 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,248 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:56 pm Post #15541 |
 
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Paint By Dumbers Retail | Pittsburgh, PA, USA (I work in the crafts department of a very large retail store. A customer walks over and hands me a small bottle of white craft paint.) Customer: “Excuse me, is this white paint?” Me: “…yes.” Customer: “Oh. How can you tell what color it is?” Me: “The bottle is see-through. The color you see on the bottle is the actual paint.” Customer: “Oh, I see. I’m sorry. I’ve never done crafts before.” Me: “That’s fine, I understand.” Customer: “So, how do I use this? Is the brush inside the bottle?” Me: “No…you have to buy the brush separately.” Customer: “So it’s not in there?” Me: “No. Paint brushes are a lot bigger than that bottle.” (I show her where the paint brushes are and help her pick one out.) Customer: “So…I just, like…brush the paint on what I want to paint?” Me: “Yes, that’s the general idea.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:57 pm Post #15542 |
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Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 1 Call Center | Birmingham, AL, USA Me: “Good Morning, my name is Leroy. May I have your name please?” Customer: “That stupid computer doesn’t understand a word I am saying! I hate computers!” Me: “I’m sorry for any problems you had sir. How can I help you today?” Customer: “Are you a computer? You sound like a d*** computer!” Me: *sarcastically* “Well I’m part computer sir, my mother was a computer.” Customer: “You’re part computer?” Me: “Yes sir, I am a cyborg.” Customer: “F***ing cyborgs!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:58 pm Post #15543 |
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Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail Call Center | Mississauga, Ontario, Canada Me: Thank you for calling ***, X speaking how may I… Client: *thick accent* “Yes, hello? Are you there?” Me: “Yes?” Caller: “I just tried purchase insurance.” Me: “Ok?” Caller: “It said error.” Me: “Ok, what else does it say?” Caller: “Just error.” Me: “Well, that can be anything. Normally it says more specific details. Is there anything else it says?” Caller: “I think it has something to do with the beneficiary part.” Me: “You mean for the life insurance portion?” Caller: “Yes. I put myself as the beneficiary for my policy, isn’t that what I’m supposed to put?” Me: “So, you put yourself as the person who receives the money if you die?” Caller: “Yes. Isn’t that right?” Me: *facepalm* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:58 pm Post #15544 |
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And The Landfills Wept Retail | Seattle, WA Me: “Just this scarf for you today?” Customer: “Yes — and could you please cut the tag off? I’m planning to wear it straight out of the store.” Me: “No problem.” (after transaction is completed…) Me: “Have a nice day!” Customer: “Um, can I have a bag, please?” Me: “…Err…I thought you wanted to wear your scarf out of the store?” Customer: “Well, yes, but I still need a bag. Where else would I put my receipt?” *stuffs her large wallet into her purse* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:59 pm Post #15545 |
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Superman Goes Shopping Retail | Elmira, NY, USA (In my store, it’s store policy to check credit cards for signatures; if they’re not signed, we must see ID.) Me: “May I see your card, please?” Customer: “Why?” Me: “Your card is not signed sir, and I have to check IDs if there’s no signature.” Customer: “I know it’s not signed, and it’s not going to be signed.” Me: “That’s fine, sir - I just have to check your ID then.” Customer: “Here.” *shows ID* Me: “Okay, thank you - sign the machine please.” Customer: “How do you know that’s me in the ID? He has glasses on and I don’t.” Me: “Sir, it looks like you.” Customer: “But I don’t have glasses on.” Me: “Okay then - I’m sorry, but this isn’t valid proof of ID. I can’t take it, which means you can’t use this card.” Customer: “Oh, well - it’s me, I was just trying to help you out.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, but you have convinced me otherwise. I cannot take it.” Customer: “What? It’s me!” Me: “I know…it’s you. I was just trying to help you out.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:59 pm Post #15546 |
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Well, Aren’t You Special Restaurant | Taylorsville, NC, USA Me: “Thank you for calling **** Pizza, how can I help you?” Customer: “My order was just delivered, and it was wrong.” Me: “Okay sir, I’m very sorry about that. What was the problem?” Customer: “I ordered a 20 ounce drink with my order.” Me: “And you didn’t get it?” Customer: “No, I got a 2 liter drink.” Me: “Sir… 2 liters is more than 20 ounces. I think most people would be happy to get more than what they paid for.” Customer: “WELL, I’M NOT MOST PEOPLE!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:00 pm Post #15547 |
