 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,201 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:12 pm Post #16481 |
 
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Time To Trade In One Slightly Used Mom Flea Market | Terrace, BC, Canada Customer: “Is this flea market going well for you?” Me: “Decently… considering how many other tables here, I’m glad for the business we’ve gotten.” Customer: “You can sell just about anything here, right?” Me: “Mmhmm.” Customer: “If I give you twenty bucks, will you please sell my children?” Me: “Well…um. I’m sorry, but no.” Customer: “Please?” Me: “I’m sorry. Selling your children would be slavery.” Customer: “Okay. So, can I buy this?” *holds up a cheap ring* Me: “Sure. That’ll be–” Customer: “I’ll give you my daughter for it!” Me: “No. You know what? If I give you the ring, will you go away?” Customer: *goes away with her children and the cheap ring* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:13 pm Post #16482 |
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Mistaking Kitty For Kujo Animal Hospital | Chicago, IL, USA (I work at an animal hospital, which also helps adopt out strays. It’s a slow day, so I walk into the lobby cradling a kitten for anyone that is interested.) Customer: “Is that your cat?” Me: “No, this little guy is one of our strays. He needs a home.” Customer: “Do you have any stray dogs?” Me: “Yes, we have a couple of dogs that are available for adoption. However, we have more cats and they are easier to walk around with.” Customer: “Never was a fan of cats. Dogs are always so friendly and loyal. You could die in your chair and your dog would just lie right next to you until they died too. A cat would probably start eating the flesh off your bones!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:15 pm Post #16483 |
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Them’s Excitin’ Words Bookstore | Gainesville, FL, USA (A girl and her boyfriend approached my customer service desk.) Girl: “Excuse me, where are the dictionaries?” Me: “Aisle 13.” Girl: “Thank you!” (A few minutes later the couple returned, dictionary in hand.) Girl: “How do you spell ‘ecstatic’?” Me: “E-C-S-T-A-T-I-C.” Girl: *thumbing pages* “OK…” Boy: “I’m tellin’ you, it ain’t a real word.” (Since she was still unable to spell it, finding the word was proving difficult.) Boy: *smugly* “SEE? If it was a real word, it would BE IN THE DICTIONARY, wouldn’t it?” Girl: “I can’t find it!” Me: “Try looking up ‘ecstasy’. They usually list the adjective forms of the noun at the end of the entry.” Girl: *finding it* “Oh, here it is, see? ‘Ecstatic’ means a person experiencing ecstasy. Look, honey!” Boy: *walking away* “It AIN’T A WORD, it AIN’T!” Girl: *chasing after him waving the book* “LOOK! It’s right here! LOOOOOK!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:15 pm Post #16484 |
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Now With Smarch And Gebruary! Retail | Massachusetts, USA Customer: “Do you have any calendars?” Me: “Yes, they’re right behind you.” Customer: *looks at several calendars* “This says 16 months. What does that mean?” Me: “Well, it has the last four months of 2008, and then all of 2009.” Customer: “But there are only 12 months in a year.” Me: “I know. It has a whole year on it and then part of the previous year.” Customer: “So what are the extra months again?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:17 pm Post #16485 |
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The Orlando Hillbillies Hotel | Orlando, FL, USA (I work as a security officer in an upscale hotel near the big theme parks in Orlando. We had gotten a call from one of the rooms complaining about a break-in and theft.) Me: “Sir, you called security about a break-in? When were you out?” Customer: “Yeah! We just got back from [theme park] and somebody broke in here and took all of our used towels and soaps and stuff! Looks like they went through everythin’!” Me: “Sir? They took your used towels?” Customer: “We had a buncha towels in the bathroom and a buncha shampoo and soaps are gone too! See?! These ain’t my towels, I know because we had used ours last night and draped `em over the shower curtain to dry! What kind of establishment are y’all runnin’ here?” (I look around the bathroom–it looked tidy and neat. Clean towels were hanging on the towel rack, new bottles of courtesy soaps and shampoos were put on the bathroom counter.) Me: “Sir, were these your towels from home? Was anything else taken?” Customer: “No! We gotta buncha towels with our room and now they’re gone! Ah know because they were wet! Somebody done been in here snoopin’ through our room!” Me: “Sir… I believe that was housekeeping. They come in, clean up the room, see if you need any fresh towels and give you new–” (The man begins shouting.) Customer: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! SOMEBODY HAS BEEN IN MY ROOM!” Me: “Its called ‘Housekeeping.’ They come in and replace any toiletries you use during–” Customer: “Well I ain’t need no toilet treats! They coulda stole all my stuff!” Me: “… sir, it was our maids. They come in and clean for you. There is a complimentary safe in your closet. You can lock up anything you don’t want out when our staff–” Customer: “TELL THEM I DON’T WANT ANYONE IN MY ROOM AND GOIN’ THROUGH ALL MY STUFF! If they do it again, I’m calling the police and having all y’all arrested!” Me: “Alright, sir…” (The customer and his family stayed a whole week in the hotel. Evidently he used the same 4 towels the whole time and split a 1 oz bottle of shampoo for 4 people over 6 days.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:17 pm Post #16486 |
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A Bozo By Any Other Name Office | United Kingdom Me: “Hello, how may I help you?” (The client looks at name on desk; my name’s Hattie.) Client: “Your name is so stupid.” Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t help that. It’s not so bad. ” Client: “Your parents must really hate you.” Me: “No, I’m sure they don’t. How can I help?” Client: “I want to check my registration. Name’s Horace Gumptin.” Me: *stifles giggle* Client: “Are you laughing at me? Your name rhymes with fattie!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:19 pm Post #16487 |
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One Annoyed Paranoid Retail | Nebraska, USA (I work at the photo department and am checking out a customer with a “Happy Birthday, Grand Son!” birthday card.) Customer: “Hello… I only have this one birthday card.” Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.15. I just need your signature on the line, please.” (The customer begins to sign her receipt, then pauses. She looks closely at the slip, then looks up at me, angry.) Customer: “Now how does this know who I am?!” Me: “… excuse me?” Customer: “It has my name on it! Right here, below the line! I have never shopped here before. Where did you get my information?” Me: “Ma’am, the information comes from your credit card.” Customer: “Well!” (She signs the slip and gives it to me. I put the slip in the register drawer.) Customer: “And what are you doing with that? It has my information on it. You can’t just keep it!” Me: “Umm, we have to keep it. That’s how you pay for things…” *register prompts for a zip code* “… and may I get your zip code, please?” Customer: “Why do you need my address?!” Me: “Well, American Express needs it. It’s a security measure. And it doesn’t need your whole address, just the zip code.” Customer: “This is identity theft! Give me back my signature!” Me: “Um, I promise you, I am not. And I can’t open the drawer mid-transaction, but I can call a manager to cancel your transaction.” Customer: “You aren’t a cashier! How do I even know you work here?!”" Me: “Well, here’s my name tag. And my picture is on the wall.” Customer: “If you work in the photo department, that could be photoshopped! You do not work here! I want a manager!” Me: “Umm, okay…” *calls manager* Manager: “What can I help you with today?” Customer: “This thief is stealing my personal identity!” Manager: “Excuse me?” Customer: “I want my signature back! She is asking too many questions!” Manager: “Okay, I will take it from here. So what is your zip code?” (My manager takes care of the rest of the transaction. The receipt then prints out…) Manager: “Here you go! Tell your grandson to have a happy birthday!” Customer: “AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY GRANDSON!? YOU PEOPLE STOP AT NOTHING! I AM REPORTING YOU! THIS IS ILLEGAL!” *continues yelling all the way out the door* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:20 pm Post #16488 |
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Deranged Decades Doctor's Office | Ottawa, ON, Canada (I used to work summers for my dad, who is a psychiatrist.) Me: “Good morning, Dr. ***’s Office, how can I help you?” Caller: “Hi, I need to make an appointment with Dr. ***. Can I speak with him?” Me: “Sorry, he’s with a patient right now but if you give me your information, I’ll set up an appointment for you. Are you currently a patient of Dr. ***?” Caller: “Yes, I was a guinea pig of his when he did lithium experiments on me back in the 1940’s.” Me: “Um… I think you got your dates wrong. Dr. *** wasn’t born at that time.” Caller: “Oh, then in the 1950’s. It was in the 1950’s and he and the government were running secret experiments on me at that time.” Me: “I doubt that, he would have just been a young child at that time.” Caller: “Then it was the 1960’s, d*** it! It was at the [hospital] in Alberta in the 1960’s.” Me: “Dr. *** has never practiced in Alberta. He wasn’t even living in Canada at that time.” Caller: “Are you calling me a LIAR?” Me: “Well, considering that Dr. *** is my dad, I think I’ll take my word over yours.” Caller: “Well, then we can’t do business. No, we can’t do any business. Goodbye!” *hangs up* Me: “Wow…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:20 pm Post #16489 |
