 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
|
| Spam; 2.0 | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,232 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:48 pm Post #15861 |
 
|
Lost In Translation Newspaper | Seattle, WA, USA Me: “Hello, this is Classifieds, can I help you?” Customer: *with a heavy accent* “Yays, I put een an ad, and eet sayes ‘peacock truck’ but eet should be ‘peacock truck’.” Me: “The ad says ‘peacock truck’, but it should be ‘peacock truck’? I don’t understand the difference. Did they get the color wrong or something?” Customer: “No, no, peacock - eet ees not a color, eet ees a peacock, a peacock truck!” *starts swearing in Spanish* Me: “Sir, is there anyone else there who might be able to talk to me? I’m sorry; I can’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.” Customer: “Eet is seemple, eet ees a peacock truck - Pee, uh, ee, ee, uh…” Me: “Sir…are you trying to spell ‘pickup’? Is it a pickup truck you’re selling?” Customer: ‘Yays, yays, eet ees a peacock truck, like I say before.” Me: “Right, sir, I’ll fix that for you. We’ll run the ad for two days extra, to make up for lost time”. Customer: “Thank you. Goodbye.” *hangs up* (I receive another call later that day.) Me: “Hello, this is Classifieds, can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I went to look at this truck that was advertised in your paper, and it wasn’t what they said it was. It’s false advertising!” Me: “What was the problem? What was wrong?” Customer: ‘Well, the ad said it was a peacock truck, and I love that color. We went to see it, and it was black! That’s not peacock!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
 |
 
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:49 pm Post #15862 |
|
Objects May Be Larger Than They Appear Retail | Winter Park, FL, USA Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?” Customer: “I’m fine. Yes. I would like to return this.” *sets down a family-sized box of cereal* Me: “All right…do you have your receipt?” Customer: “Yes, of course. I just bought it yesterday.” Me: “Great! Oh, was there anything wrong with the item?” Customer: “Why, yes there was. It didn’t fit in my pantry!” Me: “Uh…” Customer: “Yes, it was too big! I bought it because it was such a good deal, and I brought it home and it didn’t fit! You really should put sizes on there or something.” (While listening to her I place a red defect sticker above the bar code on the box.) Customer: “There isn’t anything wrong with the cereal! I didn’t even open it!” Me: “But you took it home, and once food has been brought home, I have to defect it out if you’re returning it.” Customer: “What a waste!” Me: “Would you like this back on the card you paid with, or in cash?” Customer: “Cash, dear - I need some more cereal!” Me: *facepalm* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:49 pm Post #15863 |
|
Opposite Day Strikes Again Retail | Owatonna, MN, USA Me: *on the phone* “**** footwear, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi, we’re on a trip up north, and are going to drive right past you guys in a couple of hours. We’re wondering if you had a particular shoe in stock? I even have the item number so you can look it up.” Me: “Wonderful!” *looking up item* “I’m sorry ma’am, that particular shoe is only carried in our catalog.” Customer: “Good, well, we don’t want to stop if you don’t have them there.” Me: “Yeah…well, I’m sorry to say we don’t have them here. The best we could do is order them for you.” Customer: “Ok, great, I’m a size 8, so if you could just put those on hold that’d be great. We’re on a trip and I just want to make a quick stop to pick them up.” Me: “I’m…sorry, ma’am, maybe you didn’t hear me. We do not have those shoes in this store.” Customer: “Ok, we’ll be there in a couple hours.” Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t have them. I don’t know how else to say this…. None, we have zero in stock; there’s really no need for you to come in, please…don’t come in.” Customer: “All right, we’ll see you then.” *hangs up* Me: “…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:50 pm Post #15864 |
|
It Comes And Goes Restaurant | Derby, UK Customer: “Miss, is this a diet soda or a regular?” Me: “Diet, sir - it’s what you ordered.” Customer: “Are you SURE it’s diet?” Me: “Yes, sir, I poured it myself.” Customer: “Well, it had better be, because I’m allergic to sugar!” Me: *later, taking the food order* “…and what would you like for dessert, sir?” Customer: “Oh, I’ll have the chocolate cheesecake sundae.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:51 pm Post #15865 |
|
Time To Expand Hotel | Conway, AR, USA Me: “Thank you for calling **** Hotel Reservations, this is ****, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, do you have any rooms?” Me: “For what night?” Customer: “Tonight.” Me: “I’m sorry sir; we’re all sold out.” Customer: “What do you mean, ’sold out’?” Me: “That means we’ve sold all of our rooms for tonight.” Customer: “Don’t you have people who haven’t shown up yet?” Me: “Um…yes, but they’ve held their rooms with a credit card.” Customer: “Well, what does that mean?” Me: “If they don’t show up, we’re authorized to charge them, and it means that we must hold their rooms.” Customer: “So you’re telling me that you don’t have ANY rooms?” Me: “No sir, we don’t.” Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You’re refusing to sell me empty rooms? And what hotel doesn’t have enough rooms?” Me: “Sir, we can only build so many rooms.” Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. May I speak to your manager?” Me: “I’m the manager on duty.” Customer: “Well, you’ve been no help at all. I’m going to be calling corporate about this.” Me: “About the fact that we’re sold out for the night?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “Um…Ok.” Customer: “You’ve been very unhelpful!” *click* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:51 pm Post #15866 |
