 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,267 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:26 pm Post #15161 |
 
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Tomorrow's Lesson: The Boston Red Sox Toddler, pointing to the Bronx on subway map: What? Father: Yeah! That's the Bronx, baby girl! Yankee stadium. Better than the Mets and you best not forget! The Mets suck! The Yankees stink, but the Mets suck. --L Train |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:26 pm Post #15162 |
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Or Cornish Game Hen, When We Feel Like Slummin' It Mom #1, noting a pigeon: Cute bird! Boy: Hm. Birds. Mom #2: We, for instance, eat birds. What kind of birds do we eat? Boy: Quail! --5th Ave, Park Slope |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:29 pm Post #15163 |
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Next Time Be a Little More Sensitive, My Dot-Headed Friend. Indian guy: No homo! Black guy: Man, "no homo" is wrong. That's like a white person saying, "yo, word up?" and a black guy saying, "no negro!" (pause) Shit's f#cked up. --Columbia University |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:30 pm Post #15164 |
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At the Procreation Quarterfinals, There Was No Winner. Girl #1: So this is gonna be his fourth! So I told Malek, he shouldn't made me get rid of my baby because then I woulda been ahead of that bitch! Damn! Girl #2: Yeah, I hear you... --137th & Broadway |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:32 pm Post #15165 |
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from notalwasyright.com Acute Mental Failure Hospital | Greenville, SC, USA (Note: At our hospital, patients are called into private registration rooms where all demographic information is completed.) Me: “Come on in and we’ll get your paperwork ready.” (The patient enters room and I close the door.) Me: “So, how are you?” Patient: “…” (There are 2 large comfy chairs in front of the patient, but she’s still standing.) Me:“Uh…everything ok?” Patient: “…” Me: “Well, uh, so…what procedure are you having today?” Patient: “…” Me: “Is that your doctor’s order?” Patient: “…” (The patient throws the paper at me. It has most of the info I need to register her, so I don’t ask any more questions. After a minute, I have all of her paperwork ready. During this entire time, still hasn’t sat down.) Me: “Alright, here is your face sheet. If you’ll go down the hall and hand that to radiology they’ll take care of the rest.” Patient: “Let me ask you a question now. Why didn’t you tell me to have a seat? You are the most rude person I have ever met!” (She takes her papers and pushes on the door to open it, not realizing she needs to pull.) Patient: “Ahhhh! Let me out of here, he’s locked me in! Help, help!” (The patient knocks over my computer, flips the chairs and starts throwing stuff at me; I hide under the desk during her rampage. Hearing the commotion, security comes in and the patient runs out of the room and out of the hospital, never to be seen again. Afterwards…) Security: “They really should start paying you more.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:33 pm Post #15166 |
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Future Business Leaders Of America, Indeed College | Troy, NY, USA (A student approaches my counter at our college’s store, which is adjacent to the bank.) Me: “Hello, may I help you?” College student: “Yes, I need to get 4 dollars out of the bank.” Me: “I’m sorry, the campus bank branch does not open for another hour.” College student: “Well…what if I was to pay you? *pulls out a five dollar bill* Me: “You’re going to pay me five dollars to get four dollars out of the bank?” College student: “Yes.” Me: “Why don’t I just give you change in ones for this five?” College student: “You can do that?” Me: “Yes.” College student: “Technology these days!” (I give him the five ones, and he walks out of the store shaking his head and smiling to himself, still saying “Wow!”) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:43 pm Post #15167 |
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When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)… Indian Restaurant | Southampton, UK Me: ”Did you enjoy your meal?” Customer: “No, the madras was hot.” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.” Customer: ”No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.” Me: ”Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.” Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:44 pm Post #15168 |
