 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,293 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:17 pm Post #14641 |
 
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Live Culture Club Grocery Store | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada (A man walks up to the service desk and wants to return his yogurt.) Me: “Sure - is it expired?” Customer: “No.” Me: “Did you just need a different flavor or something?” Customer: “No.” Me: “All right, what’s the reason for returning it?” Customer: *shakes the yogurt* “Listen to that!” *shakes it again near my ear* “Doesn’t sound right!” Me: “I see…” Customer: “Yogurt shouldn’t sound like that.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:18 pm Post #14642 |
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Inconvenience Saves The Day Call Center | London, UK Me: “Thank you for calling **** Pay Per View, this is **** speaking. How can I help you?” Customer: “Uh, yeah…I, uh, used up all my credit, and I need you to give me some more.” Me: “You can purchase credit on our website, or through the automated system on the phone. Would you like assistance with either of those?” Customer: *yelling* “NO! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! YOU SAYING I’M STUPID?!” Me: “Um, no…I was just offering to–” Customer: “WELL, NOW I WANT IT FREE! I DEMAND £20 FREE CREDIT!” Me: “I can’t just hand out free credit like that, that’s not how it works. If you have a complaint, I can transfer you to that department–” Customer: “NO!” *suddenly quiet* “Where is your office located?” Me: “We’re in ****.” Customer: “RIGHT! I’M GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND F*** YOU UP! I KNOW YOUR NAME, F***HEAD! I’LL F***ING FIND YOU!” Me: “…” Customer: “Wait, where is ****, exactly?” Me: “Um…about an hour out of the city by bus or car.” Customer: “What?! Really? That far? Nah…I’ll probably leave it so. Thanks anyway. Bye.” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:19 pm Post #14643 |
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Homework For Super Villainy 101 Sales | Salt Lake City, UT, USA Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?” Me: “Um…we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…” Customer: “Oh…I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?” Me: “Uh…no?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:20 pm Post #14644 |
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COD 4: Trout At War Video Game Store | London, UK (I witnessed from one of the checkout lines.) Customer: “Do you have COD 4?” Employee: “Call of Duty 4? Yes we–” Customer: “No, no, no, not Call of Duty 4. COD 4!” Employee: “Sir, COD 4 stands for Call of Duty 4…” Customer: “No, it doesn’t! The customer is always right! Now bring me a copy of COD 4 right now!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:22 pm Post #14645 |
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And Her Roots Were Blonde Convenience Store | Terrace, B.C., Canada (I’m working a graveyard shift, it’s 3:00 AM, a girl comes in, obviously more than mildly inebriated.) Customer: “Ummmm… so, I came in here an hour ago, and bought a Pepsi, and I like, took a drink of it just now, there was like, a hair in the Pepsi. Can I get another one for free?” Me: “Do you mean there was a hair in the bottle when you drank it?” Customer: “No, um, like, I took a drink, and one of my hairs got in my mouth at the same time, and I guess I bit it off and drank it too, and that was really gross so I like, threw the Pepsi away.” Me: “So you swallowed your own hair, and you want me to pay for your Pepsi to make up for it?” Customer: “Exactly! I’m sooooo glad you understand me!” Me: “Um, no. You’re gonna have to pay, actually.” Customer: “Aww, I knew that wouldn’t work. I /told/ him that wouldn’t work. He like, told me I was cute enough that you’d give me free stuff, but I knew it wouldn’t work. Oh well, I’ll pay, I guess!” (She goes to the cooler and starts tapping on the lids of various bottles with her finger, before deciding on one half-way back on the rack, requiring her to take a dozen bottles off before getting to hers, and coming to the counter with it, leaving the rest on the floor.) Me: “Um… what were you doing?” Customer: “Checking for a fresh one! They like, sound different! You work here, you should totally know that! You’re not very good at your job, are you?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:23 pm Post #14646 |
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On The Bright Side, She Never Gets Brain Freezes Smoothie Shop | Sterling, VA (The lunch rush has just come and gone, and now the early release seniors from the local high school are trickling in.) Me: “Hi, welcome to ***.” Blonde customer: “Mmm… I think I’ll try the Mahalo Mango today.” Redhead customer: “Oooh. I heard mangoes are kinda bitter.” Blonde customer: “Ew… like, can I get that without mango then?” Me: “Would you rather the Power Pineapple? It’s the same smoothie, just pineapple instead of mango.” Blonde customer: “No, I want to try something new… so, yeah. Mahalo Mango without the mango.” Me: “Okay… what would you like instead of the mango?” Blonde customer: “Um… can I get pineapple?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:24 pm Post #14647 |
