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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,539 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:53 pm Post #9721 |
 
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11AM We're Not Alone in the Universe, Marsha Employee #1 on audit day: Did you notice the unnaturally large head of the male accountant? Employee #2: Oh my god, I noticed that last year during audit! Menasha, Wisconsin |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:53 pm Post #9722 |
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10AM Unless Our Offices Have Bar Stools, No One Will Ever Know Office girl: Is the company starting a cloning program? You two are exactly the same. New girl #1: Yeah, I know...except that she had a baby, and I didn't. New girl #2: Right, so the only way you can tell the difference between us is the size of our hoo-hoos. Scarborough Ontario Canadia Overheard by: C.note |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:53 pm Post #9723 |
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9AM You Should Hear His Rendition Of "Mary Jane Had a Little Lamb" Four-year-old child, singing: This is the way we roll a joint, roll a joint, roll a joint. This is the way we roll a joint so early in the morning! Kindergarten Cincinnati, Ohio Overheard by: Natalie |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:55 pm Post #9724 |
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fromoverheardinnewyork.com All the Webcam Viewers Laugh, Though. Annoying comedy ticket seller: Want to see comedians? Passer by: No. Annoying comedy ticket seller: Why not? Everyone loves to laugh! Passer by: Still no, leave me alone. Annoying comedy ticket seller: Well, if you don't like laughing, what do you do with your spare time? Passer by, fed up: Masturbate! --42nd & 8th |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:55 pm Post #9725 |
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I'm Not Just Her Attorney, I'm Also a Client Suit to suit friend: That's so nice of her, to pick you up at one in the morning. You just asked her to come get you? Suit friend: Yeah, I called her and I was like "hey, babe can you come get me? I got out of work late. Just wake the baby and bring him in the car." Twenty minutes later she was there. With divorce papers she had been working on. Suit: Well, at least she picked you up, bro. Suit friend: Very true. --12th & 5th Overheard by: Sarah |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:56 pm Post #9726 |
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Does My Outfit Look Like I Got Dressed Sober? Hobo to young woman holding coffee cup: How can you be happy? There's no vodka in that cup! Young woman: How do you know? --Union Square Overheard by: Ashley |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:56 pm Post #9727 |
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And Pro-Life Lesbian #1: Oh my god, you so don't even have any Republican friends! Lesbian #2: Yes I do...what about John? Lesbian #1: He's not your friend. He just flirts with you on Gchat. Lesbian #2: Oh my god, he so doesn't. He's had a girlfriend for three years. (pause) Plus, he's gay. --East Village |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:56 pm Post #9728 |
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178. Young man: So I told her, "shut the hell up, you f*cking bitch!" Older woman: Jeez, how many times can you be in a homicidal rage over musical theater? --A Train Overheard by: Kelly |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:57 pm Post #9729 |
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Like I Said, Three Kids Woman: You think that's bad...I did blow off my boyfriend's rock-hard abs on my kitchen counter...and I'm married with three kids. Friend: Did he do blow off your boobs? Woman: No...it'd fall off! --Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: Victoria |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:58 pm Post #9730 |
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What? I Read Lips. Drunk ass guy #1: (mumbles something drunk) Drunk ass guy #2: What? Drunk ass guy #1: (mumbles something drunk again) Drunk ass guy #2: I can't hear you...I have a lazy eye! --Gym Bar, Chelsea |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:58 pm Post #9731 |
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He's Not Allowed Back at the Sperm Bank for the Same Reasons Crazy dude: Hey, can I have a sample? Barista: I'm sorry? Crazy dude: A sample of your coffee. Manager: Sir! I told you last week not to come in here anymore. Crazy dude: Huh? Manager: Don't you remember when you threw a cup of coffee, hot coffee, at one of my baristas? Crazy dude: No. --Starbucks Overheard by: Flea Headline by: drkipper |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:59 pm Post #9732 |
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Sorry About Your Earthbound Wiener Nonchalant nerd, passing by vendor's booth: I like your space titties. Shocked sexy space-suited booth babe: Oh, thanks. I like them too. --Jacob Javits Center, ComicCon Overheard by: Rob |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:59 pm Post #9733 |
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It's All About Chemistry, People Professor: Once I was in the kitchen with a friend who was cooking, who had messed something up and I made a chemical suggestion to help her fix it. It worked. I ended up marrying her. Whole class: Awwww! Professor: We ended up getting divorced. Professor: I am married again! (shows ring finger) --NYU Building |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:59 pm Post #9734 |
