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Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,495 Views)
AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:06 pm Post #10601
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	A Small But Important Distinction. Daughter, about cousin: Does he want to give me a ride? Dad: No, he wants you to ride him. North Canton, Ohio



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:06 pm Post #10602
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	While the Dean Is Out Of Town on His Grinding and Shimmying Tour Undergrad student: Where are the nursing faculty? University secretary: Pumping. College Missouri Overheard by: rami



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:06 pm Post #10603
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Ask a Monumentally-Retarded Question... College student: Where do babies come from? Professor: Well, one of mine came from a test tube, one came from China, and two of them came from a crazy woman. Any more questions? UMW Fredericksburg, Virginia



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:07 pm Post #10604
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	The Difference Between Swedish and American Universities Professor: We must go out and procreate! Swedish History Class Uppsala University Sweden Overheard by: Amused Exchange Student



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:07 pm Post #10605
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Let Us Give Thanks for Safe and Legal Birth Control Brother: Where's the baby? Sister: Over there. (gestures to crazy 4-5 year old child in jungle gym) Brother: I'm sorry, but every time my nephew goes insane I want to clothesline him. Sister: I don't think you're quite ready for fatherhood yet. Playground Poway, California Overheard by: Jail, Anyone?



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:08 pm Post #10606
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	When You Locate the Controls Of Your Spacecraft Quirky lesbian professor leading class in Kegel exercises: And everybody squeeze, hold, hold...release and squeeze, two, three...release. Ditzy Indian, after shiver spasm: It gives me the willies! Quirky lesbian professor: It's great, right! Health Ed Class Borough of Manhattan Community College, New York Overheard by: Trying not to laugh at all the serious faces trying to hide these private exercises



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:08 pm Post #10607
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	The Kind Of Boy Who Grows Up to Be President Eight-year-old boy playing Nintendo: Die! Die! Diediediediediediedie! Older brother: Isn't that a little violent? Eight-year-old: I'm goddam Kirby! I can do anything I want! Houston, Texas



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:09 pm Post #10608
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	But Mostly Because I Want to Use the Words "Ass Scope" Suit #1: Yeah, I went in for a colonoscopy last week. Suit #2: Really? How was it? Painful? Suit #1: No, actually, with all the Demerol they gave me I don't remember anything about it...love that Demerol...so much so that I think I'll schedule another ass scope for next week. Modesto, California Overheard by: Ken Lane



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:09 pm Post #10609
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	That's the Last Time I'll Try Absinthe. Teen to friend: My house smells like bug spray, and there is blood all over my bed! Pappadeauxs Restaurant Houston, Texas



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:09 pm Post #10610
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing? Hipster girl: I dunno...I don't really know what I wanna do. Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore? Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people. NYU Elevator



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:10 pm Post #10611
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	By That Point, We Were Married with Three Kids. Punk girl: So we started f*cking on a regular basis, right? And then I realized that I may actually like the guy! University Campus Austin, Texas



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:10 pm Post #10612
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	You're Supposed to Be Taking a Vacation from It Canadian friend, after night out: I hope I wasn't being too annoying last night. American friend: You weren't too bad. Until you started going on about the metric system. French Quarter New Orleans, Louisiana



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:11 pm Post #10613
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	The Difference Between the South and the North: Encapsulated Female #1, seeing adult bookstore: well, that doesn't look like a porn store. It looks classy...like an ammo shop. Female #2: Like an ammo shop? Classy like an ammo shop? Egan, Louisiana



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:11 pm Post #10614
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	That Pretty Much Sums Up My Whole Spring Break College girl: So, I was giving this guy a bl#wjob and a guy with a water gun walked by... University of Evansville, Indiana



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:11 pm Post #10615
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Speaking Of Which, We Should Totally Go Back to That Leather Bar Girl #1: I could never be a vegetarian. Girl #2: Ugh, me neither, I love meat way too much. Girl #1: I know. Especially when it's been caged and slapped around. Girl #2: Totally. Starbucks



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:12 pm Post #10616
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	...In His Breadbox. Guy: He has the brain of a supermodel. Chino, California



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:12 pm Post #10617
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	You Don't Sound Excited!!! Girl #1: Are you excited? Girl #2: About what? Girl #1: About everything! Girl #2: Yeah. Girl #1: I'm always excited! Christchurch New Zealand



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:12 pm Post #10618
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Also, "Boner" Nerdy philosophy professor: The word that comes to mind when I think about grading multiple-choice tests is 'bloodbath'. Catholic University Washington, DC Overheard by: Ditto.



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:12 pm Post #10619
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	Notice the Bite Marks on My Shoulder Girl: Kelly from work just texted me. Guy: She's the really nice one, right? Girl: Yeah. Guy: Who's the one who's not nice? Girl: Everyone else. Frederick, Maryland



AWOLangel	Mon May 4, 2009 5:24 pm Post #10620
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	...On the Eve Of Our Wedding. Woman to friend: I don't know what her gender or sexuality is. I just can't believe she'd do that to me. San Francisco, California Overheard by: Freda



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