 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,518 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:18 pm Post #10141 |
 
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from notalwaysright.com If There Is A God, He Obviously Owns A Dog Dog Daycare | San Jose, CA (Note: this takes place during the middle of a bad rainstorm.) Customer: “Hi, I wanted to start bringing by dog here but I wanted to make sure that the animals get a lot of exercise.” Me: “Oh, we just have them in rotations to run on a treadmill. You see, they help to generate power for our building. I think we have Sandy, a cute little chihuahua going right now.” Customer: “You’re joking, right?” Me: “Haha, yeah.” (Moments later, my coworker comes in from the back.) Coworker: “Hey, Sandy’s loose again. Have you seen the pop-up fence?” (As if on cue, the storm knocks out power to the building right then and there.) Customer: “Oh my god! I’m calling Animal Services and reporting you all!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:19 pm Post #10142 |
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Great Benefits: Medical, 401k & A Crystal Ball Bookstore | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA Customer: “Which books would you recommend for a pre-teen girl?” Me: “Well, that depends - does she like fantasy, horror, science fiction?” Customer: “Whichever you recommend.” Me: “I’m partial to fantasy myself.” (I show her several series that I had read myself and enjoyed.) Customer: “So you think she would like these?” Me: “Well, I loved them a lot.” Customer: “But do you think SHE will?” Me: “I honestly couldn’t say, ma’am. You know your niece better than I do; I’ve never met her.” Customer: *staring blankly at the books* “But do you think she will like them?” Me: “If she doesn’t, you can give her a gift receipt and she can return the books.” Customer: “I didn’t ask you about a gift receipt, I asked you if my niece would like the books you recommended.” Me: “Ma’am, I am incapable of making up your own mind about books for someone I’ve never met.” Customer: “I see. So, when they hire people for minimum wage, they really get what they pay for.” Me: *sarcastically* “Corporate doesn’t provide mind manipulation skills as part of the hiring package, ma’am.” Customer: “Well, they should!” (She complains to a manager and walks out without ever making up her mind about a book for her niece. Manager: “Did she seriously ask you to manipulate her thoughts about a book decision?” Me: “I can’t make up my OWN mind sometimes, much less someone else’s…” 1 Thumbs Up |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:20 pm Post #10143 |
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Many Hats, But An Empty Head Video Store | Lawrence, MA (We were having a sale on used DVDs. The price reductions were delayed in the computer system download, so we had to re-price every item manually. A customer came up with several used movies for purchase.) Me: “All right sir, your total is $249.75.” Customer: “What? Did you miss some? I added it up, it should be more.” Me: *after checking* “No, sir. We’re in the middle of doing our price changes, so all the movies you have that are marked $12.99 each are actually marked down to $9.99 each.” Customer: “What? That’s illegal. The price sticker has to have the correct price on it.” Me: “Sir, as I said, we’re in the process of re-stickering all of the DVDs. The 25 movies you’re buying are actually cheaper than you thought they would be.” Customer: “But they’re priced wrong. That’s illegal.” Me: “Sir, I can assure you we are doing nothing illegal, and if you’d like–” Customer: “It is illegal, I’M A LAWYER!” Me: “OK…I can adjust the price so that the movies are all $12.99 instead of $9.99 if you’re really angry about saving $75.00. Is that what you want me to do?” Customer: “Well, no.” Me: “What would you like me to do then?” Customer: “I think I should get some free movies.” Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any free movies.” Customer: “I’m a lawyer. It’s illegal. You need to give me 5 free movies or I’m calling the authorities.” Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you anything for free. As it is, you thought the price of these DVDs was much more than it turned out to be, so you’re already getting a deal…” Customer: “I don’t care. This is horrible service! This is no way to run a business. If I ran my restaurant this way, I’d be out of business!” Me: “So, are you a lawyer or a restauranteur?” Customer: “…” Me: “Would you like to pay for the movies, or would you like me to cancel the sale?” Customer: *hands over credit card* |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:21 pm Post #10144 |
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First Ocean To The Right, Then Straight On ‘Til Drowning Tourism Office | Vancouver Island, Canada Me: “How can I help you today, sir?” Man: “What’s the quickest way to get to Hawaii?” Me: “…probably via Vancouver International Airport.” Man: “What?” Me: “Look, I’m sorry, I’m not actually a travel agent. I can put you in touch with someone who can book you a flight–” Man: “I don’t wanna fly there! I could’ve done that from Seattle! I’m going to drive.” Me: “Over more than twenty-five hundred miles of ocean?” Man: “You can’t fool me. I know it’s not that far. Besides, it’s much cheaper to fly there through the Canadian part of America.” Me: “…no, Canada’s not–” Man: “I’m gonna report you for being unhelpful, missy. Now give me god**** directions to Hawaii if you don’t want your a** fired.” Me: “Turn left on to any pier you come across, and then drive straight on - you’ll get there eventually, and don’t worry about the water. You can probably sue for damages.” (Amazingly, he left, perfectly happy with my directions to essentially drown himself.) 1 Thumbs Up |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:22 pm Post #10145 |
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Actually, We’re Saving Them For WW3 Restaurant | Sydney, Australia (not USA yet) (At our restaurant, an American tourist tries to pay for his meal in American currency.) Me: “Sorry, sir. We can only accept Australian Dollars here.” Customer: “What? What are you talking about? Isn’t this like, our colony?” Me: “I assure you, sir, Australia has never been an American colony. We were, however, once controlled by the British.” Customer: “But… wasn’t it you we beat in World War 2?!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:41 pm Post #10146 |
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What Would Jesus Itemize? Retail | Lexington, KY, USA (A customer is shopping for his church and his home in the same trip. He splits up the orders while talking with his wife. As I’m finishing the church order, running the credit card and having the gentleman sign, the wife notices an error was made.) Wife: “Honey, you put the condoms on the church bill!” Husband: “… we’ll scratch it off?” Me: “Oh my.” Wife: “Oh Jesus is going to hate us now! You can’t put condoms on the church bill, that’s like putting beer on the church account!” (She continues to flip out, while I’m refunding the transaction and voiding off the condoms. The next customer in line is staring at the whole exchange.) Next customer: “How in the h*** do you people stay sane?!” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:42 pm Post #10147 |
