 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
|
| Spam; 2.0 | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,200 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:32 pm Post #16501 |
 
|
Lieutenant BSOD, Reporting For Duty Tech Support | Nova Scotia, Canada (Back story: the customer was getting a blue screen of death on their computer.) Me: “Hello, thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you today?” Customer: “I was wondering if you could tell me who general failure is and why he is trying to read the C drive on my computer?” Me: “Ummm…excuse me?” Customer: “I said that some guy named General Failure is reading my C drive.” Me: “…How did you come to this conclusion?” Customer: “When I booted up my computer I get a big blue screen that says “General failure reading drive C,” and I demand to know who this person is!” Me: *stifling laughter* “Okay, if you don’t mind I am going to place you on hold for about 10 minutes while I do an investigation as to who this person is…” (I placed customer on hold and told my co-workers. We laughed our asses off for 10 minutes.) Me: “Thank you for holding. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I was able to find some information for you. The bad news is that I wasn’t able to confirm who this ‘General Failure’ is; I am sure he doesn’t work for us. The other thing is that your hard drive is fried, and I would advise you to try to pull any data you can off the drive and invest in a new one. Is there anything else I can do for you today?” Customer: “Um…no thank you.” (Customer hangs up and we laugh our asses off some more.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
 |
 
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:33 pm Post #16502 |
|
So Much For A Discount Retail | Boston, MA, USA Me: “Hi, is there anything I can help you find today?” Male Customer: “Well, yeah, I’m trying to get something for my wife. It’s her birthday.” (He finally decides on a sweater.) Me: “Okay, now what size would you say your wife is?” Male Customer: “Um, well, she’s kind of small… maybe about your size. What size are you?” Me: “Well, I’m a small, so if she’s a similar height and build–” Male Customer: “She’s about the same size, I guess… except thinner and with bigger boobs.” Me: “…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:33 pm Post #16503 |
|
A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2 Campground | Prince Edward Island, Canada Me: “Good evening! You have reached [campground name], how can I help?” Customer: “Excuse me miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.” Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.” Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!” Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.” Customer: ”What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?” Me: *gives up* “Yes, have a great night.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:34 pm Post #16504 |
|
A Nation Of Size Queens Information Booth | Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada (I work at a tourist information booth set up along the path by Niagara Falls.) Tourist: “Excuse me, ma’am. How do I get to the falls from here?” Me: “The Falls? They’re just behind me. That one is the Canadian Falls, also known as the Horseshoe Falls, and that other one’s the American Falls. ” Tourist: “Why is the Cay-nay-dian Falls bigger than ours?” Me: “Geography, I suppose.” Tourist: “I think you have it wrong. The big one MUST be the American one.” Me: “No, that one is the Canadian Falls.” Tourist: “This is insane! I’m going to write my congressman and demand that that there big falls should be ours! You Cay-Nay-Dians shouldn’t have the big one!” Me: “You’re going to annex our Falls? Really?” Tourist: “H*** yes I am! I have more of a right to it than you do!” Me: “But… it’s in my country.” Tourist: “Well, we’ll just see about that!” *storms off* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:34 pm Post #16505 |
|
Parental Gui-dunce Movie Theater | Vancouver, BC, Canada (I’m working at a movie theatre when a woman and her son who looks about 8 storms outside and up to me at the box office.) Customer: “I demand my money back for our movie!” Me: “Okay, no problem. Because it’s been within the first 30 minutes I can refund you the full price. What movie was it that you went to see?” Customer: “Sin City!” Me: *begins to refund the two tickets* Customer: “You know, this is ridiculous. You should have told me that this movie was inappropriate for my child. There’s not even a notice anywhere telling me this!” Me: “Uh…” Customer: “How on earth was I supposed to know that this movie is inappropriate? You really should have told me!” Me: “Are you serious? The movie is rated 18A, the poster right in front of you has a half naked lady dancing, AND it’s called SIN City! Did you expect it to be about bunnies and rainbows?” Customer: *grabs her money and storms off with her son* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:35 pm Post #16506 |
|
Make That A Triple Non-Fat Sexy Latte Coffee Shop | Vancouver, BC, Canada (A woman walks into the coffee shop and orders a latte with “sexy” foam. I make what I thought was a latte with really “sexy” foam.) Customer: “F***! This isn’t right. I want it with really sexy foam.” Me: “Okay…” (I make her another, with lots of really thick foam.) Customer: “No, no! Sexy foam, really sexy foam!” Me: “Okay, so less?” Customer: “No, you know… sexy! Sexy foam!” (I make her a third drink. This time less foam and more milk.) Customer: “You don’t get it! I want sexy foam. Really sexy foam!” Me: *giving up* “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:43 pm Post #16507 |
