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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,429 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 2:59 pm Post #11921 |
 
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12PM Utah Gay Slang Baffles Outsiders Coworker, over cubicle wall: That's where I got licked by a marmot. Provo, Utah |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:04 pm Post #11922 |
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11AM ...It Was Only the One. Pregnant employee at coworker's baby shower: Oh, an anti-roll pillow! Thank you! Male employee: What's it for? Pregnant employee: To keep the baby from rolling onto his stomach and possibly suffocating in the crib. Chatty woman: My two babies died from sleeping on their stomachs. (stunned silence) Chatty woman: Just kidding! (laughs) Orlando, Florida Overheard by: office monkey extraordinaire |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:07 pm Post #11923 |
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10AM It Was a Brilliant Performance Art Piece Associate director: So I found myself on the floor, bleeding, and all I could think was, "Really? I just cut myself with spaghetti?" Commonwealth Ave Boston, Massachusetts Overheard by: cube rat |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:11 pm Post #11924 |
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9AM Like George Michael, the Company Wants All Your Secs VP: Hey, can you pop in here to chat yet? Accounting asst: Give me just a sec... VP: How about now? It's urgent, and I've been giving you secs all morning. Passing by office manager: So much for last week's sexual harassment training... Washington, DC Overheard by: I could use some... |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:36 pm Post #11925 |
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from overheardatthebeach.com I'm Not Sure My Breasts Are Bouncy Enough for This Girl in the ocean to onshore friend: Come out here! I'm like The Little Mermaid without Sebastian! I don't even have flounder! Girl on shore: (shakes head no) Girl in the ocean: Come on! You've seen Baywatch! Jog! --Smith's Point, Long Island, New York Overheard by: Andi |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:36 pm Post #11926 |
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This Is What Happens When We Don't Bring the Electric Collar Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares) Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares) Man, finding Molly sitting quietly: Oh, there you are. --Lewes Beach, Delaware Overheard by: maybe next time, take Molly with you |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:38 pm Post #11927 |
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from notalwaysright.com Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is Fast Food | Calgary, AB, Canada (I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.) Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?” Me: “I’m holding the door op–” Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!” Me: “Excuse me?” Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.” Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.” Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!” (She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.) Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:39 pm Post #11928 |
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Plastic, Scamtastic Sandwich Shop | Minneapolis, MN, USA Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?” Customer: “Three sandwiches.” Me: “Okay, what kind?” Customer: “Umm… what’s that kind?” *points at a sign behind me* (I turn around to see what he’s talking about. When I turn back around, I see the man taking off out the side door with our display sandwich.) Me: “Good luck eating your plastic sandwich!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:40 pm Post #11929 |
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How About We Toilet Paper Your Lawn Instead Landscaper | Fort Collins, CO, USA (Some landscapers are helping landscape our lawn. I’m also helping them move stuff when my neighbor comes over.) Neighbor: “Hey, can you guys come over and help clean up some of our lawn?” Landscaper: “No, we’re busy working over here.” Neighbor: “It won’t take more than a couple of minutes. Just come in here, replace the grass with their sod, plant some extras, that’s all!” Landscaper: “You mean redo your landscape?” Neighbor: “Yeah, it won’t take too long. They’re not gonna notice!” Landscaper: “I’m pretty sure he’ll notice since he actually lives here and is helping us.” *points at me* Me: “Hi there!” *waves* Neighbor: *retreats to her house* |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:40 pm Post #11930 |
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Just, Like, Smile And Nod Photo Lab | Delafield, WI, USA (A bubbly teenager walks up to the counter with a roll of film in her hand.) Me: “Hi, how can I help you?” Teenage customer: “Like, how long does it, like, take to do one hour photo?” Me: “About 60 minutes.” Teenage customer: “Really?! Like, oh my gawd! That’s, like, so totally cool! Wait ’til I tell my mom it’s, like, totally not gonna take an hour!” Me: *smiles* |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:41 pm Post #11931 |
