 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,307 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:44 pm Post #14361 |
 
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The Logic Is Weak In This One Retail | Victoria, BC, Canada (A man comes out of the fitting room with a pair of pants and talks to my coworker.) Customer: “So… it says here on the hanger, that it’s size 34. The tag says 34, and this other tag says 34. But there’s no freaking way I can fit into these! So what does that mean? Coworker: “Well, I guess that means you’re not a size 34…” Customer: “Oh. Thanks.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:44 pm Post #14362 |
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Sure, But It’ll Make You Yelp Tech Support | Portland, OR, USA Me: “Tech support, how may I help you?” Caller: “I have to pay this fee and I need to get to y’all’s website.” Me: “Sure, our address is [website URL].” Caller: “I don’t want your address. I want to know where to go on my computer.” Me: “Sir, that’s the address of our site. All you need to do is type it in your browser’s address bar.” Caller: “Oh, so do I stick that in my Google?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:45 pm Post #14363 |
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Brawn Over Brains Fitness Club | Virginia, USA (One day at the fitness club I manage, I am called to the front desk of our gym to answer a question for a member.) Me: “Hi, welcome to [fitness club]. Can I help you?” Gym member: “Yes, I was wondering if you can teach me to do what they are doing?” (The customer gestures to our pool, which has been emptied due to a crack and has several repairmen on the floor trying to fix it.) Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Teach you to do what?” Gym member: “To walk on the bottom of the pool like that.” Me: “Sir, those gentlemen are repairmen. They are fixing a crack in the pool floor.” Gym member: “Oh, so you have to be a repairman to learn how to walk underwater like that?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:45 pm Post #14364 |
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Home Of The Disclaimer Fast Food | Detroit, MI, USA Customer: “…and I’d like extra tomatoes on my sandwich, please.” Me: “All right, that’ll be [price].” Customer: “Why is it so expensive?!” Me: “Well ma’am, you asked for cheese, bacon, and extra tomatoes. All those cost extra on the sandwich because they’re expensive products.” Customer: “But your policy says that I can have it my way! Why am I being charged?!” Me: “You can have it your way…you just have to pay for it.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:46 pm Post #14365 |
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Thanks For Shopping At Quadruped, Inc. Retail | Springfield, MO, USA (I witnessed this interaction between a girl and her dad.) Dad: “Are you as picky about your toilet paper as your ex-step mom was?” Girl: “No, not really.” Dad: “OK, grab one of those then.” (The girl reaches for a pack that’s on its side.) Dad: “No, no, not that one. I want one that hasn’t been touched by human hands!” Girl: “Are you saying the store employees aren’t human?” Dad: “Well, you’ve seen them…you be the judge.” (I had to walk off so they wouldn’t hear me laughing.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:46 pm Post #14366 |
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Protection Against The Inevitable Body Piercing | Seaside Heights, NJ, USA (A pregnant teenage girl walks in with her mom and boyfriend.) Customer: “Hi. Can I get my tongue pierced?” Me: “I’m sorry, but you are pregnant, right?” Customer: “Yeah.” Me: “We can’t pierce anybody that’s pregnant, I’m sorry.” Customer: “Why not?” Me: “Well, any slight infection in your tongue could hurt your unborn child.” Customer: “But that’s only if it gets infected, right?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:47 pm Post #14367 |
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Math Is Your Friend Clothing Store | Toronto, Canada (Customer approaches cash desk with two t-shirts with a price tag of $14.99 each. I scan the t-shirts.) Me: “Oh, they scan at $7.99 each.” Customer: “The sign on the table where I found them says that they’re 2 for $20.00.” Me: “I know, but they scan at $7.99.” Customer: “…but the sign says 2 for $20.00.” Me: “I know, but head office must have changed the sale and updated the computer before we had a chance to change the sign. So you can buy the shirts for $7.99 each.” Customer: “I don’t care what price comes up in the computer. The sign says 2 for $20.00 so you have to sell them to me at that price!” Me: “Okay.” (I override the $7.99 price in the computer and change it to $10.00. The customer pays two dollars more per shirt than he has to and smugly goes on his way.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:47 pm Post #14368 |
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Math Saves The Day Yet Again Retail | Wisconsin Me: “Welcome to ***, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I was calling about a corner fireplace you are supposed to have on sale.” Me: “Yes ma’am, let me get you a price on that and check our stock.” (I leave, check the sale price ($299), and come back to the phone.) Me: “Ma’am?” Customer: “Yes?” Me: “Looks like the unit is $299.99 on sale.” Customer: “WHAT? I have a piece of paper right here that says it should be $315!” Me: “Oh, sorry. I said it’s on sale for $299.” Customer: “What the h***, it says it right here on my piece of paper! Corner fireplace for $315! Me: “Ma’am, $299 is less than $315.” (There’s a very long silence.) Customer: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:50 pm Post #14369 |
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Ah, Mothers Retail | Las Vegas, NV, USA (A mother and her teenage son come through my line…) Me: “Hello, did you find everything you need?” Mother: “Yes, we did.” (I notice she is buying party items, including cups, soda, pizzas, napkins… and condoms.) Me: “Oh, are you having a party soon?” Mother: *nods* “My little James is growing up. He’s going to have an orgy with all his little friends, aren’t you Captain Muffinpants?” Me: *suppresses laughter* “Will that be all?” Son: “YES! YES THAT WILL BE ALL!” *runs to car* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:51 pm Post #14370 |
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Ah, Fathers Supermarket | Winnipeg, MB, Canada (I was a cashier and father and young son were in line.) Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!” Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.” Son: “Noooo, not my bike!” Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:51 pm Post #14371 |
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Ah, Fathers, Part 2 Retail | Commack, NY, USA (I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40’s with a kid no older then 10.) Me: “Welcome sir, did you get…” (I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.) Me: “… everything?” Man: “I guess so.” Boy: “MORE SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!” Man: “Alright, let’s go get some more.” (About 5 minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.) Man: “Alright, I think this is enough.” (I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.) Me: *whispering* “Uhh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.” Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:52 pm Post #14372 |
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Speak For Yourself, Part 2 Clothing Store | Chicago, IL, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?” Caller: “Hi, do you carry [garbled]? It’s a spice.” Me: “No, I’m sorry, this is a retail clothing store.” Caller: “So, you don’t have it?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, you may have dialed the wrong number.” Caller: “I did NOT dial wrong. I looked you up in the phone book and this IS the right number, so just tell me if you have it!” Me: “We do not.” Caller: “What spices do you carry?” Me: “We don’t carry spices. We only carry women’s clothing.” Caller: “YOU SHOULD LEARN HOW TO READ A PHONE BOOK!” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:53 pm Post #14373 |
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Speak For Yourself Pharmacy | Columbus, OH, USA Customer: “Excuse me!” Me: “How can I help you, sir?” Customer: “My wife sent me in here to pick up some chestnut brown and I can’t find it.” Me: “Okay, is that makeup or hair color?” Customer: “I don’t know, she just said chestnut brown.” Me: “Do you happen to remember the brand name?” Customer: “No! She just said chestnut brown. Weren’t you listening?” Me: “Well, it sounds like hair dye to me. Let’s have a look.” (We both go to the hair coloring aisle and I start to look through every shade in every brand. The man does not help at all; it takes me ten minutes.) Me: “Here you go sir, this is Garnier Hair Color, chestnut brown.” Customer: “Are you sure that’s it? I don’t want to go home and have to come back.” Me: “You could call your wife and ask her.” Customer: “She’s not at home. Oh wait, hold on.” (He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read it.) Customer: “Yep, Garnier chestnut brown. That’s it!” Me: “Sir, no offense, but you could have saved us a lot of time by reading that note in the first place.” Customer: “That’s the problem with this country, nobody wants to work anymore!” Me: “Yeah, that’s our problem.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:54 pm Post #14374 |
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Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3 Movie Theater | Beaverton, OR, USA Me: “What can I get for you?” Customer: “I want a small popcorn, and don’t try to upsell me a medium!” Me: “Can I interest you in a large then?” Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:54 pm Post #14375 |
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Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?” Caller: “I need a driver’s licence. ” Me: “Okay… you can come to our office; as it is Saturday, we are open ’till 12:30 pm.” Caller: “I can’t make it in time, can you fax me one?” Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s a plastic card and it can not be faxed or emailed. We also have to take your photo, so this can be done only in person.” Caller: “It was my birthday yesterday, so my licence is expired. Can’t you do it over the phone?” Me: “Sorry, sir, I can not send you a plastic licence over the phone.” Caller: “F*** you!” Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t do that over the phone, either.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:55 pm Post #14376 |
