 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
|
| Spam; 2.0 | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,250 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:17 pm Post #15501 |
 
|
Better Safe Than Smart Retail | Chicago, IL, USA Customer: “What is this?” Me: “It’s a neoprene laptop case.” Customer: “For what?” Me: “It’s just a more snug case for your laptop.” Customer: “For what?” Me: “It’s just to protect your laptop if it’s put in a bag or briefcase.” Customer: “You mean, to protect all of my other stuff?” Me: “Well yes, to protect all your other stuff from damaging your laptop.” Customer: “No. Will this case protect my computer from damaging all my stuff?” Me: “It is padded…” Customer: “Good, because it’s cheaper than the anti-virus software.” Me: *gives up* “…it will definitely protect the things in your backpack from getting viruses.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
 |
 
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:18 pm Post #15502 |
|
Victoria’s Secret Is Out Retail | Texas, USA Me: “Hello, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *pulls out a bra from a bag* Me: “Ok, is there something wrong with it?” Customer: Well yeah, duh. I wouldn’t be returning it if it was fine, would I?!” Me: “Ok - what is the reason you are returning it?” Customer: “It squeaks…” Me: “The bra…? The bra squeaks?” Customer: “Yes, it makes noises.” Me: “The bra makes noises?” (By this time everyone standing in line starts laughing at her and making comments.) Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare laugh at me - inferior creatures!” (People in line now really start to laugh.) Me: “Ok ma’am, I’m really sorry the bra makes noises, but I cannot return this, you’ve worn it. You can’t return an–” Customer: *interrupting* “LORD! Give me patience! Or I will strangle this creature of yours! Now, Mr. A**hole, you are going to give me my money back for this thing. I cannot be walking around with a talking bra on me - people will think I’m nuts!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:18 pm Post #15503 |
|
Do As I Shout, Not As I Do Library | Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?” Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?” (The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.) Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?” Patron’s young child: “But Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–” Patron: “Shut UP!” (Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:19 pm Post #15504 |
|
Patience (Not) Be Thy Name Cable Company | Ohio, USA (Note: this call takes place at 2:15 pm.) Me: “Thank you for calling blank blanker cable. How may I help you today? Caller: “I was supposed to have a tech out here between 2pm and 4pm! Where the h*** is he? Me: “Sir, the tech is scheduled for anytime between the hours of 2 and 4, so he is not late. He is on his way.” Caller: “I want a credit for the install fee. I shouldn’t have to pay an install fee if the tech is late.” Me: “Sir, he is not late. He has until 4pm to get there.” Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor now!” Me: “I am sorry, sir, but a supervisor will tell you the same thing…” Caller: “I don’t wanna talk to you! You don’t know what you are doing! give me a supervisor, now!” Me: “no, I will not do that.” Caller: “You have to! It’s the law!” Me: “No, it isn’t; it isn’t even company policy. You can wait for the tech, or you can cancel the appointment. Which would you like to do?” Caller: “Oh… the tech is here.” *click* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:19 pm Post #15505 |
|
I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa Restaurant | New Berlin, Wisconsin, USA (It was our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there were still customers seated in the dining room. Unfortunately, this meant people were free to wander in, even though we couldn’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple came in after we were closed.) Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.” Customer: “What do you mean?” Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.” Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:20 pm Post #15506 |
|
Hulk Smash Bagels Cafe | California, USA (I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.) Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?” Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.” Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!” Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out* Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him* (From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:21 pm Post #15507 |
|
Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Stuffing Grocery Store | New York, NY, USA Customer: *ordering stuffing*” I want that container, that one in the middle, yep.” Me: “Do you want this whole thing full?” Customer: “Oh god, no. I want a little more than a half… but a little less than a third. Not too much.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:21 pm Post #15508 |
|
Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living, Part 2 pizza, restaurant | Denver, CO, USA (Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. A customer has just paid for her order.) Customer: “Stop staring at my boobs!” Me: “Huh?” Customer: “You heard me!” Me: “Lady, I was just counting the money you gave me.” Customer: “No, you were staring at my boobs and pretending to count the money. Let me talk to your manager right now! I’m going to get you fired!” (Before I can say anything, one of my male coworkers comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest.) Coworker: “I’m the manager. Are you bothering my boyfriend?” Customer: *takes her food and leaves* Coworker’s girlfriend, to me: “Hey, wanna come over tonight?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:22 pm Post #15509 |
|
Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living Tour Guide | Newfoundland, Canada Tourist: “I saw a sign that said historic downtown, what’s down there?” (To the best of my knowledge, no such sign exists so I’m already confused.) Me: “Uh, a few churches and shops.” Tourist: “Oh, how do I get to the lighthouse?” Me: “You go through downtown.” Tourist: “I don’t want to go through downtown!” Me: “Sorry, but that’s how you get there.” Tourist: “Is there another way to get there?” Annoyed coworker: “You could fly there on your broom!” (The tourist looks shocked and storms out.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:23 pm Post #15510 |
|
But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case Record Store | Buffalo, NY, USA (A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.) Me: “You all set?” Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?” Me: “Yes, it is.” Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?” Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.” Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:25 pm Post #15511 |
|
Marital Bliss In All Its Forms, Part 3 Tech Support | Sydney, Australia (A husband and wife couple have me on speakerphone so that they can get help troubleshooting. I’m typing up some notes while their PC reboots, which they can apparently hear…) Customer: “Wow, that sounds like a machine gun. ‘That your typing, sweetheart?” Me: *laughs* “Yeah, it is… I can type pretty fast.” Customer: “You married at all?” Me: “Nope, not yet. Why do you ask?” Customer: “Doesn’t surprise me love, with fingers that fast you don’t need a man!” Me: *mouth agape* (Suddenly, I hear a smacking noise followed by the man cursing.) Customer’s wife: “Ignore Ron… he’s a pig, dear. He’s lucky he’s married himself. I’m sure you’re lovely.” Customer: “Isn’t it time a house fell on you, my darling wife?” Me: *mouth still agape* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:25 pm Post #15512 |
|
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2 Call Center | Des Moines, IA, USA (I’ve just done a sales pitch for internet service.) Customer: “Oh honey, I’m 73. I wouldn’t know that to do with the internet. I can hardly run the computer my daughter gave me.” Me: “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m 24 and I do struggle with them from time to time.” Customer: “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be your age, what with all the bad things happening in the world today.” Me: “I don’t know, I’m pretty optimistic most of the time. I think we’ll be okay.” Customer: “You’ve never been married, have you?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:25 pm Post #15513 |
|
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms Gas Station | Peoria, IL, USA (A male customer comes up to the counter with a box of tampons.) Me: “You should meet my husband. We’ve been married seven years and he’s never bought these.” Customer: “You should meet my girlfriend.” Me: “Persuasive?” Customer: “Scary.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:26 pm Post #15514 |
|
Satan Needs The Nougat Retail | Florida, USA (A mother and her young son come up to me, each with their own items to buy. I finish ringing up the mother and start with the little boy.) Mother: *to son* “Isn’t it nice to buy your toys with your own money?” Son: “Yeah.” (The son begins to reach over the conveyor belt for some candy.) Mother: “Oh, you don’t need that. Put it back.” Me: *to the boy* “Your total is $6.66.” Mother: “Oh, no, no, no! Buy that candy!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:27 pm Post #15515 |
|
The Free-Range Children Are Out Back Charity | Cardiff, UK (We are the charity for a small but state-of-the-art kids hospital, and run tours for potential donors, maximum 6 people per tour.) Me: *on the phone* “Hello, **** Charity, how can I help? Caller: “I want to organize a visit.” Me: “Ok, great. What day?” Caller: “Next Wednesday. Now, tell me, is there somewhere they can stop and eat?” Me: “There’s a cafe nearby.” Caller: “Good. Am I right that there is an area where the patients can be petted?” Me: “Uh…” Caller: “Never mind - where can I park the coach?” Me: “…coach?” Caller: “Yes, we want a visit for 50 elderly people. Your representative said it was possible.” Me: “I’m so sorry, we can only take 6 people at a time.” Caller: “Well, what are the rest of them going to do?!” Me: “Ok, can I ask who told you it was all right to bring more than 6 people?” Caller: “Yes! She definitely said it was all right! We had an initial talk by a lady who brought along her lovely Labrador…” Me: “…” Caller: *realizing* “This isn’t the Dogs’ Trust Hospital that I’ve called, is it?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:28 pm Post #15516 |