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Our Great Dumbocracy Video Rental | Buffalo, NY, USA (A woman in medical scrubs with a name badge enters the store and approaches the counter.) Customer: “Helllooo! How are YOU tonight?” Me: ”I’m doing well. How are you?” Customer: “Oh, just fine. Are you voting in this year’s election?” Me: “Yes, I am.” Customer: “Have you considered John McCain?” Me: “Well, no, not really.” Customer: “No? Who are you voting for, OBAMA?” Me: “…” Customer: “OBAMA! HA HA HA!” (She continues to laugh maniacally, inserting “OBAMA” between laughs. After a little while, she comes to the register with a few rentals.) Customer: “Hellooo! How are you tonight?” Me: “Still doing well… did you find what you were looking for?” Customer: “Have you thought at all about this year’s election?” Me: “…” Customer: “What?” Me: “We just had this conversation.” Customer: “Oh. Who are you voting for? I’m voting for Obama. I just want our troops to come home.” Me: “You just laughed at me for not wanting to vote for McCain!” Customer: *confused look* “Really? I’m so tired when I get out of work!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:21 pm Post #16490 |
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Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking Call Center | Ohio, USA Caller: ”My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!” Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–” Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!” Me: “What would you like me to do?” Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!” Me: “… Excuse me?” Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!” Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.” Caller: “WHY NOT?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:22 pm Post #16491 |
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Normal Time Vs. Customer Time Restaurant | Portsmouth, UK Me: “Hello sir, can I help?” Customer: “I want the 20 piece bargain bucket.” Me: “Well, there will be a five minute wait. We have only just opened and don’t have that quantity cooked yet.” Customer: “Fine.” (He pays and takes a seat. About three minutes later, he approaches the counter again.) Customer: “Where the f*** is my food?! I have been waiting half an hour!” Me: “Sorry, sir. We have only been open five minutes there is no way you have been waiting thirty minutes.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:22 pm Post #16492 |
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In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy Pizza | Pittsburgh, PA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling *** Pizza, would you like the special?” Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.” Me: “Sure, no problem.” Caller: “And… no feta on one side.” Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.” Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!” Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:23 pm Post #16493 |
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Is That A Tumor In Your Pocket… Pet Store | Canada (A customer is looking in our pet store’s front window at our display of hamsters, rats and mice.) Customer: “I want to make a complaint.” Me: “Sure, would you like me to get the store manager?” Customer: “Yes, right this minute.” (I get the manager.) Manager: “Yes, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I can’t believe you would actually have sick rats on display in the front window! I am going to call the humane society and have this store shut down! I am sickened that would actually have poor rats that have CANCER in the storefront window!” Manager: “… cancer?” Customer: ” YES! Just look at the size of those TUMORS on the poor backsides of all those rats in that cage!” Manager: “Um, ma’am… those are their testicles. They are full grown male rats.” Customer: *blushes* “… oh. Sorry.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:23 pm Post #16494 |
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While You’re At It, Do My Taxes Too Tech Support | Reno, NV, USA (It’s May 5th, and I’m remotely connected to a customer’s computer helping her with a billing issue.) Customer: “What race are you?” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “Well, I’m only asking because it’s Cinco De Mayo, and I’m Mexican. Well, I have Mexican blood.” Me: “Oh.” Customer: ”I need to go drink margaritas now. Could you just stay in my computer and do my billing for me? I’ll come back in the morning and print the bills out.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:24 pm Post #16495 |