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When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli) … Kosher Deli | Iowa, USA (Keep in mind, this is a kosher deli.) Customer: “Can I get a ham sandwich, please?” Me: “Well, sir, we don’t serve ham.” Customer: “No ham? What do you have then?” Me: “Well, we have turkey, roast beef, corned beef, and pastrami…” Customer: “But no ham?” Me: “No, sir, no ham.” Customer: “What? Do you have a thing against ham or something?” Me: “Actually…yes, we do.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:49 pm Post #15169 |
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Good Service, To A Point Department Store | Victoria, British Columbia, Canada Customer: “I want to return this knife! The lady I bought this from put this sticky stuff around the blade.” Me: “Ma’am, all of our knives have the protective seal to keep you from getting cut.” Customer: “No way! I saw her; she put this on there! I want a different one!” Me: “Ma’am, you’re free to choose another knife but, as you can see, they all have the protective seal on them.” Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous - how do you get this off?! You do it for me!” (I take the seal off and hand it back to her.) Customer: “But look at this! It’s left this sticky residue!” Me: “It washes off easily, actually.” Customer: “I don’t want to wash anything! That’s stupid!” Me: “Don’t you wash your knives before you use them?” Customer: “DON’T get smart with me! This is a horrible way to sell a knife.” Me: “So, we should sell the knives without a seal or any kind of protection?” Customer: “YES! Exactly! It’ll make using it at home easier!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:49 pm Post #15170 |
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At Least It Got A Spot-Free Rinse Tech Support | New Hampshire, USA Me: “Welcome to ****! How can I help you today?” Customer: “Yeah, my keyboard won’t work.” Me: “Okay sir, what happened?” Customer: “Well, it got dirty, so I ran it through the dishwasher.” Me: “You what?” Customer: “Ran it through the dishwasher. I did it once before and it worked. So, can I get a new one?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:50 pm Post #15171 |
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Stupidity On Tap Grocery Store | Durham, NC, USA (I get a phone call at about 8:00pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.) Caller: “What time do y’all close?” Me: “9 o’clock tonight.” Caller: “Oh s***! Umm…OK, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?” Me: “…the keg?” Caller: “Yeah.” Me: “No.” Caller: “What? Why?!” Me: “…for a variety of reasons.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:50 pm Post #15172 |
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Desktop Hunters And Gatherers Electronics Store | Pensacola, FL, USA (A customer is at our electronics store looking at the Macs.) Customer: “Is this that Windows Vi-ah-ster?” Me: “You mean Windows Vista? No, these are Macs, sir.” Customer: “Right, Windows Vista, exactly.” Me: “Are you going to buy one?” Customer: “Yeah, got anything that’s under $200?” Me: “Not in the Apple section, and I really wouldn’t advise you get a $200 Vista rig anyway. It will run slowly.” (He goes over, finds a low end rig, and gets it anyway. He’s back a day later.) Customer: “Ya, its not workin’.” Me: “I told you, why didn’t you listen?” Customer: “Oh, I saw two comp-ooh-ters at that price, and the other one looked better.” Me: “Looked better… how?” Customer: “The paint was shinier.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:51 pm Post #15173 |
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Tip Of The Day: How To Apply For A Federal Bailout Bank | New Haven, CT, USA Me: “Alright sir, you’re all set. Anything else I can do for you today?” Bank customer: *jokingly* “Yeah, you can deposit a million dollars into my account.” Me: “Sir, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that, I’d have a million dollars.” Bank customer: *hangs up laughing* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:56 pm Post #15174 |
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If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop, Part 2 Gas Station | Nashville, TN, USA Customer: “I need to fill up my truck.” Me: “Alright, how much gas would you like?” Customer: “Enough to fill up my truck.” Me: “Sir, I need to know how much gas you’d like to buy.” Customer: “Why is this so hard? You tell me how much gas I need, and I give you the money!” Me: “Each vehicle’s different, sir. How am I supposed to know how much it’ll take to fill up your particular vehicle?” Customer: “Look at your book!” Me: “…my book?” Customer: “Yes, the book! Look up my truck and tell me how much gas to get!” (My assistant manager comes over to see what all the fuss is about.) Assistant manager: “How about you give us $20 for the gas? If you need more, you can come back, and if it’s too much, we’ll refund you.” Customer: “Aw, forget it. I’ll just circle around the pumps.” (…which is what he did for several minutes before driving off.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:57 pm Post #15175 |
