 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,233 Views) | |
| Gummy | Sun May 24, 2009 3:26 pm Post #15841 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sun May 24, 2009 3:26 pm Post #15842 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sun May 24, 2009 3:26 pm Post #15843 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:30 pm Post #15844 |
 
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For My Next Trick… Retail | Terrace, British Columbia, Canada (A woman who had gone through my line earlier that day came up to me.) Customer: “Give me back my g****** keys!” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “My car keys! Give them back!” Me: “I wasn’t aware that I had them. Ma’am, are your keys lost? I can get someone to help you find them if you want.” Customer: “No! I know it was you who took them! I put them up on this little tray– *points to the tray next to the debit machine* “–and when I got home I couldn’t find them anywhere!” Me: “When…when you got home? Ma’am, did you drive home?” Customer: “Well, duh! What kind of idiot are you? Do you think I’m poor?” *gives a disgusted look* Me: “No…how did you get back here, ma’am?” Customer: “I drove here, of course!” Me: “With your car keys?” Customer: “Yes! Now give them back!” Me: “Ma’am…if I had taken your car keys, would you have been able to drive home and back here?” Customer: “No! But I know you took them!” (I then notice the keys shining in her hand.) Me:: “Open your hand please, ma’am?” Customer: *upon seeing her keys in her hand* “Oh, you little witch! What did you do, ‘magic’ them back into my hand?! What kind of store lets witches work for them?!” Me: “Ma’am, I’m not a witch…but you are a complete stereotypical blonde.” Customer: “Oh, how dare you! I demand to speak to your manager.” (My manager, who is a Wiccan and has been listening to this exchange for the past few minutes, comes up behind me, playing with her five-pointed star necklace.) Manager: *in a mystical voice* “Well, hello there, earth-walker. What can I do for you?” Customer: *sputters curse words and quickly storms out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:31 pm Post #15845 |
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Minimally Criminal Justice Department | New Zealand Me: “Good Afternoon, Civil Department.” Caller: “Hi, I’d like to know what happened in my son’s case today”. Me: “I can’t tell you any details, but I can tell you if they have finished. Can you give me the case number?” Caller: “Oh, I don’t have one.” Me: “Are you sure this is a civil case and not criminal?” Caller: “Definitely Civil. Not Criminal! My son’s not a criminal!” Me: “Okay, could I get a last name to see if I can find it that way?” Caller: “The name is *****.” Me: “Okay, that name isn’t showing up at all. Are you sure its not a Criminal case?” Caller: “MY SON IS NOT A CRIMINAL! How dare you suggest it, you b**ch!” Me: “Okay… can you tell me what the case was about?” Caller: “Oh, kidnapping and assault.” Me: *transfers to Criminal* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:32 pm Post #15846 |
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Culinary Confusion Movie Theater | Kenner, LA, USA (I was working at the concessions stand taking someone’s order, when a man walks up and cuts in line.) Customer: “Hey, why does this theater look so run down?” Me: “Uh…well, it is kind of old, but as you can see from the sign we are renovating.” Customer: “Oh. Can I get a popcorn then? Is it fresh?” Me: “Sir, you just cut in line. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in line if you want service.” Customer: “Oh. Okay.” (He pauses, but doesn’t move from his place beside me at the counter. I finish my transaction and clear up the line, and he’s still standing there.) Customer: “So…what’s up with those corn dogs?” Me: “What?” Customer: “Those corn dogs. What’s wrong with them?” Me: *looking around, utterly confused* “Uh…the hot dogs? I don’t see anything wrong with them.” Customer: “No, the corn dogs! They look awfully…green, don’t they?” Me: *following his eyes* “Sir…I think you’re talking about the pickles.” Customer: “Oh…that’s what they are? Could have fooled me.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:32 pm Post #15847 |
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A Swing And A Miss Electronics Store | Saskatchewan, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?” Caller: “Electronics, please.” Me: “We’re an electronics store, ma’am. Could you be more specific?” Caller: “Umm…just one moment.” (She hangs up. Five minutes later, she calls back.) Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?” Caller: “Electronics DEPARTMENT, please.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:34 pm Post #15848 |
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The Lesser Of Two Evils Retail | Canada Customer: *holding an ugly teapot* “The stuff on that shelf *pointing* is 75% off. Can I get this teapot for 75% off?” Me: “I’m sorry, but that discount only applies to items that were damaged during shipping.” Customer: “Look, I’m buying a lot of stuff here. I think I should get a discount on this teapot.” Me: “But it’s not broken. You only get a discount if it’s broken.” Customer: “You’re not being very helpful. You have to be able to do something for me here.” Me: “I could take it into the stock room and smash it for you. Then I could sell it to you at the discounted price. I’m sure you could glue it back together when you get home.” Customer: *thinking it over* “No…no, I don’t think so.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:34 pm Post #15849 |