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PB&Js In My PJs Home | California, USA Me: “Hello?” Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–” Me: “Uh, excuse me?” Male caller: “That was a #9.” Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.” Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?” Me: “My… house?” Male caller: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:24 pm Post #16496 |
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Drunk Dialin’ Phone Company | London, ON, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you?” Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!” Me: “Pardon me?” Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!” Me: “Why is that, sir?” Customer: “Well, youse is the phone company, right? Youse guys make the phones ring, right?” Me: “Umm…” Customer: “My phone f***ing rang and I knocked my bottle over tryin’ to get it.” Me: “Oh, right.” *laughs* Customer: “YOU THINK I’M JOKIN’?! Get me a manager!” Me: “Sir, we’re not responsible for you knocking over your liquor.” Customer: “Yes you f***in’ are! I want a credit on my bill!” Me: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:27 pm Post #16497 |
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Those Darned Falling Gas Prices Gas Station | Vallejo, CA, USA Customer: “I paid for $21 and it stopped at $15!” Me: “Is it full?” Customer: “No, I paid for $21!” Me: *squeezes nozzle* “Okay… I got a couple drops in, but I really think you’re full.” Customer: “But I put in $21. Why won’t it fill up? I know it isn’t full!” (At this point I pull the nozzle out and gas comes shooting out of her tank like Coke and Mentos.) Customer: “There’s a hole in my car, what can I do?!” Me: “No, ma’am, you’re just full.” Customer: “WHY?! This never happens at other gas stations! I don’t understand the problem!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:28 pm Post #16498 |
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The Perfect Customer Call Center | Toronto, ON, Canada (A customer wants a better plan than her current 150 minutes/month. I notice she never uses more than 100 minutes or so a month.) Me: ”Well, Ma’am, since our plans have change and this amount of minutes seems to be perfect for you, I’m happy to tell you that I can give you the exact same plan for $30 a month and save you $10 a month.” Customer: “That’s not a deal. I said I wanted something better than what I have.” Me: “This is better. You’ll save $120 a year and based upon your usage, so this is perfect for you.” Customer: “How is this better for me if it’s the same plan? I don’t want to change.” Me: “So you don’t want me to change this to a $10 per month cheaper plan?” Customer: ”I said NO! I don’t want to save money if I get no more minutes out of it.” Me: “Deal.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:30 pm Post #16499 |
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Label Whores Fabric Store | Winchester, VA, USA Customer: “I saw in your flier that y’all sell Swarovski crystal beads. Where would I find those?” Me: “In the beading aisle, ma’am. It’s the third up from the back, and the beads should be at the end nearest the wall.” Customer: “I already looked there! There aren’t any!” Me: ”Oh, here they are, right here.” Customer: “Wait… are you sure? Those don’t say Swarovski on them.” Me: “Yes ma’am, they do, right here.” Customer: “Show me the ones that say Swarovski on them!” Me: “These ones right here, ma’am.” Customer: ”No, no, no! The ones that SAY ‘Swarovski’ ON THEM! Not on the cardboard!” Me: Wait… you want them to say Swarovski on the bead itself?” Customer: “Yes, of course!” Me: “Ma’am, these beads are tiny. There wouldn’t be room to write ‘Swarovski’ on them even if they wanted to or could. ” Customer: “Well, then why bother?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Mon May 25, 2009 6:31 pm Post #16500 |
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Perhaps She Should Talk To General Protection Fault ISP Tech Support | Hudson, FL, USA Customer: “I am calling to let you know that you are running an illegal operation.” Me: “Pardon me?” Customer: “That’s right! My computer says so right on the screen!” Me: “Ma’am, that’s a Microsoft error message that says, ‘Your program has performed an illegal operation’.” Customer: “There is nothing wrong with my computer! I have a 15 inch neck!” *hangs up* (I assume the customer was referring to her monitor… a 15 inch NEC.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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