker: “I got the good beef. You want some beef?” Customer: ”Yes, I want some beef, you gonna bring it?” Coworker: “Yeah, I’ll bring it, you payin’?” Customer: ”Course I’m payin’, you makin’?” Coworker: ”Yes we’re makin’.” Customer: ”Good, how much?” Coworker: ”You have to order first, sir.” Customer: “Oh yeah…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:45 pm Post #17147 |
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My Fellow Americans, You Are Crazy Grocery Store | New Hampshire, USA Me: “That will be $**.**” Customer: “Why’d your prices go up?” Me: “Well, the cigarette tax just just went up.” Customer: “This sounds illegal.” Me: “The state tax on cigarettes just went up. We don’t have control over that.” Customer: “I know the President of the United States. I think I’m gonna give him a call.” Me: “Okay… have a nice day.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:46 pm Post #17148 |
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Almost As Bad As The Large Hadron Collider retail | Phoenix, AZ, USA Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?” Me: “Sorry, sir?” Customer: “It’s WHITE!” Me: “Yes, sir…” Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!” Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.” Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!” Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.” Customer: “You should be ashamed!” Customer’s wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.” Customer: “It’s embarrassing!” Costumer’s wife, to me: “I’m sorry…” Me: “Have a nice day.” Customer: “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:46 pm Post #17149 |
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Hoochie Grannies, Gotta Love ‘Em Coffee Shop | Vancouver, BC, Canada (A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue eyeshadow, pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.) Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.” Little old lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.” Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!” Little old lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:47 pm Post #17150 |
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A Heady Proposition Retail | Pennsylvania, USA Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!” Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?” (The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.) Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.” Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!” Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…” (The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.) Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.” Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?” Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.” Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!” Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.” Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!” Me: “A thank you card will be enough.” (Skip ahead 9 months…) Female customer: “Is your name ***?” Me: “Yes, can I help you?” Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope* (I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:48 pm Post #17151 |
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Trust Me, The Dull Finish Suits You Home Furnishings | Costa Mesa, CA, USA (A customer is looking at hardware we have on display.) Customer: “Is the polished finish… dull?” Me: “No. The polished finish is polished.” Customer: “Oh… so what’s the dull finish?” Me: “The dull finish… is.. sometimes called brushed. Customer: “So it’s not polished?” Me: “No. polished… is like a mirror. You can see your reflection.” Customer: “Oh… what do you see on the dull finish?” Me: *face palm* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:49 pm Post #17152 |
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Pepsi With A Hint Of Levis Supermarket | Worcester, MA, USA (A customer places a 2 liter bottle of soda down at the end of the conveyor belt. When the conveyor belt, moves the bottle falls over and the cap shatters; the soda leaks all over my pants.) Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to get another bottle if you still want to buy the soda.” Customer: “But I wanted that bottle!” Me: “Well, then… I’ll just squeeze the soda from my pants back into the bottle for you.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:49 pm Post #17153 |
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We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson Movie Theater | Cincinnati, OH, USA (During a major power outage that left all of Cincinnati in the dark for days, a woman calls the theater asking about movie times.) Customer: “Hi, what movies do you have playing today?” Me: “None, we don’t have electricity.” Customer: “And what time does that start?” Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t open.” Customer: “That’s too early, what else you got?” Me: “NO MOVIES ARE SHOWING TODAY!” Customer: “I heard that was no good.” Me: “We can’t show movies because we have no power!” Customer: “Is that the movie with Samuel L Jackson?” Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. It starts at 6pm but you might want to be here early because it gets crowded this time of day.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:50 pm Post #17154 |
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Sorry Jesus, Your Birthday’s Been Moved Up Retail | Los Angeles, CA, USA Me: “Hello sir, what can I get you?” Customer: “Um… can I please have a mocha latte?” Me: “Sure. That would be $3.50, please.” (Five minutes later…) Me: “Here you go, sir.” Customer: “What is this? Why isn’t the cup red?” Me: “What do you mean?” Customer: “The cup. It’s usually red!” Me: “I’m sorry, that is only around Christmas time.” Customer: “What?! THEN MAKE IT CHRISTMAS TIME!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:51 pm Post #17155 |