|
Better Safe Than Sorry Movie Theater | Toronto, Ontario, Canada (I am just finishing up a sale with an older gentleman for show tickets.) Me: “Ok, just to let you know, there are no refunds or exchanges for these tickets, and the show does contain shooting, swearing, and smoking.” Customer: “I hope not in my row!” Me: *confused* “Well, it’s a show…you can see everything from every seat…so–” Customer: “I’m talking about the shooting!” Me: “Oh! Well, no…they shoot each other on-stage….” Customer: “Not the audience?” Me: “Not the audience. What kind of theater do you think we’re running here?!” Customer: “I don’t know…I just don’t want to get shot.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:53 pm Post #15867 |
|
Generosity Which Knows No Bounds Toy Store | Seattle, WA, USA (We were having a toy drive - if you bought and donated any $5 toy, you could receive 20% off your entire purchase. A woman wearing a fur coat was buying five bags of toys.) Me: “Ma’am, would you be interested in donating a toy today? Since your total comes to $400, you’d save $80–” Customer: *angrily* “My husband and I donate to CHARITY, so I don’t think I need to be guilt-tripped into your awful little toy drive!” Me: “Your total is $400, then.” Customer: “Is there any way I can get a discount?” Me: “No…no, I’m afraid not.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:53 pm Post #15868 |
|
Bad News About Your Doppelganger Supermarket | London, UK Customer: *to his wife* “My God. This girl looks just like that one in the paper today, on the front page. Don’t you think?” Customer’s Wife: “I don’t know, maybe a little bit.” Customer: “Yes. She’s dead though.” Me: “…” Customer: *to me* “Has anyone ever told you that? I bet you get it all the time. You look just like that girl who died parachuting.” Me: “Well sir, she’s only in the papers today because she died yesterday. I don’t think anybody knew who she was before.” Customer: “Well, you look so much like her. Careful you don’t run into any of her relatives, now!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:53 pm Post #15869 |
|
Eggs, Milk, Bondage Gear… Retail | Panama City Beach, FL, USA (I was working for a grocery store in Panama City Beach, which is a big tourist spot. I was bagging this couple’s groceries - which included condoms - when this exchange occurred.) Me: “So, you must be from out of town, then?” Customer: “Yeah, we’re only here for a few days. Just getting the necessities, y’know?” (Just then, a pair of handcuffs comes rolling down the conveyor belt.) Me: “Just the necessities, eh?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:54 pm Post #15870 |
|
Off To A Great Start Retail | Akron, OH, USA Customer: “Hi, can I talk to a manager?” Me: “I’m the manager on duty. What can I help you with?” Customer: “YOU’RE the manager on duty?! You look like you’re about 16! *laughs with disbelief & scorn* Me: “Well, I’m 24, and I am a manager here. How can I help you?” Customer: “Can I have a job application?” Me: “Um…sure.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:54 pm Post #15871 |
|
A New Form Of Payment Retail | Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA Customer: “I’ll make you a deal.” Me: “Ok…?” Customer: “You give me these glasses, and I’ll let you take a picture of me wearing them, and hang it up in your store.” Me: “Um…what?” Customer:“Yeah, like all these pictures you have of people hanging up.” Me: “Those are professional models.” Customer: “Well, I’m a model.” Me: “…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:55 pm Post #15872 |
|
My Hand Is Bigger Than Texas Travel Agency | Montreal, Canada (The customer is calling to book reservations for her family at a large Orlando theme park.) Customer: “I want a hotel room with an ocean view.” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am; Orlando is located in Central Florida, and is not on the coast. Would you like me to book you a room with a view of the lake instead?” Customer: “No! I don’t want a d***ed view of the lake. I know you can see the ocean from there! I’m looking at a map of Florida right now, and it’s obvious how narrow it gets there. The ocean is very close on both sides, so book me a d*** ocean view room!” Me: “You might want to check your map for a scale. I’ve been to Florida many times, and Orlando at least an hour’s drive to the ocean. There is no way you can see the coast from the resort.” Customer: “Fine! I’ll just call another travel agent who’s actually willing to help me book what I want.” Me: “Er…ma’am, if you can find an ocean view room in Orlando I will personally pay for your vacation out of my own pocket. Good luck with that.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:56 pm Post #15873 |
|
As Long As You’re Happy Movie Theater | Pittsburgh, PA, USA Customer: “If I buy a popcorn, can I get a drink for $2?” Me: “No, I’m sorry; everything is full price.” Customer: “My man that I’m dating is such a cheapskate! He only gave me $5! He’s such an a**hole! *pause* “You need to find a rich one.” Me: “Ha ha, yeah.” Customer: *leans across the counter and lowers her voice* “A rich one…who’s good in bed.” Me: “…” Customer: *as an afterthought* “I guess he should have a good heart, too.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:57 pm Post #15874 |
|
That’s Commitment Retail | New York, USA Me: “Thank you for calling your local 24-hour pharmacy, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, what time do you close?” Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re open 24 hours.” Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous. How can you put up with that?” Me: “Sir?” Customer: “So if I show up at 4 in the morning with a prescription, you’d be there?” Me: “Yes sir, we’d be open.” Customer: “And what time do you open?” Me: “Sir…we never close, we are always open. Think of it like a 24-hour diner; there’s always someone here to help you.” Customer: “Oh man, that must stink - when do you get time to go home and sleep?!” Me: “Er…we have cots in the back.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:57 pm Post #15875 |
