 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,229 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:22 pm Post #15921 |
 
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Around The World…Eventually Tourist Trap | Santa Cruz, CA Me: “Thanks for calling ****, how can I help you?” Caller: “Hi, I need directions.” Me: “Ok, where are you right now?” Caller: “Highway One.” Me: “Are you heading north or south?” Caller: “South.” Me: “Ok, so after the highway turns away from the ocean…” Caller: “Oh, I’m nowhere near the ocean.” Me: “Wait, you’re heading south, right?” Caller: “Yes, that’s what I just said!” Me: “Ma’am, what city are you in?” Caller: *names a city that’s about 30 miles south of where our place is* Me: “Oh, that’s actually south of us.” Caller: “I know that! Don’t talk to me like I’m a moron. I’m south of where you are, so I can only take the highway South to get to you!” Me: “Well then, we’ll see you here once you’ve circumnavigated the globe!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:24 pm Post #15922 |
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The Produce Section Is Too Deep To Ford Grocery Store | Edmonton, Canada (I was a customer observing this exchange.) Customer: *picks up an apple and takes a large bite out of it* Employee: “Sir, what are you doing?” Customer: “I’m sampling an apple to make sure it’s not mealy. The last apples I got here were all mealy.” Employee: “Er…it’s generally not a very good idea to do that…those aren’t washed.” Customer: *sets the apple back down* “YOU DON’T WASH THEM?! Don’t you know you can spread dysentery?!” Employee: “They’re washed before they come in here, but we can’t wash them on the shelf. And sir, you have to pay for that.” Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying for something that’ll give me dysentery!” Employee: “We can’t sell an apple that has a HUGE BITE taken out of it!” Customer: *stomps off* Customer #2: *observing nearby “Someone should tell him, ‘You have died of dysentery.’” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:25 pm Post #15923 |
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The Final Step Is Acceptance Tech Support | Oslo, Norway (I work as a phone support technician for a large software company. Once a month one of our mentors listen to our calls, to ensure that we follow protocol. I was being listened to one day a few weeks ago.) Me: “Welcome to Tech Support, you’re talking to ****” Customer: “Hi, my name is ****, and I work at **** bank. You’ve really gotta help me! I’ve got this message on my computer, and I don’t know what to do!” Me: “Okay, if you could start by reading the message to me, I’ll see what we can do.” Customer: “Oh, okay.. It says: ‘Your computer has been automatically adjusted for daylight savings time.’ What do i do?!” Me: “Er…is there a button that says ‘OK’?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “Can you tell me what happens when you click the ‘OK’ button?” Customer: “Oh, thank you very much! You’re a life saver! Thank you, thank you; now I can finally get these reports done!!” *hangs up* Me: “…you’re welcome?” Mentor: *after listening in* “You know what the scary part is? That is my contact at the bank… the same person I entrust my life savings to.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:25 pm Post #15924 |
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It Will Return Soon Enough Fast Food | Buffalo, NY, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ****. Can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I ordered some food and I need a refund.” Me: “Of course - can you please explain what the matter with your food was?” Customer: “Well, I drove it home and put it on the counter. My husband asked me to help him rake up some leaves. When I got back in, the dog had gotten up on the counter and eaten everything.” Me: “You want me to replace the food your dog ate?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:27 pm Post #15925 |
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I Hear Santa Has The Same Issue Reservation Call Center | Arizona, USA (I work in a call center where we take reservations for a Christmas event.) Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?” Customer: “My wife has a severe phobia of midgets. Will the elves be actual little people?” Me: “The people dressed as elves are normal sized, but I can’t guarantee any of the patrons won’t be midgets.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:27 pm Post #15926 |
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A Hiccup In The Food Chain Pet Store | Los Angeles, CA, USA (I was working in the reptile department and I often got questions about the snakes.) Customer: “What do you feed these snakes?” Me: “Those snakes? Usually feeder mice.” Customer: “You feed them live mice?” Me: “Yes, that’s what they eat.” Customer: Well, don’t you think that’s cruel?” Me: “…” Customer: “Can’t you feed them a vegetarian diet?” Me: “No ma’am, they need to eat a diet similar to what they would naturally eat in the wild.” Customer: “Well, I think that’s just awful. They should be able to survive on vegetables.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ll have to talk to God about that one.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:29 pm Post #15927 |
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Wait…You Can Do That? Kennel | Ontario, Canada Customer: *marches to the front desk with her young granddaughter* “Hello, dear. Are you in charge here?” Me: “Well, I’m in charge of the front desk. How may I help you?” Customer: “I’d like to purchase a dog for my granddaughter.” Me: “Er…ma’am, this is a kennel.” Customer: “I’m aware of that! I just want to buy a dog for my granddaughter; she wants a pug.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell the animals here. We take care of dogs and cats for their owners.” Customer: “What? You do all the work for those lazy sons of b****es?” Me: “Um…no. The kennel takes in dogs and cats for owners when they go away for vacation or business. When they come back, they take their pets back. It’s like daycare.” Customer: “I don’t think you understand me, boy. I told my granddaughter we were coming here to get her a dog, and you will get her a d*** dog!” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but like I said before, we do not sell the dogs we keep. They are other people’s pets.” Customer: “Goodness!” *pause* “Can I have a cat, then?” Me: “Ma’am, does your granddaughter go to daycare?” Customer: “Yes, but that is irrel–” Me: “How would you like it if I went to your granddaughter’s daycare and bought her off?” Customer: *storms off* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:30 pm Post #15928 |