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An Inconvenient List of Truths Hospital | Brunswick, GA, USA Me: “Hello?” Caller: “Yeah, I need you guys to fill a prescription for me.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are a hospital pharmacy. We only prepare medications for patients of the hospital.” Caller: “Well, that’s simply discrimination. You ought to fill for everyone.” Me: “You see, sir, we’re very different from a retail store. We issue individual, bubble-packed pills in one-day supplies to the nurses to give to their patients. We don’t have bottles, and we don’t do 30-day supplies like a store does. We don’t have a cash register, or any kind of means to ring up customers. We’re also located in an employees-only area of the hospital, near the morgue. You can’t really get to us that easily.” Caller: “Well, those are all excuses.” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:01 pm Post #15548 |
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Welcome To Glorious Nation Of North Americastan Airport | British Columbia, Canada Customer:“Do you sell any other calling cards here?” Salesperson: “No, just the ones on that rack. Sorry.” Customer: “I need to call the States and I don’t want to get charged for long distance! I need a card that can call from Canada to the US!” Salesperson: “Those calling cards can call to the US.” Customer: “But it says they only work in North America!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:01 pm Post #15549 |
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As Easy As 1, 3, 2 Retail | Ontario, Canada Customer: “Hi. I ordered a movie awhile back and I was wondering if it’s in yet.” Me: *checking the order history* “Unfortunately is hasn’t arrived yet. We’re still waiting on the distributor to send it to us.” Customer: “Oh, well how long is it going to take? I’ve been waiting for three months.” Me: “Actually my records indicate that you ordered the movie in October.” Customer: “Exactly. October, September, November. Three months!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:02 pm Post #15550 |
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They Might Want A See A Doctor About That Music Store | Adelaide, Australia Elderly Female Customer: “Hello I’m lookin for DVDs by Andre Rieu. Can you help me?” Me: “Sure… we have Andre just here on this end rack, then we have him in this stand as well. And we also have a huge section of him in our Easy Listening section, but if head that way, give me a yell and I’ll help you out.” Elderly Female Customer: “My, you have a lot of him, don’t you?” Me: “Yes, he’s rather popular at the moment. Are you going to his tour?” Elderly Female Customer: “Yes, I got my ticket first. Most of my friends like him as well. Well, except for two… but they don’t have souls.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:02 pm Post #15551 |
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Bad News On Laundry Day Bank | Magnolia, TX, USA (A creepy, smelly old man with dirty clothes and a scraggly beard walks into the bank.) Me: “Hi! Welcome to **** Bank, how are you today?” Customer: *stares, saying nothing* Me: “How may I help you, sir?” Customer: “I need to take $150 in quarters from my checking account.” Me: “Ok, I can do that for you, no problem.” *taking out a withdrawal slip* “If you can just fill this out for me, I–” Customer: “I can’t do that.” *pushes slip across the counter* Me: “…pardon?” Customer: “I said, I can’t do that. Do it for me.” Me: “Sir, unfortunately I cannot do that, for security purposes.” Customer: “Why can’t you?” Me: “It’s to protect your identity.” Customer: “My what? Just fill out the damn slip for me!” Me: “Sir, I’m really sorry, but you have to fill out the withdrawal slip. At the very least, I need you to put your name down.” Customer: “I can’t do that.” Me: “If you pardon my asking sir, why not?” Customer: “I don’t want to.” Me: “I’m…sorry sir, but–” Customer: “What kind of bank makes people do things?!” *storms out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:03 pm Post #15552 |
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Problem Exists Between Bottle And Hand Coffee Shop | Columbia, MD, USA (I work for a popular coffee chain that sells bottled drinks at the counter. The bottles have a tamper-evident pop-top feature. One day, a customer approached the counter after purchasing one of these drinks.) Customer: “Hey, I just bought one of these things and when I opened it the cap popped up.” Me: “Yes, they do–” Customer: *interrupting* “It says ‘Do Not Drink If Button Is Up’.” Me: “Yes, it’s a tamper-evident button to–” Customer: *speaking very slowly* “I want you to understand what I’m saying here! I can’t drink this - it’s been tampered with!” Me: “When you opened the container, the button popped up–” Customer: “I’M NOT SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE!” Me: *headdesk* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:03 pm Post #15553 |
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Why Hello, Pheven Call Center | Australia Me: “I’m here to help, sir. Now, can I start with your name?” Caller: “Yeah. It’s Steven.” Me: “Is that ‘Steven’ with a V, or ‘Stephen’ with a PH?” Caller: “No, it’s Steven with an S, idiot!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:04 pm Post #15554 |
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You Look Nothing Like Your Ad Hotel | Tennessee, USA (A family group was checking in - one lady in the group started telling me about her husband’s recent death from cancer.) Customer: “…and he was all eaten up with colon cancer, and he just died.” Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that is really not any of my business. It seems like a very private matter….” Customer: “What?!” Me: “I’m not comfortable hearing–” Customer: “Are you a Christian?” Me: “No, ma’am.” Customer: “I knew it! You are evil, and will burn in hell. I’ll speak to your manager in the morning!” Me: “Ok. That’s fine.” Customer: “I hope you liked your former job.” Me: “…” (The group went to their rooms. A few minutes later, one of the adult daughters came to the desk.) Me: “Yes, Ma’am?” Customer’s Daughter: “I just came down because I wanted to see what pure evil looks like.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:05 pm Post #15555 |
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That’s Just Golden Call Center | Tulsa, OK, USA (Note: we deal with the airline employees.) Me: “Customer service, this is ***. May I have your file number?” (The airline employee gives his file number, and I verify his information is correct.) Me: “How can I help you?” Airline employee: “Promise you won’t laugh.” Me: “I’ll try, sir.” Airline employee: “I’m calling to report that a customer relieved himself in one of the Electronic Check-in Units. I need to ask for a tech to come out and make sure there’s no damage to the computer.” Me: “Oh my gosh, of course. Where in the airport is the machine?” Airline employee: “It’s near Gate 27. We call it Irregular Operations because that’s where–no pun intended–the customers have to go to get their tickets when they’re pissed off.” Me: “Well, sir, I’m writing this up as being water damage that the tech will need to check out. Is there anything else I can do to help you?” Airline employee: “You got any Febreeze?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:06 pm Post #15556 |
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Head Explodes In 5, 4, 3… Fast Food | Dallas, TX Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I would like the patty melt meal.” Me: “Okay, would you like the single or double meat?” Customer: “I just want it the way it comes.” Me: “Well, we have it in a single and a double meat.” Customer: “I JUST WANT IT THE WAY IT COMES!” (I didn’t want to piss her off anymore, so I just rang up the double meat. She eventually pulls to the first window.) Customer: “EXCUSE ME SIR! Why weren’t you listening?” Me: “I was, ma’am.” Customer: “NO YOU WEREN’T! I HAD TO TELL YOU 3 TIMES!” Me: “Ma’am, we have a double meat or a single meat of the burger. You wouldn’t answer my question.” Customer: “I JUST WANT IT THE WAY IT COMES!” (At this point, I’m just like screw it and I apologized and gave her the change.) Me: “Have a good–”" Customer: “Oh, and I want that with mayonnaise instead of the sauce you put on it.” Me: “……” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:07 pm Post #15557 |
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Not For All The Gold In Azeroth Retail | Moore, OK, USA Me: “Thank you for calling *** Electronics. How may I help you?” Caller: “Do you have World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade in stock?” Me: “Yes, we do.” Caller: “How much is it?” Me: “$50, ma’am.” Caller: “Oh, well… if I sleep with you, can I get your discount?” Me: “No, ma’am, unfortunately not.” *hangs up* Manager: “You should have told her that you would increase the price of the game if she slept with you…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:07 pm Post #15558 |
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A Tasty Threat Airline | San Juan, Puerto Rico (At the security checkpoint, I observed a man walking up to the checkpoint with his luggage and a Tupperware container full of soup.) Agent: “Sir, you can’t take that beyond this point.” Customer: “But it’s my soup!” Agent: “Sir, you can’t take a container bigger than 3 ounces.” Customer: “But it’s my soup! Agent: “I’m sorry, but you either have to eat it here or throw it away.” Customer: “But…it’s delicious food!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:08 pm Post #15559 |
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The Price For Solitude Hospital | Paris, France Patient: “I want to know why I didn’t get a single room! I asked for a single room. I demand a single room!” Me: “I’m sorry; every single room is currently occupied by patients who must be isolated.” Patient: “I don’t get it. You have single rooms - why do you give those to other patients?” Me: “The patients in our single rooms MUST have a single room for medical reasons. They have contagious illnesses.” (I try to leave the room, but the patient jumps in front of the door.) Patient: “You’re not leaving until you give me a single room! What do I have to do to get a single room?!” Me: “This is ridiculous. The patients in those single rooms are contagious. We can’t put them in double rooms.” Patient: *screaming* “What do I have to do to get a f****** single room?” Me: “…catch tuberculosis?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 6:09 pm Post #15560 |
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Come Fly The Stupid Skies Airline | New York, NY, USA (I was flying in first class when two women sitting across the aisle from me buzzed the flight attendant.) Flight Attendant: “What can I help you with?” Passenger #1: “The plane seems to be shaking a lot, and I almost spilled my bottle of water.” Passenger #2: “Yeah, and it’s also really noisy. We can barely hear each other talk.” Flight Attendant: “Well, the shaking is the turbulence that the plane is flying through, and the noise is coming from the engines.” Passenger #2: “Can’t you turn off the engines?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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