|
If That Doesn’t Work, Try Hogwarts Clothing Store | Manchester, UK Customer: “Oi you! I need a coat and it’s not here!” Me: “Certainly miss, do you have the catalogue number?” Customer: “No! I’ve told you it’s not here!” Me: “Okay, describe it.” Customer: “I want one that will keep me dry and warm in winter, but cool in summer.” Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock magic coats.” Customer: “Well, where could I f***ing find one like it?!” Me: “… Narnia?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:43 pm Post #16508 |
|
What’s A Synonym For Thesaurus Bookstore | Atlanta, GA, USA Me: “Hi, ma’am, can I help you find something?” Customer: “Yes, I need a synonym finder.” Me: “I’m sorry?” Customer: “A synonym finder… you know?” Me: “Oh, you mean a thesaurus?” Customer: “Yeah!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:43 pm Post #16509 |
|
How Nicknames Are Born, Part 2 Retail | Berkshire County, MA, USA Customer: “Hey, can you tell me where the rope is? I’ve been looking all over for it, but can’t seem to find it.” Me: “Oh, yeah it’s just over this way.” (I lead him to the hardware aisle, and halfway down there’s a big sign that says “Ropes” with a picture of a rope on it.) Me: “Right down there. There’s actually a sign there that says ‘Ropes’.” Customer: “You’re f***ing douche bag, you know that?!” Me: *laughs, thinking he’s joking* Customer: “That was intentional, and I WILL talk to your manager!” Me: “I apologize–” Customer: “Anytime you wanna come to my house, you just lemme know, Dingleballs!” (And from that day forward, my nickname at work was “Dingleballs”.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:44 pm Post #16510 |
|
How Nicknames Are Born Retail | Tampa, FL, USA (An intensely inebriated individual entered our store with two women in tow, one pushing a baby carriage, wearing a jordan jersey, sunglasses, and sporting gold fronts.) Customer: “CRACKAS STINK! THIS STORE STINKS! CRACKA STORE STINKS!” Me: *falls over laughing* Customer: “GOOD LORD IT STINKS! SHE GOT PURPLE HAIR, I BET IT STINKS!” Women with him: “Shut up! Shut up! I’m sorry, he doesn’t–SHUT UP! ” Me: *rolls around with glee* Customer: “STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!” (And from then on I am known as stinky hair.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:44 pm Post #16511 |
|
The Trouble With Seeing In Black And White Video Rental | Halifax, NS, Canada Caller: “I need to exchange this movie. It’s the wrong one.” Me: “Which movie were you looking for?” Caller: “Big Momma’s House.” Me: “Um, what does it say on the case?” Caller: “Big Momma’s House.” Me: “What does it say on the video cassette itself?” Caller: “Big Momma’s House.” Me: “I’m thinking you have Big Momma’s House there, Ma’am.” Caller: “But…” Me: “Yes?” Caller: “But… there’s white people in it.” Me: “There are a few of us about, ma’am. We do sneak into the odd movie here and there.” Caller: *click* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:45 pm Post #16512 |
|
Insert Butt Crack Here pharmacy | Philadelphia, PA, USA Customer: “Hi, I’m having a problem with my suppositories. They’re not working at all!” Me: “Okay, let me get the pharmacist for you so he can help you.” (The customer decides to just yell the same question over two counters to the pharmacist in front of at least 10 other people.) Pharmacist: “Ma’am, would you like to come over to our consultation are so we can talk about this privately?” Customer: “No, I just want to know why my suppositories aren’t working!” Pharmacist: “Well, okay. Are they melting before you insert them?” Customer: “No, nothing like that!” Pharmacist: “Are they breaking up into pieces before you use them?” Customer: “No, no, nothing like that! They’re all in one piece and the same shape and all that stuff! I know how to follow the d*** directions!” Pharmacist: “Are parts of the foil wrapper sticking to it at all?” Customer: “What wrapper?!” (Note: the suppository wrappers are aluminum foil with sharp edges. Ouch.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:46 pm Post #16513 |
|
Must Be One Of Them Transdimensional Cameras Photo Lab | Maryland, USA Customer: “Hi, I’m here to pick up my pictures.” (I grab the customer’s pictures and she proceeds to look through them. She then hands one of the pictures to me.) Customer: “Can you print this the other way?” Me: “The other way?” Customer: “Yes, flip it around.” Me: “Okay…” (Confused, I go into the lab, insert the film negative into the machine upside down and print a mirrored image for the customer.) Me: ”Here you go!” Customer: ”No, no, no. Flip it around!” Me: “I did. See, it’s mirrored.” Customer: ”No, no, no. My husband took the picture. Can you flip it around and print him?” Me: ”…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:51 pm Post #16514 |
|
