 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,363 Views) | |
| Gummy | Thu May 14, 2009 6:33 pm Post #13241 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Thu May 14, 2009 6:33 pm Post #13242 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 6:33 pm Post #13243 |
 
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Crazy old guy with beard and hat with lots of buttons: Where is the moon? Where is the moon, where is the galaxy? Have you ever seen Men in Black? It's all about the galaxy. The earth is beneath Columbus Circle. The moon is at 64th and Central Park West. If you had to suspend reality, how would you do it? --Uptown 2 Train Overheard by: Jingles |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Gummy | Thu May 14, 2009 6:34 pm Post #13244 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Thu May 14, 2009 6:35 pm Post #13245 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 6:43 pm Post #13246 |
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Professor: Has anybody ever seen a solar eclipse? Anybody, anybody? (silence) No? Well, maybe we were all inside on Facebook when it happened... --St. John's University, Staten Island Overheard by: Andrea |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 6:47 pm Post #13247 |
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Visiting professor, explaining "word salad": Cream cheese to the moon mother, f#ckers! --Columbia University Overheard by: Molly Moo |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:03 pm Post #13248 |
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Obviously sober guy: I know Vikings eat ham, but what about Saturn? --Rotating Cube Sculpture, Astor Place |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:13 pm Post #13249 |
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Blonde: You cannot eat in space! It sucks you in. --Union Square |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:16 pm Post #13250 |
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Crazy bag man with hat full of buttons: Where's the moon, where's the moon? If the globe on Columbus Cirlce is the earth, the moon is on 63rd Street West. That is a test of spatial ree-al-uh-tee. How well did you do? --Uptown 3 Train, Brooklyn Overheard by: Les Izzmore |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:35 pm Post #13251 |
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from notalwaysright The Force Is Strong In This One Electronics Store | Canada Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this item.” Me: “Ok, what was the problem?” Customer: “I just don’t need it anymore.” Me: “Ok, do you have the receipt?” Customer: “Yes, here it is.” Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s from six months ago.” Customer: “Yes you can…” *waves hands in the air* Me: “I’m sorry, no I can’t. I would get in a lot of trouble.” Customer: “No you won’t…” *waves hands in the air again* Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not going to do that.” Customer: *turns and leaves* Me, to coworker: “Did I just get Jedi mind-tricked?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:41 pm Post #13252 |
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Abandon All Hope, All Ye In Dante’s Diner Restaurant | Sydney, Australia (We provide a complimentary bowl of prawn crackers at our restaurant. When I go to take a customers order, I notice he has eaten the entire bowl.) Customer: “You know, I’m allergic to MSG. I’ll die immediately if I even eat one milligram.” Me: “Those prawn crackers you just ate have MSG in them.” Customer: “Oh my God, I’m going to die!” (Two hours later, when the bill comes around…) Customer: “I don’t think I should pay for the meal. I’m going to die anyway.” Me: “Um… yes that will happen eventually, but it’s been two hours and you’re still kicking.” Customer: “Maybe I’ve died and we’re all in purgatory? In that case, technically, I haven’t eaten anything.” Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to pay for your meal.” Customer: “Purgatory waitresses aren’t very compassionate, are they?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:45 pm Post #13253 |
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The People Of England Wholeheartedly Agree Video Game Store | Erie, PA, USA Customer: “How do you change the language setting on The Sims?” Me: “Well, I’d imagine there’s something in the game’s options. What did you need to set it to?” Customer: “English.” Me: “Funny, I’d think that would be the default.” Customer: “But I can’t understand them!” Me: “Wait, you mean the Sims themselves?” Customer: “Yes! They’re speaking French!” Me: “No, they’re speaking Simlish. It’s a gibberish language.” Customer: “Oh. Well, it sounds like French!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:46 pm Post #13254 |
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Every Time A Bell Rings, A Crazy Customer Appears Sandwich Shop | Phoenix, AZ, USA (Our sandwich shop has a bell that hangs above the door to notify us when customers enter and exit. One day, a woman came into our shop, making the bell ring.) Customer: “Oh! What a nice bell!” Me: “Oh, thank you, ma’am! Welcome to ****.” (Instead of approaching me to make her order, the woman proceeds to open and close the door repeatedly, causing the bell to ring each time.) Me: “…um…” Customer: “This is so wonderful! Such a wonderful sound. I could do this all day!” Me: “Er, ma’am, would you like to order anything?” (By now, all of the other customers are staring at her. She suddenly stops.) Customer: “What? Oh, no, thank you! I was just leaving.” *exits* Me: “…really?” Manager: *from the back room* “Make sure we aren’t running out of stuff for all the people that just came in!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:48 pm Post #13255 |
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Tell Jesus It’s Time To Rise And Shine…Again Grocery Store | Cincinnati, OH, USA (After each holiday, our store marks down all the related holiday inventory. This particular incident occurred about a week after Easter.) Customer: “I was looking for some paper plates to match these napkins with the cute little bunnies and eggs on them.” Me: “There weren’t any plates that matched those back there?” Customer: “No! It’s ridiculous! I mean, how can you be out of Easter stuff?” Me: “Well, Easter was last week. Most of the stuff is gone.” Customer: “Do you know when the next shipment of these Easter plates will be?” Me: “…next Easter?” Customer: “You’re not going to get any new Easter shipments till NEXT Easter?! Why the h*** not?” Me: “Because…Easter is over? I don’t think we’re expecting anyone to celebrate Easter until it comes around again.” Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I should be able to celebrate Easter when I want! I’m only buying these so I’m stocked up for next year at a quarter of the price!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:49 pm Post #13256 |
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These Hallowed Halls Of Fancy Book Learnin’ College | Evansville, IN, USA (This took place in our college library.) Me: “Could I help you find something?” Patron: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book.” Me: “We have lots of books here. Is there anything in particular you’re looking for?” Patron: “Yeah - ‘Tuesdays With Morrie’. Do you have it?” Me: “Well, if you sit at one of the computers, I can show you how to use our system and we can look it up.” Patron: “Never mind, I’ll just look around.” (A few minutes pass, then he walks up to me again.) Patron: “I couldn’t find it. Do you have ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’? Me: “I can show you how to look at our system and see if we have it.” Patron: *angry* “I didn’t come to college to learn anything!” Me: “Sir, I don’t think I can help you.” 1 Thumbs Up |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:49 pm Post #13257 |
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The Chump With The Hump Under Her Rump Bus | Cleveland, OH, USA (I’m bus passenger and notice another passenger sitting with one half of her butt on one seat, and the other on another. The divider is between them, squarely up her crack.) Bus driver: “Ma’am, you’ll have to move. This bus is very crowded and you’re taking up two seats.” Passenger: “What do you mean I’m taking up two seats? This is how you’re supposed to sit.” Bus driver: “No it isn’t, ma’am. You’re straddling the divider.” Passenger: “You mean this isn’t the ass cheek divider?” Bus driver: “No, ma’am, that’s the seat divider!” Passenger: “Aw… but it feels good to sit like this!” Bus driver: “Well, ma’am, your …pleasure… will have to wait.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:50 pm Post #13258 |
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Wireless, Clueless and Hopeless Tech Support | Limburg, Belgium (A customer calls into our tech support line and says she is having a problem with her computer.) Me: “So, do you see an error message?” Customer: “No, I don’t get any errors. I don’t get anything!” Me: “Okay, what do you see on your monitor?” Customer: “I only get a black screen. Can you please fix it? I have a paper due tomorrow.” Me: “Ma’am, if your screen is black, that means your laptop isn’t turned on. Are there any lights lit?” Customer: “I don’t see any lights…” Me: “Well, can you try pressing the power button?” Customer: “That doesn’t work.” Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m sorry, but I think there’s a problem with your computer.” Customer: “That’s impossible! I just bought it!” Me: “Hmm, strange. Did you charge the battery?” Customer: “What do you mean, charge it?” Me: “Well, did you plug your computer in a power socket, with the included power supply?” Customer: “I need to plug it in? I thought it was WIRELESS!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:51 pm Post #13259 |
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Octomom, The Early Years Retail | St. Thomas, ON, Canada (A middle-aged woman who doesn’t look too well comes up to my checkout.) Me: “Hi! How are you today?” Customer: “I think I’m in labour.” Me: “Oh! Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?” *starts scanning her items* Customer: “Nah, this is my third one. I won’t go to the hospital until I know it’s coming out.” Me: “Oh. Um… all right.” (I finish ringing her up and hand her her bags.) Customer: “Yeah, it doesn’t hurt or anything. After the first one, you don’t really notice!” *takes her things and leaves* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Thu May 14, 2009 7:51 pm Post #13260 |
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My Biggest And Loudest Fan Call Center | Florida, USA (I worked for a university, calling alumni to ask for donations.) Alumnus: *on the phone* “Do they monitor your calls there?” Me: “Sometimes. That’s how they evaluate me.” Alumnus: “Are they monitoring this call right now?” Me: “I’m not sure; it’s at random times to keep me on my toes.” Alumnus: “Well, just in case - SHE’S DOING A GREAT F***ING JOB, BIG BROTHER!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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