|
The Magical World of Duhs-ney Tech Support | Pennsylvania, USA Me: *on the phone* “Help Desk, can I help you? Customer: “I can’t log in to my computer.” Me: “No problem, sir - let me reset it for you.” Customer: “Thanks!” Me: “Ok, sir - go ahead and type ‘welcome’ as your default password. When you hit ‘OK’ you will be asked to create a new password.” Customer: “Are their any requirements for the password?” Me: “The only requirement is that the password has to be at least 6 characters in length - numbers, letters or both.” (Two minutes pass and I still hear a lot of typing over the phone. I’d assumed he’d logged in and starting working, forgetting I was on the phone.) Me: “Is everything all right? Were you able to get your password reset?” Customer: “No! Its not all right! Why is it that every time I call you guys there’s a problem?! You have to make everything so difficult!” Me: “I am sorry for that sir…what happens after you try to create your new password?” Customer: “What do you think?! It tells me to try again! It will not take!” Me: “Well, go ahead and try entering something different.” Customer: “You know, you people are ridiculous! How many characters do you think I can remember?! I’m not five years old any more! All I remember is Pluto, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck!” Me: *facepalm* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:28 pm Post #15517 |
|
Mixed Me-ow-ssages Pet Store | Burlington, WA, USA Customer: “I bought this a few days ago to stop my cats from scratching the furniture, and now they’re scratching it more than ever!” (I take a moment to look at the bottle, and see that it is clearly labeled “Catnip Spray”.) Me: “Well, they’re going to scratch more because this is catnip spray.” Customer: “What does that mean?” Me: “You spray this where you want cats to scratch… didn’t you read the bottle before you bought it?” Customer: “I don’t have time to read; I just grabbed the first thing on the shelf.” Me: “Um… you just grabbed the first thing on the shelf?” Customer: “Yes, now get me the right stuff so they’ll stop scratching!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:31 pm Post #15518 |
|
The Only Thing Toasted Is His Mind sandwich shop | Commerce Township, MI, USA Customer: “I don’t want my sandwich toasted.” Me: “No problem, sir. We actually don’t have a toaster here, so you don’t have to worry.” Customer: “OH YES YOU DO! The last sandwich I got was toasted!” Me: “Um. Are you sure it was from this store?” Customer: “Yes. It was from this exact store, and it was toasted so bad I almost couldn’t eat it.” Me: “I’m not sure how that’s possible, sir. We honestly don’t have a toaster, and we never have.” Customer: “Oh, so now I don’t know what toasted bread looks like?” Me: “I–” Customer: “The top of my bread was brown. And do you know what makes bread brown?” Me: “The crust?” Customer: “A TOASTER!” (Seriously, no toaster. Ever. At all.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:32 pm Post #15519 |
|
All The World’s A Book Bookstore | Scotland, UK Customer: “Excuse me, I’m wondering if you can help me?” Me: “Sure, how can I help?” Customer: “I’m looking for a book.” Me: “Right, what book is that?” Customer: “I’m looking for a dictionary.” (I take the customer to the dictionary section, but she shakes her head.) Customer: “No, it’s not a dictionary, it’s just a book.” Me: “Well, I’m afraid I need to know a bit more than that to find it for you.” Customer: “Well, it’s not a book, it’s a box.” Me: “A box?” Customer: “Not really, it’s kind of a box and you put things in it. Like a box.” Me: “So it’s not a book?” Customer: “Yes, it is also a book.” (Turns out she was looking for a safe.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat May 23, 2009 5:32 pm Post #15520 |
|
Military Intelligence, Part 3 Coffee shop | Portsmouth, UK (I work in an English branch of a US coffee chain. Because we’re a naval town, US navy ships always stop here and the sailors come in for ‘a taste of home’…) Me: “Hello, what would you like?” Sailor 1: “One of your chocolate frappuccinos.” Me: “OK. What size do you want?” Sailor 1: “Erm… can I ask you a question?” Me: “Yeah, go on then.” Sailor: “Are your frappuccinos made with ice, like they are back in the states?” Sailor 2: “Yeah, good point man!” Me: “Yes, yes they are made with ice.” Sailor 2: “Is that British ice or do you get it, like, flown over from the States so it tastes the same?” Me: “…” Sailor 1: “Dude! Yeah! Is it going to taste the same as it does at home?!” Me: “Why don’t you try it and let me know?” Sailors 1 & 2: “Yeahhh…” (Their ship was over for about a week and true to their word, they came back to inform me that their drinks did in fact taste the same as they did back home.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Matter Stream · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
 9:27 AM Jul 13
|
    
|
|
Theme by Sith of Outline
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy