 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,230 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:49 pm Post #15901 |
 
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Conspiracy Weary Bookstore | Peterborough, NH, USA (When special order books come in we call the customers, but we don’t normally say the book’s title over the phone. A man came in one day to pick up his special order - some book about 9/11.) Customer: “I have a complaint about my order.” Me: “Yes, sir?” Customer: “When the woman called me, she said the title of my book in the message.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is that a problem?” Customer: “Well, you see, the government’s tapping my phone. I don’t want them to know that I know what they’re up to.” Me: “Um…Ok, sir. I’m sorry about that. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Customer: “Thanks.” Me: “…would you like a bag, sir?” Customer: *starts laughing* “No thanks. I’m not that paranoid!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:50 pm Post #15902 |
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You’ve Got An Honest Signature Contractor | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada (One day, a courier came in to drop off a check. I was using one of our pens to sign it.) Courier: “Hey, that’s a really nice pen!” Me: “Yeah, it’s not bad.” Courier: “Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to steal it!” Me: “Ha - Ok…” Courier: “No, for real. I don’t steal things.” Me: “That’s…good?” (By now I’ve finished signing, but she isn’t leaving.) Courier: “My best friend once accused me of stealing her check. Her $300 check!” Me: “Um…that’s too bad.” Courier: “We aren’t friends anymore. I mean, I make that much money in a DAY! You hear me?! I drive around MILLION dollar checks. Why would I steal her stupid tiny check?” Me: “I don’t know…” Courier: “I let her move into my basement. I told her it was only $500 a month. Isn’t that a great deal? Isn’t it?!” Me: “Yeah, sounds good…” Courier: “And how does the little b**** thank me? She accuses me of stealing her money! When I can steal ANYBODY’S million dollar checks! So you know what I told her? I told her to get the F*** out of my basement!” Me: “…” Courier: “Now I hear she’s on drugs. What a winner. Not like you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You wouldn’t accuse me of stealing, would you?” Me: “Um…no.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:52 pm Post #15903 |
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I Always Travel By Rocket Call Center | Flagstaff, AZ, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?” Caller: “How far are you from Las Vegas?” Me: “233 miles.” Caller: “So that’s about what, an hour, hour and a half?” Me: “Only if you drive about 230 miles an hour.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:53 pm Post #15904 |
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Thievers Can’t Be Choosers Hotel | Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How may I help you?” Caller: “Yeah, I want to complain about these towels of yours. They’re really rough and scratchy.” Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir… wait a second, are you calling from outside the hotel?” (I double-check the incoming call info, and see that it’s coming in on our toll-free line.) Caller: “Yeah, I’m at home.” Me: “And you’re calling to complain about towels you took from the hotel?” Caller: “Yeah, they suck. They’re not very soft.” Me: “Well, I certainly apologize for that, sir. If you’ll give me your name and address, I’ll have Housekeeping send you some new ones.” (Surprisingly, he actually gave me his info; not surprisingly, he called a couple of weeks later to complain about the bill we sent him for the towels.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:53 pm Post #15905 |
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Fit To Be Wide Retail | Missouri, USA (An angry, overweight female customer approaches me with a Nintendo Wii Fit and hands me her receipt.) Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today?” Customer: “I’d like to return this.” Me: “What seems to be the problem with it?” Customer: “I think it’s broken.” Me: “All right, what’s going on?” Customer: “Whenever it weighs me and calculates my BMI, it labels me as obese.” Me: “And…” Customer: “Well, that can’t be right!” Me: “From what I’ve heard, the measurements on Wii Fits are fairly accurate. Are you sure you want to return this? They’re pretty hard to find.” Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!” Me: “No, I’m just saying that…” Customer: “You just called me fat! Me: “No, I was just saying…” Customer: “Whatever. I still want to return it. It’s obviously not working right. And, I think someone should talk to the designer; make them use a different word. It hurt my feelings.” Me: *soothingly* “Maybe you could contact Nintendo; write a letter or something.” Customer: “You know what, I will! I’ll let them know that their stupid game called me obese and made me cry for three hours straight. I haven’t eaten solid food for two days because of it. I’m so hungry! I almost fainted last night. Do you think I can sue?” Me: “Well, you can sure try. Have a nice day.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:57 pm Post #15906 |
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Chlorine Wishes And Door Knob Dreams Pool Supply | Houston, TX, USA Customer: “Hi, what kinds of door knobs do you carry?” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have any door knobs.” Customer: “What?! WHY NOT?” Me: “Um…because this is a pool supply store.” Customer: “This is totally unacceptable! I came here to get a new set of door knobs for my garage, and you’re telling me that you won’t sell me any?” Me: “Yeah, pretty much.” Customer: “You are so rude! I demand to know the name of the manager! I’m going to complain about this - I hope you liked your job!” Me: “I do like my job, as a matter of fact. Here you go.” (I hand her my business card, which states that I am the store manager.). Me: “Just call this number and I’m sure you’ll be taken care of.” (The customer grumbles and walks out. She gets into her car and proceeds to call the number on the business card I just handed her.) Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I was just in one of your stores, and the employee was incredibly rude to me. He refused to sell me a set of door knobs.” Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way ma’am, but as I just told you when you were in the store, we do not sell door knobs.” Customer: “I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER! NOW!” Me: “You are, ma’am. I am the store manager.” (The customer screams and hangs up, then speeds away in her car. In the process, she cuts off a police officer, who promptly pulls her over.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:58 pm Post #15907 |
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Thanks For Clearing That Up Supermarket | Taylor, MI, USA (I notice a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.) Me: “Excuse me, miss; you’re going to have to pay for those.” Customer: “For what?” Me: “For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.” Customer: *sounding offended* “I did no such thing!” Me: “Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?” Customer: “No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!” Me: “…what?” Customer: “I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing!” Me: “…” Customer: “I’m never coming here again! *storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security* Co-worker: “Maybe we should have just let her have them.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:59 pm Post #15908 |
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You Just Had To Ask Grocery Store | Harrisburg, PA, USA (I work at the customer service desk at a grocery store. One day I had a guy come up and cash a winning lottery ticket for a dollar, and this is what then took place.) Me: “There you go. Is there anything else I can help you with today?” Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’ve got some dishes to be done, some windows to be washed, and a lawn to be mowed.” Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah….” Customer: *blank stare* “Well…are you gonna help me?” Me: still thinking he’s joking* “Ha, well, until **** opens up an At-Home division, I guess I can’t help you out.” Customer: “So you’re not gonna help me?” Me: *realizing he’s serious* “Well…no, sir. I can’t just leave and go home with you to do chores.” Customer: “You shouldn’t be offering to do something if you don’t plan on going through with it.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but-” Customer: *interrupting* “Next time, don’t offer if you’re not gonna do it!” *storms off* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:00 pm Post #15909 |
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Redemption Is Futile Retail | Novi, MI, USA Customer: “I want money for this.” *holding up a gift certificate* Manager: “I’m sorry, but we can’t give you money back for that.” Customer: “But someone gave YOU money for this; I want MONEY for it.” Manager: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. Our store is closing. I can talk to Corporate and see if they can do something for you, but it’s Sunday and they’re not open today.” Customer: “This is ridiculous! This is horrible customer service. I’m never shopping here again!” Me: “It doesn’t matter. We’re closing.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:01 pm Post #15910 |
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The Root Of The Problem Home Improvement Store | Colorado Springs, CO, USA Customer: “Hey there! Do you guys have any bamboo wood flooring?” Customer’s Wife: “Not fake bamboo. Real bamboo.” Me: “Not in stock, but we can easily special order some for you. Might I ask why you specifically need bamboo?” Customer: “Well, you see, we had our basement finished a few years ago with oak floors, but since then it has flooded several times. We keep having to tear up the floor and put down new stuff.” Customer’s Wife: “It’s very annoying.” Customer: “Very. So we figured that if we had bamboo floors it would be able to soak up the water easily, or be reusable or something like that.” Me: “Uh…” Customer: “Do you know if bamboo can do that?” Me: “Um…I’ve never thought much about it, but I think the bigger concern here is whatever’s causing your basement to consistently flood.” Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Something with the window wells. I just figured this would be a quick fix.” Me: “Sir, you’re in the completely wrong department.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:02 pm Post #15911 |
