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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,474 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:01 pm Post #11021 |
 
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Pilot: Let's Get This Garbage Bag Full Of Smushed Assholes in the Air Girl: Ugh, I feel worse then a garbage bag full of smashed assh*les. Guy: Um, what? Girl: It's a common saying! --JetBlue Terminal, JFK Overheard by: I'm with the guy on this one |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:08 pm Post #11022 |
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from notalwaysright.com Third Time’s A Charm For A Two-Faced One Track Mind Phone Company | Washington, USA Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you today?” Caller: “Um yeah, my phone stopped working. I need you guys to fix that for me.” Me: “Certainly, sir. May I ask what exactly is the problem?” Caller: “Well, the internet on my phone quit working a few days ago.” Me: “Okay, I can definitely help you out with that. I do need your mobile phone number please…” (The customer gives me his number, and I discover that his phone is not compatible with the internet plan on his account. Furthermore, he can not change it because the account is not in his name.) Me: “…okay, so you understand why we cannot change that, right?” Caller: “Yeah, I guess so. Thanks anyway, man.” Me: “Not a problem sir. Thank you very much for choosing [phone company]. You have a wonderful day, sir.” (This is where things get interesting. Instead of hanging up, I immediately hear the following…) Female voice: “Aw baby, what’s wrong?” Caller: “This f***ing douchebag wont fix my g**d*** phone! I’ve had this d***ed thing for three years, never had a problem with it, now this f*** wont help me out!” Me: “Excuse me, sir? You never actually hung up the phone. Might I suggest we do that now before anything else is said?” Caller: *brief pause* “… oh my God!I am so sorry! Oh my God sir, please don’t turn off my phone, PLEASE!” Me: “Not a problem. Just please remember to hang up the phone, okay?” (I wait for him to hang up a second time, but again, he doesn’t…) Caller: “I can’t believe that f***ing p***k stayed on the phone! What we he trying to do?! A**hole! I mean, can’t he freaking help a guy out?!” Female voice: *quietly* “I think you’re on speakerphone…” Me: “Excuse me, sir? You forgot to hang up again.” Caller: “S***! GIMME A BREAK!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:09 pm Post #11023 |
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Destroying America, One Backwards Part At A Time Retail | Columbus, OH, USA (I’m working the returns desk, when a man comes in carrying a half assembled bookshelf and it’s box and slams it on my counter.) Me: “Hi sir, how can I help you?” Customer: “I’ve had it with this.” Me: “What seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I’ve spent six hours. SIX HOURS! I’m trying to get this together, my kids are crying because it doesn’t look cool. I’ve tried it every way, and I’m not incapable, but this is impossible!” Me: “Hmm, it looks like some of the pieces were manufactured wrong. This appears to be upside down and this one the holes aren’t on the right side.” Customer: “That’s not the problem. The problem is someone pissed off an employee in China and he’s taking it out on me!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:09 pm Post #11024 |
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Male Insecurities Manifested In Mocha Coffee Shop | Ohio, USA Customer: “I want a mocha.” Me: “Okay, what size would you like?” Customer: “The biggest one. No froth on top, either.” (He pays and walks off. Assuming froth meant foam, which mochas don’t get anyways, I hand the cup to my coworker as she makes the drink. The customer returns as she finishes the mocha, adding the whipped cream on top.) Customer: “I said no froth! Froth is too girly!” Coworker: “It’s just whipped cream. I can scoop it off if you want.” Customer: “Nah… you can leave it on there. I just won’t tell anyone it’s in my drink!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:10 pm Post #11025 |
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They Charge Extra For The Tail End Of The Journey Airline | Los Angeles, CA, USA Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling **** Airlines. This is ****, how may I help you?” Customer: “How much would it cost for my dog to travel with me?” Me: “It’s $50 per leg.” Customer: “Oh, she only has three legs, so how much would that cost?” Me: “…that’s $50 per leg, as in travel segments.” Customer: “…oh. Thank you.” *hangs up* |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:11 pm Post #11026 |
