 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,292 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:37 pm Post #14661 |
 
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Honk Twice For Bird Barrage Call Center | Winchester, KY, USA (I work at a call center for truck drivers.) Me: “Thank you for calling the service center. My name is ***, are you experiencing a breakdown?” Trucker: “Yeah, I need a new windshield.” Me: “Ok, sir. What happened to your current windshield?” Trucker: “A bird went through it.” Me: “Alright, a bird hit your windshield and cracked it, correct?” Trucker: “No, the bird went THROUGH the windshield. It’s sitting in the passenger seat now and the windshield has a hole in it.” Me: “So, what kind of bird is it?” Trucker: “… a dead one.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:43 pm Post #14662 |
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Cow Skulls For The Numbskulls Souvenir Store | Tennessee, USA (A couple from up north comes into our tourist shop.) Female Customer: “Oh look, honey!” Husband: “Oh, wow!” Female Customer: *points to little ceramic cow skull* “Ooh, could I see that?” Me: “Sure…” Female Customer: “Ooh, this is sooo pretty! What do you call them?” Me: “Well, I call them ‘cow skulls.’” Female Customer: “Ohhh, honey! She says they’re called “cow skulls”! |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:44 pm Post #14663 |
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Please Don’t Pet The Employees retail | Dublin, Ireland Customer: “Wow! you look so much like that guy!” Me: “Um…what guy, ma’am?” Customer: “You know! That rocker guy with that daughter and son.” Me: “Do you mean Ozzy Osbourne?” Customer: “Yeah! That guy.” *pauses* “You have such a great skin!” (The customer begins to grab my face.) Me: *starts pulling away* “Uh…ma’am, can you please stop touching my face?” Customer: “Why? Come back!” Manager: *coming out of his office* “Ma’am, please leave my store and stop harassing my staff!” Customer: “But…why can’t I touch his face?” Manager: “Out!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:44 pm Post #14664 |
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Please Don’t Titillate The Employees Museum | Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA (I’m 17 and am volunteering at the museum for a ride that takes you on a trip to Mars.) Customer: “Excuse me, can my son go in there?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s no room and this is the last ride.” Customer: “Hmph.” *drags her son away and whispers something to him* Customer’s son: “Um, hi.” Me: “Yes, sir?” Customer’s son: “My mom told me to flirt with you so I could see the ride.” Me: “Uh… yeah. I can’t let you do that.” Customer’s son: “Okay.” *goes back to his mother* Customer: “Well, fine then, young lady. I want to see your manager.” Me: “Okay, he’s the man over there in the blue shirt with gold collars.” Customer: “I’m going to tell him you won’t flirt with my son!” *goes away and takes her son with her* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:45 pm Post #14665 |
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Please Don’t Feed The Customers Dinner Cruise | Boston, MA, USA (I work on a dinner cruise. As I’m eating a handful of Goldfish crackers and I see a man yelling at me from the gangway.) Customer: “Hey! Hey you!” Me: “Yes?” Customer: “What’s that you’re eating?” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “Are you eating NUTS?” Me: “No, they’re Goldfish.” Customer: “Oh okay. Can I have some?” Me: “Are you serious?” Customer: “Yea, I want some. I’m so hungry!” Me: “There is food on the boat, sir. Just wait until you get on.” Customer: “No, but I want what you’re eating–those nuts!” Me: “Sir, it’s 11:00 at night, I’m working until 5:00 AM, and I’ve been here since 4:30 this afternoon. I have not eaten and will not eat for a while. So no, you cannot have my six Goldfish, as they are MINE.” Customer: “That’s f***ed up. I can’t have some of that food in your hand?” Me: “No, no you can’t!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:47 pm Post #14666 |
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Amen Retail | Melbourne, Australia (A customer runs in two minutes to closing time.) Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re closing soon.” Customer: “What do you mean, you’re closing? But I haven’t had time to get what I want!” Me: “We’re open again tomorrow, 9 til 9.” Customer: “You should stay open until 10. People need to do their shopping, you know.” Me: “Sir, people like you are the reason that people like me don’t have lives.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:48 pm Post #14667 |
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Taking The Supersizing Thing Too Far Bank | Seattle, WA, USA (A customer is withdrawing several hundred dollars in cash.) Me: “So, how would you like the cash today?” Customer: “Um, I’ll take it all in the largest bills you have.” Me: “So hundreds, then?” Customer: “Yeah, a few hundreds, and then some 500 and 1000 dollar bills as well.” Me: “Oh, the largest denomination we have is hundreds…” Customer: “You see, this is exactly the type of thing that makes me not want to bank with you guys!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:49 pm Post #14668 |