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That's the Last Time I Buy an Invisibility Cloak at Forever 21 Man, almost bumping into hobo: Oh, excuse me. Hobo: What!? You can see me!? Man: Yes. Hobo: F*ck! My invisibility wore off! --120th & Amsterdam |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:05 pm Post #9735 |
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from notalwaysright.com For The Love Of God, Gestate Music Retail | Vancouver, BC, Canada Customer: “Hi, can I speak with [another employee] in the keyboards department?” Me: “I’m afraid [another employee] is on maternity leave. Is there anything I can help you with?” Customer: “Well, when is she coming back?” Me: “Realistically, in about a year.” Customer: “Well, can she hurry it up!?” Me: “She’s… having a baby.” Customer: “I know that! Just tell her to hurry it up!” *hangs up* |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:06 pm Post #9736 |
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Burned With Goblets Of Fire, No Doubt Bookstore | Douglasville, GA, USA (This happened quite a few years ago, but it’s still one of my fondest bookstore memories.) Customer: “Do you happen to sell that Harry Potter book?” Me: “Yes, sir, we do. Would you like me to show you where they are?” Customer: “If it’s no trouble…” Me: “No trouble at all. ” (I lead him over to the children’s section and hand him the first book in the series.) Me: “Here you are. Is there anything else I can help you with?” Customer: “No, I think that’s all I need.” (The customer shovels a dozen copies of the same book into his arms.) Customer: “The church is having a book burning tonight and I just need to make sure I bring enough.” Me: *laughs* Customer: *completely serious* “I’m not joking.” Me: “Oh. Well, you do realize that there are now four books in the series?” |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:07 pm Post #9737 |
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Ah, Love/Hate Relationships Bakery | Staten Island, NY, USA (A woman and her boyfriend walk into the store and up to the cake showcase.) Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?” Customer: “Yeah, I need a cake for my sister’s birthday. I want that one…” *points to the cake of her choice* Me: “Would you like me to write anything on it?” Customer: “Yeah, put ‘Happy Birthday, [sister’s name]’. No, wait… make that, ‘Happy Birthday, Slut’.” Customer’s boyfriend: “Do you think you should put that on her birthday cake?” Customer: “Yeah, why not? She a slut!” Customer’s boyfriend: “Yeah, you right.” Customer: *motions to me* “Go on, write that!” (I go into the back to write “Happy Birthday, Slut,” and bring the cake back out.) Customer: “Oh, that’s perfect! Thank you!” Me: “… have a nice day, ma’am.” 1 Thumbs Up |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:07 pm Post #9738 |
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Confuse ‘em With Kindness Farm Stand | Massachusetts, USA (I am working as a cashier at a small farm stand and a man comes to purchase.) Me: “Hello, how are you doing today?” Customer: “I’m good. You?” Me: “Very well, thank–” Customer: “You d*** teenagers! None of you have any manners anymore! I swear, I have no idea–wait. What did you say again?” Me: “Very well, thank you.” Customer: “Oh, okay.” (I finish totalling his purchase, he pays.) Me: “Thank you so very much, kind sir. I certainly hope you have the most wonderful day. Please come back soon, if you wish.” Customer: *sheepishly* “… thanks…” |
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| AWOLangel | Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:08 pm Post #9739 |
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Sometimes, Ignorance Really Is Bliss Call Center | Montreal, Canada (A customer has called to redeem the points earned on her credit card in exchange for return airfare from Montreal, Qc to Chicago, Illinois. I have just given her the flight departure and arrival times.) Customer: “Why is the flight going there so short? You said it was a 90-minute flight.” Me: “The times are given in their respective time zones. We are in the Eastern time zone, but Chicago is one hour behind us, and it’s in the Central time zone. The flight really is 90 minutes long, it just looks shorter due to the time difference.” Customer: “Time…zones?” Me: “Yes, we have five time zones: Maritimes, Eastern, Central, Mountain and Pacific Time. In your case, there is a one hour difference between each zone. If it is 11:00am here, it is only 10:00am in Chicago. So when your flight arrives in Chicago at 11:30am, that is Chicago time. In Montreal it will actually be 12:30pm, so the flight is an hour and a half.” Customer: “Then why is the return flight so long? It’s like, an hour longer than the way there!” Me: “Again, it is the difference between the time zones, only in reverse. It only looks as though the flight is longer but it’s also a 90 minute flight. It adds an hour on the return flight because you are coming back East.” Customer: “I still don’t get it - the flight should be the same time in both directions. It’s 30 minutes to get there, but more than 2 hours to get back!” (After 20 minutes of more explaining I give up.) Me: “For the flight to Chicago, the wind is at your back, so the plane goes really fast. On the way back, it’s against the wind, and so the plane goes slower.” Customer: “Oh! Well that makes much more sense. Thank you!” Me: “I do my best. Have a good trip, ma’am.” |
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| Gummy | Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:19 pm Post #9740 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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