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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,413 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:31 pm Post #12241 |
 
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Beauty Is Pain… Mental Pain Department Store | Bradenton, FL, USA (I work in the Fragrance and Cosmetics department, and one slow night I had this phone conversation.) Customer: “Hi, I bought a lipstick earlier today and I can’t work it.” Me: “Um, OK. What exactly do you mean?” Customer: “I just…I can’t work it.” Me: “All right, well, some of them are packaged weird. What brand is it?” Customer: “Lancome.” Me: “Those are pretty standard, they work just like any other lipstick.” Customer: “But how do I work it?” Me: “Um, you just twist the top part in one direction, and the bottom part in the other direction.” Customer: “But after I do that, how do I get it back in?” Me: “You do the same thing, only in reverse.” Customer: “But there’s a hole in the top. Is this the kind I can’t carry in my purse? It would get all over everything.” Me: “Um, well, the lid is reusable. You can put it back on the lipstick after you twist it back down.” Customer: “Oh, that part can go back on. I see! How clever.” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:32 pm Post #12242 |
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Endangered With Comb-Overs Zoo | Washington, DC, USA (A man walks up to me with his son while I’m tending the Bird section.) Man: “Excuse me, what are those birds?” Me: “They’re bald eagles.” Man: “Well, that’s just so g**d**n cheap! Our nation’s capital, and we can’t even afford young eagles!” Me: “Sir, that eagle isn’t very old at all. Eagles have a life span of–” Man: “Don’t give me any excuses! I know they’re old! They’re bald! You only get bald when you’re old!” Man’s son: “Yeah, just like you Dad!” Man: “NOT ANOTHER WORD! WE’RE OUT OF HERE!” (Apparently, on his way out he had complained about the same thing to three zookeepers, and all three of them just laughed.) |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:35 pm Post #12243 |
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Delicious, Perhaps Not So Nutritious Coffee Shop | Santa Cruz, CA, USA (A blond freshman girl comes in with a few of her friends.) Customer: “Oh my gosh! You guys are out of oranges!” Me: “Yeah, sorry. But we have apples and bananas, and orange juice.” Customer: “No! Your guys’ apples suck! And I’m going on a HIKE; I need an orange!” Me: “Well…” Customer: “No, no it’s OK. I understand.” (She suddenly notices a display of baked goods next to her.) Customer: “Oh my gosh, are those chocolate cupcakes vegan?” Me: “Yeah, I think so. I can check.” Customer: “Well, I just want to know if it’s healthy. You know, vegan equals healthy.” Me: “…it’s a cupcake.” (She stares at the expression on my face for a second, and then walks out.) |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:38 pm Post #12244 |
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Best Idea I’ve Heard All Day Computer Repair | Auckland, NZ (The receptionist at our computer repair store was handling a customer at the front desk.) Customer: “Can you fix my laptop screen? There’s a big black mark on it.” (The customer opens the laptop to show a cracked screen.) Receptionist: “How did that happen?” Customer: “I closed it, but there was a beer bottle lid inside. It went weird after that.” Receptionist: “We can repair it for you, but it will cost approximately $1,000 as this is physical damage and not covered by warranty.” Customer: “I am not paying $1,000 to repair a stupid laptop! You are trying to rip me off, you little b****! It’s under warranty, I know my rights!” Receptionist: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot replace the LCD under warranty and you will have to pay for it yourself if you want it replaced.” Customer: “I’m not paying, so you can go f*** yourself!” Receptionist: “That’s the best idea I have heard all day, thanks! I’ll go do that right now.” (The receptionist goes around corner and into back room.) Customer: “What the f***?!” *leaves, slamming door* Receptionist: “Is he gone?” Manager: “Yes, are you finished?” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:39 pm Post #12245 |
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Speak For Yourself, Part 3 Clothing Store | Los Angeles, CA, USA Customer: “Excuse me.” Me: “Yes, may I help you?” Customer:“What is this?” Me: “A t-shirt.” Customer: “Who’s the d*** picture of?” Me: “That’s Grizzly Adams, sir.” Customer: “No, it’s Charles Manson! How can you sell this in your shop? It’s disgusting!” Me: “It’s not my shop.” Customer: “You work here, why don’t you find a real job that doesn’t promote murderers and killing!” (The customer hands me a card: “Bill ***, Army Recruiter.”) |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:39 pm Post #12246 |
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Speechless Coffee Shop | Winnipeg, Canada (To start off, I’m male, as is my customer.) Me: “Alright, one medium latte, less hot. Anything else for you today, sir?” Customer: Don’t make it too hot! If you make it too hot, I’ll spank you, and you’re going to like it! Me: “…” Customer: “I’m so hungry, I going to go home and stick something in my mouth, and I don’t care what it is!” Me: “…” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:40 pm Post #12247 |
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White In New Jersey, What A Concept Retail | New Jersey, USA (The store has a policy where if customers bring in empty printer cartridges they would receive a free ream of white paper. However, the store would only take a few brands.) Customer: “I have these printer cartridges and I’d like to receive my free paper.” Coworker: “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t accept these brand.” Customer: “You can’t be serious, what else am I going to do with them?” Coworker: “Well the sign over there states which brands we take, but we can recycle them for you.” (The customer turns to me.) Customer: “Is this a race thing? Is it because I’m white?” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “I’m serious. I demand to know if this is because I’m white!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:40 pm Post #12248 |
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Dog Tested, Employee Approved Grocery Store | Tartu, Estonia (An old lady walks up to the counter.) Customer: “Miss, is this dog sausage salty?” Me: “Um…I don’t think so, ma’am.” Customer: “Are you SURE?” Me: “Well, yes. Dog sausages are mainly made without salt.” Customer: “It better not be salty, because my dog does not eat any salty stuff.” Me: “It’s not salty, ma’am.” Customer: “But are you SURE? Have you TASTED it?!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:41 pm Post #12249 |
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H2O: The Dampening Grocery Store | Cleveland, OH, USA (Per our closing procedures, I have to mop the edges of the aisles every night before we close.) Customer: “You know, it’s very wet.” Me: “Yes, that is a common characteristic of water.” Customer: “Well, isn’t there anything you can do about it?” Me: “Well, ma’am, there are caution signs all around the store to tell you it might be slippery.” Customer: “But can’t you do something to make the water less wet?” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’ve run out of our dry water, and only have the wet kind left.” Customer: “Well, you should order more.” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:42 pm Post #12250 |
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User At A Time Library | Winona, MN, USA Patron: “I was trying to go to a website, and a message popped up that said, ‘This website may be trying to harm your computer. Do you want to continue?’” Me: “That’s just a warning message. If you know the website, you can just click ‘OK’.” Patron: “Yes, I know the website. My friend made it. I don’t think that message is very nice.” Me: “I assure you it’s nothing personal. That message just appears on websites the computer doesn’t recognize.” Patron: “Well, it’s not nice. That message scared me about my own friend’s website. Do you know somebody you can talk to about that?” Me: “The system’s warning message?” Patron: “Yes.” Me: “Of course. I’ll send them an e-mail about it right now.” (I pretend to type on my laptop until she leaves.) |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:44 pm Post #12251 |
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Please God, Let These Be Rhetorical Questions College | Melbourne, Australia Student: “Yeah, there’s something wrong with my academic transcript.” Me: “Oh, ok. What’s wrong with it?” Student: “It’s got fails on it.” (I start looking up his record on the database.) Me: “Yeah, I can see the fails. Did you pass those subjects?” Student: “No.” Me: “Okay, so you failed the subjects, and now they’re on your record as fails. That’s normally how it works.” Student: “Well, yeah… but can’t you, like, take them off? It looks bad!” Me: “…” Student: “How am I going to get a job?!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:46 pm Post #12252 |
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That’s What She Said Retail | Abbotsford, BC, Canada Me: “… so your purchase comes to [amount].” Customer: “Alright, on debit please.” Me: “Would you like a bag with that?” Customer: “Sure. I’ll just hold it open as wide as I can and you shove it in there.” Me: *laughs* “Have a nice day, ma’am.” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:46 pm Post #12253 |
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It’s Okay, Let’s Find Some Toddlers Pet Store | San Diego, CA, USA Me: “How can I help you today?” Customer: “I am looking for some dog food that is not animal tested.” Me: “Ma’am, all food made for animals has to be tested by animals. It’s dog food!” Customer: “You have got to be kidding me! Let me talk to your manager!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:48 pm Post #12254 |