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How Men Shop Retail | Bakersfield, CA, USA Customer: “Can you help me find the uh… uh…” *trails off* Me: “The…” Customer: “You know, the refrigerator stuff.” Me: “Our refrigerators are–” Customer: “No! The stuff that uh, you know, is…” *trails off again* Me: “Ice cube trays? Mini fridges?” Customer: “No, no. You know, like the stuff in the refrigerator… the stuff… like tea!” Me: “You mean the food?” Customer: “Yeah, the refrigerator stuff. The teas.” Me: “Food is under the sign marked food, over on the other side of the store.” Customer: “How do you know if food is in the refrigerator?” Me: *gives up* “I have no idea.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:52 pm Post #17156 |
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…And The Baristas Shall Inherit The Earth Coffee Shop | El Paso, TX, USA Me: Good morning, what can I get for you? Customer: “Did you go to church today?” Me: “No.” Customer: “Why not?! It’s Sunday and you should be giving thanks to the Lord! I don’t like this… let me speak to your manager NOW.” Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a Christian establishment where we are required to go to church.” Customer: “Get your manager!” Manager: “Yes, ma’am?” Customer: “Why don’t your employees go to church on Sunday?! This is an outrage.” Manager: “Well, if we did there would be no one here to make your delicious coffee when you get out of church.” Customer: “Well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll let Jesus know that you guys are helping me so that you don’t go to Hell.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:53 pm Post #17157 |
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Ah, Managers Camera Store | Pennsylvania, PA, USA Customer: “Does this camera come in different colors? I really want blue.” Me: “Yes, but I’m sorry… I don’t have any blue ones. I only have black, red, and bronze.” Customer: “Blue takes better pictures.” Me: “I’m sorry?” Customer: “Yes, my brother takes pictures and says the blue ones are best.” Me: “Well, to be honest, the color only affects how it looks. It has nothing to do with the performance.” Customer: “Are you calling my brother a liar?!” Me: “No, I’m just saying he’s misinformed–” Customer: “I SAID he’s a photographer and he knows what he’s talking about. He’s been published.” Me: “I’m sure he has, but I’ve done hundreds of weddings myself and I’ve been selling for years.” Customer: “Stop it! I want to see the manager.” (I get my manager and explain the situation.) Manager: “So, I understand you want a blue camera because it’s supposed to be faster?” Customer: “Yes, I thought you guys would know that!” Manager: “You know, I think your brother was mistaken.” Customer: “But–” Manager: “Let me explain. You see, sports cars come in all colors, right? You ever notice that they always seem to sell the red ones most? Porsches, Lamborghinis and Corvettes?” Customer: “Well, yeah…” Manager: “So, I think it’s an obvious choice.” Customer: “I’ll take the red one!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:54 pm Post #17158 |
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Welcome To Retail, Part 3 Pet Store | Alberta, Canada (I’m a 16 year old, new to the job at a pet store. An elderly woman comes up to the front counter with a shopping cart full of tiny tins of cat food. None of them are stacked, and they are different brands and flavors.) Customer: “I’d like all of these, please.” Me: “Uh… alright. Are they sorted by brand?” Customer: “Why should I count them? I’m the customer!” Me: “Good point, ma’am.” (I finally get all her cans sorted and I scan them all. She then proceeds to pay for over 40 dollars of cat food with change.) Me: “There you go, ma’am. Do you want a hand out to your car with those bags?” Customer: “No, thank you.” (She gets to the door and she drops her bags. Cans go rolling everywhere.) Customer: *shrieks* “I WANT MY MONEY BACK! THIS IS CAT FOOD! I WANTED DOG FOOD!” (Needless to say, I cried.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:55 pm Post #17159 |
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Welcome To Retail, Part 2 Grocery Store | South Carolina, USA (It’s my first day on the job. I just finished scanning all of a customer’s groceries and given her the total when she holds up a roll of paper towels. She hadn’t put them on the conveyor belt.) Customer: “Why didn’t you ring this up?” Me: “Oh. You didn’t put it down on the conveyor belt. I’ll add it to your–” Customer: “Why is it my fault? You should have rung it up the first time!” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you didn’t–” Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager. ” (I call my manager over.) Manager: “What seems to be the problem?” Customer: “Yeah, she didn’t ring this up.” *holds up paper towels* Manager: “Ma’am, did you put it on the conveyour belt?” Customer: “No.” Manager: “Then how could she ring it up?” Customer: “By sliding it across the beepy thingy, duh!” Manager: “How could she if you hadn’t put it down?” Customer: “… I don’t know. She just should have!” Manager: “Well, then why don’t I take that and we’ll ring that up for you right away.” Customer: “No.” Manager: “Why not, ma’am?” Customer: “I don’t want to pay for them.” Manager: “Okay, ma’am. I can return them to the aisle for you.” Customer: “No.” Manager: “What?” Customer: “I still want them, I just don’t wanna pay. Why do you think I didn’t put them down on the move-belt thing? You gotta give them to me for free now, because I had to call you over.” Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I can’t do that.” Customer: “I’m taking them.” Manager: “That’s theft, ma’am.” Customer: “Fine!” *slams paper towels on conveyor belt* (She eventually pays, but not before flipping us the bird. How nice for my first day.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 26, 2009 8:55 pm Post #17160 |
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Welcome To Retail Electronics Store | Houston, TX, USA Me: “Hello this is Kevin.” Customer: “YOU SON OF A B****, YOU SOLD ME A DEFECTIVE MONITOR! I never in my life have had to deal with such bull s*** in my life. I don’t know what type of f***ing black magic you did to make it work at the store, but–” Me: “Ma’am, did you push the power button? Customer: “… Oh, thank you.” *click* Me: *sigh* Supervisor: “Yo dude, what’s up?” Me: “I need a raise…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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