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Gestapo, Taco, Same Difference Retail | UK (I work in a retail store that sells kind of quirky and alternative items. As it is nearing Christmas, I was doing the gift-wrapping while a co-worker was ringing up items.) Lady: *hands a mug* Me: *begins giftwrapping the mug* “Nothing to it. Just like wrapping a tortilla! Lady: “What would you know about tortillas? You’re blonde!” Me: “Well, my mother loves–” Lady: “Shut up! You blondes think you’re so much better than everyone else! You’re not! You need everyone else to do all the work for you! You’re all useless, and you’ll never be the master race!” Me: “Erm…” Lady: *pays and storms out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:36 pm Post #15850 |
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Frequent Diers Club Supermarket | Glasgow, Scotland, UK Me: “Hi there.” Customer: *smiles* “I got out o’ rehab yesterday. I was in fer 16 weeks! I was in fer the drink.” Me: “Oh, right…” Customer: “I went fer a drink to celebrate last night, just 1 or 2 ya know. I got carried away and woke up in a hospital the’ mornin, tubes in ma nose and s***. They brought me back 9 times.” Me: “9 times… they resuscitated you?!” Customer: “Yeah, I’ve died a few times now. Been hit by 12 cars, been through 4 windscreens… in all been brought back over 30 times a think.” Me: “…” Customer: “What’s that thing with lotsa lives?” Me: “A cat?” Customer: No, more than a cat… oh wait, yeah! They call me the cat! But I have more than a cat… they call me Supercat!” Me: “Don’t you think you should cut back on the drinking?” Customer: “Och, I just gotta stick to ma limits and no drink 3 litres. 1 litre is ma limit!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:37 pm Post #15851 |
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His Bigness Is None Of Your Business Fabric Store | Texas, USA Me: “Hello this is ***, *** speaking, how may I assist you?” Customer: “Ah, hello. I was just wondering… you see, I run an adult dance club outside of town.You know, with male strippers and such.” Me: “… uh huh.” Customer: ”Well, we order our clothing through a store usually, on the internet. But I have a new man and we need some clothes for him and he’s… large.” Me: “… uh… huh?” Customer: “Well he… he’s very large.” Me: “Um, well… what.. was your question?” Customer: “Oh. Well, I was wondering what kind of fabric you might recommend for a someone in our business.” Me: “Oh. Well, I would think something black. We have some see-through stuff. I might suggest a shimmer see through fabric. We have some of those…” Customer: “Oh good, good. Well, how much fabric do you think we’d need?” Me: “Well, it depends on his size. If you take some measurements, I can–” Customer: “Well, the thing is… it’s his… his business. Can I tell you about his business…?” Me: “Go ahead…” Customer: ”He is 12 inches long and three inches wide. Three inches! Have you ever heard of such a thing!” Me: “No, can’t say I have…” Customer: ”Three inches wide! I didn’t even know they made them that wide. Do you know anyone like that? That long and that wide?” Me: “Uh… well, my friend is… I’ve never seen him… but his girlfriend tells me he’s… exceptionally… long.” Customer: “Oh? Your friend?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “But you’ve never seen it?” Me: *inwardly wanting to die* “No.” Customer: “Would he be interested in exotic male dancing?” Me: “Let’s focus on the fabrics. So you want to know how much you’ll need. Now, I can’t see you needing more than two yards in total. Probably less.” Customer: “And that will cover his business…?” Me: “That… will cover… his business.” Customer: ”Because he’s big. Now your friend, how did you say you knew he was so big?” Me: “Okay… you know what? I’m terribly sorry but my job isn’t to recruit my friends for an exotic dance club. Why don’t you measure your man, bring me the measurements and I will show you how much you need.” Customer: “Now, is he a black man?” Me: “Thanks for your call… goodbye.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:39 pm Post #15852 |
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I Think We’ve Found The Problem Call Center | Concord, CA, USA Me: *on the phone with a customer* “I can have a repairman out there in 2 days to fix your dishwasher.” Customer: “Two days? TWO DAYS?! What am I going to do with the dishes in the meantime?!” Me: *jokingly “For $10 a day I’ll come out and wash them.” Customer: “Ok, great! Can I put that on my store card?” Me: “Um…I was just kidding, ma’am.” Customer: *angrily* “Let me talk to your manager!” (After my boss speaks with the customer, he comes over to talk to me.) Boss: “Did you tell the customer you would wash her dishes?” Me: “I was just joking!” Boss: “NEVER joke with a customer. Customers have NO sense of humor. None.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:41 pm Post #15853 |
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Sustenance In The Wilderness Gas Station | Tucson, AZ, USA (Our store is near the university campus, right next to the dorms. I received an odd call one day.) Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?” Caller: “Yes, my daughter lives in the dorms right next to you, and I was wondering what your store is.” Me: “It’s a gas station, and inside there’s a convenience store with soda, snacks, stuff like that.” Caller: “Is it a grocery store?” Me: “No…it’s a gas station and convenience store. We have chips, candy, etc. We have a fountain with soda, and also coffee.” Caller: “So it’s a grocery store?” Me: “No…we don’t have grocery products. We have a SMALL supply of cheap toilet paper, milk, and tampons. I doubt your daughter would come here for anything except the ATM and coffee, or gas if she drives.” Caller: “Well, I want to make sure my daughter will be okay. What kind of store is it?” Me: *starting to get annoyed* “It’s a gas station. There are pumps in the front to get gas at. We also have snacks. It’s a convenience store and a gas station.” Caller: “I don’t understand. She’s away at college and I don’t know if she’ll be okay.” Me: “Ma’am, she’ll be fine. Have a nice day, good bye.” *hanging up* (A few minutes later, a skinny blond girl enters the store.) Girl: *talking on her cell phone* “Yeah, Mom, they have coffee, soda, gum, chips, and an ATM…it’s a convenience store, Mom. Yes, they sell gas - there are pumps outside!” Me: *headdesk* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:41 pm Post #15854 |
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Something With Sprinkles, I’d Wager… Donut Shop | Ontario, Canada Me: “How can I help you, sir?” Customer: “I’ll take a large coffee and something for my wife…maybe an apple cruller?” (He pays for his stuff and I see him walk out to a car parked right in front of the store. He gets in, but the car doesn’t move. After about a minute, he storms back into the store.) Customer: *loudly* “What kind of donut do you recommend for a hatchet-faced old witch?! Me: “Uh….” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:41 pm Post #15855 |
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If At First You Don’t Succeed… Ski Resort | Keystone, CO, USA (A guest was locked out of their condo, but since they booked through a separate company, I couldn’t let him back in.) Customer: “So…there’s no way you have a master key that can let me in?” Me: “No. Our keys don’t work for other company’s units.” Customer: “But..I have a key. It just doesn’t work.” Me: “We can’t make new keys for units we don’t manage.” Customer: “So…if there’s a fire….” Me: “In that case, you’d want to get OUT of the building.” Customer: “Right….” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:42 pm Post #15856 |
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We Only Have The Other Kind Bookstore | Kansas, USA Customer: “How much are your large-print Bibles?” Me: “Various prices - what version are you looking for?” Customer: “A Holy Bible.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:46 pm Post #15857 |
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It’s All In The Details Restaurant | Noord-Brabant, Netherlands Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?” Customer: “Hello, I had a High Tea a few days ago at your place. Could I speak to your manager?” Me: “Yes, but perhaps I could help you as well?” Customer: “No, I would like to speak with your manager.” Me: “All right, one moment please.” *hands over the phone to the manager* Manager: “Hello, what could I help you with?” Customer: “I’m sorry, but I really have to complain about this: a few days ago we had this High Tea at your place, but the napkins weren’t good.” Manager: “What was wrong with the napkins?” Customer: “The napkins weren’t folded like in the photograph in the restaurant information folder we got.” Manager: Uh…I’m sorry?” Customer: “They weren’t folded like in the picture!” Manager: “Was there anything else that didn’t go well?” Customer: *pauses* “No, the rest of it was actually wonderful. The cakes and sandwiches were lovely, and the service was really good. There was nothing wrong with that.” Manager: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:46 pm Post #15858 |
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When In Doubt, Improvise Theme Park | Darien Center, NY, USA (Some days when there aren’t enough lifeguards, we have to close off the deep end of the wave pool - but, we aren’t allowed to tell guests that reason.) Customer: “What’s with the buoy line?” Me: “It’s there to keep you from entering the deep end.” Customer: “Well, duh! Why is it there?” Me: “Oh, the deep end is closed right now.” Customer: “That’s so f****** stupid! There’s no reason the deep end should be closed!” Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The water is…broken.” Customer: “Oh, sorry then. Have a nice day.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:47 pm Post #15859 |
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Clarity Is Key Grocery Store | Michigan, USA Me: “Hi sir, how are you today? Is there something I can get for you?” Customer: “Fish.” Me: “Well, you sure came to the right place. What kind of fish would you like?” Customer: “Dead fish.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 24, 2009 3:47 pm Post #15860 |
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Not-So-Friendly Skies Airline | Chicago, IL, USA Customer: “Excuse me, when does the non-smoking sign go off?” Me: “It doesn’t. You’re not allowed to smoke on this flight.” Customer: “But it’s lit up! The seatbelt light turns off, and I think I need a smoke.” Me: “You’re not allowed to smoke on an airplane.” Customer: “I can’t just go outside and smoke, can I? *points to an emergency exit* Me: “Er…good luck with that….” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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