Full Of S*** Car Park | Brisbane, Australia (A guy with a dog walks up to our car park.) Guy: “Can I bring my dog in here so it can take a dump?” Me: “Sorry, we can’t allow you to do that. Plus, you don’t even look like you’re carrying anything to clean up the mess.” Guy: “No, I’m not carrying anything to clean it up so you’ll have to do that. My dog needs to go to the toilet. You’re not being very helpful here.” Me: “Sorry, I’m just here to direct people to where they need to park.” Guy: “Look, my dog needs to go to the toilet and I’m bringing it in.” Coworker: “Look, you bloody moron. This is a car park, not a g**d*** toilet! Take your dog and piss off!” Guy: “You are not being very helpful at all! I’m going to go and issue a complaint against you but after I bring my dog in here and let it do its business!” Coworker: “You bring your dog in here and we’ll have you fined. This car park is located on government property and allowing a dog to go to the toilet carries a fine.” Guy: “It’s people like you who are what is wrong with the world!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:52 pm Post #16515 |
|
Going Bananas Veterinarian | Oildale, CA, USA Me: “Can I help you, sir?” Customer: “Yeah, I need to know what you can do for my dog. He’s really aggressive and tries to bite me and everyone. Do you train dogs here or something?” Me: “No, sir, but I can refer you to a trainer.” Customer: “I don’t have time for that I need advice now. What do you think I should do?” Me: “Well, sir, is he a show dog?” Customer: “No.” Me: “Are you going to use him for breeding?” Customer: “No.” Me: “I would suggest that you have him neutered as a first step; it will help calm him down. Also, enroll him in an obedience class, that will–” Customer: “Neuter him? You mean cut his ball off!?” Me: “Well…” Customer: “G**d***it, that’s so typical! All you feminist Nazis all just wanna cut off all us men’s balls!” (Just then, the main veterinarian comes out from the back to see what the yelling is about.) Veterinarian: “What seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I’ll tell you what! That girl there suggested I get his balls whacked off!” Veterinarian: “Now, Sarah, I’ve told you before we don’t treat exotic animals here, haven’t I?” Me: “Yes, sir?” Veterinarian: “Well lets not have this happen again…” *turns back to customer* “I am sorry, sir. We normally do not treat large apes, but since my person here already told you we did, I’ll honor it. When would you like to make the appointment?” Customer: *storms out* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:54 pm Post #16516 |
|
But Daddy, I Don’t Wanna Be An Ad Executive Office | New York, NY, USA Me: “Hello, ***. How may I help you?” Caller: “Hi. Yeah, I’m coming into New York next week and I was wondering if you could watch my kid for awhile.” Me: “… Excuse me?” Caller: “I googled ‘entertainment’ and ‘New York’ and your name came up. I saw that you do stuff with Nickelodeon. Where are you guys? Can I just drop her off?” Me: “Sir, this is an office. We handle transmedia needs for companies like Nickelodeon that want to expand awareness of their media into other formats.” Caller: “Oh, is that good for kids?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:54 pm Post #16517 |
|
Would You Like French Resistance Fries With That deli | Canberra, Australia Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?” Elderly customer: “SIX OF THE ENEMY PLEASE!” Me: “… Sorry?” Elderly customer: “Six of the german frankfurts!” Me: “Oh, right…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:55 pm Post #16518 |
|
He Uses The Google Tech Support | Saskatchewan, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling *** Services, how may I help you?” Customer: “I am an old man who does not understand anything about computers. Something is wrong… can you help me step by step?” Me: “Yes, I can. First off I need to know somethings about your computer…” (After about 5 minutes he hands the phone to his son who is a self-proclaimed computer software technician.) Customer’s son: “Hey, this is ***. I know about computers so you can speak all the Internet jargon you want.” Me: “Alright. First off, what web browser are you using?” Customer’s son: “Well I am on Google, so Internet Explorer.” Me: “… Sir?” Customer: “Yeah, since I am on Google, I’m obviously using Internet Explorer.” Me: “Can I speak with your father, sir?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:02 pm Post #16519 |
|
He Wants The Google Call Center | Unknown Location Me: “How may I help you?” Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?” Me: “Well, Sir, you would have to buy an internet connection, like our DSL to–” *cuts me off* Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!” Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine, you really need to buy a connection package first to–” *cuts me off again* Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?” Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billions, sir.” Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!” Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for $**.**, you can use Google all you want and it’ll be FREE!” Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?” Me: “Beats me, sir.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 9:02 pm Post #16520 |
|
She Uses The Google, Part 2 Restaurant | Rhode Island, USA (Over the phone…) Lady: “Is there a way to see your menu before coming in?” Me: “Yes, you can google the name of the restaurant and the first link should take you to a menu.” Lady: “What’s…’google’ mean?” Me: “It’s a search engine on the internet. It’s at google.com.” Lady: “Just a sec…” *faintly* “Google…dot…com…” Lady: “It’s not working.” Me: “Did you spell the our name correctly?” Lady: “I can’t even get to this ‘google’ page! Wait… how do you spell ‘dot’?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Matter Stream · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
 9:27 AM Jul 13
|
    
|
|
Theme by Sith of Outline
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy