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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,561 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:53 pm Post #9281 |
 
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Actually, He’s Only Friends With Dorothy Restaurant | Ft. Worth, TX, USA (While making a drink for my table, I overhear a woman approach my manager.) Customer: “You’re the manager, right?” Manager: “Yeah, how can I help you?” Customer: “One of your employees just said a very dirty word as that table over there!” Manager: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. What did they say?” Customer: *lowers her voice* “The “p” word.” Manager: “I’m very sorry. Who said it, now?” (The customer then points to an openly gay male employee, the store’s trainer.) Customer: “Him, right there. He was going on about his girlfriend’s hot… you know!” Manager: “Did he say ‘eww’ afterwards?” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:54 pm Post #9282 |
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Rescued From A Life Of Deliciousness Coffee Shop | Bristol, UK Customer: “I want some of these coffee beans, but I want them as a powder.” Me: “Yes, we can grind them here for you if you like.” Customer: “But will it hurt the beans?” Me: “Well, it won’t affect the beans in any way - it will still be the same coffee, if that’s what you mean?” Customer: “No, I mean will it HURT the beans?” Me: “…well, they’re coffee beans, so I don’t think they can actually feel any pain…” Customer: “But you aren’t 100% sure on that…I think I’ll leave it, then.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:55 pm Post #9283 |
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Ironically, He Works With Balls… Sporting Goods | Sparks, NV, USA Customer: “I’m going to be pitching for my softball team, and I need a cup and jockstrap.” Me: “Sure thing, they’re right over here.” Customer: “How do you know what size to get?” Me: “The jockstraps are measured by waistband size. All the cups are the same size.” Customer: “Those cups are all huge! There’s no way I can fill one of those up!” Me: “…” |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:07 pm Post #9284 |
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Who Isn't Picturing Rod and Todd Flanders Right Now? Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?! Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream! Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same! Small children: Yay! West Edmonton Mall Canadia Overheard by: Dr. Ruth |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:08 pm Post #9285 |
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In My Day, Substance Abuse Was a prerequisite for the Advanced Writing Seminar Professor: Isn't Jim just a perplexing guy? I read his stories and I'm just like, "what's wrong with him?" Jim, you're just stoned all the time, aren't you? Are you stoned right now? Jim: No! Professor: But were you stoned earlier today? Jim: Yes. But only because I was hungover! Hartford, Connecticut Overheard by: Claire |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:09 pm Post #9286 |
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Can You Prove He Didn't? Teacher: Who lived at Monticello? Student: Darth Vader! History Classroom Idaho |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:11 pm Post #9287 |
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Does That Pole Make Me Look Fat? Girl in stall: Hi, can you put mom on the phone? (pause) Hey mom, yeah, it's me...next time you're online, go to my Facebook page and check out the pictures of me at the strip club. Ladies Restroom, Library Mississippi |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:12 pm Post #9288 |
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Nobody Ever Wins the Which-Sex's-Sex-Is-Best Argument Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex! Gay guy: You really love saying that, don't you? Straight girl: Yes! Gay professor: Do you prefer anal to vaginal! Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don't want anything in my asshole! See, I have a vagina. I have options, unlike gay men. Gay professor: Ah, you'll never know the pleasures of prostate stimulation. Westchester, New York |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:13 pm Post #9289 |
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"Gingivitis" Is Nothing You Want to Hear from Your Dentist Woman to friend: And then he said the "g" word, which I never thought he'd say... Footpath Australia Overheard by: Genophobia? |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:13 pm Post #9290 |
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Especially If You Were Into Your Identical Daughter Cells Microbiology lecturer: If you were a bacteria, this would be a highly pornographic image. Melbourne University Australia |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:14 pm Post #9291 |
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Who's Daddy's Little Hell Spawn? Man to small daughter: Do you know why they cut the elephants' tusks off? It's so they won't poke or hurt anybody. (pause) Just like we cut your fangs off when you were young. St. Louis Zoo St. Louis, Missouri Overheard by: Katie |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:15 pm Post #9292 |
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Jeez, You're So Literal Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem) Man: Wow, it really says that? Woman: Well, I made part of it up. Fred Meyer Store Oregon |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:17 pm Post #9293 |
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from overheardatthebeach If Only There Was a Way We Could Both Get What We Want Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks. Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding? Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him? Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend. Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out? Girl: Four months. What's it to you? Woman #1: Just weighing our chances. Girl: Chances of what? Woman #2: Sleeping with him. (girl makes disgusted noise and walks away). Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want. Woman #1: We always do. Wait...which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack. --Pismo Beach, California Overheard by: Matilda |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:19 pm Post #9294 |
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from overheardinthe office 5PM Has She Tried Using Her Teeth? Woman on phone with client: Yes, this is about the files you sent. My colleague has been trying since morning but could not open your zip! New York City, New York |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:20 pm Post #9295 |
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4PM They Poop Roses, Right? Tech #1: I have to stop using the f-word! Tech #2: You need something else to say. Like..."butt breath." Tech #1: That's nasty. Tech #3: Not if it's a baby's butt. St. Charles, Missouri |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:20 pm Post #9296 |
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3PM This Isn't Disney. Producer: For god's sake, woman, don't forget your pants. Culver City, California Overheard by: LaLa Land |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:21 pm Post #9297 |
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2PM You Just Said a Mouthful, Sister. Coworker #1: Dammit, I wanted Tao chai. Coworker #2: What's stopping you? Coworker #1: I'm already tea-bagging. W 26th St New York City, New York |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:21 pm Post #9298 |
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1PM The Financial Sector Is Anarchy These Days IT drone to coworker: They're being invaded by blackberries, papayas and pygmy goats. Coworker: Wow, that's rough. I've heard that that's a problem. IT drone: Yeah, the goats especially. Austin, Texas |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:21 pm Post #9299 |
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12PM Bridesmaids' Dresses Get More Elaborate Every Year Girl #1, looking at wedding pictures: Is that the girl that got married? (points at girl in wedding dress and veil) Girl #2: Did you seriously just ask that? Little Rock, Arkansas |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:22 pm Post #9300 |
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11AM Illiterrhea Angry office manager, looking at promotional material: It looks like someone ate alphabet soup and shat all over this document. K Street Washington, DC Overheard by: must have been too muct text on the page....... |
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