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Dreams Really Do Fall Through Help Desk | Long Beach, CA, USA (My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.) Me: “Hi, how can I help you?” Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?” Me: “Wait, what?” Girl: “Will you marry me?” Me: “I don’t even know you.” Girl: “Well, my name is ****.” (She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.) Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…” (This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.) Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.” Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.” Girl: “Never mind then.” 1 Thumbs Up |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:12 pm Post #11027 |
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Taxation With Agitation Gas Station | Clarksville, TN Me: “Is that it for you tonight, ma’am?” Girl: “Nah, can I get a pack of cigarettes?” Me: “Sure. Can I see your ID?” Girl: “Ya know in high school, when we learned about the Boston Tea Party?” Me: “Yeah…?” Girl: “Well, they raised taxes on the tea, and they threw it in the harbor.” Me: “Yeah, I remember.” Girl: “Well, they just upped the taxes on the smokey treats…what’re WE gonna do about it?” Me: “I dunno…what do you think?” Girl: “Well, I don’t know…you’re the gas station lady - figured you’d have the answers.” Me: “Sorry, I don’t smoke.” Girl: “I PROTEST YOU THEN! I’M NOT GETTING ANYTHING HERE EVER AGAIN!” *stomps off* |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:12 pm Post #11028 |
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Make Sure The Crime Is Worth The Time Clothing Store | Mystic, CT, USA Me: “That’ll be $129.00.” Customer: *hands me credit card* Me: “And can I just see some ID with that please?” Customer: *hands me ID* Customer’s husband: “This just goes to show you that if you want to steal someone’s charge card, you’d better steal their ID, too!” Customer: “Yeah, but they wouldn’t look like the ID.” Customer’s husband: “Well, you could surgically alter your face to look like theirs.” Me: “That seems like an awful lot of effort to get a couple of sweatshirts.” Customer: “I know, at least do it and get some electronics or something!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:13 pm Post #11029 |
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Irregular Regulars Dry Cleaner | Ontario, Canada (At the dry cleaners where I work, an elderly woman comes in nearly every day. We think she has something wrong with her mentally, but she’s a sweet lady.) Customer: “Hi, girls! Me: “Hello again!” Customer: “It’s a very nice day today, I’ve just been on a walk!” Coworker: “Yes, looks bright and sunny!” Customer: “The sun has made me tired, I feel like I need a nap…” Me: “That’s a good idea, why don’t you take a nap?” Customer: “Okay!” (She takes me literally and lays down right there in front of the door.) Coworker: “Um… how are people going to give us their clothes for cleaning?” Customer: “I don’t know.” *doesn’t move* Me: “Can you please move?” Coworker: “Please, we need to keep the doorway clear.” Customer: “But I really like it right here!” Me: “Wouldn’t your bed be so much more comfortable?” Customer: “Oh, I guess so.” (Lady gets up, takes some more mints for her coat pocket, and shuffles out the door.) Me: “See you tomorrow!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:14 pm Post #11030 |
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Coffeeholics Anonymous Coffee Shop | Radford, VA, USA (A customer wanders in and stares around, sighing forlornly for a while.) Me: “Hello there. Are you okay?” Customer: *very sadly* “I just miss being able to have coffee.” Me: “Oh, that is sad! But we do have non-coffee drinks available if you’d like…” Customer: “It’s just not the same!” (The customer grabs a bag of ground coffee, opens it and takes a deep whiff. She then shoves it back on the shelf and runs sobbing out of the store.) |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:14 pm Post #11031 |
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Don’t Burn Your Bridges Or We’ll Burn Your Pizza Pizza | Columbus, OH, USA Me: “Welcome to [pizza place], how can I help you?” Customer: “I have a pickup for Smith.” Me: “That name doesn’t show up in our system… what phone number did you place it under?” Customer: *gives phone number* Me: “That’s the number for our competitor.” Customer: “Yes, I know… but the last time I went there, the service was so bad I told them I would never come back, and I don’t want them to know I’m ordering again. So, I thought maybe you guys could go pick it up for me?” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:14 pm Post #11032 |
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Consideration Is Key Coffee Shop | Roanoke, VA, USA (A customer comes through the drive-thru two minutes before close and orders seven blended drinks. She starts talking to me through the window as I’m working on her drinks.) Customer: “Isn’t it so annoying when people come through ordering blended beverages right before close?” Me: *politely* “Well, it’s not too much of a hassle. It just takes a while to make each of them, that’s all.” Customer: “Oh. Then I’d like to order four more please. And can you hurry? I’m late for work.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:15 pm Post #11033 |