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Let He Who Is Strongest Make My Latte Coffee Shop | Raleigh, NC, USA (A perky old lady walks up and orders a drink. A staff member makes the drink, and I hand it to her.) Customer: *disdainfully* “What is THIS?” Me: “Umm… a drink?” Customer: “‘A drink’? Don’t get smart with me! *pointing towards a staff member* “That greasy teen filled my order! I demand somebody else fill it! One who’s NOT greasy!” (I was dumb-founded, but decided to line up all the employees in front of her for review - it was a slow day.) Me: “Which of these do you find acceptable?” Customer: *looks for a few minutes* “NONE! Maybe if you didn’t have so much fast food, you wouldn’t be so greasy!” *continues to “browse” through the line-up* Coworker: *speaking up* “Hey lady, hurry up - you ain’t picking no gladiators!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:32 pm Post #15929 |
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from overheardeverwhere.com Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless. Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me! Drunk punk girl #2: That's a f#ckin shirt, you retard. Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries! Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends. Outside Bar Niagara Falls, New York |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:32 pm Post #15930 |
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I Promise I'll Try It at the Neighbors' House First Guy on phone: Yes, they light on fire. Yes, I won't do it in my room. Saratoga, California |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:32 pm Post #15931 |
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Have You Ever Even Been to New York City? Student, talking about Marxism and class struggle: Above ground, it's really nice, and there are buildings and cars, so that's the bourgeoisie. And underground is the proletariat, because it's messy, and it's basically just...dirt. (class nods in silent awe). High School Seattle, Washington Overheard by: embarassed to be here |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:33 pm Post #15932 |
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Alice Had Yet to Learn to Scream "Back the F#ck Off Me!" Terrifyingly cheerful woman, handing out christian pamphlets at bus stop: Hello! Would you like something to read on the bus? Girl, already reading large book: I'm, uh...I'm already... Crazy looking hobo, scoffing and muttering to girl: People can be insane. Los Angeles, California |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:33 pm Post #15933 |
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Trevor Had Watched One Lifetime Movie Marathon Too Many Thug #1, in restroom stall: Oh, shit! Thug #2, outside restroom: What's goin' on? Thug #1: Why's it bleeding? It's bleeding! Why's it bleeding?! Thug #2: Yo, you better wash your goddamn hands after you done in there. Crossgates Mall Albany, New York Overheard by: Dack |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:34 pm Post #15934 |
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...I Allowed the Holy Spirit Into My Life. Disgruntled freshman girl #1: Ugh, I hate that guy. He is like, you know, so... Ugh! Disgruntled freshman girl #2: I know, right? Rude sophomore guy, interrupting: Oh, me and him? We're like porn buddies! (awkward silence from girls) Rude sophomore guy: What? That was like, before. Cainta Rizal Philippines Overheard by: happened to be eating lunch |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:34 pm Post #15935 |
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Aced It! Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays? Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake. High School Gymnasium West Palm Beach, Florida |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:35 pm Post #15936 |
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I Was That Baby! Three-year-old girl: Did you hear about the baby that ate shirts? Three-year-old boy #1: Did you hear about the baby that ate hats? Three-year-old boy #2: Did you hear about the baby that ate people? Denver, Colorado |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:35 pm Post #15937 |
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Shouldn't There Be an IQ Prerequisite? Woman: So when are you guys riding? Man #1: Three weekends from now, or maybe a month... Woman: Isn't it too cold outside to ride motorcycles? Man #2: Not if you're drunk! Downingtown, Pennsylvania Overheard by: Crys |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:37 pm Post #15938 |
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A Rumor Which, Unfortunately, Will Stay in Vegas. Guy in wife beater on phone: She said my d!ck was just too long. Casino Las Vegas, Nevada |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:37 pm Post #15939 |
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...Now It's My Turn to Say Something About Cavity Searches Security: What are you studying? Girl checking books in X-ray machine: Proper oral technique. Security: (snickers) Girl: Dentistry! Security: Oh. Airpot Newcastle England |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:38 pm Post #15940 |
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When College Early Admission Goes Too Far Psychology professor, discussing babies: If this thing didn't smile, it would be in the trash. Rutgers University New Brunswick, New Jersey |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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