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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,199 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:03 pm Post #16521 |
 
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She Uses The Google Web Design | New York, USA Me: “Hello, how can I help you?” Client: “Hi! I need a website…” Me: “Okay. Well, to start, tell me a little about what exactly you are looking for.” Client: “Nothing big…just 2-4 pages with my company’s info, and our phone number. It wont need to be updated. I just need a basic web page. I just opened a dog grooming business, and I feel we need a site.” Me: “Okay, well I would be glad to help you out…” Client: *interrupts* “One catch though. My friend told me that I need to get on Google.” Me: “Yes, we offer Search Engine Optimization…” *explains SEO* “…and generally your page will be indexed within about a month.” Client: “No, I need my site to be on Google immediately! I want to be able to type in ‘Dog Grooming’ and have it be the first listing on Google. I need the site in about 4 days, and it has to be on Google by then also.” Me: “I’m afraid thats impossible. Besides, you’re a local dog groomer, in NY, you don’t need people to from California to be able to find you. No offense but it’s not like people are going to fly across the country to have you cut their dog’s hair.” Client: “I guess you’re right. Okay, well then lets go with ‘local dog grooming’ instead. How much do you charge for your services?” Me: “Well ma’am, I’m afraid it’s going to be impossible to get your site built in 4 days and have it listed, by then, as the number 1 result on the largest search engine, for a term as broad as ‘Local Dog Grooming’, but we can come back to that. A ballpark quote for your site, and this is just the design and upload–this is not for the SEO you want–possibly…$250.” Client: “That is ridiculous…I am going to just buy Dreamweaver. ” Me: “Ma’am, just Dreamweaver alone is $399 and even then you’re going to need to learn how to use it.” Client: “Well can you teach me?” Me: “Ummm…I don’t mean to sound rude, but I went to 4 years of school for this, and make a living doing web design. I don’t feel comfortable training you. That’s sort of like if I were to come to your establishment, and ask you if you could take your time to show me how to properly cut my dogs hair, rather than paying you to do it.” Client: *speaking to someone else near her* “The sh*t people will tell you just to be able to steal your money!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:04 pm Post #16522 |
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A Sticky Proposition Snack Bar | Amsterdam, Holland Me: “Would you like mayonnaise on your croquette?” Customer: “Yes, please… but not on the croquette itself. Do you have a cup or something?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am.” Customer: “Oh, well… just put it in my hand, then.” Me: “… Mayonnaise?” Customer: “Yes!” Me: ‘… in your hand?” Customer: “Yes, yes!” Me: “Are you sure?” Customer: Yes!” Me: *fills the customer’s hand with mayonnaise* Customer: “Thank you!” *smiles and leaves* Me, to my manager: “I need a break.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:05 pm Post #16523 |
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She Who Wears The Pants, Part 2 Hotel | Calgary, Alberta, Canada (I’m helping a couple check out at the front desk.) Me: “Okay, and how would you like to settle the bill?” Husband: “Put it on my card you have.” Wife: “No, put it on my credit card.” *hands me her credit card* Husband: “No! put it on my credit card!” Wife: “Don’t worry about him, just put it on mine.” Husband: *grabs wife’s credit card* Wife: “Fine, do what you want! I’m out of here!” *storms out of the hotel* (The husband runs out after his wife; 10 minutes passes by and he finally returns.) Husband, very quietly: “Put it on her card…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:05 pm Post #16524 |
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She Who Wears The Pants Grocery Store | Dover, DE, USA Customer: “… and I’d like a pack of cigarettes.” Customer’s wife: “No, he doesn’t.” Customer: “Yes, I do.” Customer’s wife: “You don’t need them.” Customer: “Yes, I do.” Customer’s wife: “No, you don’t.” Me: “No offense, sir, but she’s scarier than you are.” Customer’s wife: “D*** straight!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:07 pm Post #16525 |