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Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4 Restaurant | Missouri, USA Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a beer and my wife will have a diet cola.” Me: “Sir, we have over 80 beers to choose from. Did you know which one you wanted? Maybe I can make a suggestion for you.” Customer: “Just bring me whatever you like.” Me: *returns with beer* “Here you are, sir.” Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered! Let me speak to your manager.” Manager: “Is there a problem?” Customer: “This little a**hole brought me a beer I didn’t ask for.” Manager: “What did you order? I’ll go get one for you.” Customer: “I said to bring me whatever it is he drinks.” Manager & me: “…” Customer: “Oh…” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:50 pm Post #12255 |
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The Good Excuses Have All Dried Up Bail Bonds | Beaumont, TX, USA (This phone call happened a month after hurricane Ike came through, and one of our clients missed his court date.) Me: “Sir, why did you miss your court date?” Client: “I’m not going back to jail! I missed court because I’m not back from the evaporation yet.” Me: “Uh…what?” Client: “I had to evaporate up north.” Me: “…really? Evaporate? How did you do that? Was it painful?” Client: “No! We rode a bus! What don’t you understand about having to evaporate?! I’m not going back to jail!” Me: *sigh* |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:50 pm Post #12256 |
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Nature: Not OSHA Compliant Beach | New Jersey, USA Customer: “Excuse me…how deep is the water?” Me: “Um…you mean the ocean?” Customer: “Yes. How deep is it?” Me: “I’m not quite sure what you mean.” Customer: “HOW DEEP IS THE WATER?!” Me: “It’s the ocean, ma’am.” Customer: “OK, well, how deep is the deepest part?” Me: “Very, very deep.” Customer: “Can I touch the bottom?” Me: “No.” Customer: “That’s not safe.” Me: “It’s much shallower near the shore. It gets deeper the farther out you go.” Customer: “That is definitely not safe. You should fix that.” Me: “I’ll tell my boss.” Customer: “Thanks.” *walks away* |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:51 pm Post #12257 |
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It’s The Thought Of The Thought That Counts Retail | London, UK (A customer was buying some fancy wrapping paper. They placed it on the counter to buy and this exchange occurred.) Customer: “Can you be really careful folding this up?” Me: “Of course.” Customer: “Actually, can you roll it up? And wrap a bit of tissue paper around it?” Me: “OK…” Customer: “And can you wrap another piece of gift wrap around it?” Me: “Er…OK.” *pause* “So you want me to gift wrap your gift wrap?” Customer: “Precisely!” Me: “…” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:52 pm Post #12258 |
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Unholier Than Thou Retail | Stockton, CA, USA Me: “Thank you for your purchase, Mr. [customer’s name]!” (Out of nowhere, the guy literally goes insane and starts to jump over the counter, screaming…) Customer: “How dare you take my name in vain!” (Luckily, my manager is a bouncer for his second job and walks over.) My manager: “What’s going on?” Customer: “Nothing…” *back to normal, leaves quietly* |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:53 pm Post #12259 |
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(Gassy) Rumblings Of Discontent Restaurant | Gonzales, LA, USA (I run an overnight shift at the store. It’s New Year’s Eve and we’ve got cars around the store when we receive a phone call.) Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yeah… I just came through your drive-thru an hour ago and bought some potato wedges.” Me: “Yes?” Customer: “Well, I got home and ate them, and now I’ve been sitting on the toilet for the past half hour because of your food.” Me: “Okay.” Customer: “So I wanna know who’s responsible for this?” Me: “Honestly, sir we cannot take responsibility for your stomach problems.” Customer: “Well, someone’s buying me a new pack of toilet paper because I’m out, and I’ll be d***ed if it’s me.” Me: “Sir, we cannot pay for any household products…” Customer: “Then why’d you sell me the wedges?!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sun May 10, 2009 7:55 pm Post #12260 |
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Blind As A Bat Out Of Hell Hair Salon | Norway (One day, a lady walked into our hair salon and said she had an appointment. We looked through the client list, but couldn’t find it.) Me: “Sorry, but I can’t find your appointment here. Are you sure it was today?” Customer: “Of course! I demand an appointment now!” Me: “Well, I’m really sorry. I can’t find you on the system. We’re booked out today, but I can put up a new appointment for you if you want.” Customer: “This is bull! I booked an appointment a long time ago. Give me an appointment now, or I’ll call the police!” Me: “Well what were you going to do? Maybe I can fit you in between two other clients.” Customer: “I was going to get my eyes checked and get new glasses!” Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, the optical store is next door.” Customer: “Uh… well…” *gives me a dirty look and leaves* |
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