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Guidance Counseling, Customer Style Supermarket | United Kingdom (I’m finishing a long transaction for a supermarket customer.) Customer: “You realise that you didn’t say ‘please or ‘thank you’ throughout all of that?!” Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought I did.” Customer: “Do you go to college or is this your full time job?!’ Me: “I go to college, but–” Customer: “GOOD! DON’T DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CRAP AT IT!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:50 pm Post #14669 |
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This Is Why We Have Self-Checkout Lanes Grocery Store | Portage, MI, USA Customer: “Put that bread in the bag.” Coworker: “I don’t want to break it… (The grocery bags are already very full.) Customer: “No, it’s CRUSTY!” (The customer rushes over, grabs it, and STUFFS it into the bag, totally crushing it.) Customer: “See? It didn’t break! Can you make the bags more even?” (My coworker takes out some of the groceries and evenly weights the bags.) Customer: “No, make them more evenly weighted!” Coworker: “I just did…” Customer: “NO, NOW IT’S NOT FAIR TO ALL OF THE OTHER BAGS!” (The customer grabs her bags and literally runs out of store.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:52 pm Post #14670 |
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Death By Citrus Bar | Tampa, FL, USA (A bar patron pulls out an orange from his pocket and proceeds to pull out a knife that he starts cutting it open to eat it. Bear in nmind, I’m a bouncer, so this doesn’t exactly fly.) Me: “Can I see that real fast?” Bar patron: “What? Yeah!” *hands me the orange* Me: “No, the other thing.” Bar patron: “Yeah, I said you can have some of my orange, man.” Me: “Here, I’ll trade you. You give me the knife, and I keep your orange.” Bar patron: “Deal!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:53 pm Post #14671 |
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It’s All In The Wrist Fast Food | Oregon, USA Me: “Okay, will that be everything for you? For here or to go?” Customer: “Here.” Me: “That will be $8.42.” (The customer pulls out a $1 bill and slaps it on the table.) Customer: “Wham!” Me: *blank stare* (The customer’s girlfriend starts cracking up.) Customer: “Oh. whoops! Lets try that one again…” *pulls out a $10 bill* “Wham!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:53 pm Post #14672 |
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Caution: Contents Are Highly Enjoyable Retail | Lone Tree, CO, USA (A woman called us on the phone after getting home with a video game she’d just purchased.) Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how can I help you?” Customer: “I just bought a video game, and there’s plastic on it.” Me: “OK…” Customer: “What do I do? Do I take the plastic off?” Me: “Yes ma’am. You have to in order to get the game.” Customer: “But nothing will happen, right?” Me: “No. Nothing is going to happen.” Customer: “Are you sure?” Me: “Yes, I’m sure.” Customer: “All right. I’ll call back if something happens.” (I never heard back. I hope nothing horrible happened.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:54 pm Post #14673 |
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Bad Parenting: Seeing Is Believing Movie Theater | San Jose, CA, USA (I was working the box office when a woman with two young children came up to the window.) Customer: “One adult and two children for ‘Scary Movie’.” Me: “Ma’am, I should warn you - this movie really isn’t appropriate for little children. May I suggest another film?” Customer: “What? Come on, it’s a comedy! It’ll be fine!” Me: “It’s rated ‘R’. It’s pretty much nothing but sex, nudity and violence. It’s really not for kids.” Customer: “I’ll decide what is and isn’t appropriate for my kids to watch! Now sell me the tickets!” (I sell her the tickets. Five minutes into the movie, the woman comes storming back out with her kids in tow.) Customer: “You didn’t tell me it was THAT bad!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:55 pm Post #14674 |
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Always Right, Even When Trafficking People Home Improvement Store | Emeryville, CA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is **** speaking, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, hi. I was just wondering how much your Mexicans are?” Me: “I’m sorry?” Customer: “Your Mexicans. The ones you have outside in the parking lot. I need some work done on my roof and I wanted to come pick up a couple.” Me: “Ma’am…first of all, they are called day laborers. Secondly, they don’t belong to us. They don’t belong to anyone actually, they are people. Third, our city prohibits soliciting work in a shopping center, so we actually don’t have any workers in the parking lot. If you need work done–” Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just shop somewhere else!” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:58 pm Post #14675 |