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No Wonder We’re In A Financial Meltdown Insurance | United Kingdom (I sell insurance. Sometimes, bank managers will ring up with customers who are in the bank. In this case, the bank lady was doing all the talking because the woman was partly deaf.) Me: “Good morning, *** insurance, how can I help you?” Bank manager: “I’m with a lady who’d like a quote, please.” Me: “Yup, no problem. Could I speak to her briefly?” (I talk to the customer and get her permission for the bank manager to do the quote with her details.) Me: “Okay, can I take her surname, please?” Bank manager: “My surname or hers?” Me: “Hers, please…” *she gives it* “… and her date of birth?” Bank manager: “Mine, or hers?” Me: “Hers…” *she gives it* “… okay, and her postcode.” Bank manager: “Why do you want my postcode?” Me: “I don’t. I want her postcode. It’s her policy, so I need her details.” (You get the general idea. This continued, right up until the very end of the insurance quote.) Me: “So, the price for the year is ***.” Bank manager: “I’d have to pay that?!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:08 pm Post #16526 |
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Toasted Restaurant | Ryebrook, NY, USA (Within a few minutes of a family of four sitting down, the fire alarm went off at our restaurant.) Me: “Hello folks, sorry for the terrible inconvenience. I’m sure everything will be cleared up here very soon.” Customer: “Is this a joke?” Me: “I assure you this isn’t a joke, unless you find it funny!” *laughs* Customer: *deafening silence* Me: “… but I also assure that there is no fire.” Customer: “I’d like to speak with a manager, please.” Me: “Sorry, but my manager is very busy at the moment dealing with the fire department. The drinks are on the house. If you could just sit tight, we’ll be with you shortly.” Customer: “You know it’s my son’s birthday, right?” Me, to son: “Oh! Happy birthday buddy!” (I jokingly slide the beer towards the son, which sets the customer off even more.) Customer: “Get a manager over here, right now!” (My manager tells me that there is a problem with the ovens that the fire department has to figure out, and that we have to evacuate the building.) Me: “I’m sorry to inform you that the grills have been turned off and–” Customer: “How can we order our food then?” Me: “Well… yeah, that’s the thing. We have to get everyone out of the building.” Customer: “Excuse me? We don’t get to eat? It’s my son’s birthday. Is there anything you can do? We are very unhappy with this!” Me: “Well, the fire department has ordered the evacuation, so I also have to leave the building.” Customer: “It is my son’s birthday. He is turning 13. How often do people turn 13? Once! You have ruined my son’s only 13th birthday!” Me: “Sorry buddy, I hope you get everything you want for your birthday!” Customer’s son: “This was my birthday present and you ruined it!” Customer: “What did you do on your 13th birthday?!” Me: “…” Customer: “NOTHING! BECAUSE YOU RUINED MY SON’S BIRTHDAY!” Me: “My 13th birthday was 8 years ago exactly.” Customer: *confused* Me: “How many times to you turn 21? Is this how you spent YOUR 21st birthday? GET OUT BEFORE I SET YOU ON FIRE!” (It’s was a bitter-sweet birthday present: Leaving work 5 hours early, but with no money.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:09 pm Post #16527 |
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Smoked Convenience Store | Spokane, WA, USA Me: “How can I help you, sir?” Customer: “I want one single cigarette.” Me: “No problem, can I see your ID?” Customer: “What? Do I look 14 to you?” Me: “No, you look 18, but unless I get ID I can’t sell them to you.” Customer: “Why cant you sell me the beer and a cigarette?” Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I could lose my job if I sold it to you without ID.” Customer: “Oh, I am sure your job is sooo great and pays you a lot?!” Me: “I’m not the one who can’t afford more than one cigarette.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:09 pm Post #16528 |
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Burned High Ropes | Liverpool, UK (I’m a high ropes instructor and work with kids in the forest. There are “No Smoking” signs posted all over the place, but I see a woman smoking right next to a sign.) Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. There’s no smoking in this area.” Customer: “Why not?” Me: “Because it could start a fire.” Customer: *snottily* “Well, I’ll make sure not to do that.” Me: “Ma’am, you still can’t smoke in this area. There are children everywhere… the smoke’s not good for them.” Customer: “Well, they’re my children, so it’s really my decision to make, isn’t it?” Me: “Actually, as this is our property, it’s our decision. Please take your disgusting habit elsewhere.” Customer: “Your FACE is disgusting.” Me: “Well, ma’am, as soon as my face starts causing cancer, you can complain.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:10 pm Post #16529 |
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When Customers Attack, Part 2 Movie Theater | Mississauga, Ontario, Canada Customer: “Yeah, can I get extra butter?” Coworker:: “Actually the butter is self-serve on the sides of concession. You can help yourself, ma’am.” Customer: *suddenly angry* “WELL IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HELP ME I WON’T COME BACK NEXT TIME!” Coworker:: “Please don’t hurt me!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:11 pm Post #16530 |