|
Airtight Conclusions For Windbags Retail | Washington, DC, USA (A customer comes in attempting to return a worn, filthy $39 dress that’s covered with hair.) Me: “Our company’s policy states that we cannot return worn merchandise. I’m sorry, but we can’t give you your refund.” Customer: “I never wore this. I want my money back.” Me: “Ma’am, the dress is stained with your makeup, and has your hair on it. I refuse to take this item back.” Customer: “Let me speak to your store manager.” Me: “I am the store manager.” Customer: *takes a few steps back* “Look at me. I’m dressed head to toe in your clothing. I make more money in a year than you will in a lifetime.” Me: “That may be so, but I’m still not taking your dress back. It seems that the price shouldn’t be an issue for you.” Customer: “You don’t know who I am. You’ll be lucky to have a job in the morning!” Me: “If you earn as much as you say, wouldn’t my year of unemployment cost more out of your income taxes than the price of the dress?” Customer: *storms off* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:58 pm Post #15876 |
|
What A Tangled Web We Weave Coffee Shop | Northridge, CA, USA (A customer had already ordered, picked up, and drank most of his drink. He then walked up to the counter and was very angry.) Me: “How can I help you?” Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup* Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.” Customer: “No smart-a**…this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!” Me: *alarmed* “I am SO sorry sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.” Customer: “Yeah! You f***in’ better make me a new f***in’ drink. This is complete bulls***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!” (I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key wasn’t mine, so I started asking coworkers and customers. No one was claiming it. The customer walked up about 5 minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.) Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home….” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:59 pm Post #15877 |
|
He Who Eats Less, Laughs Best Ice Cream Shop | Evergreen, CO, USA (While I’m working, I see this teenage girl pull up in an really nice car. With her orange spray tan and expensive clothing, I could tell it would be interesting.) Me: “Hey, what could I get for you today?” Customer: “You’re going to make me a non-fat shake with non-fat mix, non-fat milk and non-fat chocolate. Me: “Oh, Ok…I’ll have that done for you in just a second.” (Right before I start to blend the shake, she speaks up:) Customer: “So since you work here, do you eat a lot of ice cream?” Me: “Well, I suppose I eat enough to be able to recommend stuff to customers….” Customer: “Well, you just look like you eat a lot of ice cream. You might want to quit your job before you get too fat.” Me: “Thanks for that advice.” (While my coworker rings her up, I proceed to add 5 pumps of chocolate syrup, extra chocolate chips, and tons of extra ingredients to her shake, putting it up to a total of about 4,000 calories.) Customer: *taking a drink* “At least you can make a decent shake.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:21 pm Post #15878 |
|
Your Forecast For Today: Dark Tech Support | Houston, TX, USA Me: “Thank you for calling **** technical support, this is ****, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen - ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal’ - how do I fix this?” Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?” Customer: “It’s raining and windy.” Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?” Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:22 pm Post #15879 |
|
A Bit Nutty Call Center | Scotland Me: “Thank you for calling ****. What is the problem with your telephone line?” Customer: “The squirrels.” Me: “The–what? Sorry?” Customer: “Those damn squirrels are watching me.” Me: “Uh…do you have a problem with your telephone line?” Customer: “Yes, the squirrels have nested on it, and they watch me while I’m sleeping…” Me: “I’m sure they’re not.” Customer: “You calling me a liar?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 4:23 pm Post #15880 |
|
High Altitude Expectations Library | Michigan, USA (I overhead my coworker have this exchange while helping a patron.) Coworker: “What can I help you find?” Patron: “I need pictures from when they used to tie small cameras to birds to take aerial photos.” Coworker: “Well, I don’t think that we would have any books for that - let me look online.” Patron: “I kinda need this right away; my class starts in ten minutes.” Coworker: “I’m looking as fast as I can.” Patron: “Well, f***ing look faster! I am going to fail this class now, and it’s all because of you!” Coworker: “I found your photos. I’ll send them to the printer right now; it will be 50 cents for the print.” Patron: “What the f***? You expect me to PAY for the prints?” Coworker: “Yes, yes I do.” (The patron hands over the money while swearing under his breath.) Coworker: “Enjoy.” (She hands him the papers and he runs out, but not thirty seconds later he runs back in.) Patron: “I need pictures of the f***ing birds, not the pictures that they took!” Coworker: *as she turns off her computer* “Well, it looks like our system is down. You’ll have to come back at a later time.” Patron: *storms out* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Matter Stream · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
 9:27 AM Jul 13
|
    
|
|
Theme by Sith of Outline
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy