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Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,482 Views)
AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 1:48 pm Post #10861
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Now Finish Your Lollipop and Don't Contradict Me Again Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears. Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream! Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it...it's pure sugar. Coldstone Creamery Carlsbad, California Overheard by: Amused Employee



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 1:49 pm Post #10862
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Dude, Score! Guy on cell: Yeah, so I was seeing this girl, and she called me and said, "so I think I might be pregnant," and I said "oh shit, really?" and then she just said, "yeah, but if I am I'll just put that f*cker up for adoption." Escondido, California



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 1:50 pm Post #10863
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Lovemaking Is Cooperative; Fcking Is Competitive Dude: She fcks like a division one athlete. I swear, I take three shots of whiskey before I go to her place. I need to have the spins so I have any chance of lasting. Ten Stone Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Overheard by: johnny



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 1:50 pm Post #10864
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	That's What You Said About Barry Manilow! American Apparel-wearing teen: I bet if the Jonas Brothers were indie, you'd totally dig them. Like same music, just less known. Toronto Canadia



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 1:56 pm Post #10865
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	So Another Good Thing Is, I'm Resourceful Friend #1: We should all say something about ourselves. One thing good and one thing bad. Friend #2: What about you? Friend #1: Well, I have a good sense of humor. And I guess something bad would be that the other day, I slept with some person because I didn't have a place to stay, but in the morning, I'd forgotten his name...so when he went out his room I had to search through it to find some kind of identity card of his so I could pretend I knew it all along. His name was Richard. Pub London Bridge England



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 1:56 pm Post #10866
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Actually, Crutchy Was the Only Crippled Newsie Girl on cell: Wait! (pause) So, it's a gang for crippled people? Orlando, Florida



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:07 pm Post #10867
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	overheardattheoffice 5PM Singing "Big Saviors Don't Cry" Hipster teen on phone: Oh, that was awesome! Like a combination of Fergie and Jesus! Barnes & Noble Greenfield, Wisconsin Overheard by: darkhorse



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:08 pm Post #10868
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	4PM It's Her Secret Shame. Receptionist #1: Where's Linda today? Receptionist #2: She's gonna be out for a while, she's having surgery on her thyroid. Dentist: I didn't even know she had a thyroid. Bayside, New York



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:08 pm Post #10869
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	3PM Nobody's Allowed to Do That Except My Wife Spanish boss in merger meeting: When this happens, people will want to take away our cojones. We can't let that happen! We have to have firm, hard balls! We can't let them touch our balls! Philadelphia, Pennsylvania



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:09 pm Post #10870
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	2PM So Now He's on Trial for Making Candy Porn Saleswoman: There was this guy in high school that had a crush on me, and he just loved peeps. He would molest peeps all day long... Bonner Springs, Kansas



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:09 pm Post #10871
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	1PM Like Making Pancakes. 20-something blonde in crowded elevator: I keep doing weird things with my butt. New York City, New York



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:10 pm Post #10872
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	12PM We Could End U.S. Dependence on Foreign Oil Black lady: You're not as crude as the rest of us. Hick man: I can be crude if I want to. Black lady: Naw, the rest of us...we're crude without no reason! Hornbake Library University of Maryland



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:10 pm Post #10873
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	11AM Like the "R" in "Toys Я Us" Female office executive #1: It's just been one of those days, ya know? Female office executive #2: Trust me, I know what you mean. Female office executive #3: Like one of those "panties on backwards" kinda days? Sparks, Maryland



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:10 pm Post #10874
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	10AM Perhaps Better Equipped, Though Woman flipping through old textbook: In my ideal world, all Davids are naked. Oldferry Road Bristol, Rhode Island Overheard by: Amy



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:11 pm Post #10875
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	9AM Yeah, We Saw Your Coffee Mug, Sir. Boss #1: We should really think about selling those apartments as condos. Boss #2: Saying "condo" to a bank right now is like saying "c#nt" (stunned silence) Boss #1: Personally, I kind of like the word "c#nt." Meadows Road Portland, Oregon



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:12 pm Post #10876
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	11AM For Example, I'd Never Visit a Restaurant Kitchen Designer: Once again I get d!cked on the vertical. Editor, backing away: I don't want to know anything...about anything. Memphis, Tennessee



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:13 pm Post #10877
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	10AM But It's Okay-- I'm Only So-So at My Job, Too. Pilot: We have two great flight attendants, and one that you'll find is only so-so. Flight over Boston, Massachusetts Overheard by: AL



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:13 pm Post #10878
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	9AM Judaism's Like the Six Flags Of Religion Jewish company principal: Why would you want to become Jewish? Woman employee: It'll be fun! San Francisco, California Overheard by: The Gentile Temp



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:23 pm Post #10879
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	from overheardinnewyork And a Little Hobo Shall Lead Them Girl wearing boots, leggings and long sweater to friend: It's so cold! Hobo: Go put some pants on! --La Salle & Broadway



AWOLangel	Tue May 5, 2009 2:24 pm Post #10880
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Kindly Tell Me More. Girl: The woman hasn't had a date in...ten years! Guy: She's a lesbian? Girl: No. I wish she was a lesbian...then she'd be easier to deal with. Actually, last night I dreamed she was a lesbian. --Q Train Overheard by: Jenny



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