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Well, That Narrows It Down Deli | St. Louis, MO, USA (The guy asks for a couple of beef brisket sandwiches, but has not specified the type of bread.) Me: “Sir, what type of bread would you like with your sandwiches?” Customer: “Uhhh…” Me: “We have wheat, rye, white, sourdough, 9 grain…” Customer: “Do you have that one, you know, the square kind?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:24 pm Post #14648 |
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Strange Math In These Here Parts Hotel | Flagstaff, AZ, USA Customer: “What time is check in at your hotel?” Me: “3 pm.” Customer: “And check out?” Me: “11 am.” Customer: “Ok, so we got 4 hours.” Me: “Um, yeah…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:25 pm Post #14649 |
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When You Care Enough To Send…Something Florist | Perrysburg, OH, USA Me: *on the phone* “So you want a dozen roses…what color would you like? Red?” Customer: “NO! Not red! Let’s do pink…red means love, and I don’t want love. I just want to get laid!” Me: “OK…pink roses it is.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:26 pm Post #14650 |
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Quantity Does Not Equal Quality Tech Support | Sacramento, CA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi - could you send me one of your free connection CDs?” Me: “Sure!” (I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.) Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?” Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.” Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?” Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!” (I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They in turn removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:27 pm Post #14651 |
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Allergy Season Nightmare Tech Support | Portland, OR, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is ***, how can I help you?” Customer: *yelling* “IS THIS TECH SUPPORT?!” Me: “Yes ma’am, it is. How can I help you?” Customer: “My internets are broken and I need you to fix it now.” Me: “OK, what’s your account number?” Customer: “Ugh. You can’t just see it?” Me: “No Ma’am, I have to look it up in our database.” Customer: “S***. Fine, it’s ***.” Me: “All right, just a moment here while I bring up the info…” Customer: “Just hurry it up, will you?” Me: “OK, it’s coming up now…” Customer: *sneezes* (About 10 seconds pass in silence. I can hear children talking in the background.) Customer: “Excuse me…” (I stay quiet, assuming she’s talking to the children.) Customer: “EXCUSE ME!” Me: “Sorry, were you speaking to me?” Customer: “YES YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE F*** is WRONG with you people?” Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand…” Customer: “I SNEEZED AND YOU DIDN’T BLESS ME! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ATHEIST?! DON’T YOU REALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T BLESS SOMEONE WHEN THEY SNEEZE?” Me: “Actually, ma’am, I really don’t, but I apol–” Customer: *interrupting* “YOU’RE A F***ING HEATHEN! I HOPE YOU BURN IN H*** FOR THIS YOU…” *continues screaming* Me: “Ma’am, I apologize if I’ve offended. I’ve found your account information, and it looks like your service was terminated three months ago.” Customer: “YES! THAT’S HOW LONG IT’S BEEN DOWN - WHY CAN’T YOU FIX IT?!” Me: “Because you don’t have an account with us anymore. You were canceled because of non-payment. If you’d like, I can transfer you to billing, and–” Customer: *unintelligible screaming then hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:27 pm Post #14652 |
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Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2 Movie Theater | Massachusetts, USA (A customer comes in with four very young kids.) Customer: “Does [R-rated police drama] have any nudity in it?” Me: “No, but it’s incredibly violent.” Customer: “…but there’s no sex or nudity, right?” Me: “No, it’s just really violent and bloody.” Customer: “I’ll have one adult and four kids, please!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:29 pm Post #14653 |
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Getting Your Priorities Straight Hotel | Medford, MA, USA (A guest approaches the hotel front desk.) Guest: “Um, hi…it looks like there was a pretty bad accident right down the street there…” Me: “Oh okay, I’ll call 911.” Guest: “It looks like a cab and a bus.” Me: “Okay, thank you.” *picks up the phone* Guest: What are you doing? Me: “Calling 911.” Guest: “Look, a lot of people have cell phones, I’m sure it’s fine. What I’m concerned about is that I think that was my cab.” Me: “?” Guest: “SO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME A CAB OR NOT?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:31 pm Post #14654 |