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Santa Goes Psycho Craft Store | New Jersey, USA (I am stocking Christmas ribbon with a coworker.) Customer: “You two ladies look like you can help me.” Me: “Sure, what do you want to know?” Customer: “I’m looking for a tree.” Me: “Ok, the trees are in the back of the store under the ‘Seasonal’ sign.” Customer: “No, no. Let me finish. I want a tree; it’s circular, but it’s a tree, and it’s a circle, but it’s only a half-circle, but it’s a tree. Oh! And you hang it on your window, and it’s a tree, and a circle.” Me & Coworker: “…” Customer: “IT’S A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW, BUT IT’S ONLY A HALF-CIRCLE, BUT IT’S A CIRCULAR TREE!! Me: “Uh…a wreath?” Customer: “NO, NO, WHAT THE F***?! IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A HALF-CIRCLE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW!” Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?!” Me: “No…sorry, sir.” Customer: “Well, is there someone else in here that can help me?” Coworker: “There are other people here, but with that description I doubt anyone will be able to help you.” Customer: “OH, WHAT THE F***?!” (Customer storms off, but a moment later comes back.) Customer: “Oh, by the way, do you sell Jello here?” Me: “Um, no. We’re a craft store, not a grocery store.” Customer: “Well, people use Jello for crafts.” Me: “Uh, sorry.” Customer: “SERIOUSLY! THEY HIRE F***ING IDIOTS HERE!” *storms off…again* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:03 pm Post #15912 |
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It’s So Easy…Yet So Difficult Customer Service | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA (I worked for the online customer service branch of a major department store, answering questions via “live help”. The store had many older customers who would often have trouble shopping online. The following is an online conversation I had.) Customer: “Your site won’t let me get through!” Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you tell me what part of the site you were having an issue with?” Customer: “It keeps telling me that I have the wrong password. I have my password!” (I look up her password and use it on the site to make sure it works.) Me: “I have tested your password and it appears to be working. Would you like me to send you an e-mail with a copy of your password?” Customer: “NO! I have my password! It says it right here on the screen, and I typed it just like it says.” Me: *slightly confused as to why the customer’s password would be displayed* “What password do you see on the screen?” Customer: “cAsE sEnsitIve! I typed it the exact way that it says here! ‘Your password is cAsE sEnsitIve’!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:04 pm Post #15913 |
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It Runs On Imagination Home improvement store | Acworth, GA, USA (An older woman comes in looking for flashlights, and I take her to that section.) Customer: “Ok then, do any of these flashlights plug in?” Me: “Yes ma’am, these few here use a built in battery that can be recharged with a power cord.” Customer: “But I don’t want any batteries, just the cord. Flashlight batteries are always dead every time I need the flashlight!” Me: “Oh, well I’m sorry, but all we have are these types of flashlights. Why did you want a corded model?” Customer: “Oh, you know, in case the power goes out.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:08 pm Post #15914 |
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So That’s The Difference… Restaurant | Lithia Springs, GA, USA Me: “Ma’am, are you ready to order?” Customer: “Yes…how many pieces come in the grilled chicken meal?” Me: “It comes with one, but we can put on a second for $2 extra, no problem at all.” Customer: “Okay, do that, then.” Me: “Yes, ma’am. That comes with two sides, what would you like?” Customer: “Just give me a double order of the steamed veggies, please. I’m a vegetarian.” Me: *surprised* ”All right, well, are you sure you want the chicken, then? It’s made of actual meat….” Customer: *angrily* “I said I’m VEGETARIAN, not a damn VEGAN!” Me: “…yes, ma’am, my apologies.” (I then retreat to the back to enter in her order. As I do so, the manager walks up.) Manager: “You look annoyed; something wrong?” Me: “Just wishing we served alcohol…I could use a shot.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:09 pm Post #15915 |
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My Life Coach Went To Film [Processing] School Camera Shop | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada (A customer was picking up reprints from her film negatives. I observed this exchange.) Customer: “This is the wrong picture!” Co-worker: “Which one was it supposed to be?” Customer: “Number 18.” Co-worker: *looks at negatives* “That is number 18 from these negatives. Did you drop off the wrong ones?” Customer: “No! I just gave them to your staff and told him to print this one. *pointing to number 18 on an index print card* Co-worker: “Ok…these are the negatives you dropped off? Customer: *loudly* “Well, how was I supposed to know they were the wrong ones? I can’t tell you how to do your job! I’m not in the back watching what your staff does!” (Upon hearing this, the manager comes over) Manager: “Is there a problem?” Customer: “Yes! Your staff took the wrong negatives from me and printed the wrong photos! I can’t keep track of all my negatives…that’s your job!” Manager: “So you’re saying that it’s our job to organize your negatives?” Customer: “Yes!” Manager: “No. We won’t come home with you and organize your negatives. It’s your responsibility to check that you’re dropping off the right negatives–” Customer: *interrupting* “This is horrible customer service! I’m never coming back!” Manager: *sarcastically* “Yes, it is our job to organize your life for you too.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:10 pm Post #15916 |
