 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,306 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:59 pm Post #14381 |
 
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Blood Pressure Go Up, Blood Pressure Go Down Insurance Call Center | St. Louis, MO, USA (I’m calling to clarify information on a form this guy sent in.) Caller: “Do you realize I’m on the ‘Do Not Call During Dinner’ list!?” Me: “Sir, I’m sorry that–” Caller: “You f***ing insurance agents! Do you realize that [another insurance company] totally f***ed me over?! Do you realize how much money they cost me? Those f***ing guys got put in jail and now I have to pay more money!” Me: “Sir, this has nothing to do with–” Caller: “I do not like being sold things during dinner!” Me: “Sir, I am not trying to sell you anything–” Caller: “All you f***ing insurance people just want to roll me over and sodomize me!” Me: “Sir, this is on behalf of your existing company, and it’s regarding a form you yourself sent in. I have it in front of me now and I just had a few questions.” Caller: *totally friendly* “Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:00 pm Post #14382 |
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There Can Be Only One Insane Customer Bookstore | Oregon, USA (A guy comes in looking a bit haggard.) Me: “Hi sir! Can I help you find something?” Customer: “Let’s move to the back of the store.” (He takes my arm and we walk to one of the last shelves of the store.) Customer: “I need a book on immortality.” Me: “All right - we’ve got science fiction over here…” Customer: “No, I need to research immortality. I’m immortal. See this scar on my neck? A guy cut me a couple days ago and it’s almost healed. I’m immortal.” (I stare at the large cut on his neck that is laced together with stitches). Me: “Um, I’m not sure if we have any books like that.” Customer: “Well, can you buy me a sword from the store next door?” Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to do that.” Customer: “I promise I’ll pay you back. I’ll give you my ID so you can track me down later and everything. I need a sword.” Me: “Really, I could get fired for that.” (The customer looks up and then starts sniffing the air.) Customer: “They’re coming. I have to go!” *runs out of the store* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:00 pm Post #14383 |
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Rip Van Winkle To The Extreme Pharmacy | Pittsburgh, PA, USA Customer: “Hi, I have a rather simple question to ask you.” Me: “Sure thing. What can I help you with?” Customer: “Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to make someone sleep for a really long time, what would I use?” Me: “Um, just how long are you talking?” Customer: “Well, I was thinking somewhere around forever.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:01 pm Post #14384 |
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Precious Gems, Precious Few Brain Cells Jewelry Store | Dallas, TX, USA Customer: “I’m hoping you have a particular red stone that I’m looking for…” Me: “Oh, garnet?” Customer: “No..” Me: “Ruby?” Customer: “NO! I want red! Those aren’t red!” Me: “Um…yes, they are.” *shows garnet ring* Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s a stone that sounds like it should be red.” Me: “…” Customer: “I think it’s actually blue…” Me: “…” Customer: “What blue stones do you have that sound red?” Me: “Um…topaz?” Customer: “No, it’s not that one…” Me: “Lapis?” Customer: “No…. Oh! Sapphire! It sounds like it should be red, you know?” Me: “…no, I’ve never thought that…” Customer: “Well, it should be!” Me: “…you know, there is a pink sapphire…” Customer: “Oh. Who would want that?” Me: “Not to worry, we don’t have any.” Customer: “Any sapphires?” Me: “No, any pink sapphires.” Customer: “Well, that name should belong to a red stone anyway. They should think about these things when they name them… who would I talk to about that?” Me: “…Adam?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:01 pm Post #14385 |
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Just Another April Fool Home Improvement | Dallas, TX, USA (A customer notices the Egg Plants we have for sale. They are just eggs with soil and seeds in them; crack the top, water, etc.) Customer: “These are cool. In time for Easter, eh?” Me: “Oh yeah. People are liking them, so they’re selling well.” Customer: “That’s cool. I may have to come back and get a couple for my nieces. BTW, when is Easter?” Me: “Um, I believe it’s either April 5th or April 12th.” Customer: “Oh, okay. Is it on a weekend this year?” Me: “Um, sir… it’s always on a Sunday.” Customer: “… really?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:02 pm Post #14386 |