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Our EQ Just Ate Your IQ Fast Food | Wisconsin, USA (Our restaurant is in walking distance of an assisted living center so many of regulars are special needs adults. We get a regular group of four people who have to make their order the same way every time. The routine involves the four of them reading the menu board for about five minutes and then one of them ordering each of them a hamburger individually.) Me: “Hey! What can I get you?” Special Needs Adult: “I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.” (An agitated customer who has been standing in line behind the group the entire time chimes in.) Customer: “He would like four hamburgers. Can we hurry this up?” Special Needs Adult: “No! I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.” Customer: “Oh my god!” Me: “So if I got this right you would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger?” Special Needs Adult: “Yes, that’s right!” Me: “You know what I think you need? A high five!” Special Needs Adult: “You know I do!” (I high five the guy over the counter and the other three all take a turn getting a high five.) Customer: “This is just ridiculous!” *storms out of the store* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:32 pm Post #14655 |
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Now That’s What I Call Customer Service Video Rental Store | Florida, USA (A customer used to come into the store about once or twice a month. She walks up to the new releases, and then proceeds into the center of the store where we don’t have many security cameras and stuffs the movies into her purse. We knew she had been doing it for quite some time, but we legally aren’t allowed to stop her. However, we got a new manager.) Me: “Just leave her alone, she’ll be gone soon.” Manager: “Watch this.” (The manager walks up to the woman as she finishes stuffing the movies into her purse.) Manager: *smiling* “Good evening, ma’am, can I help you steal anything else today?” (The customer goes white and runs out of store. She never shows up again.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:33 pm Post #14656 |
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The Aircraft Carrier Kind of Gives It Away Military Base | Maryland, USA (This was at a government office on a Navy base.) Me: “***Program Office, *** speaking. Can I help you?” Caller: “Can I speak to the homeowner?” Me: “Sir, this is a naval base, not a residence.” Caller: “Are you sure?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:34 pm Post #14657 |
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Those Pesky Survival Instincts Resort | Wyoming, USA Me: “Thank you for coming to **** National Park. I hope you enjoy your stay.” Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?” Me: “Sure.” Customer: “When do you let the animals out?” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “When do you let the animals out?” Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.” Customer: “So?” Me: “The animals are wild.” Customer: “All of them?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:34 pm Post #14658 |
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Misery Loves, Demands And Harasses Company Retail | Ontario, Canada (A woman approaches the check-out, hauling her two kids with her.) Customer: “Ugh! Don’t ever have kids, they ruin your life!” Me: “Um, well, I don’t really plan to…” Customer: “What? Why not?” Me: “Um…I don’t know, I guess I don’t want any…” Customer: “What?! How old are you?” Me: “Twenty-three.” Customer: “What if you have an accident? Then you’ll HAVE to have them!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:35 pm Post #14659 |
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Deceptive Desserts Bakery | Florida, USA Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.” Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?” Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.” Me: “…” Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!!” Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.” Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.” Me: *points* Customer: “Oh. In that case you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.” Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed May 20, 2009 8:37 pm Post #14660 |
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Be Sure They Turn Left At The Bering Strait Tech Support | Utah, USA (A man calls in and leaves the following voicemail…) Caller: “Hello, you shysters! You have forty-eight hours to call me or I’ll have the RCMP come and arrest you for fraud. That’s right, the Mounties are coming!” Me, to manager: “So, a man is going to have the Mounties arrest me.” Manager: “Really. Can they do that?” Me: “Not in Utah.” Manager: *laughs* Me: “It gets better. I gave him the support number and the only people answering phones are in Australia or New Zealand. I’d like to see him sic the Mounties on THEM.” Manager: “Let me know if he does!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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