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What You See Is What You Can’t Comprehend Hotel | Worcestershire, UK, USA (The hotel was hosting a conference. At lunchtime, I was serving at the dessert table which had a variety of different desserts and a large fruit bowl with a pineapple as the centerpiece.) Man: “Is that pineapple real?” Me: “Huh? Oh, yes it is. We put it there just as decoration, but I could get the chef to cut it up for you if you’d like.” Man: “No, I just wondered…. How about those apples, are they real?” Me: “Yes they are; all the fruit is real. Actually, we aren’t allowed to use fake fruit in decorating here anymore.” Man: “Really? Why not?” Me: “Because people kept trying to eat them and hurt their mouths.” Man: “You’re joking! How could they not tell the difference?” Me: “I…don’t know sir. Did you want any dessert?” Man: “Um…are the strawberries real?” Me: “Yes, sir.” Man: “Hm, they look pretty real. I’ll have some of those.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue May 5, 2009 9:16 pm Post #11034 |
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Why Guidance Counselors Shouldn’t Drink Resort | Maine, USA (I am running a bocce ball tournament, and this guest starts talking to me while I am trying to watch the game and keep score.) Guest: “You make a lot of money?” Me: “I make enough.” Guest: “You know, strippers make a lot of money. I heard of one who makes a thousand dollars a night.” Me: “Wow.” Guest: “How old are you?” Me: “18.” Guest: “Yeah, you should start now, before s*** starts to sag.” Me: “…thanks for the advice.” Guest: “No problem.” |
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| VioletCloud | Tue May 5, 2009 9:25 pm Post #11035 |
Water Tribe!
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Books on horse racing subjects have never done well, and I am told that publishers had come to think of them as the literary version of box office poison. Laura Hillenbrand |
All my posts are done from my tablet. I apologize for all strange errors in my posts... as swype hates me.  | |
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| VioletCloud | Tue May 5, 2009 9:26 pm Post #11036 |
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Water Tribe!
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As in political so in literary action a man wins friends for himself mostly by the passion of his prejudices and the consistent narrowness of his outlook. Joseph Conrad |
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All my posts are done from my tablet. I apologize for all strange errors in my posts... as swype hates me. | |
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| VioletCloud | Tue May 5, 2009 9:27 pm Post #11037 |
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Water Tribe!
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As I said earlier, there are no writers who could create a literary vision of the new reality. Andrzej Wajda |
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All my posts are done from my tablet. I apologize for all strange errors in my posts... as swype hates me. | |
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| VioletCloud | Tue May 5, 2009 9:27 pm Post #11038 |
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Water Tribe!
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Anybody who comes to the cinema is bringing they're whole sexual history, their literary history, their movie literacy, their culture, their language, their religion, whatever they've got. I can't possibly manipulate all of that, nor do I want to. David Cronenberg |
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All my posts are done from my tablet. I apologize for all strange errors in my posts... as swype hates me. | |
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| VioletCloud | Tue May 5, 2009 9:28 pm Post #11039 |
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Water Tribe!
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Anonymous sources are a practice of American journalism in the 20th and 21st century, a relatively recent practice. The literary tradition of anonymity goes back to the Bible. Joe Klein |
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All my posts are done from my tablet. I apologize for all strange errors in my posts... as swype hates me. | |
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| Ltpondwater9 | Tue May 5, 2009 9:58 pm Post #11040 |
**Tomahawk Chop**
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Huh!!! |
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