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Air Mattress 2: The Secret Of The Ooze Retail | Columbus, OH, USA Me: “Hi sir, how can I help you?” Customer: “I bought this air mattress here a few weeks ago. It was a good deal, but something’s not right.” Me: “Does it have a leak, perhaps? That’s a fairly common problem.” Customer: “No no, nothing like that. It holds the air fine.” Me: “All right - what’s wrong with it?” Customer: “It’s mutating. It just keeps growing on its own.” (I look at the mattress, which fits perfectly fine in its box.) Me: “Growing?” Customer: “Yes, it’s alive! The sheets don’t fit it anymore, and it won’t stop expanding. I was sold a mutating mattress!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 9:00 pm Post #14676 |
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So Much For Buying American Restaurant | Austin, TX, USA Server: “That will come with potatoes,cottage cheese or fruit.” Customer: “What kind of fruit do you have?” Server: “We have grapes, oranges, bananas, pears or pineapple.” Customer: “Is your pineapple local?” Server: “Yes, sir. It is from the pineapple farm in Dallas.” Customer: *makes a sour face* “I’ll have the oranges…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 9:01 pm Post #14677 |
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Note From God: Waters & Land First, Then Creatures Pet Store | Devon, UK Customer: “I would like a refund, I found all my fish that I bought from you two days ago dead this morning.” Me: “Okay, that’s fine. How old was the tank?” (As long as the customer has followed our advice, we can refund or replace any fish lost.) Customer: “A week.” Me: “Right, so you put the fish in two days ago? The tank had been running for a week prior to that with the filter on 24/7? And you had everything in the tank before you put the fish in?” Customer: “I did it just as you advised me to last week and everything was in the tank except the gravel, which I put in yesterday afternoon.” Me: “So you put the gravel into the tank when the fish were already in there?” Customer: “Yes. I would like those fish replaced, please.” (Note: pouring gravel on fish’s heads = bad idea. We did give her replacements, but these fish could not be refunded.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 9:01 pm Post #14678 |
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Thanks For (Almost) Nothing Call Center | Idaho Falls, ID, USA (I’ve just activated a cable channel for a woman and was ending the call.) Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you, ma’am?” Customer: “Yeah, how much was it again?” Me: “It’s $4.01 a month, ma’am.” Customer: “Why $4.01? Why not just four dollars?” Me: ”Well, ma’am, I only activate the channels, I don’t set the prices.” Customer: “Well that’s stupid. I don’t know if I want it anymore. It should only be four dollars.” Me: “Well, I can certainly put in a complaint for you.” Customer: “Yeah, you do that. And you take it off and I don’t want to pay that fee for taking it off. It should only be four dollars!” Me: “Look, ma’am, I’ll find twelve cents and mail it to you. That covers that one cent for a whole year. Can I have your address?” Customer: “Have a nice day!” (And then she hung up on me.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 9:02 pm Post #14679 |
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Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance Bookstore | St. Louis, MO, USA (A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.) Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?” Me: “Homma what?” Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.” Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.” Customer: ”Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!” Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?” Customer: *gets fed up and leaves* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 9:03 pm Post #14680 |
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Literary Emergency Bookstore | New Jersey, USA (During a busy day right before Christmas, a woman comes up to my register, cutting the entire line, and slaps a gift card down on the counter.) Customer: “I need fifty dollars on this gift card.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.” Customer: “No.” Me: “Excuse me?” ‘ Customer: “I’ve been waiting here before any of these people got here! I NEED THIS GIFT CARD NOW!” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I just can’t do that. You’ll have to wait like everyone else.” Customer: “Now you’re just pretending you didn’t see me just so you can be a little b**** and tell me no! I want to speak to your manager!” Me: “Ma’am, there’s no need to yell. I was busy with customers and didn’t see you standing there. I apologize for that, but I really must ask you to wait in line.” Customer: “NO! You little b****! You don’t understand! I am a nurse! This is for a patient!” Me: “My answer won’t change.” Customer: “This is for a patient! It’s Christmas! Don’t you have a f****** heart?! Where is your Christmas spirit?!” Me: “I’m Jewish.” Customer: “Put fifty dollars on this gift card before I get you fired! This is for a patient and he is dying! I need it now!” Me: “…if he’s dying, what the h*** is he going to do with a gift card?” (She stalked off angrily when she saw not only my manager, but the police coming towards her. By the way, I got a raise after that.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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