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If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop Tech Support | Ottawa, ON, Canada (I was walking a customer through setting up a fairly complex product.) Customer: “Next or back?” Me: “Next.” Customer: “Okay, now next or back?” Me: “We do not need to change any of the default settings, so we will be hitting next on the next 7 or 8 screens in a row. Let me know when another option other then next or back appears.” Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Okay, now do I hit next or back?” Me: “Hit next, and also hit next on the following 5 or 6 pages until there is no more next button.” Customer: “Okay, I clicked next. Now do I hit next or back?” (At this point I am going insane and decide to have a little fun.) Me: “Click back.” Customer: “Okay, now next or back?” Me: “Click next.” Customer: “Okay, next or back?” Me: “Click back.” Customer: “Okay, next or back?” Me: “Click next.” Customer: “Okay, next or back?” Me: “Click back.” (This goes on for a few minutes until the customer realises what’s going on. Or so I thought…) Customer: “I think it’s broken, it keeps looping through the same pages!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:58 pm Post #15176 |
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Signs It’s Time To Leave The Nest Airport | Minneapolis, MN, USA (A woman walked up to my co-worker in a panic.) Woman: “Have you seen my son? Did someone take my son?!” Co-worker: “I’m not sure. How old is he?” Woman: *still panicked* “20!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:58 pm Post #15177 |
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Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way Pharmacy | Philadelphia, PA, USA (A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.) Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.” Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.” Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.” (10 minutes later.) Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.” Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill* Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.” Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.” Me: “Oh…good.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 1:59 pm Post #15178 |
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Customer Service: Once Bitten, Twice Shy Pet Groomer | Massachusetts, USA Customer: “Hi, can I get my dogs nails clipped?” Me: “Yes, have you been here before?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “OK.” *pulling up info* “It looks like your dog’s rabies certificate expired last month.” Customer: “I have the papers at home. I’ll bring it in next time.” Me: “Sorry sir, we need the current rabies certificate to do nails.” Customer: “So you don’t want to do them?” Me: “I can’t do them, sir. It’s our policy.” Customer: “I thought that was just for grooming.” Me: “No sir, it’s for all services. I can’t–” Customer: “Fine, I’m never coming back again!” *storms out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 6:05 pm Post #15179 |
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Fact Check Fail Fast Food | Liberty, MO, USA Customer: “I want a refund. NOW!” Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?” Customer: “I came through the drive-thru about fifteen minutes ago, and you shorted me six tacos!” Me: “…” Customer: “Well?!” Me: “We don’t have a drive-thru.” Customer: *slinks out of the store* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri May 22, 2009 6:06 pm Post #15180 |
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Fibbing Fail Retail | Denver, CO, USA Me: “Hi, how can I help you?” Customer: “I need to return this d*** camera.” Me: “Sure, was it not working?” Customer: “I just don’t want it, okay?” Me: “Okay. Have you opened the box yet?” Customer: “Why does that matter?” Me: “Well, as the sticker on the box says, if the box is opened and you return it, I have to charge you a restocking fee.” Customer: “Oh. No… no, it hasn’t been opened.” (I look and the box has been clearly opened, with a torn seal.) Me: “Uh… are you sure it hasn’t been opened?” Customer: ”LOOK! ARE YOU CALLING ME A F***ING LIAR? Where is your manager? I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars here and this is how I’m treated?!” Me: “Ma’am, if you just–” Customer: “THESE PEOPLE CALL CUSTOMERS LIARS! DON’T SHOP HERE!” Me: “Ma’am, I believe you! I will return it!” Customer: “That’s right you will!” Me: “Can I see your receipt?” Customer: “It’s in the box.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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