 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,226 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:40 pm Post #15981 |
 
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Customer Service, Metaphorically Speaking Retail | Florida, USA (A woman comes up to me at the customer service desk with a piece of paper that has [bike brand] and a bunch of numbers written on it.) Me: “How can I be of service to you today?” Customer: “I need to return my bike.” Me: “All right, is there anything wrong with it? And do you have a receipt?” Customer: “I don’t have a receipt, but here’s the bike number. And yes, I went to a professional bike repair guy who told me that all the spokes are rusted, and it would cost $50 to replace.” Me: “Ok - we don’t return bikes in a ‘used’ state, only ‘new’. But we do repair them.” Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t return bikes? The spokes are all rusted!” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but that’s just how the company policy is.” Customer: “Can YOU repair it, right now?” Me: “No; we have a handy man come here a couple of times a week to do the repairs.” Customer: “Well, I need this bike now!” Me: “I’m sorry, but we only do repairs. The guy will be here Tuesday.” (I look around for her bike…) Me: “So…where is the bike? So I can put the repair label on it?” Customer: “What do you mean? I don’t have it with me now! I can’t ride the bike here! And it doesn’t fit in my car!” Me: “Well…I need the bike here to do returns and repairs, accompanied by a receipt.” Customer: “I need a receipt too?!” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *storms out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:41 pm Post #15982 |
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You’re Just Compounding The Issue Clothing Store | Kitchener, Ontario, Canada (A customer had purchased a few items and was double-checking her receipt after the transaction went through. She had a membership card at the store, so she got a 10% discount.) Customer: “So I got my discount on this?” Me: “Yep, see there on each item it says ‘Member 10%’, and it shows what you saved.” Customer: “Wait…is it 10% off each item, or 10% off the total?” Me: “10% off the total. Well, it works out the same either way.” Customer: “I thought it was supposed to be 10% off each item. I should be getting a bigger discount on the total.” Me: “No, you got your discount! 10% off each item adds up to the same amount as 10% off the total.” Customer: “No, I got 10% off the first item. Then 10% off the second item, so that’s 20%. And 10% off the third item; that’s 30%!” Me: *pause* “No, that’s…that’s not how percentages work… I can show you on a calculator; it works out the same. You are getting the right discount.” Customer: “No, it’s all right. But I know I won’t be getting this card again. I was told I was going to be getting a 10% discount on each item, and this really isn’t fair.” (Maybe I should have mentioned to her that I’m a math major…) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:41 pm Post #15983 |
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That’s A Talented Cow Sandwich Shop | Elmira, NY, USA Me: “What can I get for you?” Customer: “I’ll have a turkey sub. No. Ham. I’ll have a ham and cheese sub.” Me: “What kind of cheese would you like?” Customer: “Bologna.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:41 pm Post #15984 |
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Diagnostics Through Osmosis Mechanic Shop | Las Vegas, NV, USA (I was working part-time in my dad’s shop when a customer came in with a blue Kia Pride.) Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?” Customer: “My car don’t work.” Me: “OK, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?” Customer: “It don’t work.” Me: “Um, could you specify, ma’am?” Customer: “I just told you, it don’t work.” Me: “Uh, OK…let me just take a look to see what the problem is.” Customer: “No!!” Me: “Huh? Why?!” Customer: “Nobody goes into my property, and my car is my property!!” Me: “But I have to see your car to know what the problem is, ma’am.” Customer: “I just told you! It don’t work!” Me: “…” (Turns out, she just ran out of gas.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:42 pm Post #15985 |
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Who You Gonna Call? Retail | Portland, OR, USA Me: “Hi, can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, do you sell ghost vacuums?” Me: “Umm… no?” Customer: “Ok, well… thanks anyway.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:42 pm Post #15986 |
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Another Repressed Memory Department Store | Los Angeles, CA, USA (I have a flat screen TV near my workplace that was showing a recent cartoon on DVD: “Tinkerbell”. A customer comes by with her toddler daughter in the cart, and watches a bit of the movie with the child.) Customer: “Aw, that’s cute! What movie is that?” Me: “It’s Tinkerbell“. Customer: “My little girl likes that one. How much is it?” Me: “It’s new, so it should be around 15 to 20 dollars.” Customer: “15 to 20 dollars?! That’s almost all of my beer money!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:43 pm Post #15987 |
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The Employee Is Always Wrong Home Furnishings Store | Costa Mesa, CA, USA Customer: “Excuse me, how much is this?” Me: “$99.00.” Customer: “But I get 20% off right?” Me: “Yes, with the coupon you do.” Customer: “Okay, so how much would that be?” Me: “Uhm… about $80.” Customer: “Really? Are you sure? Do the math again!” Me: “Okay, well technically it’s $79.20, but with tax it’ll bring you well over $80.” Customer: “That can’t be right. 20% off of $100 isn’t $80! Are you sure? Can I talk to a manager??” (Customer goes to speak to manager, and realizes that she’s the one who’s wrong when they do it at the cash register. She then leaves (after buying everything) and comes by to me) Customer: “You’re still wrong. It came out to be $79.20 before tax.” Me: *sigh* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:43 pm Post #15988 |
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Geography, My Arch Nemesis, We Meet Again… Electronics Store | San Jose, CA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling **** at Santana Row. How may I help you?” Customer: “Your stores are having midnight releases for ‘World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King’, right?” Me: “Yes, certain locations are going to be open, but our store–” Customer: *interrupting* “It’s already midnight in the East coast - you can’t you sell them now?” Me: “Uhh… unfortunately not.” Customer: “BUT WHY?! IT’S MIDNIGHT IN THE EAST COAST!” Me: “Well, it’s not midnight here, so, NO, we can’t sell it.” Customer: “But people will be leveling up before me!! AGHHH! This is bulls***!” Me: “Either way, our location isn’t going to be open for the midnight release. The closest location that will be open for the midnight release is 45 minutes away.” Customer: “So if I go there, they should be selling them?!” Me: “Probably not. They’re still on Pacific Standard Time.” Customer: “What should I do then?! Everyone on the East coast will have a head start!” Me: “Maybe you should move to the East Coast.” Customer: “What time are you closing?” Me: “10:00 pm.” Customer: “I’m coming right now!” Me: “Ok…?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:50 pm Post #15989 |
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I Just Lost My Appetite… Frame Shop | Moscow, ID, USA (A customer comes in with “artistic” nude pictures of herself and her husband, and throws them on the counter.) Customer: “What kind of frame should I put on these? They are going in the kitchen.” Me: “The kitchen, huh? Well, I can start you off with a few options.” *I show her a few frames* Customer: “…and how much would this be?” Me: “$350.00 each.” Customer: “For $350.00 I’d expect something a little more… phallic.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:50 pm Post #15990 |
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It’s Best To Not Get Involved Supermarket | New Haven, CT, USA (I’m putting up price tags, and a woman is heard screaming on her phone off in the distance.) Customer: “Why can’t I ever make you happy? Nothing I ever do for you is enough…. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? YOU’RE NEVER HAPPY!” (She stops at the condoms section; the section I’m working on at the time, and grabs a 30-pack of condoms.) Customer: “You know what? I’m getting condoms at ****. BE READY WHEN I GET HOME.” *storms off* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:51 pm Post #15991 |
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Shoot First, Ask Questions Later Tech Support | Moore, OK, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****. How may I help you today?” Customer: “I am seeing ‘Searching For Satellite Signal’ on all of my receivers.” Me: “Well, usually that is caused by the dish being a little bit out of alignment. Could you go outside and tell me if the dish appears to be moved, or if there’s anything different about it at all?” Customer: “There are holes everywhere in the dish.” Me: “Holes?” Customer: “Yeah, there were a bunch of birds on the dish last night so I shot them off.” Me: “Well, unfortunately, this would be considered abuse and it will cost you $80 to get a technician over there to replace the dish.” Customer: “Why? It’s your equipment. I didn’t do anything wrong!” Me: “Sir, you shot the dish. You ruined it. In all actuality, that dish is yours to keep. If you ever leave us you get to keep the dish, and you also get to keep the dish you shot.” Customer: “Well, I’m still right!” Me: “Well, you still have to pay the $80.” Customer: “What would I use that old dish for anyway? Why can’t you take it?” Me: “We do not retrieve old dishes due to policy. I hear you could use it as a nice sled, though.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:51 pm Post #15992 |
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Wictor Wictoria Call Center | Philippines (I used to work for a call center that handled an American credit card account. My coworker relayed the following transaction to me.) Customer Service Rep: “Okay, I have your account here; could you verify your full name please?” Customer: *garbled name* CSR: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t quite catch that… could you spell it for me please?” Customer: “T…O…Wee…” CSR: “Sorry, was that P?” Customer: “No, Wee.” CSR: “E? As in Eagle?” Customer: “NO! Wee! Wee!” CSR: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand…” Customer: “Wee! As in Wictor! As in WICTORY!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 6:54 pm Post #15993 |