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Is There Anything That Guy Can’t Do? Video Rental Store | California, USA Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?” Me: “Yes, we have the movie ‘Forrest Gump’; would you like me to tell you where it is?” Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.” Me: “Uhh…do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?” Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:11 pm Post #15917 |
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The Great Fish Massacre of 2008 Retail | Wisconsin, USA Customer: “I bought ten fish and they all DIED. The customer service desk said you would get me new ones. Here’s my receipt.” Me: “It looks like you had ten feeder goldfish?” Customer: “Yes, and they all DIED. I want new ones.” Me: “That’s unusual. Goldfish are pretty hardy. Did they have any little white spots, or anything like that before they died?” Customer: “No, I went to feed them and they were all dead in the bowl!” Me: Wait…you had ten goldfish in a bowl? What size?” Customer: “Like this!” *points to a small bowl on the shelf* Me: “Ma’am, that bowl only holds a gallon of water. The general rule for fish is ‘a gallon of water per inch of fish’. So for these goldfish at the size they’re now, you would need a tank larger then ten gallons to accommodate them.” Customer: “I want them in a bowl! Maybe I’ll get smaller fish. How much are these?” *pointing* Me: “Those are fancy guppies; they’re two dollars.” Customer: “EACH?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “What about those? Me: “Those are angelfish; they’re four dollars.” Customer: “EACH?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “Just give me the ten fish to replace my other ones! Those are only 39 cents each!” Me: “Fine…but if you put them all in the same bowl, they’re all going to die again, and I don’t want to hear about it when they do!” Customer: *pause* “Get me my fish!” (She got her new fish. No idea what the death toll was.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:18 pm Post #15918 |
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Man Cannot Live By Water Alone Restaurant | Chicago, IL, USA Me: “Hello, ma’am. Can I get you anything to drink?” Customer: “Yes, please. I would like a glass of water.” Me: “Coming right up.” Me: delivering the water* “There you are, ma’am. Have you decided what you want to order?” Customer: *downing the water* “Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?” Me: “Er…yeah we do. Do you want another glass?” Customer: “I would appreciate it.” (I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.) Customer: “Oh Lord! Don’t you have any vegetarian stuff here?” Me: “I’m sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef.” Customer: “That’s inhumane! Don’t you know what you’re doing to the animals?” Me: “I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?” Customer: “Don’t give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don’t you have any of that?” Me: “Well..we have grilled cheese, and–” Customer: *cutting me off* “WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I’M NOT EATING THAT!” Me: “I’m sorry then, ma’am, there’s really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you’re disturbing the other customers.” Customer #2: *from across the room* “Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!” Customer: “Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* “Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?” Me: “OUT!” Customer #2: *from across the room* “Mmm… murder.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:20 pm Post #15919 |
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Self-Rising Expectations Bakery | Minneapolis, MN, USA Customer: “You bake all of this French bread here?” Me: “Yes sir, every day.” Customer: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?” Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.” Customer: “So you’re cheaters then?!” Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!” Customer: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!” Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 5:21 pm Post #15920 |
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The Effect Of High Tide On Man-In-The-Moon Bowlers Bowling Alley | California, USA (Note: We are 2 blocks away from the beach.) Customer: “Your lanes are crooked.” Me: “Sir, I assure you they are not crooked; we have lane inspectors that come in every 8 weeks and check for that kind of thing.” Customer: “No! MY LANE IS CROOKED! Every time I bowl, the ball goes to the right!” Me: *glancing at the clock* “Well, you know, it’s about 1:30. The tide is coming in.” Customer: “That has an effect on it?” Me: “Oh yeah, I mean, we’re only a few blocks from the beach…” Customer: “Huh… well, I guess I’ll try to bowl more towards the left, then…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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