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When Customers Attack Grocery Store | Alberta, Canada (A lady comes up to me with a cart.) Lady: “Where’s the toilet paper that’s on sale?” Me: “It should be in aisle 18.” (We’re looking for the toilet paper when another man comes up and stands quietly nearby, clearly waiting for me to help him. The lady turns to the man and RAMS him with her cart.) Lady: “Stay back f***er! She’s helping me first!” Man: “Excuse me? I was just waiting to ask where the cereal is–” Lady: *rams cart into him again* “F*** OFF!” (Surprisingly, the man did not retaliate and I waved him off to the appropriate aisle.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:12 pm Post #16531 |
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You Be Difficult, I’ll Be Ditzy Furniture Store | Oklahoma City, OK, USA Me: “It’s a great day at [furniture store]! How can I direct your call?” Caller: “I want to talk to someone about my furniture.” Me: “Okay, is it just damaged, or did you want to set up a delivery?” Caller: “No. I just want to talk to someone about it.” Me: “Um… did you want to talk to your salesperson?” Caller: “No. Just someone in the dining department.” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our floor isn’t separated into departments.” Caller: “I bought it about 2 years ago. I just want to talk about it.” Me: “Did you want to talk about it with a manager?” Caller: “No.” Me: *stops caring* “Well, I would LOVE to talk about with you! Is it pretty?!” Caller: “What?” Me: “Furniture is good! It’s where people sit!” Caller: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:16 pm Post #16532 |
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Piss Poor Pizza Poacher Pizza | Burnaby, BC, Canada Me: “Hello, *** Pizza, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi. I’m supposed to get a free pizza because you guys made it wrong last time.” Me: “Okay, sir, can I have your address please?” Customer: “Why?” Me: “So I can look up your credit… we file them by address.” (He gives me his address, which isn’t in the file. I try every possible means to verify his story, and am finally convinced that he’s lying.) Me: “Did the person you dealt with last time ask for your address?” Customer: ”No, they just said I could have a free pizza.” Me: “Did they happen to give you their name?” Customer: “No, it was just some guy.” (I’m the only male manager at the restaurant.) Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you a free pizza.” Customer: “Why not?” Me: “Because I have no record of it. I can’t just give pizza away to anybody who says we screwed up.” Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “Excuse me?! What is your name?” Me: “My name is ‘guy-who’s-not-giving-you-a-free-pizza,’ what’s yours?” Customer: ”I want to speak to your manager!” Me: “I am the manager.” Customer: “Well, haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?” Me: ”Yes, that’s what people say when they’re trying to rip us off.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:18 pm Post #16533 |
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And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam, Part 2 Tech Support | Indiana, USA Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, may I have your university user name?” Caller: “What’s a user’s name?” Me: “Oh… well, how are you affiliated with [university]? Caller: “It’s what came up on my screen.” Me: “Okay… well, I’m sorry, but this help desk is only for students, staff, and faculty of our university.” Caller: “But the page said to call!” Me: “Yes. If you’re in any way affiliated with us we’d be happy to help you, but this service is for students, staff, and faculty. Caller: “But it didn’t say that, it just said to call!” Me: “Well, I apologize, but you can’t just call any number on the internet and expect support!” Caller: “Well, why not?!” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:18 pm Post #16534 |
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And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam… Bank | Santa Ana, CA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?” Customer: “Hello, I seem to have a problem with my online banking.” Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to help…” (I identify her and find nothing wrong with her accounts, flags or overdrafts.) Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not seeing anything wrong on our end. Can you describe what the problem is?” Customer: “I don’t know what the problem is. I just got a message from you that said ‘Contact Us’.” Me: “Okay, can you read me the message you received?” Customer: “It says ‘Contact Us’.” Me: “That’s all, contact us and that’s it? No explanation?” Customer: “That’s all! It just says ‘Contact Us’ in blue letters right above my messages.” Me: “Wait, above your messages? You mean the link?” Customer: “The what?” Me: “Ma’am, the blue message to contact us is a hyperlink to a blank letter. It wasn’t telling you to contact us; the link is always there for feedback, like a suggestion box.” Customer: “Oh… well, can I please speak with your supervisor! I cannot be the only one who thought this!” (I transfer her over and proceed to bang my head against my keyboard.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:19 pm Post #16535 |