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On Second Thought, Mom’s Probably Been Hitting Her Head Too Baby Store | Amarillo, TX, USA (A woman with a newborn baby walks into the store looking a little disoriented and heads towards the baby swings.) Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?” Customer: “Yes, my child keeps falling out of the swing and hitting her head. Why is that?” Me: “Well, ma’am, your swing must be defective. Your baby shouldn’t be able to fall out if she’s buckled in and the tray is secured.” Customer: “You mean I have to put the tray on?!” |
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:42 pm Post #10148 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:42 pm Post #10149 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:43 pm Post #10150 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:43 pm Post #10151 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:44 pm Post #10152 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:44 pm Post #10153 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:44 pm Post #10154 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:45 pm Post #10155 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| Gummy | Sat May 2, 2009 7:45 pm Post #10156 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:46 pm Post #10157 |
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Jurassic Farce Customer Service | Florida, USA Customer: “I need some help locating the item that this coupon advertises. I’ve looked everywhere and just can’t find it.” Me: “Let’s see if I can help you here…” *looks at the coupon* “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t sell this item anymore.” Customer: “Why not? I have a coupon for it. I wanted to get it for my husband for his birthday next week.” Me: “Ma’am, this coupon was expired fifteen years ago. They no longer make this product.” Customer: “Can’t you go look for one? I really need it, it would be perfect for him.” Me: “…sure! It just so happens that I developed a machine that can warp the space/time continuum. Would you like to accompany me on the trip or would you like to stay here?” Customer: “REALLY? Thank you so much! I’ll stay here and wait for you.” (I go into the back room for a couple of minutes to let my manager know what I’m about to do, then come back out running.) Me: “MA’AM! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! I MESSED UP AND WENT BACK TOO FAR! I ENDED UP GOING BACK TO THE AGE OF THE DINOSAURS AND THERE’S A PISSED-OFF VELOCIRAPTOR RIGHT BEHIND ME!” Customer: “OH NO! I’LL GO CALL THE POLICE!” *runs out of the store* (I went back to my manager after the customer ran off, and he was literally rolling on the ground laughing.) |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:50 pm Post #10158 |
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Put Your Liquor Where Your Mouth Is Bar | Stuttgart, Germany (I work at the hotel bar, and at the time was the only one on duty. Two days before I’d jammed my fingers in a door and as such couldn’t use my left hand properly, and was wearing a bandage so the guests would see. We also shake our drinks using a shaker and glass so the customers get a bit of a show.) Customer: “I’d like a Sex on the Beach, please.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, I can’t make any shaken drinks at the moment since I can’t use my left hand.” Customer: “Oh. Well, can you make something else that’s shaken?” Me: “Um, no. My hand is injured, and shaking one-handed isn’t a good idea.” Customer: “You just don’t know how to make the drink, do you? Trying to get away with something simple?” Me: *proceed to tell him the recipe of several shaken drinks* “…but I can’t do that because of my hand.” Customer: “I bet you I could shake one-handed. You’re just inept.” Me: “If you can do that, the drink’s on the house, but I won’t be responsible for any damages or spills.” Customer: “I’ve got a free drink then.” (He tries to shake it, and inevitably screws up, breaking the glass and spilling ingredients all over himself.) Customer: “I want a refund!” *storms out* |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:51 pm Post #10159 |
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Stop, Drop & Service The Customer Retail | Bournemouth, UK (The fire alarm began to go off, and an old woman came up to my counter.) Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store, there appears to be a fire upstairs.” Customer: “But I want to buy these shoes…” Me: “If the fire is contained then you can come back in and buy them later.” Customer: “Can you check if you have them in my size?” Me: “That’s where the fire is - can you please leave the building now? It’s dangerous to be in here!” Customer: “This is ridiculous, all I want you to do is check if you have it in my size!” Me: “So let me get this straight: you want me to go upstairs into a burning part of the building, to see if we have some shoes in your size, which are probably currently on fire?” Customer: “Is that so much to ask?” Me: “Get out.” |
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| AWOLangel | Sat May 2, 2009 7:52 pm Post #10160 |
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The Fine Art Of Firing A Customer Self Storage | Fremont, CA, USA (A friend of mine who manages a self storage facility has a troublemaking customer that he has been trying to get rid of. One day, the customer comes up asking about a promotional offer.) Customer: “Hi, I saw on your website that you have storage for $100, but I’m paying $130.” Manager: “Yeah, that’s a promotional rate.” Customer: “Well, can I get that rate?” Manager: “I can’t just change people’s rates. It’s only for new customers to that space.” Customer: “Well, can I just move into that storage?” Manager: “You can’t just move it from one storage to the other and get the new rate. You would have to have everything out because I can’t vacate it until it’s empty.” Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll move this Saturday.” (The customer moves out the following Saturday, gets everything loaded into their truck then stops by the office.) Customer: “Alright, I moved everything out of my storage.” Manager: “That’s great. Now, get out.” Customer: “What? Can I get that other storage?” Manager: “Well, I looked at your past history with the company and you’ve been consistently late and rude to other customers. I’m afraid we’re going to deny the new rental. My manager wouldn’t let me evict you but you moved out yourself, so everything’s good.” Customer: “But I have all my things taken off the property! Where am I going to put them?” Manager: “Anywhere but here.” |
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