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Where We Keep The Gold Label S’Mores Gas Station | Hugo, MN, USA (It was a beautiful night and everyone was having bonfires. A group of teenage girls walk in.) Girl: “Hi, do you guys have any marshmallows?” Me: *looks around* “Sorry, looks like we’re all out.” Girl: “But what if you REALLY need them?” (I turned towards my coworker.) Me: “My God…” Coworker: “It’s time. Get out your key.” (We then started pretending that we had a top-secret marshmallow stash behind the counter.) Me: “Do you think the retina scan is going to work with my contacts in?” (The girl finally realized that we were blatantly making fun of her and quickly left with her friends. The secret stash became an instant classic at our gas-station.) |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:41 pm Post #11932 |
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Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Dumb College | Michigan, USA (I was working my shift at the dorm security desk when one of the building’s residents walked up.) Resident: “Ow! I just burnt myself.” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. How did you burn yourself?” Resident: “I licked the flame part of a lighter.” Me: “What–why?!” Resident: “I wanted to see what it would taste like. I knew it would be hot, but I wanted to know what KIND of hot…like, maybe it would be SPICY hot.” Me: “…” Resident: “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:43 pm Post #11933 |
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No Tickey, No Watchey Call Center | Ontario, Canada (I work in the billing department for a cable company. One day I took the following call.) Me: “Thank you for calling ****, my name is ****, what can I help you with?” Customer: “Hi, I need you turn my cable back on so I can watch the fight this weekend.” Me: “OK, if I could get your phone number, I’ll bring up your account and see what’s up.” (I proceed to bring up his account, and notice he had been installed 6 months ago, and had not once paid his bill.) Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that we can’t turn anything back on for your account until there has been a payment made.” Customer: “No, that’s not the agreement. I need to watch the fight this weekend, my boys are coming over.” Me: “That’s all well and good, but you owe us over two thousand dollars for charges, pay per view and equipment. Nothing can be done until you are up to date on payment.” Customer: *angry* “I NEVER AGREED TO PAY YOU ANY F****** MONEY! GIVE ME MY GOD**** CABLE! Me: “Sir, you obviously don’t understand how this works. We provide a service, and in return you pay a monthly fee. This is where we’re at; nothing can be done until you pay your balance.” Customer: “F*** YOU GUYS THEN! I’LL JUST WATCH IT ONLINE, SO THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?” Me: “I think you forgot that we supply your internet as well. It won’t be reconnected until you pay your bill.” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:43 pm Post #11934 |
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Putting the Dumb In Wisdom Tech Support | Wales, UK (I’m at my university’s computer help desk and have just fixed a problem on a student’s laptop.) Me, to student: “…okay, that should get you online.” Student: “Great, thanks!” (A random student passes by, seeing the laptop.) Random passerby: “Wow! That laptop is huge!” Me: “Erm…” Random passerby: “I bet you could use it as a weapon to smash someone’s head in!” Me: “Uhh…” Student: “Erm…” Random passerby: *walks off* Me, to student: “Well, I bet you didn’t know THAT about your laptop.” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:44 pm Post #11935 |
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A Dawning Realization Of One’s Dimness Grocery Store | St. Paul, MN, USA Me: “Okay, that will be $5.93 for the cigarettes.” (The customer hands me a five dollar bill, puts the cigarettes in her pocket and starts walking off.) Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you didn’t give me enough money. You only gave me $5 and the total was $5.93.” Customer: “Yeah, I gave you five.” *points at the money* Me: “Yes, but the total is five dollars and ninety-three cents.” Customer: *angrily* “Yeah, I gave you five dollars!” Me: “It’s not enough. I need about a dollar more. Would you like to get something different or cheaper maybe?” Customer: “No, I want this one!” Me: “Well, I can’t sell these to you when you don’t have enough to pay for it.” Customer: “Well, what am I gonna do?” Me: “Go home and get more money?” (Her expression suddenly brightens.) Customer: “Oh! Yeah, okay! I’ll go do that I’ll be right back!” *gives cigarettes back and leaves cheerily* |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:45 pm Post #11936 |