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Be Careful What You Ask For Grocery Store | San Diego, CA, USA Me: “Hello, may I help you?” Customer: “I want a wheat sandwich, with everything you like in it.” Me: “Um, sir… you will be the one eating the sandwich, not me.” Customer: “I SAID I wanted a wheat sandwich with whatever YOU like in it.” Me: “Um… what kind of meat?” Customer: “Didn’t you just hear what I said? WHEAT SANDWICH WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT ON IT!” (I make the sandwich for the customer.) Customer: “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?!” *walks away* Coworker: “So… you like extra mustard and everything on it, especially jalapenos?” Me: *smiling* “I don’t like mustard, I don’t like hot stuff, and I hope he has a terrible nice time in the bathroom.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:56 pm Post #14377 |
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This Can Not End Well Auto Parts Store | Chicago, IL, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you today?” Caller: “I need a part for my car.” Me: “Okay, what year, make, and model is your car?” Caller: “Umm… it’s a black car.” Me: “Okay, who made your car?” Caller: “Some dude in a factory.” Me: “Is it a Chevy, Ford, Chrysler?” Caller: “It’s a Honda… Civic.” Me: “Okay, what part do you need?” Caller: “I was wondering if you guys sell little microwaves to put in the dash.” Me: “No, no sir we do not.” Caller: “But I saw this really awesome picture on the internet that had a microwave in the dash of this dude’s car.” Me: “Um, I’m pretty sure that he had years of experience in working with that particular car, it’s electronics systems, and microwaves before he actually put that microwave in his car. They do not offer microwaves for cars.” Caller: “So… do you think you could put in a microwave for me?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:57 pm Post #14378 |
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How About A Few Reindeer And Elves While You’re At It Country Club | Bakersfield, CA, US Me: “Thank you for calling *** Country Club, this is ***. How can I help you?” Member: “Hi, I need to make a reservation for dinner tonight.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but due to it being Christmas Eve, the club is closing at 2 o’clock today.” Member: “…” Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?” Member: “I have never heard of any business closing early on Christmas Eve. It’s not even a holiday, for God’s sake!” Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am… we did send out several emails containing our holiday hours.” Member: “I don’t read your f***ing emails! Either way, it doesn’t matter.Wwe are coming for dinner tonight, so take the reservation for me.” Me: “We aren’t open for dinner tonight, so I can’t take your reservation.” Member: “Well, you better take the reservation, because all of my family is coming in from out of town and I told them that we would be eating at the club! We need a reservation for 15 people at 7 o’clock tonight.” Me: “I think we must be misunderstanding each other. There won’t be anyone here at 7 o’clock.” Member: “I pay my dues like everyone else, and I expect you to be open at 7 to serve us! Make the reservation!” Me: “Okay…” Member: “Do it now!” Me: “…” Member: “I pay my dues!” Me: “Okay, I have to go now.” Member: “And we want a private room!” Me: “Good luck with that…” (To this day, we wonder if they showed up for dinner.) 1 Thumbs Up |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:58 pm Post #14379 |
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It’s Aliiiiive! College | Minneapolis, MN, USA Caller: “I’m having trouble registering for courses.” Me: “Okay let me direct you to some tutorials available on the main website so we can walk through that process.” Me: “Okay you can either view these tutorials as a module demonstration or you can click ‘Download PDF’ to view a written tutorial with pictures and steps. Go ahead and click on ‘Download PDF.” Caller: “Woah, wait a minute. Why is there a white arrow moving around on my screen?” Me: “Well, whenever you move your mouse you’ll see a white arrow move around on the screen. Is that what you are referring to?” Caller: “Ooh… ” Me: “Okay, well let’s go to the… ” Caller: “Oh my gosh, make it stop! Make it stop! Why is it adding me to courses I don’t want! I don’t want [course], I don’t want it! Why is it doing this!? Please, please make it stop!” Me: “Ma’am, it’s okay. It’s just a demonstration to show you how the registration process works. It’s not actually adding you to those courses.” Caller: “Ooh.” Me: “Ma’am, what courses did you want to register for? I’m just going to go ahead and submit those registration requests for you…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 19, 2009 7:59 pm Post #14380 |
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Yes, Boarded Up Windows Will Send The Right Message Retail | Halifax, NS, Canada (Our store was recently renovated with big glass front windows.) Customer: “Wow, they renovated.” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “Aren’t you afraid someone might come and shoot out the windows?” Me: “No, actually, it hadn’t really crossed my mind.” Customer: “Well, you should be concerned!” Me: “I’m not. I can’t say I’ve worried over that.” Customer: “Well, this IS downtown. These things happen! You should be worried!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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