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Movies That Never Should Have Been Greenlit, Vol. I Video Rental | Lansing, MI, USA Customer: “I want a free rental on my account for this movie!” Me: “Was the movie damaged? Did it skip or something?” Customer: “No, it sucked. I don’t want to pay for a bad movie.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But we don’t give free rentals on account of bad movies.” Customer: “But you people should have told me it was bad!” Me: “Well, I’m sorry. But we don’t get to see all the movies we have here.” Customer: “I don’t give a f***. This doesn’t change the fact I want a free movie!” Me: “Like I said before, we don’t give free rentals based on bad movies…” *looks at movie* “… or bad taste.” Customer: “Huh? What do you mean?” Me: “You rented Ninja Cheerleaders. This would be like me going to a restaurant, ordering a rat on a stick, eating it, and then asking to get the meal free.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:20 pm Post #16536 |
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Tech Support, Tier 666 Computer Repair | Willow Grove, PA, USA (Sometimes I get very bored at work and decide to have fun with customers.) Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?” Customer: “My computer isn’t working at all. It seems that something is wrong with it.” Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do…” (I place my hands on the computer and in my best imitation of a televangelist.) Me: “IT IS HEALED! PRAISE THE LORD!” Customer: “Oh my God, really? Are you serious?! Thank you!” Me: “No, no I’m not.” Customer: *completely baffled* Me: “I hate my life.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:20 pm Post #16537 |
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Two Letters And A Hundred Stitches Music Store | Philadelphia, PA, USA (After helping a middle aged man find many CDs…) Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?” Me: “Ryland.” Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!” Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.” Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:20 pm Post #16538 |
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Two Letters And A Hundred Stitches Music Store | Philadelphia, PA, USA (After helping a middle aged man find many CDs…) Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?” Me: “Ryland.” Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!” Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.” Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:21 pm Post #16539 |
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Airheaded, Part 2 Retail | Massapequa, New York, NY, USA Customer: “My son let go of the balloons. I need more.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that takes a long time to do and were very busy now. It will take at least an hour.” Customer: “But the party is now! What the f*** am I supposed to do with no balloons?” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it takes a while. I will do them as fast as possible.” (He leaves and I start to fill up so many balloons my fingers are red.) Customer: “About time!” Me: “Okay, sir. I’m sorry you lost the balloons, so I took 25% off.” Customer: “You’re charging me for these?!” Me: “Yes, you are buying more balloons.” Customer: “But I just paid for balloons, and they flew away.” Me: “I’m sorry, but you bought them and you’re buying more. I need to charge you.” Customer: “But this was your fault! You shouldn’t have made them so… floaty!” Me: “… I’m very sorry, but these are less… floaty.” Customer: “Really?” Me: *sarcastically* “Yes!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:21 pm Post #16540 |
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Airheaded Airline | Orange County, CA, USA (A man and his girlfriend are standing towards the front of the line to board an airplane. I’m a passenger who overhears their conversation.) Airline employee: “We are now boarding numbers 1 through 30.” (The man begins to walk away, but his girlfriend stays put.) Girlfriend: “Where are you going?” Man: “They called numbers 1 through 30.” Girlfriend: “But my number is 6!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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