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Floats and Brimstone Fast Food | Minnesota, MN, USA Customer: “Excuse me!” Me: “Yes sir?” Customer: “I need a new root beer float; the ice cream in this one is melting.” Me: “Well, I can get you a new one, but it’s a hot day so the same thing will eventually happen.” Customer: “I asked for a root beer float! Not root beer soup!” Me: “I can’t control the weather sir, but I’ll see what I can do.” (I get him a new float, but by the time I get it out to him, it’s starting to melt.) Customer: “This one’s melting too!” Me: “It’s still hot out–but it will taste the same, I promise.” Customer: “Promise me something else too.” Me: “Okay?” Customer: “Go to hell!” Me: “It appears we’re both already there, sir. That’s why your ice cream is melting.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 7:00 pm Post #15994 |
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I’ll Take Some Chocolate And My Baby’s Daddy, Please… Customer Service | Salt Lake City, UT, USA (I happened to be on call-quality monitoring when one of my coworkers got this call.) Coworker: “Thank you for calling **** Gifts, my name is ****. How can I help you?” Caller: *with a thick accent* “Do you have anyone there that speaks Spanish?” Coworker: “No, I’m afraid we do not. Is there anything I can do for you, ma’am?” Caller: “Where is my check?” Coworker: “…your check?” Caller: “Yes, where is my check?” Coworker: “Ma’am, I don’t think I follow–” Caller: “Where is my child support check?” Coworker: “Ma’am, we sell candies and cookies. We don’t have your check.” Caller: “WHY NOT?!” Coworker: “…Because we’re a gift-ordering service. We don’t handle child support checks.” Caller: “Well, can you give me the number to the child support check people?” Coworker: “Ma’am, I don’t know what that number is. We aren’t connected with them in any way.” Caller: “WHY NOT?!” Coworker: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 7:01 pm Post #15995 |
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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4 Tech Support | Louisville, KY, USA (I was helping a customer sign into their email.) Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple’.” Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 7:01 pm Post #15996 |
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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3 Denver, CO, USA | Tech Support Me: ”Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?” Customer: ”Yeah, I want to get on the Internet.” Me: ”Alright, are you interested in dialup or DSL?” Customer: ”Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re speaking Greek to me!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 7:02 pm Post #15997 |
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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2 Tech Support | Prince Edward Island, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling *****. What is the issue you’re calling about?” Customer: “I can’t get wi-fi on my phone!!!” Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?” Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!” Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.” Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?” Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your internet to enable wi-fi.” Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!” Me: *sigh* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 7:02 pm Post #15998 |
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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call Tech Support | Monterrey, Mexico (A customer had some serious problems with his computer, and since we are an internet company, we refer to the computer manufacturer number.) Me: “Okay, sir, can you tell me the brand of your computer?” Caller: “Compaq…” (or so I thought I heard…) Me: “Okay, sir, give me a sec–” Caller: *apparently still reading* “…compact disc.” Me: >.< |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 7:03 pm Post #15999 |
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Guerilla Marketing At Its Finest Restaurant | Waterloo, Ontario, Canada Customer: “Come here! I’m going to bite your nipples off!” Me: “…” Customer: “Aww…I’m sorry. Listen, come by my office and I’ll give you a free massage.” *gives me his business card* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 7:03 pm Post #16000 |
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Cold Hard Cash Gas Station | Ontario, Canada Customer: “Do you guys have an ATM machine here?” Me: “Er, no, sorry.” Customer: “I see one right there!” Me: “Um … that’s a telephone booth, sir.” Customer: *squinting and walking toward it* “No, it’s an ATM.” Me: “No. No it’s not. It’s definitely a telephone booth.” Customer: “Oh. Well…there’s one beside it!” Me: “That is a freezer, sir. We store ice in it to sell to campers for their coolers.” Customer: “Why does it say ‘ice’ on it? What kind of ATM says ‘ice’?” *opening the ice box* “It’s an ice box.” Me: “ …” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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