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Twice The Prongs, Half The Brains Sales | New Jersey, USA (My dad used to work part time at a tool and garden supply store; this happened around the holidays.) My dad: “Hello, sir, can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I need and extension cord, but I need one with prongs on both ends.” My dad: “We don’t sell them. It’s very dangerous to have copper exposed at both ends.” Customer: “Well, I need one. Can’t you make me one?” My dad: “No I can’t, sir. It would be extreamly dangerous and unethical for me to make that for you. What do you need this for? Maybe I can help you find something else.” Customer: “I NEED AN EXTENSION WITH PRONGS ON BOTH ENDS!” (My dad suddenly figures out why the guy needs a double pronged extension cord.) My dad: “Let me guess, you put the Christmas lights up backwards?” Customer: “Yeah…” *stomps off* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:02 pm Post #14387 |
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Right Next To The Yeast Pie Bakery | Sooke, BC, Canada Customer: “Where are the bread donuts?” Boss: “Um, sorry sir? All our donuts are a yeast base.” Customer: “No, no, bread donuts! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR OWN BAKING! BREAD DONUTS!” Boss: “I’m not sure what you mean. I’m sorry, sir.” (The customer storms off grumbling to himself and makes it about 10 feet.) Customer: “Oh! Here they are.” Boss: “Sir, those are bagels.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:03 pm Post #14388 |
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Dirty Deeds For Dirt Cheap Clothes Retail | Auckland, New Zealand (A customer walks out of our fitting rooms holding a top, and she has an angry look on her face.) Customer: “This top is dirty, can I get a discount?” Me: “It just looks like some of your makeup has rubbed off on it; I’m sure it will come out in the wash.” Customer: “It isn’t makeup - can you give me a discount?” Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure it is.” Customer: *getting louder* “It’s not OK! I dropped it on the ground and stood on it!” Me: “You stood on it and made it dirty, and you want a discount?” Customer: “…I’ll just go get another size then…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:03 pm Post #14389 |
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Fighting Crazy With Crazy, Part 2 Pet Grooming | Australia (A customer walks in with three cats. One of them is blind, one is shaved and one is dressed as a clown.) Me: “Um…this is dog grooming.” Customer: “I know, I want to leave my cats here for a year. I heard this was military school.” Me: “…I think you want the kennel down the road.” Customer: “No, there are penguins there! And bacteria!” Me: “…” Manager: *to me* “I just went down to the e-coli farm for some sea ice. Want some?” Customer: *angrily* “WELL I NEVER!” *storms out* my comment: if this is true, those poor cats |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:04 pm Post #14390 |
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Fighting Crazy With Crazy Tech Support | Texas, USA (Keep in mind that I’m male with a deep voice. We do not send techs to troubleshoot; troubleshooting has to be done on the phone, then we send a tech to replace parts.) Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I–” Customer: “Send me a tech to fix my computer.” Me: “Well, what’s wrong with it?” Customer: “It’s not working!” Me: “Well, ok, but in order to get it working again, I would need to know what exactly is wrong.” Customer: “I just told you it’s not working. Send me a tech to fix it!” Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I can help you perform some troubleshooting and–” Customer: “Why the f**k can’t you just send me a tech?” Me: “Well, like I said, I can’t do that. All I can do is troubleshoot with you on the phone to find out what’s wrong and then–” Customer: “WELL THAT’S GREAT, A**HOLE! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! SEND ME A TECH, NOW!” Me, fake crying: “Why? Why do you hate me so much? Don’t you know how hard it is for a single mom with 5 kids to make a living?” *sob* Customer: “???” *hangs up* (I got written up for that. It was totally worth it though!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 8:05 pm Post #14391 |
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Recipe For An Interesting Evening Retail | California, USA Female Customer: “Hi there! Where do you keep your ping-pong balls?” Me: “Right over here.” *walks her over to them* Customer: “Oh great! Now, where do you sell your Vaseline?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:31 pm Post #14392 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:31 pm Post #14393 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:31 pm Post #14394 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:31 pm Post #14395 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:32 pm Post #14396 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:32 pm Post #14397 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:32 pm Post #14398 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:32 pm Post #14399 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Tue May 19, 2009 11:33 pm Post #14400 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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