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Eternal Persistence Is The Price Of Coffee Or Tea Restaurant | New York, NY, USA Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some coffee?” Me: “Sure, decaf or regular?” Customer: ”Oh! Sugar too, please!” Me: “Not a problem. Decaf or regular?” Customer: “None of that sweet and low stuff. Real sugar!” Me: “Yes, sir. Decaf or regular?” Customer: “Oh, and milk, too!” Me: “Absolutely. Decaf or regular?” Customer: “But not skim, or whole, or 2%. You got any half and half?” Me: “Yes, sir.” Customer: “Good!” Me: “Right. Coffee with sugar and half and half. Do you want decaf or regular?” Customer: “Make sure there’s not too much milk. Gotta be a bit strong.” Me: “Right. Decaf or regular?” Customer: “Oh, and lots of sugar! I like it sweet… but not too much milk!” Me: “Decaf or regular?” Customer: “Oh, bring out some extra sugar, would you? Just in case.” Me: *gives up* “Okay, one decaf coffee, half and half, extra sugar?” Customer: “No, REGULAR! Geez, I swear… people just don’t pay attention anymore!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:45 pm Post #11937 |
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Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Test DMV | Michigan, USA (Me and my mom are leaving from the place where I took the test to get my driver’s license when we see another car drive in. A man steps out of the car and talks to the lady in charge of giving the driver’s test. ) Driver: “I’m here to take my driver’s test.” Employee: “Who drove you here?” Driver: “I drove myself.” Employee: “You drove yourself here to take the test to get your driver’s license?” Driver: “Yes.” Employee: “That could be a problem…” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:46 pm Post #11938 |
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Guess The Magician & Clowns Are Out Too Retail | Davie, FL, USA (I work at a party store that sells balloons. A middle-aged woman comes up to me and the following takes place.) Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?” Customer: “…do y’all sell, like…balloons for funerals?” Me: “I’m sorry…what?” Customer: “You know, like balloons for a funeral…like, ‘Sorry For Your Loss’…” Me: “Um…no.” Customer: “OK, thanks!” *leaves* |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:49 pm Post #11939 |
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Your One-Stop Shop For Addictive Substances Video Game Store | Manchester, CT, USA (An older lady came in to the store I worked at looking for the Playstation game “Croc”.) Customer: “Hey! Y’all got crack?” Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?” Customer: “Crack!” Me: “Do you mean…Everquest?” Customer: “NO, D***IT, I WANT CRACK. You know, little alligator be runnin’ ’round ‘n s***.” Me: “…do you mean ‘Croc’?” Customer: “Crack, Croc, whatever!” Me: “Yes ma’am, right here…” *rings up sale* (After the lady left, my boss came up to me.) Manager: “Did that lady just try to buy crack rocks from you?!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 9, 2009 3:51 pm Post #11940 |
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We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 4 Video Game Store | Stockholm, Sweden (A guy who bought a game comes back wanting a refund. The problem is that the game seal had been broken, the game disc had some nasty scratches on it, and it was 30 days past our return policy window.) Me: “Hi. How may I help you?” Customer: “I’ve got this game here that I didn’t fully enjoy. I want a refund.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the seal has been broken, and the disc is damaged. I can’t give you a refund for this.” Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I wasn’t informed about that!” Me: “Sir, if you look right here on your receipt, you’ll see what rights you have. And as you can see, the 30-day return policy has expired, and the game is damaged. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.” Customer: “Oh no, don’t try this on me. I know my rights, due to the fact that I’m a lawyer. So you’d better think about your next move, or it could end up bad for you.” Me: “Hold on a second…are you threatening me?” Customer: “That depends on how you handle this situation.” (By this point, there was a large line forming in the store, and the guy standing behind my customer looked pretty pissed off.) Customer: “So, are you going to give me a refund or not?” Customer #2: *interrupting* “I’ve had it with this. You told this guy you’re a lawyer, right? And that you’re entitled to a refund, am I correct?” Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, that is correct.” Customer #2: “Here’s the deal: I know for a fact that you’re wrong. I think everyone in this store knows that you’re wrong, and the reason WHY I know this is because I AM a lawyer. What you’re doing is borderline illegal. So, may I suggest that you leave this store right now?” Customer: *quietly* “Well…what I was trying to tell him was…um…” (The customer then quickly left the store. Everyone, including myself, gave customer #2 a round of applause.) |
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